What do you do? Pray for a miracle? I’m so in love with this guy. He knows it and I think the feelings are mutual.
The only thing that concerns me is that he is a bottom, and so am I. But I know he thinks of me as a top.
I haven’t had the nerve to tell him that I’m not. I just don’t want to lose him, I’m so in love with this guy and I’m afraid that I won’t live up to his expectations in bed.
Sure, I can try to top him I guess, but I know I just don’t have it in me. Or will nature find a way to solve this issue? Something tells me that if you truly love someone, these things will solve themselves.
Can you help me?
Thanks, N.
Hi N and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. First and foremost congratulations of finding a guy that you love – the fact that he is so into you too is awesome! So now, to deal with the issue that you both identify as bottoms, at some point you will both discover this fact when you get it on in bed. And will this be a problem? It may not be as big an issue as you are thinking. Yes, you will have to discuss this with your partner at some point, but when it comes to sex, yes two bottoms can have a successful relationship and find ways to satisfy each other sexually. There are lot’s of options, kissing, cuddling, sucking, jerking, licking, nipples, lips and plenty of other erogenous zones to focus on other than just fucking. And you guys can always get inventive and use toys, etc if you are feeling a bit more adventurous. Suffice to say, not every gay couple are necessarily solely focused just on anal intercourse or even require or want it. So to dispel your worries in fact, two tops or two bottoms can have a successful and fulfilling relationship – it is possible. There is now a growing trend of guys who don’t identify solely with just one role or the other. In other words they don’t focus on being just top or just bottom, but identify either as both or as neither. That is progress for a lot of men in the gay community rather than focusing on just one aspect of a sexual role preference, they embrace the fact they are men who love other men – period. So dear QC readers, how would you help N? Have you been in this type of situation before? What did you do and how did you resolve it? If you can help him in anyway then please offer your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
When I’m hooking up with someone, I tend to get a bit one track focused on the task at hand/mouth. I really enjoy giving head/rimming, but when I’m doing it, despite being into it, my dick tends to get soft. It’s confusing to me. I’m definitely enjoying what I’m doing, but my dick doesn’t ever seem to get the memo. This, itself, while problematic, is not the full issue.
Now, when I’m doing this and suddenly my dick gets called into action to top, he’s not ready to go. And, whenever this has happened and I need to get hard quickly, it just… wilts. No matter how into the person I’m with I am, when all eyes are on my dick, he becomes a shrinking violet. And the more anxious/stressed about it I get, the worse it becomes.
I don’t know what to do. This has happened multiple times with multiple partners, but it never seems to be an issue when I’m on my own and have some porn handy. And I don’t think its any sort of porn addiction, since I’ve tried watching porn while with another guy to get hard and still nothing. I just… don’t know what to do anymore.
I hate feeling like I can’t rely on my body to come through for me, and I feel like I’m letting myself and my partners down. Which isn’t helping with the clear performance anxiety element here, creating a vicious cycle.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Or had a partner who experienced this? Or does anyone have suggestions on how to get past this?
Mr Softee
Hi Mr Softee and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Firstly, it’s good that you have still some humor about your situation by signing off with that name! Your issue sounds more like a performance anxiety condition and it may be reassuring (somewhat) to know that it is probably more common than you realize. Ask QC has discussed similar issues in the past, for example losing an erection when fitting a condom and you may find those comments in the archives useful too. The good news is the fact that you are able to get a full erection when not with a partner and this would indicate no physical problems and points more to a psychological or physiological condition. The other good news is that you will be able to overcome this – many men have! We would recommend talking with your physician or urologist who will be better able to diagnose and suggest the best treatment for this. But of course, the collective QC wisdom is always available here too, so dear QC readers, how would you help Mr S here with his issue? Have either you or your partner been in this situation during sex? What did you do and how did you resolve this issue? If you can help him in anyway then please leave your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
So I slept with this guy and turns out he’s really big (I mean HUGE), we were both a bit high and ended up fucking. Thing is he caused some bleeding and he kinda freaked on me and we didn’t finish up.
I’m not really sure where we stand now, he’s someone I’ve known for a while in our circle of friends but this is the first time we hooked up – which sorta just happened when we both ended up getting drunk after work.
