Ask QC: I love him and want him but he just wants to remain friends… is there any hope?

Dear Ask QC,

So here’s my problem. I got to know a guy online almost 2 years ago. He’s 22 now and I’m 38, yes I know there is a big age gap. But the thing is even with that we laugh and joke and get along really, really well. The age gap is irrelevant to me and he’s said the same thing too. We actually have a lot in common, like the same taste in music, we are both into the same sports and have a common interest in business, geeky/techy things and that sort of stuff.

Being a bit of a slow mover, we became online buddies for more than a year before we actually met up (neither of us are the type to just jump into bed with anyone right away), but yeah we’ve jacked off together online a few times, we both like sex and like our porn too so when we got horny we beat off on cams together.

The thing is, our online personas are of course very different to how we interact in real life, both being cautious we met at a public place for coffee on our first meet and I was a bit nervous and formal I guess. I’m very chatty and funny online but come across differently in real life, maybe because I run my own business and am dealing with clients all day I tend to have a formal approach. I dont know, its just me I guess, but that first face to face meet went really well and things moved on from there.

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Ask QC: How long do you think sex between orgasms should last?

Dear Ask QC,

I have a question about achieving an orgasm. I just read the article about the guy who was being fucked for 40-50 miinutes and he pissed the bed. If I was in bed with an extra hung guy and he had been slamming my ass for almost an hour I would get up and piss on him too!

Some guys think they are porn stars and try to be so athletic that they end up being a bore. I brought an Italian guy home and he was going to fuck and he started going a hundred miles an hour just slamming away like he was trying to come at the speed of sound after about a minute I stopped him and asked if we could try something. He was willing to try so I told him just put it all the way in and then don’t move. I then started to stroke his cock by clenching all my muscles in that area and pulling on his cock until it was almost out then relaxing my muscles and going all up on his cock until it was all the way in. He came in 12 strokes.

The second time time we met up he asked me sheepishly if we could do it again my way. Of course we did it missionary style with me on the bottom. The same technique has served me well when I have the kind of guy that is just there for the sex. Now some people look at the porn stars and say look how long it takes them. They don’t realize that scenes are cut and spliced and put together and one 15 minute scene may contain parts from another shoot and even be days apart…

The average time for a man to start and reach orgasm is 7 minutes. I have never had to say ” stop and let me try something” to most of my lovers but for the handful of times I have this has served me well. My lover who was best in bed used to fuck me and suck me at the same time then when I came he would swallow my come and spit it out and put it on his dick which made it really slippery and he would slowly fuck me and after a few minutes announce that he was coming – he was so sensual and extremely well hung and it was such a pleasure to have sex with him.

I have also had sexual athletes that think it is a race to see who could Last the longest. Whenever I run across one of those I question whether they are enjoying themselves or just having sex for sex’s sake.

So I’d like to ask you guys, how long you think sex between orgasms should last? Do the road runners who just jab away really enjoy themselves or are they putting on a performance mainly to impress them selves? Do you like it fast like a jack rabbit in heat or slow and sensual?

Thanks, Chausie

Hi Chausie and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Is having sex just a “performance” for some guys? Are they trying to make it last to show off or do they want to keep the pleasure going for as long as possible? Do you prefer a “quickie” to a “long slow one”? Is the orgasm more intense when you hold it back for longer or do you prefer the intesity of a quick mind blowing orgasm? Do you have any techniques to help things along in the bedroom such as Chausie uses? Dear QC readers please share your tips, advice and pearls of wisdom with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: Pissed myself when being fucked… why?

