So I’ve been dating this wonderful man for two months now, but we’ve known and liked each other from afar for almost a year come October before making it official in July. I have the personality where I have this deeply rooted need to truly express my affections with someone I really like by expressing it sexually after a full day spent together doing all sorts of romantic things. On the other hand, he’s not quite as experienced as I am.
He was with the same guy in a very long distance relationship for 4 years and they only saw each other maybe twice a year. He never messed around (a virtue I’m insanely grateful for), and when they were together it was mostly the other guy showing him off as a status symbol rather than a human being worthy of actual love and affection. As such, my guy still has some anxiety when it comes to having sex. It makes him very nervous still, so the few times that we have done it I’ve been very slow and gentle and taken his needs into consideration as we play; whenever he says to stop, I stop and we either just cuddle it out or do something else.
I want to help him get over his anxiety just as much as I want to get over mine. I’ve told him that I never want him to feel like I was pressuring him into anything, and even just knowing that he really cares about me fills me with such joy- but in the back of my head I want to give him more and fulfil my baser physical desires because there’s this nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps yelling at me “You’re not giving him everything to the fullest extent of your passion, you obviously don’t love him.” (My inner voice can be a bit of a huge d-bag sometimes…)
I don’t know how to go about asking for more sex without making him feel nervous or pressured into it. I want him to feel more comfortable with the idea of doing it a little more frequently, but I also don’t want to turn him into a nymphomaniac. How do I go about bringing this up and how should I direct this conversation?
Thanks,
Tim
Hi Tim and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. It’s wonderful to hear that you two guys have found each other and been together for almost a year now, albeit with some bumps and difficulties yet to overcome. There are many partners that are compatible on so many levels but then also have differing sexual needs, wants or issues. But rest assured there are always people willing to help you both be able to resolve these. You mention that you have more experience sexually and, therefore, perhaps already have a better idea of what pleases you sexually and your preferences. Whereas your partner with previous little or infrequent sexual encounters may not yet have fully discovered everything that he likes (or dislikes). He may also consider the infrequent sexual activity with his previous partner as normal and indeed gotten used to that. It’s admirable that you are concerned with his feelings and know that to approach this subject with him may be a little tricky but we are sure there will be the right way to approach this subject with him. Generally, humour is a good starting point so as to relieve any tension that may exist but of course there are other different angles with which to tackle this. Have you guys tried watching porn together? That could be an opportunity to discuss both of your likes and dislikes and get a better feel for things. You could discuss limitations about how far you want to go (or indeed won’t go) in the future, or maybe open a discussion about desires, fetishes or other sexually related topic’s to lead into chatting about the main issue. You could lead into your conversation with a general rhetorical or open question, or simply just ask him how he feels about things sexually. You could reference his previous long distance relationship to ask how difficult it must have been for him particularly when it came to sex, how often he wasn’t led astray and (presumably) relieved himself with solo masturbation. Has he used sex toys before (or yourself) and could that be an opener? Whether you guys are both into them or not at least that may get the ball rolling. The main thing is that the two of you communicate together and on an improved level that you are both presently at right now. And there is nothing wrong with this, it takes time (and sometimes years) for couples to know instinctively what the others wants or desires are. But at the end of the day, non of us are mind readers! So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Tim and his man? Have you been in a similar situation like this before? How did you approach this line of conversation and what other suggestions would you make? If you can help them in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m gay, 18 years old and I don’t have any gay friends at all, or rather I should say that I have no one who is a supporter around me.
When I was in high school, my teacher and friends hated me because I’m gay, they were very insulting. There are no openly gay people around me at all and people around me mostly cannot accept gay people.
I’ve just started college and in my new college life I won’t dare to tell my friends there that I’m gay. If I do it will damage my reputation because I know they are homophobic.
I feel very sad and frustrated, as there is no one here to listen to my suffering voice, especially my parents, as they also dislike gay people so much. They have been worried that I’m gay since last time I was caught by my parents when I was watching gay porn. But after that I have lied to them that I had changed my sexuality and that now I’m “straight”. I really do not dare to tell them now that I’m gay. They hope I can have the have my own kids in the future since I’m the only guy among my siblings.
