Back in the 90’s, we remember browsing through the video store and finding a porn featuring computer animated clowns. The animation sucked of course, like a poor man’s version of The Sims, but it used the medium to create some bizarre fucking—it had a muscle clown with an elephant trunk-sized hose, a green-skinned bottom, and of course, lots of face paint and floppy shoes.
We mention the digital clown sex only because the technology’s come a way since the Clinton administration. Earlier this year, the computer game, Bum Tropics, allowed players to become the island hooker and fuck mandroids in poop-stained bathrooms. More recently, Adult Source Media released Pirate’s Booty a full-length CGI gay porn featuring captain Jack Swallows and his randy crew as they get possessed by a hole-hungry spirit bent on swabbing poop decks and firing man-cannons—shiver me timbers!
And while the trailer seems cool, we kinda hoped for more CGI freakishhness. If you’re gonna do CGI, at least give your porn stars bodies covered in dongs, cocks shaped like candelabras, or color-changng nips. Oh well, something to look forward to, we guess. In the meanwhile, there’s another game that brings the animated weirdness to the little screen—Muscle March for the Wii. Please do yourself the favor of watching the insanely hilarious preview below and you’ll understand why we’re so excited.
While Muscle March isn’t porn per se, it’s chock full of speedo-clad musclemen flexing, making a high-speed choo-choo train, slamming each other through walls, and tackling one another. Not only does it seem super silly, but it’s kinda turning us on (come here, Mr. Polar Bear). We’re not sure when (or if) it’ll be released outside Japan, but when it does, we’ll be wishing for a CGI-animated third hand, so we can handle the Wii nun-chuck while playing with our old-skool Joysticks (or should we say, Joydicks?).
Every Weekender brings you the best in this week’s viral videos. So grab a soda, sit back, and hit the play button because this week’s collection features men dancing in celebration of gay love, baseball season, of just for the hell of it.
Pride 2009 – Pride’s coming and someone’s released an opening video that assembles a great collection of gay images throughout history. Sadly, gay pride continues to be associated with shitty techno and this song’s no exception. It’s the gay man’s we We Didn’t Start The Fire but the history lesson’s worth a watch.
Jimmy and Matthew Staring Contest – When it comes to a Starbucks’ coffee battle, comedian Jimmy Kimmel and Lost hunk Matthew Fox must decide who is the more gorgeous… even if it means drinking from the same cup, staring each other down in the toilet, singing Peter Gabriel’s “Your Eyes”, or showering together. So who’ll win?
Not only is the above video the hottest thing we’ve seen onYouTube in a while, it’s also INCEST!!! It’s a teaser (and how) for an unreleased Brazilian film entitled From Beginning To End, which follows the intimate relationship between two brothers from childhood to adulthood. Though provocative and hot, the movie also looks very tender and intimate. You know how much we at QueerClick fantasize about twins and twincest, so we’ll be waiting with bated breath for this movie to come out.
In the meanwhile, you can watch the trailer after the jump!
Whether you like his politics or advice,sex columnistDan Savage remains one of the most vociferous and sexiest advocates for gay rights in America today (unless you count Rob Tisnai). He’s a Irish-American DILF with wit, humor, nice biceps, and one hell of a ghetto onion. Here he responds to the question, “How many sexual partners is too many” by shedding some light on the differences between hetero and homosexual couples—namely, the willingness of women to have sex in public restrooms. His response is illuminating, kind, and ultimately focuses on the need for gay men to set their own sexual limits—we’ve set ours somewhere in the thousands.
The QC Weekender is back, bitches! And now it’s better than ever! Every weekend, we’ll be bringing you four hilarious, raunchy, smart, and sexy videos for you to enjoy. Got it? Good. This weekend’s collection all contain sexual creatures hungry for action. Can you withstand the sexual heat from these beasts or will you melt?
My Little Pony – Did you used to play with My Little Pony when you were small? If you were like us, maybe you even wished you had a real My Little Pony… Well, you shoulda watched what you wished for, suckas, because these little ponies have grown up and come back to take you for a ride instead!
Hustlaball 2009 – This awesome cut of the action from London’s 2009 Hustlaball 2009 stars Steve Cruz, Bruno Bond, Logan McCree, Johnny Hazzard, Damien Crosse, and Franchesco D’Macho just to name a few. The action’s hot and the music’s thumping!
The Corn Refiners Association, an un-biased impartial group, wants you ladies to know that there’s nothing wrong with high fructose corn syrup… unless you count its insanely high sugar content, onset of obesity in rats and diabetes in fat-assed kids. Otherwise, it’s great—drink all you want! Well, the CRA’s commercial inspired drag comedienne Jackie Beat who’s here to show you over-cautious mommies that there’s nothing wrong with a few other things, like drinking lead. Like a good birthday party hostess, Jackie serves up some quality facts with a fistful of sugar and a clown-makeup sneer—drink up, kids… or else!
WARNING: This video contains footage of a human dissection. If you wanna see the hot guy’s peen, watch around 1:30 and for flexing, skip to 8:00. The skin slicing is in between those two points.
