Sex Smudges: Fuck Your Way to a Prettier Home

I’ve got a little arts and crafts project for you, QueerClickers. Evidently there’s a South African artist selling kits that allow couples to make paintings while shagging each other rotten. This approach to home improvement comes hot on the heels of post-prison Martha Stewart’s latest book “Curtains, Penetration, and You.” These kits also make a perfectly romantic Valentine’s Day gift. They say, “I’d really like to think of that time I was inside you and covered in paint every time I look at my wall.”

The kits themselves contain a canvas, washable paint, a large tarp, two pairs of disposable slippers, and a body scrubber. So really you’re just covering yourself in paint and going at it, which is probably something the more aesthetically minded of you have been doing for years. I’m dying to try this, even if I’m pretty sure that the paint is going to give me some kind of infection. Can’t wait to show off my new living room when Mom and Dad come to visit, either. “Oh, don’t you just love this painting, Mom? It was the product of getting drilled for an hour by a scruffy biker whose name I don’t remember. Isn’t it charming?”



Finally, if any of you were dying to launch your artistic careers, QueerClick would be more than happy to feature your sex smudges in a future article. Because we’ve all at some point or another looked down at a cumstain and thought to ourselves, “You know? That would look pretty great in purple and right above the mantle.”