In my country, Malaysia, there are no gay rights, and they don’t have any gay community. Gay’s mostly cannot be accepted in this Islamic country, and actually they have made it illegal too.
I hope I can find a soul mate or gay friend that knows how I feel, because I can’t find anyone. I don’t want to find just any friend from a Facebook group or Grindr, Scruff, etc. Is it really necessary that for me to find gay friends or dates then dating apps are my only options? I have tried exploring more the outside world online but I still can’t find anyone.
What should I do? Or how can I find other gay friends? Also how should I deal with people especially my parents that dislike gay people so much?
Thanks for your help guys,
– Carson
Hi Carson and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Growing up gay and being isolated is hard enough. Being bullied or ostracised and in a homophobic environment is even tougher – but don’t give up hope! You’ve taken steps to reach out and that’s a great start. It’s understandable that perhaps you aren’t finding the right type of friends on the dating apps and realize that the circumstances at home and in your country make it even more difficult for you to find like minded and understanding people. Have you considered contacting overseas gay youth organizations? They may be able to put you in touch with others your age and even in your own country. They should also be able to help with advice on dealing with the homophobic situation that you find yourself in. If it’s an understanding friend that you are looking for then their sexuality shouldn’t really matter if they are gay or not, as long as they have empathy and a balanced view towards people of different sexualities. Have you also considered contacting or joining other youth groups that interest you? (and not necessarily just gay organizations) There are endless possibilities out there so maybe our readers can help in pointing you in the right direction? Most of them here will have experienced some of the situations that you are currently being exposed to and will have different solutions that helped them in those situations. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Carson? Were you raised in a homophobic environment at home, school or your country? How did you deal with these types of people and situations? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m 19, not really into the bar/club scene and so far I meet my dates through the apps (Grindr, Scruff, etc). But most guys either block me or just stop chatting because I don’t immediately send over my dick pics. I’m not ashamed of my dick or body but I feel it’s a bit too much to send these type of pics within the first few minutes of chatting. My friends (mostly around the same age, a few a bit older in their 20’s and 30’s) think it’s hilarious and have even said I’m a prude! I don’t think I am, it’s not like I’m standing on some high moral ground or whatever, I just want a little romance I guess… does this even exist anymore? So guys, am I a prude (at 19!) for being like this and what’s the best way to get over it?
Thanks guys,
Tomas
Hi Tomas and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Sending pictures of your genitals to others via dating apps is entirely optional and not obligatory. Just because others deem this as de rigueur doesn’t mean that you have to follow suit. Sticking to your own principles or standards doesn’t mean you are a prude either, it just means that you have a mind of your own and don’t necessarily follow the crowd. Remember, it’s the other guys who have the problem here and not you, if both parties agree to swapping intimate pics that is entirely up to them, but don’t feel coerced into doing something you do not feel comfortable with. And yes indeed you are right, where is the romance? It’s definitely possible to find romance on the apps although you will have to be very specific on your profile as to what you are looking for. Also, if you’re not into the bar scene for meeting guys then perhaps you will need to think further afield. Have you considered joining gay social groups or just other special interest groups that get your attention (sports, hiking, gaming, movies, etc) where you will be meeting people with a common interest and taking it from there. It may not be as direct as a gay dating app but remember there are gay people everywhere and not just on the apps! So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Tomas in this situation? If you can help him with these issues in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m not sure if I have a fetish or what but I can only get off if my man moans. If I date someone and we’re having sex and they are the silent or quiet type I actually lose my erection.
On the other hand, if my man moans and groans and makes all sorts of noises of pleasure and ecstasy then the intensity of sexual turn on is out of this world. It’s on another level – really!
