Top 10 QComments
Another week, another collection of quality QComments! This week, a reader explains why American men fuck so roughly, another one encourages a suicidal porn star to “shit or get off the pot”, and yet another thinks of several reasons why Shia LaBeouf might enjoy freeballing. But enough with the foreplay—onto the main event!
As we’ve mentioned before Chaos Men’s founder, Bryan Ockert is a certified dick goblin (because he’s always gobblin’ dick). In fact, we once ran a contest asking QC readers to count the number of dicks he’s sucked. We’re not the only ones who noticed his oral expertise though. jjgg5 noticed Bryan’s gusto while blowing Shaun and suggested Bryan make use of his skill and consider another profession:
Bryan should teach Cock Sucking 101 at the local community college.
This is one of the few times we’ll ever say this, but we’re pretty sure there’s more money in gay porn. In fact, our most recent guy in IAOOC, Mike from EnglishLads.com, might agree. He appeared on the site to supplement his income as a teacher only to have some of his students discover his porn pics online. Now Mike might be getting the ax. QC Reader Bo has got some strong opinions on the matter:
I’m from the area—went to a school about 10 miles away. This is just a perfect illustration of how British schoolkids really are spiteful, thick, vicious little shits, and how the British education has become incredibly puritanical, as well as pervasively incompetent. (Quite a large number of our kids leave school with negligible literacy and numeracy.) In Italy or Spain this would just never happen.
And as for Sam—body by Baywatch, face by Crimewatch, as they say…
While we don’t doubt that British school kids are mean-spirited illiterates, Bo, Mike did jerk-off for a porn site. We hate when porn actors lose their day jobs for moonlighting in porn world, but we’re not sure the kids are really to blame in this instance. At the very least, we should applaud them for learning how to use the internet! They may not know how to read, but they certainly know how to blackmail people, which is a useful skill in its own right.
But while we’re on the subject of education, let’s jet back over to America where hot bottom-slash-dad-of-four, Kurt Wild’s getting fucked by Calvin Conners at College Dudes 24/7. We love Kurt Wild and so does SteveDenver, though SteveDenver wonders how Kurt’s kids explain daddy’s ass-busting job to their teachers:
I know Kurt has spread his ass A LOT, but I still think he’s adorable. I wonder what his kids write when the teacher asks them to tell about their daddy’s job.
It sure would have been easier coming out to my parents if my dad was a professional ass pony.
Ass-pony! Great word, SteveDenver! That’s right up there with “douchebaggery” and “fuppet.” You weren’t educated in Britain, were you? Of course not, with such mastery over the English language, you clever bastid, you.
Actually, this week’s QComment collection has a bit of an educational bent to it. Take QCommenter euan for example. He’s closely studied the pics between Tommy D. and DJ and has come up with a theory about why some porn shoots look more candid than others:
I wish that if they were taking pictures of people doing it, they would just take pictures while people are doing it …
Instead of having people do it and then periodically and repeatedly tell them “Stop! Pause! Hold those positions! Now turn your faces to the camera so I can take a photo! … Done! Now continue. … Stop again! …”
It is silly. And as Carl or Lenny in The Simpsons put it, “It takes you out of the moment–like when you’re kissing a girl and she burps.”
Kissing a girl?! Uh… no. But apart from that, we agree, though we’re happy Tommy’s exploring his fetish-side. If he strapped anymore leather and ball gags on DJ, we might have had to move him over to QCX. But euan’s not the only one theorizing about the nature of lovemaking. Grady seemed intrigued by our recent article that ranked the best and worst male lovers in the world. In that survey, Americans got ranked with the worst for being too rough, but Grady has a theory on why that might be:
Do you think the rough sex of Americans has to do with so many circumcised guys in America? They have to thrust harder to achieve sensation to stimulate their cocks? Whereas uncut guys have so many more stimulatory senses–the pull of the foreskin, the pull of the frenulum, the sliding of the foreskin over the glans, all these variety of sensations–whereas the cut guy has basically only the friction of the anus or vagina against the head of the penis. Not to mention the head is keratinized (roughened) on the cut cock.
Just a theory, but maybe a true one.
Hmmm… personally, we think maybe the rough sex in America has more to do with overcompensation, having shit blow up every 15 seconds on TV shows, or reacting negatively to all the non-stop advertising; those are our theories. Meanwhile, we make love with all the lightness and gentleness of a wounded unicorn.