He’s not been in touch since this happened (last week) and I was wondering the best way to approach this. Should I just make a joke about it and send him a text? From what I can see there is no permanent damage or tears, just probably some light bleeding from overstretching and not enough lube (or my own greed in wanting his big dick up my unused ass – I’ve kinda had a dry spell for sex and especially for anal)
Any ideas guys what’s the best way to handle this? Cheers!
Bryson
Hi Bryson and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Anal intercourse with a larger than average penis (or toy) requires a decent amount of lube (and practice!). It’s not uncommon for slight tears to occur but we would advise a medical check up just to ensure everything is okay. That said, humor is often a great way to approach a delicate or potentially embarrassing topic such as this. If you can’t think of anything too witty then just text to say you would like to discuss it with him either face to face or on the phone (which may be less embarrassing) and then just stick to the facts rather than the emotions of the situation. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Bryson? Have any of you experienced this before, either giving or receiving anal intercourse? If you have any ideas on how to help him and his friend then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’ve been dating my current bf for over 8 months now, we met on the dating apps which was fun and convenient at the time. The thing is he still uses them, it irks me when I see notifications pop up on his phone when we are together. He says its because he still has good friends on there that he chats with. But I thought at 8 months and seeing as we are dating steady it would be a good time for us both to delete them – but he’s refused.
He says I am being overly sensitive on the issue and that I have to trust him but it does rather make me feel insecure. When I’ve asked my friends about this they are divided into two camps on this. There are those that say I should give him the freedom and room to do what he likes and not become a clingy or needy bf for fear of driving him away. And the others say he is probably a player and still hooking up and that’s why he still uses the apps.
Am I being too whiny and insecure or do I have a real concern with him still using the apps?
Thanks,
Aidan
Hi Aidan and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. The dating apps are definitely a great way to meet new friends and with the possibility of meeting a future partner too. Generally profiles will directly say if they are looking for friends or lovers so perhaps you could ask you bf to either show his profile or some of the chats he has to set your mind at ease? He may well say this is an invasion of his privacy but it’s for him to decide what he may or may not show you. Depending on his response this may well be an opening for you both to be able to discuss this further – his chats and friends on there could well just be platonic and in showing you he would be able to ally any fears or insecurity you may be feeling on this issue. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Aidan? Any tips on how he should approach this subject with his boyfriend? If you have any ideas on how to help Aidan and his partner then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m 21 but have only been into sex for just over a year now – as I’m studying I’m not looking for a long term relationship but generally just dating and some fun and sex at the weekends.
I’m still learning sex I guess, and I only starting fucking a few months ago, up until then it was mainly just making out, jerking off and some blow jobs. All of which, until recently, I thought I was pretty good at until now…
So I’ve been dating this guy for a few months, meeting up at weekends and making out and all. And I’ve been giving him lots of blow jobs and thought he was enjoying it till he just said to me recently that my oral skills need improving and they suck (but he wasn’t being funny, even though I laughed at the time). At first I really thought he was joking but then I saw his face and I was like WTF!?! But I kinda got over it and now I want to be able to give the best blow job ever – he’s been really good to me and I’m into him sexually so I want it to be the best. He’s currently overseas with his family for the next few weeks and so I want to be able to blow his mind (literally) when he returns so I want to know what I can do – are there any specific exercises I can do with my lips or tongue or anything like that? I have been trying to deep throat with a banana but I gag every time and nearly puke, is there anyway I can get over this?
If you got any ideas on how I can get better in my oral skills that would be great – thanks!
hugs,
Mikey
Hi Mikey and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Oral sex, like anything else is a skill that will improve over time and with practice. Perhaps your partner was being a bit blunt but we are all different and have differing sensitive spots, perhaps you can try a few different positions or learn from his technique? Keeping hydrated and moist is good as well as being careful with your teeth, generally wrapping your lips over your teeth will ensure you are not going to hurt the recipient. Concentrating on the glans (cock head) with your tongue until you feel a reaction in his body (or if he moans) will give you some clues as to what he likes too. It’s all about discovery so try and be as inventive as possible, eventually you will hit on something that gets to his sweet spot for sure! So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Mikey? Any tips on improving oral skills? If you have any ideas on how to help Mikey and his partner then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’m a healthy 23 year old guy, I would describe myself as a smooth twinky type, totally into sex with older, bigger and muscular men. I’m a bottom and it’s important to me that I look after my body and hygiene, particular my butt hole by douching and cleansing before any action in bed with my man.
