Dear Ask QC,

I’ve met this guy like two months ago. From the moment we started chatting I felt something for him, I felt a compatibility. I’m the silly guy who wants romance and commitment; I don’t really see the point in sex without love so when he told me he was looking for the same I thought I had found a treasure.

The first time we met for a date he mentioned he was looking for a job and if he didn’t find it soon he would be moving to another city. When he said that, it kinda made me lose interest a little since I knew if he didn’t find work then he would be moving on and our relationship wouldn’t last anyway.

But the next time we saw each other, we couldn’t help ourselves anyway and we ended up kissing and having sex (although we didn’t actually fuck.. is that classed as sex anyway?). It felt really good though, but I was nervous since it was my first time but I couldn’t really enjoy the moment due to my nervousness.

We went out together a few more times which I liked but then he started avoiding me. In his case, he’s closeted and nobody knows he is gay so he said he wouldn’t answer my calls if he was with his friends. I guess I kinda understood that but I wanted to see him sometimes and he was always making up excuses and saying he was going out with his friends instead of being able to meet me.

I’ve been trying to talk to him to know if we want the same things but I still don’t get any real answers. Now, after a few messages I sent him, he answered saying that we weren’t boyfriends because he’s not into that kinda thing and didn’t like that, he said we were just friends. He said he liked me and going out together occasionally was fine and that he enjoyed the times when we were together and had sex. But now he was tired of me asking for explanations all the time. And then he said he now has a girl friend but when I asked him he wouldn’t tell me her name (we promised to tell each other if we were going with someone else).

So now I don’t know what to think!

Did he lie when he said he wasn’t looking for just sex? Don’t I mean anything to him at all? Should I give him another chance? Should we remain friends? Is fuck buddies in this situation even an option?

I’m starting to lose hope in finding a good guy, like I said I don’t want to just have sex, and these days it just seems almost impossible to find anyone and I’m getting tired of meeting up with someone new and then having to start all over again just to realize it won’t work out anyway.

I don’t really know how to move forward now with this, should I continue to make efforts to meet him or is he really just not interested in me, what should I do?

Thanks for your advice!

Todd

Dear Ask QC,

I’ve been dating a guy for the past six months, he’s hot, funny and we really enjoy our time together.

The only weird thing is I’ve never yet seen him cum, even though we have lots of sex together, I still find it a bit strange that he never cums when he’s with me.

We are both single guys and have dated others during the time we’ve known each other and he said he’s able to cum with them. I kinda feel a bit sad that with me (for whatever reason) he can’t cum.

When this first happened I put it down to either performance anxiety or perhaps I just wasn’t hitting his sweet spot – I’ve really had to work all over him to find those but he is a sexy guy. I know it shouldn’t be important (and I’ve told him that it’s no problem) but I do feel as though there is something wrong now that after half a year and me shooting my load each time we hook up that he doesn’t get to that point at all.

The last time we discussed this he said that if he cum’s too quickly it will spoil the mood and he would then just want to sleep – but it kinda gets to me when he then tells me about a hot guy he met who made him cum really quickly. Or that he had a wank that morning and came loads – I’m like, but we are meeting later couldn’t you have kept that until then?

I’m not quite sure if I’m doing something wrong, or he’s just using me for a fuck or what? I do really enjoy our sessions and they are seriously long and all nighters (anything from 4-6 hours each time). I feel I’m running out of options to bring him off, or it’s starting to become an issue (even though I don’t want it to be). Do you guys have any ideas?

Adrian

Dear Ask QC,

So I met a guy recently online and we got to chatting and arranged to hook up.

I’m bottom versatile and he said he was total top – so far so good.

Meet up at his place and get down to it, then he hands me a condom and says to fuck him, and I’m like what?

So, I’m thinking yeah OK I can do that, lubed him up and got into him and he’s like this screaming bottom, it was pretty wild but he came while I was fucking him and after I had cum too then he was like, he’s got work the next day and all so better I leave now and go home.

We’ve messaged a few times and all and I asked him outright so your profile says you’re top and that was all you talked about so are you top versatile or what and he then admitted he is a bottom but doesn’t like to put that on his profile.

