They say that all the best men are either taken or gay. That’s true, though we’re still holding out on that other 90% of the male population to come around to our side. Well, according to Michael Schwartz, chief of staff for Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn, we’ll only have to wait 7 years until 11-year-old straight porn lovers grow up to become full-fledged cocksuckers! Here’s his quote made at the Value Voters Summit this weekend:
“it is my observation that boys at that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it. And that’s a good instinct. After all, homosexuality, we know, studies have been done by the National Institute of Health to try to prove that its genetic and all those studies have proved its not genetic. Homosexuality is inflicted on people.
…all pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards…. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants.” You know, that’s a, that’s a good comment. It’s a good point and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”
We have to agree with Mr. Schwartz—masturbation’s pretty gay. You’re getting off by touching a guy’s dick and if you know how to jerk yourself, you’ve mastered about 25% of all gay sex. Though by our calculation, if masturbating to straight porn made you gay, it’d be a hell of a lot easier for us to find a date on Saturday night.
Of course, that’s not the case. Schwartz was playing the crowd at the 2009 Value Voters’ Summit, a gathering of racist, sexist, homophobic fuckwits frightened to death of feminism and jism, not to mention teh gays. But by trying to scare kids away from looking at straight porn, Schwartz is probably singlehandedly doing more to create a generation of gay men than any skin mag ever could. Thanks buddy!
Brilliant lesbian Rachel Maddow shakes her head at this shitbat and his racist cronies after the jump!
We’re only half sure this kid isn’t 16, but no matter whether he’s jailbait or not, he’s figured out a way to pay his way through community college with his stripper dance routine to Shakira’s She-Wolf. You got to give it to the twink, he went through a lot of trouble for this fifteen minutes of web fame: he fashioned a full-body leotard, built a wooden prison that can withstand all 98 pounds of his hanging bodyweight, and even learned how to tie a bowtie for that polished Chippendale’s look.
In some shots he looks like David Bowie’s goblin offspring, in others he looks like Brent Corrigan’s half-brother. The boy’s gotta enroll in a Hip Hop I class though to work on those shoulder rolls and slut lunges. But he wears briefs and has hairy pits, so he’s a keeper. And can we just add that we love that he joins his lover at the end in that teeny-weeny twin-sized bed? It’s so undergrad!
In his most butch drag to date, Ice Empress Derek Rivero breaks his own promise made yesterday to never talk about his self-wrought drama of “breaking up” with Zack Randall by swearing his way through 9-minutes of self-promotion masquerading as self-defense.
First, he refutes his own irrelevance (presumably for us calling him a “washed-up porn groupie”) by dusting off 3-porn titles made over 3 years ago and citing 6 website appearances to establish his porn star cred. Keep in mind, he retired immediately after making these scenes and then piggybacked off Zack Randall’s fame to promote Randall/Rivero, a website that would have closed long ago without Zack—Zack has at least 15 porn movies and countless web scenes to Derek’s underwhelming 9 and today remains the far-brighter star.
Nonetheless, the angry kitten continued to defend himself against us and Unzipped Media for our supposedly unfair coverage of him:
“Leave it to the bloggers… to, uh try to spin a personal situation and try to make it more like theirs… I wanna say one last thing and this is all I’m gonna fucking say because quite frankly I’m starting to feel like these people don’t understand because they’re too fucking busy thinking about cock to understand something other than fucking logic…
“Zack and I are not drama queens just because we defended ourselves… We haven’t wasted a minute on this, other than the 15 minutes that we did just trying to clear the fucking air because something like rape is serious.
“And in case you fucking stupid little bloggers like QueerClick and Unzipped Media blog cannot grasp the fact that we are fucking people, we’ve never raped anybody and if anybody says something like that, then we have the right to defend it…”
Sidestepping his murder of grammar and syntax, we’re not buying the tough guy act, princess. What the cum-tarded twink has failed to realize is that we went after Phillip Ashton for writing what he wrote about our precious Zack. We called Phillip “a jealous twink ghost, semi-coherent, accusatory, undoubtedly bonkers, professionally jealous, and catty.” In short, we stood up for Derek and Zack.