Dear Ask QC,

I recently pissed myself while being fucked hard (really hard), the thing was there was no warning other than a hot feeling like I was going to orgasm. But I was soft at the time, my cock had been hard on/off during the session (which was long for me to take it, getting close to 40-50 mins of being fucked). But I didn’t feel the urge to piss, and its not like I had been drinking gallons before we started fucking either, I did go to the bathroom before the bedroom too. My date was also unusually big (for me) so I did feel a bit more stretched than usual – of course there was a major embarrasment factor for me, pissing all over his bed like that. He said it was okay but he’s made excuses for the last two weeks not to meet up, so I’m quite prepared to take that hint and drop dating with him. But I still want to understand why this happened? I’ve never done that before and I’ve been fucking for quite a few years now (I’m 24) and I wondered if I need to get anything checked out or if its a one off kinda thing, happened to anyone else?

G

Hi G and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. Having an embarrasing accident or incident during sex probably happens more often than we admit. This may be a one off, but perhaps this has occurred with other readers too? The floor is open for anyone to comment and share their experiences here so dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give G? Should he seek professional medical advice or is there a logical reason why this may have occurred, could this just be a one off? If so, how can he avoid that? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: Will my Fuck Buddy become exclusive?

Dear Ask QC,

I’m 22 years old, and have had a healthy and active sex life for a few years now since my late teens. Over time I discovered that I’m more bottom and love to get fucked. I’ve not really been dating seriously or even had a LTR before but recently met a guy earlier this year who has now become more than just a regular fuck buddy. We’ve been fucking regular for 9-10 months now 1-2 times a week and its more than just great :p

The thing is, I’ve fallen for him and when we first hooked up together we agreed that it would just be sex and nothing more. And now of course, here I am, I would really like this to be more than just that regular fuck once or twice a week.

When we initially hooked up we did lay out the ground rules, it was basically going to be just fuck and go so how do I now turn this around into something more permanent? My fear is that if I tell him he will say no way its just a fuck and then leave me for good. And I really dont want that to happen…

So, we’ve been getting along great, always have a lot of laughs together and we’re still both single (he’s 26 btw) but have both been hooking up with a few other different guys too, so I would want that to stop. In fact I’ve already stopped seeing other guys for sex (but not told him) but I know he has a few other regular buddies that he is seeing too. So if I say lets date steady and exclusively I have a feeling he will say lets keep things open the way they are and I don’t want that either, so herein lies my problem.

I have to say I feel a bit foolish asking this question here, but I’m hoping that there are some other guys out there who have succesfully moved on from being just fuck buddies and turning it into an LTR and monogamous relationship. Is this even possible or am I just dreaming?

Thanks,

Rogan

Hi Rogan and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. First off, don’t ever feel foolish for asking any type of question here – if you check the archives you will see everything under the sun (and more) has comes up here and there is always someone who will chip in and help with advice and answers. You’re right in thinking that there is a possibility too, for sure there will be some guys here who have managed to move on from being regular fuck buddies and into an exclusive relationship. While we know that everyones circumstances may be slightly different to yours, there will always be some similarities too in a situation like this. Men primarily think of sex first and relationships later right? So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Rogan? Should he just remain fuck buddies or is the risk to move to a relationship too great? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: I love fapping more than sex itself

Hi Ask QC guys,

I’m 29 years old, love my porn, hot guys and all but I guess most of all I just like fapping.

And by that I actually mean I prefer to jerk off rather than have actual sex with a guy and I’m beginning to wonder if thats gonna be a bit of a problem?

I didn’t ‘come out’ until a few years ago (26) and then I kinda went a bit crazy and was jumping into bed left, right and center. And somehow it never lived up to its expectations, not sure why but finding the right guy to hook up with and meeting them was the exciting part. Actually getting down to it always seemed a bit of a let down so I generally just stopped dating guys now.

I still like to chat up online and fap away, but its more of a distance thing and I know how my technique in fapping gets me right to the edge (and beyond). I guess the reason I’m writing in now is that it dawned on me I’ll be 30 early next year and does this mean I’m gonna be like this forever? Am I now too set in my ways or will I be able to find the right man who I can please in bed and he can do the same for me too. I’m a bit adverse to being fucked although I indentify more as a bottom, tried fucking a few guys (which didnt really work) love to suck cock, be rimmed, love kissing and nipple play.