To me thats more than a bit confusing, why would he do that, or anyone for that matter? He said he was embarrassed to show himself as a bottom (admittedly he is a very masculine and muscled guy) but still, I think its a bit fucked up – so my question is, are there more people out their lying that they are top or top/versatile when really they know they are total bottoms? Wouldn’t it be better to just both do what you enjoy, I know that we all have preferences and we need to identify this in a way so that we know we are compatible sexually but I think its just wrong to say one thing (such as being a top) and you’re not.

Kirk

Dear Ask QC,

I’m generally usually very reluctant to have One Night Stand’s and prefer dating/long term relationships, etc, but I recently came out of a LTR and really just needed some sex.

I’m 32 now, and previously had two long term relationships (6 years and 8 years) which both ended when our lives moved in different directions and we no longer felt compatible. In both cases our long term relationships ended amicably and we are still friends (even though we live in different cities)

So I’ve been looking for something stable, but needed some sex too and hooked up a few times online. Like I say, not usually into ONS but figured I needed some action.

The thing is I hooked up with one guy and it was amazing! Fucking was mind blowing – literally I haven’t had sex that hot before. This was one of my first hook ups since getting out of my last LTR and I made it clear to this guy it was a one off as I was already planning on meeting some other guys. It was sex, that’s all.

But the thing is I can’t get him out of my head – and I’ve been trying to contact him for a few weeks now but get no response. I know I also set those ground rules of a ONS but frankly I didn’t know it would affect me like this, I keep thinking back to that night we spent together and fucked for hours.

I know he’s reading my messages that I send him on WhatsApp and also FaceBook but he doesn’t get back to me – he’s also blocked me on Grindr too now, so is there anyway we could get together or am I just wasting my time or is this considered that I’m “stalking” him now? I don’t mean to stalk and am finding it hard to balance between contacting him when I know I really want it to go further than just that one night.

If you know anyway I could get an answer or move this forward then I’d appreciate it, thanks, Brett

Dear Ask QC,

I’m new to bottoming and recently had a bit of embarrassment.

So I hooked up with a guy (top) and it was my first time and even though I had a shit earlier that day and showered when he started fucking me I had this urge to go again. I guess I should have stopped but well it was kinda not that easy as he was pounding me from behind.

Next thing is he pulled out and said I better go to the bathroom, his condom was covered in crap and I just had to jump and go to the toilet ASAP.

Obviously this killed the moment and after cleaning up I left his apartment, he was OK about it but well it was embarrassing to say the least.

I obviously don’t want to repeat this, so my questions are, how is the best way to prevent this happening again? Should I douche? Is there a special “bottom friendly” diet? Are there things I should or shouldn’t eat before fucking? Should I starve/fast before fucking? Are enemas the only way to make sure I’m clean down there? Does this always happen if you haven’t “prepared”? What do you do when things are more “spur of the moment”, that is if you hadn’t planned on fucking but it happens anyway?

Sorry if my questions are a bit basic, but I’ve never see any porn stars having this kinda problem and thought this would be the best place to get advice about it – thanks!

Terrace

Dear QC,

I’m really good friends with this guy whom I work with, and everyone had been thinking that we were more than just friends. From the way he treats me, his nuances when he talks to me, and even the physical contacts (which does not occur with anyone else), it led me, and others, to believe that he has a thing for me.

I never saw him as a potential partner when we first became friends, but as time went by and I saw what a great guy he was, it began to grow that we actually could have something beautiful together. Now, fast forward to today, I can’t figure out what to do…

He’s found out that I had fallen for him for a while now, but he’s never stopped me or confronted me about this. It really pissed me off when I found out, because he told my best friend he knows that “I love (him)” and for quite some time now, but the thing is he’s straight. Now this really confuses the heck out of me. Why would you continually ask me out alone when you refuse to address the elephant in the room? Why won’t you stop me, and instead keep fueling the fire? I have no problems remaining just friends with him, I just wanted to know what his stance was. But I’m not sure if he could now because he is so affected by it. It pains me to see him this sad and out of sorts over this, as a friend. We are, first and foremost, friends and I think he had lost sight of that.