I don’t have a regular bf at the moment, I’m still in college but like to date, its hard finding someone compatible and it’s so hit and miss in the bars or dating apps knowing if someone is going to be noisy in bed or not. I’m not even sure how I can bring this up in conversation before (or during) a date. But I know I feel really let down and disappointed especially at how I react with a quiet guy. It’s not good for him or me when I lose my erection and then ultimately my interest (I generally only top and love to fuck). The thing is, once this has happened with a date then we never meet up again. I did try to discuss it with a previous date and he said he would be more vocal the next time but we never hooked up as I felt it would be fake or put on sounds just to please me (which is just as bad as no noises).
Although I didn’t realize this I think it’s become a fetish or trigger for me and I don’t know what to do about it – I don’t want to lose it, yet I want to be able to overcome it when I date quiet guys. Any ideas on what to do?
Thanks guys xoxo
Marty
Hi Marty and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We all have certain triggers that turn us on (or off) during sex and hearing your man moan in pleasure is a common one. When your man moans you know you are doing it right and this in itself sexually stimulates you too. Your man making noises equates to positive feedback that he is sexually responding to you and this reinforces that you are arousing him in the right way too. As you have discovered finding a guy that you know will excite you during sex by doing this can be a little challenging but it’s by no means impossible. You may have to find a comfortable way around bringing up this topic before a date and generally humor works, especially during the chatting up phase. You could bring up the topic around to sexual boundaries and then mention the specific things that turn you on (which in your case is your partners aurual responses, being noisy and just generally letting go). Sexual preferences can take many forms and in your case seems to affect your performance too – letting your partner know this beforehand may well take off that pressure too. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Marty? Are you turned on by a man moaning in pleasure? Do you have a particular fetish that triggers you? How have you brought this up with your dates? If you have any ideas on how to help Marty with this issue then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m 18 and I tend to go for older guys in their 30’s and 40’s and date regularly. I chat with lots of guys on the apps and usually when I meet up theyre not quite how they described themselves – I’m fit and work out but not bulky or muscular, at best I can describe myself as twinky. Most guys say I’m pretty, which I used to cringe at but now I’m used to it. When I meet these guys most dont really look like their profile pics – they look a lot older and heavier than the pictures they used – but I still stay on the date anyway.
Well, most of my dates take me out for dinner, drinks or movie and then I know they expect sex, the thing is, even when I am not really attracted to them I kinda feel really sorry for them and usually (almost always) end up back at their place for sex. Most of them are lonely and say they haven’t had sex in a while and I so I end up going to bed with them.
I know this is sorta wrong doing pity sex but I really feel that they should also enjoy the evening, most times the sex is okay with them but not always, I just kinda go through the motions. I know this has become a habit now (I’ve been doing this for 10 straight months now and at least 3-4 times a week). So it’s becoming a problem now as I don’t really have any attachment to them, I’m not interested in dating guys my same age, they seem so immature and boring – I don’t have any friends my age so I feel a bit freakish too. Is there anyway I can break this cycle? I tried deleting the apps but I installed them back again after a few days and just repeat it all over again. I still live at home with my mom and dad and I’m still closeted too so I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.
Hugs,
Moss
Hi Moss and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Having pity sex (also known as a mercy fuck, mercy sex or a pity fuck) is still entirely your choice – you’re not obliged to and don’t have to have sex just because you feel sorry for your dates. As you have discovered this has already developed into a habit, but the expectations of sex may well be because of the way you are meeting guys and the type of guys you are dating (older, single and lonely guys). Breaking any habit is possible but can often take several weeks so you would need to keep your apps deleted for more than a few days. You may require some professional support and coaching so contact a local youth or gay organization in your area, advice is given freely and confidentialy. Reaching out to the community here for advice on sexual practices and habits is a good start too but only the first step. The good news is that you have identified that your habit has become a problem and you recognize you need to change. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Moss? Have you been in this situation before? If so, how did you resolve this situation? If you have any ideas on how to help him with his issue then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m 18 and my bf is 26, we love porn and having as much sex as possible.
As he’s much older than me and more experienced I am learning a lot, one thing I love to do that drives him wild and makes him moan is to suck and bite his nipples. It’s also a big turn on for me when he starts moaning like that too.