Recently a date mentioned that I am getting a bit too hairy around my butt hole and even suggested I had an anal bleaching! I actually thought he was joking (well at least we both laughed about it at the time) but after he left I took a pic using my phone of that area and not only does the hair look gross but the skin is that much darker. After removing the hair and taking another ‘selfie’ I was mortified that due to the darker skin around my butt hole it now actually looks dirty!
So my question is about anal bleaching, is it something that you can do yourself? Is there a special kit for doing this or is it something you can only safely do in a beauty salon? Once you have done anal bleaching is it something that you have to keep repeating weekly or more often? Also how long after bleaching is it safe to have sex again, does it hurt and will it make by ass less sensitive? Any other recommendations from the guys here about how to make my hole look nice and pink and fresh again? Sorry there’s so many questions but I figured this must be the best place to ask it!
Thanks, you guys rock,
MUACKS!
Seth xoxo
Hi Seth and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We understand that we all have differences with our bodies and different likes and dislikes when it comes to hairy or smooth butt holes. There are men who are equally turned on by a hairy ass just as much as a smooth one! But you’re right in saying personal hygiene is important and especially in preparing for anal sex. We would, however, caution with regard to hair removal and anal bleaching unless with a suitably trained professional and using the correct methods and products. Remember your anus is a very sensitive area and any chemicals used there will be an irritant. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Seth? Have you tried anal bleaching before? Is it painful? How long does it take to do and how long does the effect last? If you have any ideas on how to help Seth then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I have a somewhat embarrassing problem with my dick, when it gets erect then it bends downwards (towards my balls) and curves towards my ass. It’s a good size (7″ cut and thick) but I am having difficulty in trying to top with it – I’m not that experienced in fucking/topping (I’m 19) even though I’ve had quite a few dates.
Most of my dates go WOW when they see my dick, I guess the size and the bend surprise them, but it’s getting to the point now where I’m getting rather down because every time I try to top then it ends in failure. I’ve tried all sorts of positions with my dates, (but mainly they expect either missionary and doggie positions) but what always happens is that when we are both all lubed up my cock just wont go in and stay there – it gets ‘pushed’ out by the curve and slips away from their asshole. No matter how much I push it in it just wont stay in there, it ends up being painful for me and my date.
I recently dated an older guy (39) who was real patient with me and even though I wasn’t able to fuck him either (we tried a lot of times and different positions!) he did teach me how to be a bottom, which felt surprisingly good to me. I had never bottomed before him as I believed I’m a total top but he is flex and said lets try it. I guess this kinda opened up a new set of options for me sexually that I didn’t ever think of, but I still want to be able to fuck rather than be fucked.
So unless I gain some amazingly acrobatic or contortionists skills (yeah I know, I can joke about it a bit now), do I resign myself to becoming a bottom and never being able to top? Or do I have medical treatment or surgery to correct my penis and make it straight. The surgery thing kinda scares me (cost and I still live at home with parents so there’s the embarrassment factor too), is there anyone here who has had that procedure done before, was it successful? How long does it take before you are back in action, any weird side effects?
I’d really be thankful for some help with this, I’m getting to the point where I’m starting to shy away from dating because of it.
Thanks guys
Noah
Hi Noah and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. It’s understandable to have concerns particularly when it comes to such a sensitive part of our anatomy. I’m sure you already know, from the reactions of previous dates, that there are a lot of guys who love cocks that curve. Yes that’s great to get such a positive reaction but more importantly here is how you feel about it and if you feel it necessary to have medical treatment to correct this. As a next step we would certainly recommend a visit to a qualified urologist to find out what options are available to you (medication or procedures). With regard to embarrassment you will get over that as a urologist will have seen it all before and of course there is client/patient confidentiality too (there is no reason a urologist would discuss that with your parents). So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Noah? Do you have a curved cock? Did you get it corrected and if so, how successful was the treatment? Or are you a bottom who is able to receive such a curved cock (with a downwards curve, not upwards)? If so what position worked best and would you recommend to Noah? If you have any ideas on how to help him then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now, so far our sex has been really good, in fact each time we meet up it gets better – he’s full of suggestions and ideas and really does keeps it interesting.