Sure, I’ve had friends who were “straight”, but then they eventually came out as gay. Society and family pressures are often a huge impact in preventing people coming out. So I’m not sure what his stance is, because he always tried to avoid matters of the heart with me, even from the beginning. I’m not trying to build castles in the air and try to lie to myself that he isn’t what he claims to be, but how he deals with my feelings for him makes me think that maybe he is sexually straight but he has these confusing feelings towards me too. As what others have told me as well or maybe he is just so dense that he doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t want to hurt me? But he needs to know that he can’t hurt me because I’m really not all that caught up, and I’m 100% happy with remaining as really good friends. I don’t know how to tell him without screwing up our friendship. It’s not ruined as yet, it’s frozen, and I don’t know how to proceed.

I would really appreciate some help and advice with this as it’s really difficult to know how to go forward with it.

P.S. He’s not homophobic and he’s clearly not creeped out by me liking him, but he can’t get over the fact that he can’t reciprocate my feelings. He’s been out of sorts and I hate to see him like that.

Thanks guys, LG

Dear QC,

I have had friends that say they think porn where the bottom doesn’t get hard isn’t “good porn”, but I usually seek it out. Not only do I look for it in porn I like it in real life too.

If I bottom I prefer not to get hard or if I do then I only want to be hard after he has done his thing. Is there a name for this?

I don’t know if it’s like a power play thing, or if it’s just hot being all about the top or if in porn it means they aren’t enjoying it… but I was just wondering if anyone else thinks this way?

Or maybe if there is a big audience for this that I’m unaware of?

Thanks,

B

Dear QC,

I’m a big fan of QC and of gay porn in general. The reason I’m writing in is because my partner of 16 years doesn’t think I should still be surfing porn (yes I know I’m old lol, ok I’m 47 but my partner is 38)

Even though I am the older one, my partner think’s it’s immature of me to watch the amount of porn I do, but for me it’s just normal (a couple of hours a week I guess)

He says continued viewing of porn could affect our relationship, but I kinda think it’s what helps keep us together too. I see porn as just another aspect of my sex life, part of masturbation and something I’ve always done.

And it’s not like we don’t have sex together reqularly, ok it’s not like when we first met all those years ago, but I would say it’s pretty regular at least a couple of times a week (sometimes more).

So my question is, is using porn regularly while in an LTR really a problem? I can’t see it but my partner seems to think it will be – any thoughts?

Cheers

Roger

Dear QC,

I’m a total bottom, but probably the worlds worst! I’ve no interest or desire to top, I never have, I love cock and I love serving and pleasing my guy. The thing is I can’t even bottom/fuck which is a total joke (a bad one) at my age – I’m 21 yo already. My boyfriend is 25, an experienced top and he’s been great at being patient with me but I know that he really wants to fuck me – and I really want him to be able to do that with him too. I would say I’m a good kisser and good at hand jobs/blow jobs but I feel that my boyfriend is missing out because he can’t fuck my ass they way I know he wants too 🙁

Since I was a teenager I’ve had this desire to be fucked but when it comes to the mechanics of it I just can’t get over the pain or being able to widen my hole enough – it hurt so much when I tried a few years back when I tried to finger myself that I just didnt try anymore. Now I’m beginning to wonder if I have some sort of medical or physical problem thats restricting me from being able to do that – I really can’t even get my pinky in 🙁

Since I started dating my boyfriend then I thought some how it would just happen naturally and I would either get used to or be able to overcome the pain so that I could be fucked. But as that hasn’t happened, so a few months ago I bought a butt plug (the smallest I could find) and lubed up and even after lots of practice I can’t bear to get it in – if I do then I can’t keep it there for more than a few seconds without breaking into a cold sweat and wanting to pass out! I literally scream in agony!