I don’t know why but whenever he plays my nipples it doesn’t have the same effect on me – it feels ok but I don’t get that same sort of squirming and insane pleasure that he gets when I work his nipples. In fact I don’t really feel anything at all, my nipples just don’t work.
I find this kinda sad, and this is probably a stupid question will my nipples grow to become sensitive as I get older and then react the same way his does? Is there anyway I can train to make my nipples more sensitive? I’ve seen those clamps and electric things on S&M sites but I don’t want to be tortured, I just want to be able to enjoy the pleasure that men seem to get from having another guy sucking, nibbling and biting their nipples.
Is this possible or is it just a case that some guys have this sensitive area there and other guys don’t?
Thanks for your help!
Kade
Hi Kade and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. First off, there is no such thing as a stupid question here – life is a learning experience and without questions we wouldn’t grow. This is why we reach out to our community here at QC as collectively we all have a vast knowledge base covering all different aspects of life. The question of nipples and men has been raised a couple of times before here and here with comments from the community you may find helpful too. We all have our special erogenous zones but with some varying degrees of sensitivity to these areas. Exploring and discovering these with your partner can lead to lots of pleasure both in giving and receiving when stimulating these areas during sex. In males, generally the defined erogenous zones are the Mouth/Lips, Nape of the neck, Inner thigh, Scrotum, Frenulum/Perineum, Scrotal Raphe, Penis, Back of the neck, Pubic area, Prostate, Ears and the Nipples. Some guys will go wild in ecstasy during nipple play but for others their most sensitive erogenous zone may not be there. You could try different degrees of stimulation on your nipples to see if you feel anything such as him sucking an ice cube then sucking them or experimenting with clamps – both will stimulate the blood flow in the area which may help to increase sensitivity. Or you could get him to focus on any other area which is your particular most sensitive spot and that will drive you crazy. Remember, we aren’t all the same and we all like different things, for him you have discovered it’s his nipples so enjoy working those for him! So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Kade? Did you have insensitive nipples at his age and did they develop into becoming more (or less) sensitive with age? Have you ever trained your nipples into become more sensitive and if so, how did you do this? If you have any ideas on how to help him with this issue then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m afraid I have become the proverbial “40 year old virgin”.
I’m not quite sure how this has happened, I want to change it but I don’t know how to or where to start. I love porn, and I’ve been fine with masturbating, I’ve even got some toys and play with my ass now and again.
Due to focusing on my career and being closeted for nearly all my life (I came out a couple of years ago), I’ve still never had sexual intercourse with a man. I don’t thing I’m weird and I’m average looking, a little overweight but not obese (started gymning again this year) and I think I have a good sense of humor. I’ve tried the bars and the apps but somehow I never get that far into a conversation or date that we go that final stage and fuck. I’m pretty sure the longer this goes on the harder its going to become and I want to be able to overcome this.
I have been dating guys younger than myself (I’m attracted to twinks) but they all seem so experienced and they all assume I will be some kind of sexual expert at my age. Sadly, I’m not, so I’m not sure what to do next. I was thinking of maybe hiring an escort to help and teach me how to fuck properly, do you think that’s possible or will they balk at the idea? I would consider my self a flexi, but I’m not even 100% sure of that until I’ve tried both ways.
I’d really appreciate some help with this – I’m starting to feel inadequate and a bit of a freak – help!
Best,
Leo
Hi Leo and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. The age that we lose our virginity varies, apart from having to be of legal age and physically capable there shouldn’t necessarily be any upper limit to this. Here at QC we like to think that there aren’t too many rules or rights and wrongs for sex, yes there are those that have had anal intercourse from very young in their lives and some a little older. The main thing is that having anal intercourse will take some practice and finding a suitable partner that will be patient with you in your certain situation may be a little challenging too. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Leo? Have any of you experienced this before, does it really make any difference or not at what age you lose your virginity? If you have any ideas on how to help him with this issue then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
A few years back when I was struggling with college and debts I decided to escort. I did this for a little over two years and the money helped get me successfully through college.