We are both in our 30’s, working and have our own apartments, so meeting up is usually after work hours and weekends but with an occasional lunch time session if either of us are in the neighborhood.
Recently though, his requests have been getting a bit more bizarre and (I feel) reckless – although I like the sound of it, he’s suggested doing it over his desk at work (after hours) and outdoors in public places (bathrooms, hotels, parks, etc). Sure yeah I’m getting turned on by the idea of it but we don’t actually have to do it in a park – we both have our own places to do it.
And I’m also a bit worried about getting caught, the implications (legally or otherwise), he says I’m being too limiting but I’m not comfortable with this (yet). Do you guys have any good (safe) tips for outdoor or public sex, I get it that he is thrilled by the idea that we “might” get caught, but to me that’s not exciting, more like worrying. Any ideas how I can get over this, or safe places to suggest that will suit the both of us?
I would really appreciate any advice – thanks!
Nic
Hi Nic and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. If there is one thing we know about sex and that is people will literally do it anywhere they can! The level of risk is what thrills some people, and of course it’s also that risk that mortifies others. We are sure there must be some places though that fulfil both your partners desires and your level of comfort too, so we will put that out to our dear QC readers to make some suggestions. So guys, if you have any ideas or suggestions on how to help Nic and his partner then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
I’ve met this guy like two months ago. From the moment we started chatting I felt something for him, I felt a compatibility. I’m the silly guy who wants romance and commitment; I don’t really see the point in sex without love so when he told me he was looking for the same I thought I had found a treasure.
The first time we met for a date he mentioned he was looking for a job and if he didn’t find it soon he would be moving to another city. When he said that, it kinda made me lose interest a little since I knew if he didn’t find work then he would be moving on and our relationship wouldn’t last anyway.
But the next time we saw each other, we couldn’t help ourselves anyway and we ended up kissing and having sex (although we didn’t actually fuck.. is that classed as sex anyway?). It felt really good though, but I was nervous since it was my first time but I couldn’t really enjoy the moment due to my nervousness.
We went out together a few more times which I liked but then he started avoiding me. In his case, he’s closeted and nobody knows he is gay so he said he wouldn’t answer my calls if he was with his friends. I guess I kinda understood that but I wanted to see him sometimes and he was always making up excuses and saying he was going out with his friends instead of being able to meet me.
I’ve been trying to talk to him to know if we want the same things but I still don’t get any real answers. Now, after a few messages I sent him, he answered saying that we weren’t boyfriends because he’s not into that kinda thing and didn’t like that, he said we were just friends. He said he liked me and going out together occasionally was fine and that he enjoyed the times when we were together and had sex. But now he was tired of me asking for explanations all the time. And then he said he now has a girl friend but when I asked him he wouldn’t tell me her name (we promised to tell each other if we were going with someone else).
So now I don’t know what to think!
Did he lie when he said he wasn’t looking for just sex? Don’t I mean anything to him at all? Should I give him another chance? Should we remain friends? Is fuck buddies in this situation even an option?
I’m starting to lose hope in finding a good guy, like I said I don’t want to just have sex, and these days it just seems almost impossible to find anyone and I’m getting tired of meeting up with someone new and then having to start all over again just to realize it won’t work out anyway.
I don’t really know how to move forward now with this, should I continue to make efforts to meet him or is he really just not interested in me, what should I do?
Thanks for your advice!
Todd
Hi Todd and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Finding the right guy, someone who you connect with and are compatible can be a challenge but it’s not impossible! It’s right that you should discuss whether you both want the same thing, perhaps you are both at different stages of your life or career and this is why he doesn’t feel ready to commit. Some guys may not yet be ready to settle down or be looking for a steady relationship, even though in this case he initially said that’s what he was looking for. So Dear QC readers, how would you help Todd? Have you been in this type of situation before? What did you do and how did you resolve it? If you can help him in anyway then please leave your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
I’ve been dating a guy for the past six months, he’s hot, funny and we really enjoy our time together.
The only weird thing is I’ve never yet seen him cum, even though we have lots of sex together, I still find it a bit strange that he never cums when he’s with me.
We are both single guys and have dated others during the time we’ve known each other and he said he’s able to cum with them. I kinda feel a bit sad that with me (for whatever reason) he can’t cum.