So am I confined to being alone and just fapping myself stupid and alone or are there guys out there who are ok with the type of sex which just involves kissing, cuddling, oral and wanking? Everyone I’ve met so far either expects to fuck me or wants to be fucked and I can’t be doing with the whole performance, its expectations and let downs.

Any advice, or just reassurances that I’m not the only guy out there like this would be really helpful – thanks guys.

Hugs,

Jeremy

Hi Jeremy and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Rest assured there are guys like you who like just what you want to do – you just havent met them yet! There is probably every type of gay relationship (including sexual preferences) out there so dont’ feel alone in thinking you are too different or weird just because you have particular needs or desires. And its not always the case that what you like now (in your 20’s) will be what you like in your 30’s or 40’s and beyond – life is a journey of different experiences so try not to limit your thinking that you are trapped or constricted by your sexual tastes that you have now. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Jeremy? Is he limiting himself sexually? Did any of you experience this, now or in earlier years and was it an issue or not? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: I only want to date Daddies

Dear Ask QC,

I’m 18 and got a thing going for Daddies – I totally love older men but most I met so far (gay ones) want to do a lot of kinky stuff, tie me up, beat me up and all that nasty stuff. I’m not enjoying that 🙁

What I really find hot is an actual real Daddy, I mean a married guy who has kids, a man who isn’t crazy or kinky and living a straight lifestyle with his family. And he wants to treat me with respect and look after me – and I’ll give him in bed what he reall wants 🙂

There must be guys like that but I can’t find any, ok I know in some eyes its wrong to date married men but I’m not here for a lecture on morals thanks 😉

I just want to know wheres the best place to find guys like that, online, apps is there a place that real married guys look for boys like me – I really want to meet them.

Thanks!

Jude

Hi Jude and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We get pretty much every type of question here and from pretty much every type of person too. Non of us are here to judge but share our experiences and advice if we can. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Jude? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: How do I tell him his breath stinks?

Hi Ask QC,

I met this guy recently online on the apps, looks cute, killer smile and a great body too – so we decided to hook up.

Really like him and we had great sex but when we kissed his breath was gross – I mean really disgustingly smelly – like crap actually (literally)

I love to kiss a lot so this is a problem and but he didn’t get the hint when I pulled away from kissing. I made a point of gargling with Listerine when we where in the bathroom together but he never picked it up and used it.

I would love to get regular with him but the breath is a deal breaker for me – he doesn’t smoke so I don’t know whether he’s got bad teeth (they look great btw), something wrong with his digestion or what the neck it is!?!

He wants to meet again, so how to I tell the guy? I feel uncomfortable being too blunt or direct with him, any ideas?

Brennan

Hi Brennan and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Bad breath can be the result of a number of things, whether it’s something eaten, dental, hygene or digestive problems. All of which can be rectified, so don’t write him off just yet! And most people who have halitosis aren’t even aware of it… so someone has to tell them. And that’s the difficult part, especially if you plan on dating again and so you’ll need to do this in a sensitive way. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Brennan? How would you tell a date if they had bad breath? Woud you tell them face to face? Via text? How would you phrase it? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: Colostomy bags anyone?

Hi QC,

I’m not sure if anyone can hep with my question as it’s something I’ve never come across before.

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, just dates and movies and becoming friends, nothing sexual (don’t sound too surprised not all of us jump into bed on the first date LOL!) but we’ve gotten really fond of each other.

We are definitely attracted to each other and it’s gone a little beyond the flirting stage. So, last week I was over at his place for dinner, we started making out and it got really frenzied, more than I thought we would go – but then he stopped suddenly and said he had something to tell me before we went any further.