Since graduating it’s been difficult to get work but recently I landed my dream job in a major tech company. The interview process was in several stages, the final part included a tour of the facility with the other job candidates. During that tour I spotted 3 former (and regular) clients from my escorting days (two work in the department I am assigned to) and one in a more senior management position but a different department. I don’t think they noticed me as my appearance has changed somewhat (I’m more buff, hair color has changed and I was dressed formerly) plus I was in a group of several candidates and staff so I’m fairly confident that they didn’t see me during that visit.
The thing is, once I start there for sure I would be interacting with these guys on a day to day basis in the work place there. During my escorting days, I always behaved professionally, courteously and most importantly discreetly. If I happened to bump into a previous client in a public area, restaurant, etc the standard code was not to acknowledge them (as they may be with family, friends or colleagues). But I now have mixed feelings in this particular case; do I treat them as though I have never met them before or acknowledge them when a private moment occurs? Also as they are all senior to me within the organization do you think my previous intimacy with them will compromise my position and career there?
As far as I know, I’m fairly sure that non of my former clients had any influence in the selection process and with me getting the position. This really is my dream job and I’m hoping that my former past won’t come back to haunt me nor affect the rest of my life or career – it was just a necessary and short period of my life after all.
I’m reaching out here as I feel there may be some other guys here who’ve either escorted or used the services of an escort in the past and I’d be interested to hear their views and any real solutions to my dilemma.
Thanks for your comments guys xoxo
Cal
Hi Cal and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We all have had different life experiences and routes which have led us to where we are today. In an ideal and non prejudicial society your former past as escorting wouldn’t be a problem, however, we don’t live in an ideal world do we? It’s good that you have behaved professionally and discreetly during your escorting days and as you have said, this was in the past and just a means to an end to get you financially through college. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Cal? Should he take this job and if so, how should he handle his former clients as new work colleagues? If you have any ideas on how to help him with this issue then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
What do you do? Pray for a miracle? I’m so in love with this guy. He knows it and I think the feelings are mutual.
The only thing that concerns me is that he is a bottom, and so am I. But I know he thinks of me as a top.
I haven’t had the nerve to tell him that I’m not. I just don’t want to lose him, I’m so in love with this guy and I’m afraid that I won’t live up to his expectations in bed.
Sure, I can try to top him I guess, but I know I just don’t have it in me. Or will nature find a way to solve this issue? Something tells me that if you truly love someone, these things will solve themselves.
Can you help me?
Thanks, N.
Hi N and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. First and foremost congratulations of finding a guy that you love – the fact that he is so into you too is awesome! So now, to deal with the issue that you both identify as bottoms, at some point you will both discover this fact when you get it on in bed. And will this be a problem? It may not be as big an issue as you are thinking. Yes, you will have to discuss this with your partner at some point, but when it comes to sex, yes two bottoms can have a successful relationship and find ways to satisfy each other sexually. There are lot’s of options, kissing, cuddling, sucking, jerking, licking, nipples, lips and plenty of other erogenous zones to focus on other than just fucking. And you guys can always get inventive and use toys, etc if you are feeling a bit more adventurous. Suffice to say, not every gay couple are necessarily solely focused just on anal intercourse or even require or want it. So to dispel your worries in fact, two tops or two bottoms can have a successful and fulfilling relationship – it is possible. There is now a growing trend of guys who don’t identify solely with just one role or the other. In other words they don’t focus on being just top or just bottom, but identify either as both or as neither. That is progress for a lot of men in the gay community rather than focusing on just one aspect of a sexual role preference, they embrace the fact they are men who love other men – period. So dear QC readers, how would you help N? Have you been in this type of situation before? What did you do and how did you resolve it? If you can help him in anyway then please offer your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
When I’m hooking up with someone, I tend to get a bit one track focused on the task at hand/mouth. I really enjoy giving head/rimming, but when I’m doing it, despite being into it, my dick tends to get soft. It’s confusing to me. I’m definitely enjoying what I’m doing, but my dick doesn’t ever seem to get the memo. This, itself, while problematic, is not the full issue.