And it’s kinda difficult to know how to go any further now, I still live at home with my parents and I can only try with my butt plug when they’re not there as they will hear me as there’s zero privacy in our home 🙁 So guys, what I need to know, is how long should I keep it in, hours? days? Is this the only way I will stretch my hole? Cause at the moment I can’t even take it for a minute! So if thats the case then I doubt I will ever be able to take a cock in my ass, and thats would be really sad as its something I want to do to keep my boy friend happy.

Actually I’m worried that I will lose him eventualy over this, he’s not said anything and he’s being really patient but when we first met and I asked him why he broke off with his previous boyfriends he did mention sexual incompatabilty as one of the reasons 🙁

I’m really envious of all the great bottoms on here and I want to be like a porn star power bottom 🙂 So I’m hoping you guys might know of some other (better/less painful) ways that I can train to be the best bottom for my guy!

Thanks and hugs and kisses xoxo

Thadd

Dear QC,

I’m 24 and not had many boyfriends, but my previous two were like me, quite independent and outgoing. We would meet up a few times a week and maybe text a few times each, sometimes more. But my recent boyfriend I feel it’s becoming excessive and clingy.

He is 22, cute as a button and really hot too, but he wants to be there by my side incessantly – for every single trip I make in my car (even to the grocery store), every meal, every movie, even if I’m shaving he’ll stand at the bathroom door chatting. It’s getting to the point where I am turning off my phone just so I don’t have to see his texts coming in. But when I turn it on again I get a stream of texts from him and questions asking if I’m ok and what happened to me.

I really like him but I want to get him to stop this, at least tone it down but I don’t know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. I know he’s looking out for me, but I don’t need to be checked on to see if I’m ok every 30 seconds do I? I really don’t think its OK behaviour even though I’m hot for him, this is really starting to drive me nuts!

I was chatting with one of my work colleagues about this and she said it’s my fault for allowing it to happen. I’m not really sure how it is or what I did to allow it to happen but I’m open to suggestions to get it to stop. If there is anything I can change in my habits or about myself to fix the situation I will do that too. I’m not the sort of guy who will dump anyone just because of this, but it is getting to the point where I am getting down and depressed at it. It almost feel’s like I am being stalked 🙁 Any ideas what to do guys?

Hugs, kisses and thanks

Connelly

Dear QC,

Some weeks ago I met a guy through an App. He was on vacation in my country and he wanted me to take him on a tour. There was no flirting between us and I liked that since I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. Obviously I found the guy attractive but I wasn’t looking for more at that time.

I accepted to take him out and we met. The night was perfect, it was like two friends hanging out. He never tried to flirt with me (or at least I didn’t notice if he did), actually it was me that kinda flirted with him (just a little). Well as we both live in different countries and speak different languages we used English as a common langues, so when I tried to explain a word he didn’t know a few times I said things that could have sounded as flirting. I think he cottoned on to this as after a few minutes and when other people in our tour group weren’t listening he thanked me for what I said.

So the night went on and we were sitting very close talking, at one point when the other part of the tour group weren’t around and we were alone he asked if he could kiss me. I agreed and we kissed, for me it was really perfect. It was actually my first kiss and I really liked it. We kissed the rest of the night, holding hands and cuddling.

Everything was so perfect that we decided to go out the next day and so we met up again. There was already this sort of connection between the two of us. Like I said he is the first guy with whom I have done anything so of course I was nervous but he was very sweet. We had to wait until we were more alone again, but he blew kisses and said nice things to me in the meantime. He showed me pictures of his family and asked about my family too, after that, we looked for a place where we could be alone and we ended up kissing again. This was really good kissing and for a long time too.

We had a beautiful time together so we kept going out the rest of the week until he had to go back to his country. We didn’t have sex and I liked that actually. I was a bit worried he would want to rush things because of the short time we had together but he didn’t. He was just very romantic, lots of kissing, cuddling and holding hands.

Of course, we talked about the possibility of meeting again in the future and we both like the idea of that. But it’s expensive so maybe I could only go there once or twice a year to his country and take some time off to see him.

Since he left we have been texting a lot, he calls me “babe”, “love”, “my boy” but it’s confusing to know what we are in this situation. I liked him a lot and he said he really liked me but is that enough? About the distance we said we will work something out, but we know it’s not easy.