When this first happened I put it down to either performance anxiety or perhaps I just wasn’t hitting his sweet spot – I’ve really had to work all over him to find those but he is a sexy guy. I know it shouldn’t be important (and I’ve told him that it’s no problem) but I do feel as though there is something wrong now that after half a year and me shooting my load each time we hook up that he doesn’t get to that point at all.
The last time we discussed this he said that if he cum’s too quickly it will spoil the mood and he would then just want to sleep – but it kinda gets to me when he then tells me about a hot guy he met who made him cum really quickly. Or that he had a wank that morning and came loads – I’m like, but we are meeting later couldn’t you have kept that until then?
I’m not quite sure if I’m doing something wrong, or he’s just using me for a fuck or what? I do really enjoy our sessions and they are seriously long and all nighters (anything from 4-6 hours each time). I feel I’m running out of options to bring him off, or it’s starting to become an issue (even though I don’t want it to be). Do you guys have any ideas?
Adrian
Hi Adrian and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Finding sexual compatibility with a new partner can be a journey in itself – what does he like, what doesn’t he like, am I doing this right or wrong? I think in this case you both need to forget about focusing on an orgasm as a final goal to prove that you have enjoyed intimacy together. Too often we tend to think that a partner cumming means that they have been satisfied sexually, the fact that you spend hours together in bed certainly sounds like you are both enjoying each other a lot! Don’t be limited just by focusing on an orgasm, if you really want to see him cum perhaps you can suggest he masturbates with you, it may just be that he has a slightly differing technique than you? Ultimately though it should just be that you have both enjoyed yourselves, yes I can see there is some frustration there with you thinking you’re not doing “it” right, just remember there really is no right or wrong when it comes to sexual intimacy between two people. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Adrian? Have you been in a similar situation yourself and how did you resolve it? If you have any ideas on how to help Arian and his partner then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
So I met a guy recently online and we got to chatting and arranged to hook up.
I’m bottom versatile and he said he was total top – so far so good.
Meet up at his place and get down to it, then he hands me a condom and says to fuck him, and I’m like what?
So, I’m thinking yeah OK I can do that, lubed him up and got into him and he’s like this screaming bottom, it was pretty wild but he came while I was fucking him and after I had cum too then he was like, he’s got work the next day and all so better I leave now and go home.
We’ve messaged a few times and all and I asked him outright so your profile says you’re top and that was all you talked about so are you top versatile or what and he then admitted he is a bottom but doesn’t like to put that on his profile.
To me thats more than a bit confusing, why would he do that, or anyone for that matter? He said he was embarrassed to show himself as a bottom (admittedly he is a very masculine and muscled guy) but still, I think its a bit fucked up – so my question is, are there more people out their lying that they are top or top/versatile when really they know they are total bottoms? Wouldn’t it be better to just both do what you enjoy, I know that we all have preferences and we need to identify this in a way so that we know we are compatible sexually but I think its just wrong to say one thing (such as being a top) and you’re not.
Kirk
Hi Kirk and thanks for writing in with your question. Giving ourselves or others labels can be a bit limiting, personally I believe that we should consciously dispel the myth of labelling ourselves as top/bottom/versatile/flexible/whatever. But here we are in 2015 and labels exist not just within the LGBTQ domain but generally in society as a whole. While identifying with a particular preference, group or fetish can be useful it would probably be a good idea in your dates case to either not label himself at all or to at least leave some ambiguity there and open to suggestion. He should then discuss with his dates what he likes to do/not do and, if it comes to it, his particular sexual preferences. So dear QC readers, do we use labels too freely and readily? Does this limit what our experiences and encounters may be otherwise? If you’d like to share your thoughts and experiences please do so in the QComments section!
I’m generally usually very reluctant to have One Night Stand’s and prefer dating/long term relationships, etc, but I recently came out of a LTR and really just needed some sex.
I’m 32 now, and previously had two long term relationships (6 years and 8 years) which both ended when our lives moved in different directions and we no longer felt compatible. In both cases our long term relationships ended amicably and we are still friends (even though we live in different cities)
So I’ve been looking for something stable, but needed some sex too and hooked up a few times online. Like I say, not usually into ONS but figured I needed some action.