Now, when I’m doing this and suddenly my dick gets called into action to top, he’s not ready to go. And, whenever this has happened and I need to get hard quickly, it just… wilts. No matter how into the person I’m with I am, when all eyes are on my dick, he becomes a shrinking violet. And the more anxious/stressed about it I get, the worse it becomes.
I don’t know what to do. This has happened multiple times with multiple partners, but it never seems to be an issue when I’m on my own and have some porn handy. And I don’t think its any sort of porn addiction, since I’ve tried watching porn while with another guy to get hard and still nothing. I just… don’t know what to do anymore.
I hate feeling like I can’t rely on my body to come through for me, and I feel like I’m letting myself and my partners down. Which isn’t helping with the clear performance anxiety element here, creating a vicious cycle.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Or had a partner who experienced this? Or does anyone have suggestions on how to get past this?
Mr Softee
Hi Mr Softee and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Firstly, it’s good that you have still some humor about your situation by signing off with that name! Your issue sounds more like a performance anxiety condition and it may be reassuring (somewhat) to know that it is probably more common than you realize. Ask QC has discussed similar issues in the past, for example losing an erection when fitting a condom and you may find those comments in the archives useful too. The good news is the fact that you are able to get a full erection when not with a partner and this would indicate no physical problems and points more to a psychological or physiological condition. The other good news is that you will be able to overcome this – many men have! We would recommend talking with your physician or urologist who will be better able to diagnose and suggest the best treatment for this. But of course, the collective QC wisdom is always available here too, so dear QC readers, how would you help Mr S here with his issue? Have either you or your partner been in this situation during sex? What did you do and how did you resolve this issue? If you can help him in anyway then please leave your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
So I slept with this guy and turns out he’s really big (I mean HUGE), we were both a bit high and ended up fucking. Thing is he caused some bleeding and he kinda freaked on me and we didn’t finish up.
I’m not really sure where we stand now, he’s someone I’ve known for a while in our circle of friends but this is the first time we hooked up – which sorta just happened when we both ended up getting drunk after work.
He’s not been in touch since this happened (last week) and I was wondering the best way to approach this. Should I just make a joke about it and send him a text? From what I can see there is no permanent damage or tears, just probably some light bleeding from overstretching and not enough lube (or my own greed in wanting his big dick up my unused ass – I’ve kinda had a dry spell for sex and especially for anal)
Any ideas guys what’s the best way to handle this? Cheers!
Bryson
Hi Bryson and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Anal intercourse with a larger than average penis (or toy) requires a decent amount of lube (and practice!). It’s not uncommon for slight tears to occur but we would advise a medical check up just to ensure everything is okay. That said, humor is often a great way to approach a delicate or potentially embarrassing topic such as this. If you can’t think of anything too witty then just text to say you would like to discuss it with him either face to face or on the phone (which may be less embarrassing) and then just stick to the facts rather than the emotions of the situation. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Bryson? Have any of you experienced this before, either giving or receiving anal intercourse? If you have any ideas on how to help him and his friend then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’ve been dating my current bf for over 8 months now, we met on the dating apps which was fun and convenient at the time. The thing is he still uses them, it irks me when I see notifications pop up on his phone when we are together. He says its because he still has good friends on there that he chats with. But I thought at 8 months and seeing as we are dating steady it would be a good time for us both to delete them – but he’s refused.
He says I am being overly sensitive on the issue and that I have to trust him but it does rather make me feel insecure. When I’ve asked my friends about this they are divided into two camps on this. There are those that say I should give him the freedom and room to do what he likes and not become a clingy or needy bf for fear of driving him away. And the others say he is probably a player and still hooking up and that’s why he still uses the apps.
Am I being too whiny and insecure or do I have a real concern with him still using the apps?