Why weren’t our anatomy and physiology classes like this? Apart from the hanging flat-screen televisions and human dissection, there’s also Dennis, the professor’s hunky anatomical assistant. Had he been around, we’d paid attention instead of daydreaming about cock. Dennis demonstrates such amazing physical feats as toe wiggling and bicep flexing, but it’s his wiener and ass that we’d most like to see at work. Wanna see a muscle in action? We got your demonstration right here, doc.
Last December, we posted a preview of Little Ashes, a film about Garcia Lorca and Salvador Dali’s brief homosexual pairing around the Spanish Civil War. We regret sorrow over its seeming melodrama. But today we found juicier clips of Twilight vamp, Robert Pattinson, sucking face instead of necks. They’re tender, cinematic, and still quite hot. And as a bonus, we have another film clip of Pattison kissing his male co-star in a moonlit swimming scene… very nice!
Tony Blair and George Bush have both had a cock on their mouths a handful of times; at least while Pricasso was painting their portraits. You see, the renowned portrait painter, Pricasso (aka Tim Patch) has portrayed Sarah Palin masturbating with a rifle, Osama Bin Laden wielding a weapon of ass destruction, and many more irreverent portraits, landscapes, and nudes using only his prick. He creates his own paints, uses a “soft-backed canvass” to reduce wear and tear on his “brush,” and has made a name for himself painting elected officials and doing 20-minute portraits of folks at sex product fairs. Painting nudes and landscapes with your prick may seem “artsy” or whatever, but why political figures? In some cases, Pricasso calls it “painting a prick with a prick,” though he seems more about poking fun than creating controversy. He videotapes the making of his every creation for authentication and once entered a painting for Australia’s Archibald Prize—the nation’s top award for portraiture. However, his cock failed to impress the judges. “I dip it in the paint and then apply it to the canvas,” says the 56-year-old who grew up in England. “I began doing it at a party (on a dare) around Christmas time. I’d done it before, but I didn’t think I could get away with doing it in public. Now I videotape all my work, because sometimes people don’t believe me. I had to use my bum to paint in the background, because you have to have the occasional break. I use really smooth paper and I make my own paints. But [I can] last about four days before I need about two weeks off… You need to re-grow the skin, basically.” Talk about suffering for your art. The guy’s not a bad potter, sculpture, or poet either. Check out a video of him doing a portrait of Barack Obama and John McCain as well as a funny poem of his called Porn Star after the jump!
You can also check out the QueerClick Arts page!
Some men in the Israeli Defense Forces apparently decided to grab a camera and do a pretty decent video homage to Samwell’s What What (In The Butt). The guys are handsome and the song… well, it’s pretty much a viral classic by now. If you’ve never seen the hilariously weird original, we have a video of it along with a video of some bare-assed Swedish men dancing to it after the jump!
Reese Rideout’s friend, Berry, has decided to come over to his place one sunny Oregon day and wash the wacky porn star’s BMW. You may notice that Berry looks a little familiar—he and Rideout could even be sisters! But like Reese, Berry knows how to please: a water hose, suds, ass-tight shorts, roller skates and rock-and-roll should do the trick—oh, it’s a drity job, but someone’s gotta do it!
See Reese’s other antics at the Reese Rideout QC Fan Club Page
Do you like David Beckham, The Terminator, and expensive phones? Have you ever thought “I wish my overpriced phone would turn me into a sexy robot?” No, probably not. So while we’re not in the market for cyborg augmentation via a supposedly $2000 phone, who doesn’t mind a long, light-filtered look at Beck’s bodacious bod? His being a killer robot with a red laser eye just turns us on even more. Maybe he’ll zap us after we’re done violating him. If you’re brave enough, visit the QC David Beckham Fan Page and then see some behind the scenes footage with Becks and “the Aura” after the jump!
Here’s In The Closet, a short horror film from the gay sci-fi, fantasy, and horror site DoorQ.com starring Brent Corrigan and J.T. Tepnapa. J.T. plays a jaded hook-up that the newly out Brent brings home from a bar. Brent’s great and mega-cute as the shy newbie, but though he’s got a dirty trick in his bed, he’s got a much dirtier one hidden somewhere else. We actually like Brent’s acting in this non-porn flick (and there’s also cock/ass shots, kissing, and fucking), but the dialogue comes a little too close to the inanity of actual pillow talk. This film will make a good late night flick alone with the lights off. Whether you ultimately find it funny or frightening, it’s definitely a fun watch!
After a hot, wet Australian summer, the SameSame.com.au show Surf Camp comes to an end. The final episode is a bit anti-climactic except for a hilarious;y weird “commercial break” that features one finalist cross-dressing in bra and panties and smearing himself in ketchup—brilliant! We’d like to say we gave a damn who won, but it’s not like we’ve learned their names or personalities or anything. We’ve been watching their asses and crotches a lot more then their surfing skill. Secondly, apart from a surfboard, it’s not like the winner of Surf Camp actually wins anything (besides being on camera a little longer and getting some love from the other hunky contestants). Sadly, the cuter of the two finalists loses out to the one who can actually surf. However, it’s been a fun ride nevertheless. Congratulations to whats-his-name! You’ve surfed your way into our… oooh! What else is on? Watch the entire season of Surf Camp from start to finish with our previous posts: Surf Camp Is In Session! Surf Camp Begins! Surf Camp, Episode Two Surf Camp 3 Hits The Waves Again Get Wet With Surf Camp 4 Surf Camp: Cheeky And Uncut