For the record, we have never—we repeat NEVER—called Rivero “a drama queen” or insinuated that he didn’t have right to defend himself against Ashton’s serious accusations. We have however called him all of the following things, arranged chronologically from past to present: 1) a hung, uncut barebacker, a devil-dicked stud, 2) the Terminator, an impervious ice queen, and a puppy euthanizer, 3) an ass puppet, an obscure fashion victim, the iciest most metallic cyborg queen of them all, a dillhole, and a fuppet, 3) Guest blogger Oscar Wilde called Rivero, Her Antarctic Highness, a snowlover with an ice-coal steamheart, and an a malfunctioned manbride, 4) a space cadet 5) a terror twink, a sassy queen, and a pot-kettle-black washed-up porn groupie with cum-flavored drivel spilling out of [his] twink mouth.
And we stand by all that, though we’ll happily throw in “hypocrite” and “liar” as well.
Just a small example of what we mean. In yesterday’s video Rivero said he was 20-years-old, but it’s 2009 and if he made his three Channel 1 videos in 2007, he must have been at least 18-years-old at the time, which would make him at least 21 now (though he looks like he’s pushing 28). While he may have pulled a Brent Corrigan and lied about his age to break into porno early, it’s more likely that he told this little white lie about his age yesterday—just another stick on his already blazing bonfire of dishonesty. UPDATE: QC’s FINAL WORD ON THE MATTER: To go along with Derek’s desire to be left alone, we’ve decided to exclude him and his website from any future QCoverage. In fact, we’ve already removed his site from the blogroll. We’ll still cover Zack because he’s awesome, but this spiteful little twink can keep living out his deluded porn fantasy without us.
The parade of tears that is Zack Randall and Derek Rivero’s “non-breakup” continues. Just to bring you up to speed: First Derek announced their breakup and then followed up the announcement with an ice-cold video press release. Then Zack won 2009 Freshman of the Year (because he’s fucking beautiful) and peed on himself some more. Then, Zack and Derek revealed that their breakup was actually just a big shadowy conspiracy by the porn world puppeteers, then they showed up at an Unzipped gala arm-in-arm to celebrate Zack’s award. Most recently, catty twink Phillip Ashton created a scathing blog accusing Derek and Zack of spousal abuse, infidelity, possessing drug paraphernalia and child rape.
Yesterday, the terror twinks released a video admitting that their entire break-up was just an ill-conceived publicity stunt for Zack’s career. While they stopped short of naming the devious mastermind behind it, they did implicate Ron Davis (aka Jim Mason), owner of BoysPissing.com. According to sassy queen Derek, Ron supposedly drunk-dialed Derek while he and Zack were in Nepal. In a pink-champagne fueled rage over the phone, Ron vowed to do everything in his power to break Zack and Derek up. Why Zack and Derek would then fake a break-up on this guy’s advice is beyond us. But twinks do strange things sometimes.
As far as Phillip Ashton goes, Derek and Zack admit that they to have to forcibly hold each other down from time to time, but that’s completely normal in a three-year relationship. Err… if you say so, boys. Completely unaware of his own porn standing, Derek then calls Ashton a washed-up porn groupie. Umm… pot-kettle-black, Mr. Rivero? We mean, you are Arsenio Hall to Mr. Randall’s Eddie Murphy, Sonny to his Cher, Ringo to his rest of The Beatles*.
We can spare you the agony of watching their fifteen-minute video by telling you that what we’ve written is infinitely more succinct and entertaining than the endless cum-flavored drivel spilling out of their twink mouths. For most of the video, you wish they’d just shut the fuck up and start making out. In the video’s final half-minute, they do and it’s the best part of the entire vid because after that, it’s thankfully over. Good job, boys. D-minus.
*this joke shamelessly stolen from The Simpsons.
Once when we asked a female co-worker why women liked Dirty Dancing so much, she answered succinctly, “Because it makes us horny.” Those of us who were prepubescent when Dirty Dancing came out in 1987, caught the undeniably sexy swerve of leading man Patrick Swayze’s hips, but missed the deeper message of “dance = sexual awakening” in a wash of bad oldies music and late 80’s estrogen.