Should I ask him if we are a couple or what? In this short time together is that enough to become a relationship for something to grow? If we are an item, can a relationship work with thus distance? I’m worried he might meet somebody else and forget about me. He is very special to me and I feel we are made for each other. He is really very sweet with me and that’s all I’ve needed in my life. I am a bit lost by all of this, can you guys help with your advice on this?

Thanks guys,

Silas

Dear Ask QC,

I’m 22, fit and reasonably good looking and like to kiss and cuddle with guys a lot!

I date and meet up fairly regularly with other guys as my free time allows but I’m not ready to commit to a regular steady boyfriend while I’m still going to college and working two jobs part time as well.

And my favorite thing when I’m with a guy is to kiss passionately and cuddle but it seems almost everyone I meet just wants a fuck or a blow job and that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex too it’s just that I don’t want to dive into having a quickie and then it’s all over. And I also want some intimacy and closeness rather than a cock just thrust down my throat or up my ass straight away.

And it’s not like I don’t like sucking cock either, it just seems that every guy I meet recently will not kiss and I’m like WTF! It’s gotten to the point now that I have to ask guys up front do they like to kiss and I would say the response is that 9/10 of them say they don’t and I’m like this is weird shit, is there something wrong with my mouth, my teeth, my breath (there isn’t I assure you)

I take a lot of pride in my personal hygiene, especially dental hygiene so I know bad breath isn’t the issue. I am being told by guys online and on the Apps before I even meet them, absolutely no kissing, and I’m like but don’t you realize it’s the best thing ever? And why don’t you want to kiss?

So I guess my question is, why are there so many guys who only want sex and don’t want to kiss or cuddle? Yes I get the sex thing, thats amazing and I love it, but kissing passionately and cuddling is awesome too. If you have both then thats the best thing ever, I want to know what has happened, why don’t all these guys want to kiss? Is this a new trend not to kiss? (I hope not!)

Hugs

Sean xoxo

Dear Ask QC,

Well I didn’t think I would be writing in, but well, here I am…

I’ve been dating a really hot guy (J) for the last 9 months, at first nothing more than a few hook ups and a bit of fun together but since Christmas I guess we got more involved with each other.

I didn’t really think too much to be honest, I just thought we were getting along well, dating more, movies, meals, working out together, generally just hanging out and having a good time together… and of course having great sex too. Btw, we are both 28 years old, he runs his own business and I’m in the corporate world. We each have our own apartments close by but I have to move out of my place soon as the lease is expiring and will not be renewed.

So J asked me to move in to his place and I agreed I could do that while I find a new place as so far I’ve had no luck in finding the right apartment. It was then that he said I don’t have to find a new place because he loves me and wants me to stay permanently and be with him forever.

I have to say I was shocked and blindsided with that one! I didn’t see that coming at all, and it’s really kinda scared me off – although I don’t know why. I like him a lot, but I can’t say that I love him and I feel moving in with him would be dishonest in that respect and would be a disaster, I really didn’t know how to answer him either, I was literally speechless. This happened during a romantic dinner over Valentines and I feel really idiotic now in just nodding and agreeing with everything he said. I didn’t actually say the words to him “I love you” but I went along with everything else just stupidly grinning, even going back to his place again that night, and yes we had great sex, it was fantastic very energetic and passionate.

My problem here is that is that I feel very dishonest and I guess I am totally scared off by the whole situation. If he had said just move in and see how it goes I would have been fine, but now I feel that by moving in I am committing to something on false pretenses. But here’s the thing, I don’t discount the possibility of falling in love with him, it’s just that I don’t feel it yet… it may happen, or it may never happen but now I am feeling pressured and don’t know how to back out.

So the contract on my apartment is looming over me now, it only has a few weeks left and I have to be out. J thinks I will be moving in with him, and in fact has already suggested moving some of my things over this coming weekend. So this is freaking me out a bit now, do I tell him I don’t love him? Do I try and find another place to live? Should I just end it? I’m really torn here, he’s a really lovely guy and I feel I have led him along even though that wasn’t my intention. I feel I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life, or I am about to…

If you know of any help or ways in which I can solve this situation I’d really be thankful.