As for other theories, we’ve got one last one for you. Bob paid attention to Shia LaBeouf’s Bulge this week and theorized why the actor went free-balling to begin with:
Ah, just enjoy the bulge — none of us is likely to suck his cock today. That must be an interesting Wardrobe Dept — to send out a lead actor that way.
The pegged, cuffed pants and Guckkie loafers are straight off the runway — makes him look like the jerk that a character in Wall Street would be………….. Maybe they showed the bulge to make him look arrogant, lol.
You know, as the child of hippies, perhaps he was never given underwear, to save the environment from bleach and detergent, lol.
Freeballing for the environment! Now that’s a movement we could all get behind. Maybe Shia should encourage other actors to follow suit and we can enjoy lusting over their bulges… uh, we mean, breathing all the clean air. Yes, breathing clean air. Much more important than lusting over man parts. Quite. (ahem)
And lastly, a collection of QComments specifically targeting porn stars. donnie recently made a joke about the fashion sense of Bel Ami’s Johnny Surabaya:
good thing that (s)he has that precious little pashmina shawl to keep her nice and toasty…women’s accessories and gay porn shouldn’t really co-mingle in my opinion.
QCommenter Tom-Tom found donnie’s joke so funny that he awarded the QComment with his own personal Top 10 prize right then and there. Hey Tom-Tom, that’s our job! But your endorsement certainly helped donnie make the cut. Tom-Tom also added that Johnny has a delicious dick and remarkable ass—very true, pashmina or no.
We had two special QCommenters this week. One King Henry VIII stopped by from his royal spot in hell to comment on the recent Randy Blue scene between Richard and Travis. As you know, King Henry VIII likes head. But while he found the scene HOT, he had some problems with the actors’ lackadaisical approach and some suggestions on how to improve it:
HOT need to do more HOT STUFF like this instead of that half-a**ed scene btn Malachi and Jeremy I mean come on chewing gum while getting DONE. HOW classy is that? I want more from BOTH these guys they are HOT!!!!
Yes, chewing gum during a blowjob can really kill the mood, especially when the person chewing gum is also the one sucking dick. But King Henry VIII’s QComment is much kinder to the gentlemen than QCommenter Paulo’s two cents about suicidal porn star, Erik Rhodes. Paulo’s tired of the dramatics and paints Erik as a nasty piece of work who should “Shit or get off the pot!”:
Am I a monster for thinking “Shit or get off the pot!”
Jesus Christ, Erik. Grow the fuck up already. He’s a totally nasty cunt. He is negative to everybody he works with. He was on DnR on Sirius and said he hated the Czech models he worked with. He said he wanted to work with Francois S. and then he finally did and he said it was boring. He ripped into Brent Corrigan. He’s slammed Benjamin Bradley. He’s ripped into Falcon. People called in and he made them feel like shit. What an all around nasty and unhappy person he is.
Enough crying. Enough feeling sorry for yourself. If you’re gonna kill yourself…do it!
We got criticized by some QCommenters for making light of Erik’s suicidal ideation by suggesting Snickerdoodles instead of contacting his studio and making sure the guy receives care. One e-mailer suggested we should have used the incident for a wider discussion on gay suicide. Rhodes is just one of a long line of mentally unstable porn stars and while our post didn’t make fun of him, it didn’t take the issue lightly either. It’s good that Rhodes is at least visiting a doctor and we hope he doesn’t get back on the sauce, but his fans and supporters can go a long way too to reaching out to him and letting him know they care. Snickerdoodles is where we get off.
Lastly, we mentioned that we had two famous QCommenters this week. The first was His Royal Highness, King Henry VIII, but the second was young, hung, fuzzy pornstar Dempsey Stearns (or at least some guy pretending to be him). You may recall that Mr. Stearns once made some atrocious music called Bad Music for Good People. We mentioned his musical malfeasance in a more recent interview with Johnny Hazzard. Anyway, Dempsey stopped by to explain himself, but the explanation’s so weird that we doubt it’s really him:
Read between the lines people… I designed that music to grind down into peoples nerves and cause them audio discomfort. I slapped those tracks together so quick im surprised they didnt fall apart while I Was uploading…. Nevertheless Ive had like 10,000 plays so somehow its infecting naive listeners lives dramtically. These people hum “uncle vince” to theselves as they progress through their workday while I sit around the house eating doughnuts.
Love always
Dempsey Stearns.
You might want to stop smoking that moon cabbage, Dempsey and get back to sodomizing twinks. That’ll always be sweet music to our ears. Well, that’s all for this week. Thanks once again to all our fabulous readers and QCommenters! We’ll see you back here next week with a fresh round-up of outrageous reader QComments.