The thing is I hooked up with one guy and it was amazing! Fucking was mind blowing – literally I haven’t had sex that hot before. This was one of my first hook ups since getting out of my last LTR and I made it clear to this guy it was a one off as I was already planning on meeting some other guys. It was sex, that’s all.
But the thing is I can’t get him out of my head – and I’ve been trying to contact him for a few weeks now but get no response. I know I also set those ground rules of a ONS but frankly I didn’t know it would affect me like this, I keep thinking back to that night we spent together and fucked for hours.
I know he’s reading my messages that I send him on WhatsApp and also FaceBook but he doesn’t get back to me – he’s also blocked me on Grindr too now, so is there anyway we could get together or am I just wasting my time or is this considered that I’m “stalking” him now? I don’t mean to stalk and am finding it hard to balance between contacting him when I know I really want it to go further than just that one night.
If you know anyway I could get an answer or move this forward then I’d appreciate it, thanks, Brett
Hi Brett and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Mind blowing sex is good, but on the basis of a ONS will there be any compatibility for a relationship? That’s something both you guys won’t ever know unless you meet up again but it does sound as though he is unsure how to respond to your messages. At the very least he doesn’t know how to tell you that he doesn’t want to meet up again or perhaps he is still only looking for ONS himself too? Have you changed your status from looking for ONS/Hook ups in favor of pursuing an LTR? Perhaps this is where the confusion lies? Or maybe he is just being rude/immature and can’t be bothered to contact you or reply? Some online behaviour seems that by ignoring someone they should get the “message” that they are not interested in you again, so it may well be that you will need to ask him this directly? So dear QC readers, what would you do in this situation? If you’re able to help Brett in any way with your thoughts and experiences please use the QComments section!
I’m new to bottoming and recently had a bit of embarrassment.
So I hooked up with a guy (top) and it was my first time and even though I had a shit earlier that day and showered when he started fucking me I had this urge to go again. I guess I should have stopped but well it was kinda not that easy as he was pounding me from behind.
Next thing is he pulled out and said I better go to the bathroom, his condom was covered in crap and I just had to jump and go to the toilet ASAP.
Obviously this killed the moment and after cleaning up I left his apartment, he was OK about it but well it was embarrassing to say the least.
I obviously don’t want to repeat this, so my questions are, how is the best way to prevent this happening again? Should I douche? Is there a special “bottom friendly” diet? Are there things I should or shouldn’t eat before fucking? Should I starve/fast before fucking? Are enemas the only way to make sure I’m clean down there? Does this always happen if you haven’t “prepared”? What do you do when things are more “spur of the moment”, that is if you hadn’t planned on fucking but it happens anyway?
Sorry if my questions are a bit basic, but I’ve never see any porn stars having this kinda problem and thought this would be the best place to get advice about it – thanks!
Terrace
Hi Terrace and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Bottoming and keeping clean both require some practice and routine to ensure you’re confident in anal sex. And don’t ever think that a question of this nature is too basic or embarrassing, sex can be a little messy at times and it’s a skill that requires some preparation and practice too. Almost every gay man will encounter these same type of situation at one point or other in their life and so sharing this experience to gain knowledge and advice is the right thing to do. So dear QC readers, if you’re able to help Terrace in any way with your advice and experiences please use the QComments section!
I’m really good friends with this guy whom I work with, and everyone had been thinking that we were more than just friends. From the way he treats me, his nuances when he talks to me, and even the physical contacts (which does not occur with anyone else), it led me, and others, to believe that he has a thing for me.
I never saw him as a potential partner when we first became friends, but as time went by and I saw what a great guy he was, it began to grow that we actually could have something beautiful together. Now, fast forward to today, I can’t figure out what to do…
He’s found out that I had fallen for him for a while now, but he’s never stopped me or confronted me about this. It really pissed me off when I found out, because he told my best friend he knows that “I love (him)” and for quite some time now, but the thing is he’s straight. Now this really confuses the heck out of me. Why would you continually ask me out alone when you refuse to address the elephant in the room? Why won’t you stop me, and instead keep fueling the fire? I have no problems remaining just friends with him, I just wanted to know what his stance was. But I’m not sure if he could now because he is so affected by it. It pains me to see him this sad and out of sorts over this, as a friend. We are, first and foremost, friends and I think he had lost sight of that.