But the older homos knew better. Swayze was the child of a draughtsman and a choreographer—the perfect mix of blue collar and pink lace. He knew those dance moves for a reason and it wasn’t because of Dancing‘s homely female lead and it wasn’t because he was light on his feet. The man was electric sex, mullet and all. The music moved to his hips, not the other way around, and you watched Dirty Dancing just to see what those hips would do next.
Some of us didn’t catch on to Swayze’s allure until we saw him shirtless at the potter’s wheel in Ghost. Demi Moore basically looked like a dude in her short hair and overalls; watching them kiss gave us hope for our own arts and crafts hour. Then, when we saw Road House half-drunk in a college bar, we finally understood. Road House is an 80’s action camp classic and hands down his masterpiece.
Yes, Road House is also his biggest box-office flop, but it also showcases Swayze’s every talent: his intense eyes, his muscular body, his lightning quick kung-fu moves executed with a bouncer’s grip and a ballerina’s grace. He protects the dignity of his friends in back-to-back bar brawls, he fucks a female doctor against a wall like some sort of manimal, and later he tears out a man’s throat with his bare hands.
Watching it, you get the sense that he knew just how campy and laughable it was, just like he did in the Chippendale’s sketch for Saturday Night Live—he did it with a grin and his mullet held high. Road House has since been turned into a drinking game, but everyone who watches it agrees—it is a fun movie, just as Dirty Dancing is a sexy movie, and Ghost is a heartbreaking love story. Swayze’s own life ends with a bit of a heartbreak.
He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer barely a year ago in January 2008 and died at 57, a relatively young age for one with such vitality. He met his wife, Niemi, when he was 18; she was a 14-year-old taking dance lessons from his mother. They got married in 1975 and she stayed with him through his alcoholism, his repeated changes of religion, his playing a pedophile in Donnie Darko, his painful chemotherapy treaments, and was at his bedside when he finally passed on.
She’s not the only woman left heartbroken in his wake. Many gay men and horny straight women alike wished we could have seen his hips gyrate in just one last dance. But he had a good run and we had “the time of our lives.”
See his SNL Chippendale’s sketch, his Road House fight, and final dance scene from Dirty Dancing, after the jump!
Thanks to the gym and some rapid photo processing, this quick video of a guy standing around in 365 days worth of boxers shows his progression from average Joe to scary grandpa in just one year. Yeah, he gets ripped and develops progressively better taste in boring underwear, but he also goes bald for a bit and gets a god-awful tan. Let this be a warning to you gym bunnies and guys dissatisfied with their body—you can overdo it.
Thanks to Towleroad.
We at Team Orange are commemorating 9/11 by remembering the international solidarity that followed those cowardly and awful attacks. Our staff works internationally—in the UK, Europe, throughout the US, in Asia and Australia too—and we recognize the pain and struggle that citizens worldwide still face in 9/11’s aftermath, especially our lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender brothers and sisters who still face political discrimination, harassment, and abuse while fighting for a more equitable, free, and loving society.
So it is with all due respect to the seriousness and solemnity that the occasion requires that we try and provide a little levity and humor, courtesy of the American satirical newspaper, The Onion. According to them, many Americans around the world are commemorating the event by making the conscious decision not to masturbate. It’s a deeply personal choice and should you choose to refrain, we’ll support your decision. And should you choose not to refrain, we’re more than prepared to support that decision as well with pictures of stunning firemen after the jump.
First George Clooney, now Rafael Nadal?!! Moments after defeating Gael Monfils last nightin the US Open, Nadal removed his shirt and a guy came out to congratulate him with open arms and a kiss. Wetotallyempathize—Nadal’sa one-mansporno, with his sweaty lean torso and transluscent white shorts. But Nadal was a good sport about it all. The New York Times reports:
A few minutes after Rafael Nadal defeated Gael Monfils on Tuesday night in the fourth round of the United States Open, a man came out of the stands and hugged and kissed him before being hustled away by security guards.
Although surprised, Nadal did not seem to be shaken by the incident, and even smiled as it happened.
“For me it wasn’t a problem,” said Nadal, noting that the man spoke in English. “The guy was really nice.”
“He was a great fan,” he said. “He said, ‘I love you,’ and he kiss me.”
Nadal had just removed his shirt and was preparing for an on-court interview when the man suddenly emerged with a camera to approach him.