H

Dear Ask QC,

I’m 24 years old and I’ve known I’m gay since very little so I never been with a girl because I wasn’t interested, nor even kissed a girl. I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit in my group of friends since I wasn’t ready to tell them and every time they asked if I was gay I lied. Besides, I’m not very confident of myself too and I’m really shy until I feel comfortable and that takes a lot of time. I don’t usually talk much until I’m ready so I’m a bit funny/wierd like that I guess.

Even though my parents know I’m gay, I still haven’t been with a guy or even kissed one and I’m starting to feel really lonely. All my straight friends are starting serious relationships and I don’t even get to have fun with guys 🙁 Through the years I’ve met some guys that I liked but they were all straight so I had to move on as I knew that was never going to work out.

Since my friends don’t know I’m gay and I haven’t met any gay guys to at least hang out with in school, college or work, I decided to look into these dating apps and see what I could find there. So I started browsing through these guys and not many of them really attracted me. Only a few got me to hit the like button but compatibilies were not coming that often. I chatted with one guy, he seemed fine but clearly was only interested in sex. First I wasn’t very interested but with time I started hoping for something to happen between us. We actually decided to meet up and went drinking , just talking, and that’s it. I tried to get a second meeting but he made some excuses, I don’t know if it was real or not, but it was clear we were looking for different things. I felt bad about this at first but kept continuing my search online.

Then a second match appeared and he was a really good looking guy, which I couldn’t believe because I’m a regular guy, nothing special so being “liked” by this guy made me feel really happy. We started talking about everyday things and every single thing we said made us like each other a little bit more. At the end of that day he suggested meeting and I said yes but then I realized he actually meant meeting right at that very moment. That was something I couldn’t do as I had to wake up really early the next day so I had to refuse the offer right then.

But we continued chatting though over the next few days and ended up meeting around a month ago as by then I was already pretty comfortable with him so I opened up about a lot of things. Epecially the ones that really embarrass me (like saying I’m a virgin, and that I’ve never kissed a guy. I’d never even said that to a gay guy before so this was all new territory for me). So the day we were meeting he was going out with his friends to a gay club (again, this is somewhere I’ve never been before) but I accepted that and then he set some boundaries. He was introducing me to his friends at the club as “just friends”. I was okay with that too, as that’s what we were though I found him really attractive and hoped it might be more than that.

We met, he and his friends were great, the place was awesome and I had a really good time. I tried my best to make him comfortable with me, as I can be a little awkards especially in new situations like this. I wasn’t flirty with him either so I tried to dance more with his friends than with him as he had previously mentioned the “just friends” thing and the boundaries too. The next day, though, I had a lot of mixed feelings and suggested meeting alone with him but he said no since I had already met his friends. He says that he doesn’t want to mix his friends with flings because that might break up his group of friends if I got too close to one of them and we broke up. I tried to convince him but he was pretty stubborn about it. He said that he would see me only as a friend at least in the short team – if something would happen between us it would be over time and we would have to think if we wanted to risk our friendship in case it didn’t work. He was right but I needed a better explanation. We weren’t long term friends yet (for me it’s difficult to have friends I guess, I really don’t feel part of a group easily) so the only one risking something was me losing a potential friend who was teaching me the gay world.

I confessed to him that I liked him more than just friends (another first for me) and he said that he liked me too, and he explained that he is attracted to me though it’s difficult for him to have a connection with someone and he wasn’t feeling that yet so until then we had to be just friends. I understood that too since I guess I’m pretty much like that as well. I need to know the other person first… but already I feel like I know as much as I need to know about him to feel that spark. Since then I’ve tried to push my feelings aside. I’m trying to stop fantasizing about him, but I still feel this love for him. It’s not just a lust or being horny (but yes I do feel that as well) but I really feel that I care about him deeply.