Thanks,
Aidan
Hi Aidan and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. The dating apps are definitely a great way to meet new friends and with the possibility of meeting a future partner too. Generally profiles will directly say if they are looking for friends or lovers so perhaps you could ask you bf to either show his profile or some of the chats he has to set your mind at ease? He may well say this is an invasion of his privacy but it’s for him to decide what he may or may not show you. Depending on his response this may well be an opening for you both to be able to discuss this further – his chats and friends on there could well just be platonic and in showing you he would be able to ally any fears or insecurity you may be feeling on this issue. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Aidan? Any tips on how he should approach this subject with his boyfriend? If you have any ideas on how to help Aidan and his partner then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m 21 but have only been into sex for just over a year now – as I’m studying I’m not looking for a long term relationship but generally just dating and some fun and sex at the weekends.
I’m still learning sex I guess, and I only starting fucking a few months ago, up until then it was mainly just making out, jerking off and some blow jobs. All of which, until recently, I thought I was pretty good at until now…
So I’ve been dating this guy for a few months, meeting up at weekends and making out and all. And I’ve been giving him lots of blow jobs and thought he was enjoying it till he just said to me recently that my oral skills need improving and they suck (but he wasn’t being funny, even though I laughed at the time). At first I really thought he was joking but then I saw his face and I was like WTF!?! But I kinda got over it and now I want to be able to give the best blow job ever – he’s been really good to me and I’m into him sexually so I want it to be the best. He’s currently overseas with his family for the next few weeks and so I want to be able to blow his mind (literally) when he returns so I want to know what I can do – are there any specific exercises I can do with my lips or tongue or anything like that? I have been trying to deep throat with a banana but I gag every time and nearly puke, is there anyway I can get over this?
If you got any ideas on how I can get better in my oral skills that would be great – thanks!
hugs,
Mikey
Hi Mikey and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Oral sex, like anything else is a skill that will improve over time and with practice. Perhaps your partner was being a bit blunt but we are all different and have differing sensitive spots, perhaps you can try a few different positions or learn from his technique? Keeping hydrated and moist is good as well as being careful with your teeth, generally wrapping your lips over your teeth will ensure you are not going to hurt the recipient. Concentrating on the glans (cock head) with your tongue until you feel a reaction in his body (or if he moans) will give you some clues as to what he likes too. It’s all about discovery so try and be as inventive as possible, eventually you will hit on something that gets to his sweet spot for sure! So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Mikey? Any tips on improving oral skills? If you have any ideas on how to help Mikey and his partner then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m a healthy 23 year old guy, I would describe myself as a smooth twinky type, totally into sex with older, bigger and muscular men. I’m a bottom and it’s important to me that I look after my body and hygiene, particular my butt hole by douching and cleansing before any action in bed with my man.
Recently a date mentioned that I am getting a bit too hairy around my butt hole and even suggested I had an anal bleaching! I actually thought he was joking (well at least we both laughed about it at the time) but after he left I took a pic using my phone of that area and not only does the hair look gross but the skin is that much darker. After removing the hair and taking another ‘selfie’ I was mortified that due to the darker skin around my butt hole it now actually looks dirty!
So my question is about anal bleaching, is it something that you can do yourself? Is there a special kit for doing this or is it something you can only safely do in a beauty salon? Once you have done anal bleaching is it something that you have to keep repeating weekly or more often? Also how long after bleaching is it safe to have sex again, does it hurt and will it make by ass less sensitive? Any other recommendations from the guys here about how to make my hole look nice and pink and fresh again? Sorry there’s so many questions but I figured this must be the best place to ask it!
Thanks, you guys rock,
MUACKS!
Seth xoxo
Hi Seth and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We understand that we all have differences with our bodies and different likes and dislikes when it comes to hairy or smooth butt holes. There are men who are equally turned on by a hairy ass just as much as a smooth one! But you’re right in saying personal hygiene is important and especially in preparing for anal sex. We would, however, caution with regard to hair removal and anal bleaching unless with a suitably trained professional and using the correct methods and products. Remember your anus is a very sensitive area and any chemicals used there will be an irritant. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Seth? Have you tried anal bleaching before? Is it painful? How long does it take to do and how long does the effect last? If you have any ideas on how to help Seth then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I have a somewhat embarrassing problem with my dick, when it gets erect then it bends downwards (towards my balls) and curves towards my ass. It’s a good size (7″ cut and thick) but I am having difficulty in trying to top with it – I’m not that experienced in fucking/topping (I’m 19) even though I’ve had quite a few dates.