That’s when he told me he had a colostomy bag fitted, and said most people are grossed out by the idea of this so he hadn’t mentioned it until now. Of course that killed the moment and we didn’t go any further. He’s only in his 20’s but had a serious illness as a child which resulted in his colon being removed and has worn the bag since he was 9. He did his best to try and tell me everything about it and even explained that if we had sex (including anal) it wouldn’t make any difference to the physical side of things.

But I still had to stop and couldn’t go further, which I’m a bit confused and disgusted with myself about really but I was definitely shocked by him telling me about this right at that moment. I know it must have hurt for him as well but, well it wasn’t anything I was expecting at that time. I understand it’s a difficult subject for him to bring up, its not like you would advertize the fact is it? But I guess it’s knowing when to bring the up a subject like this too?

Well, that incident truly killed the moment, and the evening too, and nothing else happened after that, we kinda made excuses about work the next day and having to get up early. He didn’t ask me to stay over (which I hadn’t planned) but I took that cue to go home too. We are still in touch and have gone out a couple of times since, not back to his place or mine but just for dinner but the topic hasn’t been mentioned anymore, I don’t really know how to bring it up again appropriately. And perhaps he thinks now that he has explained it to me and I didn’t run a mile then he believes everything is OK with me about it.

After the initial shock, and a little time to let it sink in then I am still trying to be OK about it. So, I’m here really just asking advice on how to handle this a bit better, any of you guys come across this before or know if its a problem? I’m worried about all sorts of things (the bag coming off during sex, seeing where its attached, hugging him and feeling the bag with its contents and all… I don’t know)

Thanks for any help with this, Trenton

Hi Trenton and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We’ve not had this question before so hopefully there are some readers who are able to help you and your friend with this. There is a lot of information out there, forums, online, etc, but realize that you are here after first hand experiences so dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Trenton? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: I’m a mess, what should I do?

Hi QC,

Hes some background to my situation: I met Josh when I was 19 and he was 17, we first met during our practice runs. At that time, I was a gymnast for my university and also a runner too. Josh was a high school hockey player, soccer player and also did track & field. I met his family too and we started to hang out together at his house. He’s a very good looking jock and lots of the high school girls were after him. When Josh started first year in college, he moved in with me. My parents live in another state. They met Josh and they love him.

So eventually, Josh and I end up messing around and became a couple. All my friends think that I am so lucky to have such a great guy as a bf. The problem is Josh is very protective of me and sometimes, he scares me. For example, Josh puched a guy when he thought that guy tried to make a pass at me at a gay restaurant recently. I told Josh that I can take care of myself but he wouldnt listen to me.

To make a long story short (but to complicate matters), I’ve also known Jake, Josh’s younger brother, since he was 15 yrs old. I was not interested in Jake at all. Jake looks up to me as his older brother. He even has my picutre in his bedroom. So by now, Jake is 18 yrs old and getting ready to attend another state university (wrestling scholarship) as he’s a great high school wrestler.

An incident occurred recently, when Jake stopped by to say good-bye to Josh and me the night before leaving for school the next day. Josh got drunk and went to bed. Jake and I were drinking and buzzing. We got talking about college life and such and thats when Jake told me that he broke up with his girlfriend around a month ago. He complained about his back and neck sore, so I gave him a neck and back message. Well, the next thing I knew, Jake and I were kissing and then it went even further than that and I gave him a blow job. I could tell that Jake enjoyed it as he is a moaner during that BJ, all of which I liked.

Now, after this incident, I just cannot get Jake out of my mind. I feel guilty, conflict and I tear up inside. If Josh knows about this, he would beat the shit out of Jake for sure (even though I am a guilty person also.) Oh! man, I am such a mess. What is wrong with me? What should I do?

CB.