We went clubing and dancing again and everything similar to the time before, but then due to some personal circumstances we had to stop going out clubbing for a while. Since I don’t have any other gay friends I had to wait for them (I think this helped to calm me down). Recently over this last weekend though we went out again and this is where I’m getting a bit confused about the situation… here’s the facts that I need you to help me understand.

When we got to the club, he and I were the first in arrive, he asked what I had been up to since we had last met. I said the truth, I hadn’t gone out since the last time (yes I know, I’m really boring, just work and home, nothing else). He then told me he had met a guy on the dating app (my heart froze a little bit but I played it cool) and he had suggested to this guy that he join us and his friends all together at the club. Earlier that day the guy had told him he wasn’t very comfortable with that but he would meet us there at the club. Then my friend said something about his group of friends and he made it very clear I was a part of it. That made me really happy too as I was very nervous about getting kicked out soon of the group and him saying that meant a lot to me.

So, we met the guy, he was cool though I didn’t find him very attractive (but what matters is that my friends does, right?). He is visiting our country for a few months so he had some trouble with the language. Even though I was kinda jealous I was very friendly with the guy. I helped translating and explaining everything he didn’t understand and always tried to make him comfortable and part of the group, since I know what it feels to be an outsider. At one point during the conversations he asked everyone how we had all met each other in the group. I’m the only one who has met through a dating app so when it was my turn I hid the truth without specifying how exactly we had met. I did it for my friend too because I thought that saying the truth might turn his relationship with the guy a bit weird. But then of course, one his friends ended up telling everything anyway that we had met on the dating app but at least we all laughed about it, my friend said that we were just trying to hide that fact. From my point of view, I thought my friend wasn’t very interested in this new guy.

That night at the club was really great fun, we all danced a lot. I tried dancing with my friend a couple of times (he usually dances alone) but he politely refused. Sometimes other friends start dancing with him and he let them but everytime I tried to dance with him he avoided it. I don’t know if it is because he doesn’t want to give me false hope or if he’s afraid of what might happen if we are that close, I find it a bit confusing. While I was dancing, the boyfriend of one of his friends arrived, he’s a very nice and handsome man but since he is already taken I didn’t think about him. What’s more, that guy was kinda shy so to help him break the ice, I took him dancing until we ended up rubbing up with his boyfriend but I let them be when the mood was set. I was happy for my good deed and I felt rewarded by being up close and seeing them have a very hot kissing session together and right before my eyes 😛

Everything was fine up until then and I then really started to feel in the mood for what I had seen but I didn’t want to make a pass on my friend because I think it might turn awkward.. and then I looked at him and he was making out with his new friend.. and my heart froze completely for a few seconds. I played it cool and tried to forget about it and looked for a friend of his to dance with, but all of them were kissing. And that’s when I felt really bad.

I’m happy that my friend is able to be with someone and is having fun. I knew that was something that might happen so I had been preparing myself for that but my heart is not made of stone. I can’t understand why he had to set boundaries with me but not with this guy? But I think what really made me feel bad was the fact that everyone was kissing and I wasn’t. Maybe because I haven’t kissed a guy before and I’m looking for the one, but even if I wanted I don’t feel like kissing just any guy. I have to really feel it (and have a little hope the other guy is interested too) but it’s never happened yet and I want it to happen, I’m getting sad and frustrated about the situation.

So, that’s pretty much all of my story. Now, what should I do? I don’t want to lose my friend. He’s a really nice guy and we are steadily and slowly developing a really good friendship. He’s teaching me a lot of new stuff particularly about the gay scene (good and bad things, even if he doesn’t know it, like heartbreaks, etc). But I also really like him and no, not just in a sexual way. I think he is the perfect person for me and I need to and want to express with him my love and deep feelings without it getting too awkward, how do I do this? Am I just being a fool for by waiting for him? I think his relationship with this guy won’t last long as the guy is going back to his country in a few months time so it’s just a fling but it hurts to see him with him and not me. Do you think he will ever see me as more than just a friend? If I waited until now I guess I can wait a little longer but am I crazy for thinking that maybe we might grow to be really good close friends and maybe a year or more from here we might consider taking our friendship to another level?