Thirty minutes after the match, the police had a man in custody, and they handcuffed him to the bleachers alongside Court 5. A United States Tennis Association spokesman said the incident was being reviewed, as were on-court security procedures.
We’re kinda glad the guy was arrested, especially since Nadal is OURS. Yes, tennis players are light on their feet, but they don’t mess around. Get up on their balls and they’ll backhand you quicker than a pimp.
The aussieBum boys and girls trekked down to Julia Creek, Queensland for the 2009 Dirt N Dust Festival. It’s apparently a mud wrestling-slash-triathlon-slash-rodeo-slash-rock concert! The aussieBum clan gets up to some cheeky fun and games with a moon bounce and a best butt competition! It’s good times until someone breaks a bone. Will the best butt competition give their evening a much needed lift? aussieBum’s undies can give your butt, basket, and night a helpful lift… stop by and see what mischief they’re up to now!
New England native Scott Herman was only 24 when he landed a spot on The Real World: Brooklyn and spent most of his time determined to break into modeling—he got his wish and in return so did we. We’re showing you his old modeling pics before we bust out the new ones he did for Undergear’s fall collection. He also opened up Scott Herman Fitness and a YouTube page filled with helpful advice, like how to shave his crotch and chest. The chest video’s below, but his crotch and Undergear pics are after the jump. Wanna see how real this Real World guy can get? Find out…
Jump Levi, jump!We mentioned several porn outlets actively courting the would-be son-in-law of Vice Presidential train wreck, Sarah Palin. Levi Johnston, the moose hunting, hockey-playing, 19-year-old high school dropout may not have wanted kids when he stuck his dick into Bristol Palin, but when he pulled it out, he found a pot of gay gold (oh, and a stewpid baby).
In a video of him his Vanity Fair shoot, Levi briefly mulls over whether or not to accept an offer from Playgirl with his personal manager, Tank (yes, Tank). Sad thing is, the poor boy hardly knows what Playgirl is. Gawker has more:
Tank referred the matter to Levi’s lawyer Rex Butler (how many handlers does one Alaskan babydaddy need?) who emailed back: “There are people out there that want to see such a shoot of Levi and we are ready to do it if the proposal is right.” The only hitch, Levi’s not willing to do a nude shoot, only pose in his skivvies.
And since a nearly nude Levi is better than no nude Levi at all, Playgirl’s down and there’s an agreement in place to do the shoot. They’re in final negotiations to get the thing together right now.
Funny thing is that Playgirl’s biggest get in years doesn’t have a clue about who reads the male flesh mag. As he and Tank joke in the Vanity Fair video, Levi says, “I’m assuming it’s where a dude poses for women.”
Ummm… yeah, Levi. We’re sure your straight moose-hunting cohorts in Alaska will buy that bit of naivete. Oh and QueerClick’s just a gay porn blog for women, by the way—very hairy women with flat chests and large clitorises.
But we gotta say, Levi’s pretty smart for deciding to keep his undies on. First off, he’ll still make mad bank for just lying around in his skivvies and in the process, he’ll turn on lots of gay men who’ll pay lots just to see a little more flesh. Granted, he can only cocktease gay men so much before they get all pissy and move on. But if he shows a little ass and then does some gay events, like an AIDS benefit, he could milk his gay icon status for several years and thousands to come. Let us pause for a moment to imagine Levi milking a gay… ahhhh. Fleshbot also obtained an email from Johnston’s lawyer, Rex Butler, to Playgirl saying that he’ll need two to four weeks to “shape up and define” before the photo shoot. Looks like he wants to impress all us women.
Check out the Vanity Fair video and a CNN video with commentary from Unzipped magazine’s editor, plus more hilarity from the moose hunter after the jump!
Did your mother die? Does your best friend hate you? Did you just lose the love of your life? FORGET IT, GIRLFRIEND! WHEEEEEEEEW!!!! Just throw in a flamboyant gay man and all your troubles will disappear. Anyone who’s ever watched sitcoms and reality TV knows that gay men provide all the insight and comic relief you need when the poop hits the fan and Bryan Safi of Current TV’s show InfoMania discusses these “gayngels” in the recurring segment, “That’s Gay.”