Sure, I’ve had friends who were “straight”, but then they eventually came out as gay. Society and family pressures are often a huge impact in preventing people coming out. So I’m not sure what his stance is, because he always tried to avoid matters of the heart with me, even from the beginning. I’m not trying to build castles in the air and try to lie to myself that he isn’t what he claims to be, but how he deals with my feelings for him makes me think that maybe he is sexually straight but he has these confusing feelings towards me too. As what others have told me as well or maybe he is just so dense that he doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t want to hurt me? But he needs to know that he can’t hurt me because I’m really not all that caught up, and I’m 100% happy with remaining as really good friends. I don’t know how to tell him without screwing up our friendship. It’s not ruined as yet, it’s frozen, and I don’t know how to proceed.
I would really appreciate some help and advice with this as it’s really difficult to know how to go forward with it.
P.S. He’s not homophobic and he’s clearly not creeped out by me liking him, but he can’t get over the fact that he can’t reciprocate my feelings. He’s been out of sorts and I hate to see him like that.
Thanks guys, LG
Hi LG and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. When it comes to matters of the heart with a friend (either straight or unsure of their sexuality) there are always going to be a few more complexities than with a regular date where sexuality has already been clearly defined. It sounds like you have a very open mind about the situation but are having difficulty in communicating your feelings with him and how best to bring up the topic with him too. So dear QC readers, if you’re able to help LG in any way with your thoughts, advice and experiences then please use the QComments section!
I have had friends that say they think porn where the bottom doesn’t get hard isn’t “good porn”, but I usually seek it out. Not only do I look for it in porn I like it in real life too.
If I bottom I prefer not to get hard or if I do then I only want to be hard after he has done his thing. Is there a name for this?
I don’t know if it’s like a power play thing, or if it’s just hot being all about the top or if in porn it means they aren’t enjoying it… but I was just wondering if anyone else thinks this way?
Or maybe if there is a big audience for this that I’m unaware of?
Thanks,
B
Hi B and thanks for writing in with your interesting questions. Would you consider this a Flaccid Fetish or just something that turns you on? Definitely there are those that like, prefer and get turned on by a flaccid cock, whether during sex or not. Just because a guy bottoming isn’t erect during anal intercourse doesn’t mean they are not enjoying it, but perhaps that’s a porn myth? So dear QC readers what do you say about flaccid penis? Is it a good thing? A bad thing? Is there a place for it in porn or is it considered a niche fetish? Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences to help him and all in the QComments section!
I’m a big fan of QC and of gay porn in general. The reason I’m writing in is because my partner of 16 years doesn’t think I should still be surfing porn (yes I know I’m old lol, ok I’m 47 but my partner is 38)
Even though I am the older one, my partner think’s it’s immature of me to watch the amount of porn I do, but for me it’s just normal (a couple of hours a week I guess)
He says continued viewing of porn could affect our relationship, but I kinda think it’s what helps keep us together too. I see porn as just another aspect of my sex life, part of masturbation and something I’ve always done.
And it’s not like we don’t have sex together reqularly, ok it’s not like when we first met all those years ago, but I would say it’s pretty regular at least a couple of times a week (sometimes more).
So my question is, is using porn regularly while in an LTR really a problem? I can’t see it but my partner seems to think it will be – any thoughts?
Cheers
Roger
Hi Roger and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. There is a misconception that only single and younger people use porn and yet we know from our fan mail that our readership base covers all types of sexuality, genders, ages, couples, singles, etc… gay porn really does have a broad and diverse audience. And within porn itself pretty much every aspect and type is covered too, whether that be muscle, jock, twink, bears, kink… you name it and its out there! It’s clear that porn isn’t used exclusively just because a person is single or young, many couples of all ages watch porn together. Some couples watch porn separately, but there aren’t really any rules, probably like most things some moderation should be considered but a couple of hours a week certainly doesn’t sound excessive. While some people watch porn for only a few years when they are younger, for others it’s a life long journey and something that will always be a part of their life. So dear QC readers what advice would you give Roger and his partner? Is porn really a problem in a relationship, will it be harmful over time and affect a long term partnership? Have you experienced any problems or difficulties in a relationship because of your interest in porn? If so, how did you resolve it? Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences to help him and all in the QComments section!