Besides, I’m feeling lonely and although everybody says that I shouldn’t have to think about it too hard, and that the right person will appear in time.. But time is passing by and I have this deep need of kissing and feeling another man’s touch. I’m not desesperate for sex, I just want to BE with someone to care for them as they would care for me. I’m trying to look for another guy but it’s not that easy particularly as my taste seems to be very specific and I might not be matching with the ones that I pick. And like I said, being attracted physically is not even close to enough for me it has to be more than that. Besides, I find it hard to believe that guys feel comfortable being someone’s first boyfriend, is that the case? I’m starting to believe that there is no guy for me and I will always be alone, it’s getting me down and I feel kinda bad about this situation, I really need to know what to do in this situation with my crush.

Sorry for the long story guys but I needed to get it all out I guess and for you guys to be able to fully understand all the details too, so that I could get good feedback from you all. Please give me any advice you can! Thanks!

All the best, HtH

Dear Ask QC,

My partner of 6 years just asked me for an open relationship.

It’s true to say our sex life has become stale and boring, but I’m ok with things as they are while he is not. His sex drive is higher than mine and he said it will just be sex with other guys nothing more.

He says this is normal for gay couples, but I’m not too sure if it is or not? Should there be boundaries and if so what are these? Only sex, no kissing, only at our home or at the other guys home? Obviously only safe sex, but does it include fucking? Should it only be ONS or a reguIar Fuck Buddy? I feel like I have a hundred questions to think about and maybe I will miss some important aspect of this – I really don’t know what to say.

I haven’t agreed to anything yet, telling him I need time to think about it – but I haven’t completely rejected the idea either. I’m prepared to listen what options there are, as I want the two of us to remain together as a couple but I also don’t want to drive him away by not agreeing to his needs too.

We pretty much get along well in all other aspects of our relationship, I really do love him and he tells me regualry that he loves me too, and it’s not like we don’t have sex at all, it’s just a bit routine and infrequent. Like I say, I’m ok with that side of things but going into an open relationship is uncharted territory for me and something I’ve never experienced before – I really need some advice about this – thanks.

Kai

Dear QC,

I found this site totally by accident while researching questions I have about myself. I identify as a straight guy. I never think of doing sexual things to a guy, I don’t look at guys in a sexual way, I don’t look at gay porn and never jerk off thinking about guys. On the other hand, over this past year I’ve been hooking up with guys. I don’t do anything to them like kiss them or blow them or anything, it’s just them doing things to me or for me. I’ve been having sex with girls since I was 16 and I’m now 26. Never have I had a blow job as good as from a guy. Do girls just not know how to blow a guy well?

That is how all this started. About a year ago I was at a party and drank too much. This guy I talked to at the party offered me a ride home. I accepted and left my car at my friends house who had the party. When we got to my place this guy was complimenting everything about me. Then he told me he was gay and that he’d love to blow me. I laughed it off at first but then he started to describe how he was going to do it. It wound up getting me pretty horny and I let him do it and it was totally awesome. Since then I sometimes seek out experiences like this one. I’ve met guys who pretty much worship my body and do things to me that a girl has never done. I’ve had guys tongues up my butt, my armpits licked, my feet and toes sucked and licked. Guys have a passion that I’ve never seen in girls. I’ve even met one guy at happy hour after work who was 22, good looking and could probably get any guy he wanted but he offered to pay me to sniff and lick my underwear. I know that sounds crazy but we went back to his place and I let him do it while I watched him as he sniffed and licked my underwear while he jerked off.

Now I’m confused since I’m never sexually attracted to these guys. If I were gay or bi I’d be super cool about it but all my attraction is on girls. I’m never tempted or have any desire to do anything with a guy. I’m attracted to what they’re doing to me. But it’s not like I’m thinking about girls either while they do this, I’m always in the moment with these guys. I’m trying really hard to figure out what I am. I feel pretty alone because I wouldn’t know who to talk to about this and don’t think anyone would understand my situation. I honestly would appreciate help from people on this site, thanks.

Brian