We can’t tell you how many fag hags and fruit flies we’ve stopped from throwing themselves a pity party, just by showing up, shoving a drink in their face, and starting to sing show tunes like Judy Garland on coke (that’s redundant). Oh, it’s a dirty job, but we girls loooooove dirt—dish it, ladies!
Hat tip: Towleroad
Following the success of his previous book, “X-Posed”, the South African photographer Dyllan Rosser has released a new collection to celebrate the naked male body and the nature of passion and desire. In “RED”, Dyllan devotes his stunning male photography towards exploration of the emotions surrounding the color red—the color of lust, passion, luck, and fury.
“After my debut book last year, I really wanted to focus on a theme,” said Rosser. “X-Posed was all about showcasing my work from over the past few years. So, this time I wanted to come up with a concept that would be visually pleasing. I had not seen a book of nudes based around a color theme, and what better color than red? It is all about sensuality and even danger! I had already started using the color in my work during the previous years, so once I had the book concept in my head I started to expand on what I had already done.”
Rosser used a variety of male models from an array of diverse backgrounds and body types, while also including shots of the phallus in various states of arousal. He even used adult film stars Marco Blaze, Turk Mason and Andy O’Neill. Many of the other bueatiful models in the book agreed to go nude exclusively for his project. Though they appear naked, he draped many of them in red fabric to add a sensuous texture to their already glorious physiques.
There’s a saying that goes, “Women are half the reason I became gay, men are the other half.” We’re sure the two friends in this short film by German photographer Rodney Sewell, would agree. Handsome actors Alexander Kaffl and Amir Arul play Friend #1 and #2, respectively; two guys who have had it up to here with the same girl. Little does she know, she may have driven her blonde twink of a boyfriend into the arms on another! Not much of a plot, really… just an excuse to watch two handsome guys make out. And lucky for us, their kissing goes way longer that just “41 Seconds.” It’s more like “46” or “49 Seconds.” Makes us wish that pornos would show a lot more making out; if they showed at least 41 seconds of hardcore face-suckage, we’d watch for at least 15 more minutes (or as long it takes us to cum, whichever’s first).
More fun at the QCA Archives.
We just had to post this. Ever since Adam Lambert’s gay kissing photos surfaced, we’ve had a crush on the stylish young rocker. He totally should’ve won American Idol instead of his dorky straight counterpart, but whatevs. Apparently, we’re not Lambert’s only sex-loving fans. In fact, fans have been throwning so many pairs of panties, handcuffs, and sex toys at him onstage, that Lambert actually had to ask them to stop, but that didn’t stop them.
In fact, poor Lambert got hit in the leg with a dildo during his show in Hamilton, Ontario. There he is singing Led Zepplin’s “Whole Lotta Love”… and WHAM! 2 minutes 10 seconds into it, he gets a dildo to the leg! He kicks it back into the audience; we hope it hit whoever threw it, but it probably hit some 12-year-old girl whose only wish was to see him—now she has a dick-shaped bruise on her face—oh Adam you beast!
But seriously, why you trying to injure our glamour boy? Let him sing the damned songs. If you don’t stop, he’s gonna have to start performing behind a dildo-proof glass bubble, like the pope. Besides, if you really wanna throw a dick at him, do it in person once the concert’s over—he’d probably appreciate it a lot more.
If you’ve learned anything from our run-in with Dustin Lance Black’s lawyers, it’s this—watch the celebrity sex tape AS SOON AS IT COMES OUT. Don’t wait to watch it after finishing your pimento loaf sandwich. That dumb sandwich will still be around in 3 minutes, this video may not be.
That being said, the sex-tape of Grey’s Anatomy hunk Eric Dane only shows him, his wife, Rebecca Gayheart, and former Miss Teen USA Kari Anne Peniche engaging in drugged up foreplay rather than actual sex. And even though you get to see their titties much longer than you get to see Dane’s cock, Eric’s deep drugged-up voice is sexy. There’s also something hot knowing that these two attractive women can’t wait to get up on his dick. What can we say? QC’s got a bisexual streak. Related QC Features: Eric Dane’s GQ Bulge QCA Art: Grey’s Anatomy star Jeffrey Dean Morgan Fake Nude by Male Ero Painter Grey’s Anatomy star T.R. Knight Confirms He’s Gay