Most of my dates go WOW when they see my dick, I guess the size and the bend surprise them, but it’s getting to the point now where I’m getting rather down because every time I try to top then it ends in failure. I’ve tried all sorts of positions with my dates, (but mainly they expect either missionary and doggie positions) but what always happens is that when we are both all lubed up my cock just wont go in and stay there – it gets ‘pushed’ out by the curve and slips away from their asshole. No matter how much I push it in it just wont stay in there, it ends up being painful for me and my date.
I recently dated an older guy (39) who was real patient with me and even though I wasn’t able to fuck him either (we tried a lot of times and different positions!) he did teach me how to be a bottom, which felt surprisingly good to me. I had never bottomed before him as I believed I’m a total top but he is flex and said lets try it. I guess this kinda opened up a new set of options for me sexually that I didn’t ever think of, but I still want to be able to fuck rather than be fucked.
So unless I gain some amazingly acrobatic or contortionists skills (yeah I know, I can joke about it a bit now), do I resign myself to becoming a bottom and never being able to top? Or do I have medical treatment or surgery to correct my penis and make it straight. The surgery thing kinda scares me (cost and I still live at home with parents so there’s the embarrassment factor too), is there anyone here who has had that procedure done before, was it successful? How long does it take before you are back in action, any weird side effects?
I’d really be thankful for some help with this, I’m getting to the point where I’m starting to shy away from dating because of it.
Thanks guys
Noah
Hi Noah and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. It’s understandable to have concerns particularly when it comes to such a sensitive part of our anatomy. I’m sure you already know, from the reactions of previous dates, that there are a lot of guys who love cocks that curve. Yes that’s great to get such a positive reaction but more importantly here is how you feel about it and if you feel it necessary to have medical treatment to correct this. As a next step we would certainly recommend a visit to a qualified urologist to find out what options are available to you (medication or procedures). With regard to embarrassment you will get over that as a urologist will have seen it all before and of course there is client/patient confidentiality too (there is no reason a urologist would discuss that with your parents). So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Noah? Do you have a curved cock? Did you get it corrected and if so, how successful was the treatment? Or are you a bottom who is able to receive such a curved cock (with a downwards curve, not upwards)? If so what position worked best and would you recommend to Noah? If you have any ideas on how to help him then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now, so far our sex has been really good, in fact each time we meet up it gets better – he’s full of suggestions and ideas and really does keeps it interesting.
We are both in our 30’s, working and have our own apartments, so meeting up is usually after work hours and weekends but with an occasional lunch time session if either of us are in the neighborhood.
Recently though, his requests have been getting a bit more bizarre and (I feel) reckless – although I like the sound of it, he’s suggested doing it over his desk at work (after hours) and outdoors in public places (bathrooms, hotels, parks, etc). Sure yeah I’m getting turned on by the idea of it but we don’t actually have to do it in a park – we both have our own places to do it.
And I’m also a bit worried about getting caught, the implications (legally or otherwise), he says I’m being too limiting but I’m not comfortable with this (yet). Do you guys have any good (safe) tips for outdoor or public sex, I get it that he is thrilled by the idea that we “might” get caught, but to me that’s not exciting, more like worrying. Any ideas how I can get over this, or safe places to suggest that will suit the both of us?
I would really appreciate any advice – thanks!
Nic
Hi Nic and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. If there is one thing we know about sex and that is people will literally do it anywhere they can! The level of risk is what thrills some people, and of course it’s also that risk that mortifies others. We are sure there must be some places though that fulfil both your partners desires and your level of comfort too, so we will put that out to our dear QC readers to make some suggestions. So guys, if you have any ideas or suggestions on how to help Nic and his partner then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