Hi CB and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Your situation certainly sounds challenging to overcome and sort out but life is full of surprises, ups and downs, mistakes and a learning process. There will be others who have had life experiences similar to yours and can offer their thoughts and advice. So dear QC readers, if you can help CB then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: I fear I may becoming Bi

Hi QC,

A little background: I am from a country where homosexuality is practically unknown in the social milieu and is only to be found in a closet somewhere or practised behind closed doors under the guise of friendly sleepovers. Well, things are changing, we have queer communities now, and major cities witness yearly pride parades, but in small towns it’s still a taboo.

About myself: I am 27, and ever since I was a kid I have known I am gay – I have only ever been attracted to men and boys. Being shy and withdrawn, I never had any romances until I was around 24. And then since I’d had a long wait, I went all in and had a string of casual affairs. There were some semi-serious relationships, but the time was never right and something always went wrong and so, they never fully blossomed. To be clear, I am not ashamed of my sexuality and don’t hate myself for it, although never being well endowed in the looks department or the charms department, and finding gays flaky and kind of superficial (well, I don’t want to agree with this, but it’s what I’ve heard/faced), I’ve been disillusioned by the whole thing. I have only had sex with men.

As for girls, I have never found them sexually appealing, although I can appreciate the female beauty – I just don’t find anything sexual about it, at least until now. You see, I have always wondered, and more so lately, what it would be like to be with a girl and it’s the sexual side of things that has put me off – besides the fact that I may never feel emotionally attached to a girl. But then I think it may not be so bad either way. We are all people in the end, so it shouldn’t be that hard to connect emotionally with another, man or woman. And sexually I have begun to be not so repulsed by the female body, especially after seeing videos of FTM transexuals with vaginas, that I strangely found attractive despite different genitalia.

Now when I see an attractive girl, my mind gets flooded with all these doubts, and I am afraid I might be attracted sexually to her, and by denying that I am being dishonest with myself. I am thoroughly confused. Am I bi now? Or am I subconsciously inuring myself to the reality that I will never be accepted as a gay and therefore have to be bi? Or am I avoiding the pain of coming out?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

MM

Hi MM and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Defining ones sexuality in a world that is mostly predjudiced against gay, bi and transgender can be confusing at best, especially growing up in a country that has less than liberal views. Labelling or pigeon holing ones sexuality is also rather limiting so one should not hold back to the idea of exploration if there are still doubts or uncertainty. Over the years Ask QC has had a few difering questions on this topic and you may find some useful advice here, Ask QC: I’m Bi-sexual and Confused, Ask QC: I kissed a girl… and liked it, Ask QC: He’s Bi Now and Ask QC: Am I Going Straight? . And we are sure that our dear QC readers can give more specific advice to your particular situation too. If you can help MM in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: I only want sex and not relationships

Dear Ask QC,

I’m in my 40’s, had a few long term relationships which ultimately didn’t work out and have reached a point where I’ve realized that actually its only sex that I want and not a relationship at all.

All of my close friends are either in LTR’s, dating or married and think I should be too. They say I will die old and lonely if I don’t find someone now.

But after several disappointing dates, guys who are clingy or start talking moving in together or marriage I’ve come to realize that I’m actually happy in my own company apart from one thing that is. Sex.

Yep I can fap as good as the next man, love my toys and my porn too. But theres still nothing better than skin on skin contact, kissing and getting intimate with another guy. But I don’t want all the other crap that goes with relationships, all the hassles, money problems or relatives or other dramas that happen.

So my question is, am I normal in thinking like this, my friends seem to think otherwise? I just want sex (which to me is a normal and natural thing to have that need) but I don’t want to do all that relationship stuff. Are there other guys like that too, a regular fuck buddy would be ideal, but after a while they want more too. Can’t seem to find anyone who wants the same situation as me are they out there?

Owen

Hi Owen and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. If there is one thing we do know, there is every different type of relationship, sexual or otherwise here. Don’t beat yourself up too much over this, it sounds like the experiences in your life has led you to this conclusion. There are of course many factors that influence our lives and make us who we are, and this may just be another part or a phase of your life too. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Owen? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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