PataPORN With Chinpoko!
Holy crap! It’s almost Valentine’s Day! What should you get your loved one, and more importantly what should you give yourself? Here’s a hint… PORN! Need some suggestions, well QC’s Chinpoko is here to help with this weeks PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!
Wrestle Hard: Chris Stone vs. George Stevenson
Hot. Tattooed. Wrestlers. Oh my god, I’m in heaven! Chris Stone is one muscle-bound, inked-up stud. Why don’t I have arms and feet? Hell, why don’t I have a body? Chinpoko wants to wrestle! Oh well, at least I can cockfight…
The first part of this scene is terrible. Why does there need to be a plot? I don’t care about the electricity? You’re wrestling, people—what more plot do you need? I guess they needed a reason for Chris to start ripping off George’s clothes. I’ll give you a reason—George is hot.
My favorite part of this scene is when Chris fucks George doggie style. Chris really starts talking dirty. I would say them here, but I don’t want to spoil it for ya. Ah, the best is when I noticed Chris’ inked arm muscles ripple as he pounded George. Whew, I’m wet already. PATA PATA PATA!!
QC FYI: Sex – Straight Up, No Chaser…
I was going to write about this study, but now I’m too drunk. Okay, I’m not drunk—I’m a penis so I can’t drink! If you notice, this study says that men who drink in moderation get erections better. So don’t you get crazy. Besides, I’m glad I can’t drink. Remember I’m Japanese and I would just turn flush all over. Speaking of Japanese… have you celebrated Dick Heritage month yet?
Randy Blue: The Coach 2
Okay, it’s official. Either Randy Blue is a terrible porn producer or he’s really flipping funny. Personally, I believe the latter.
First of all, Chris Rockway is such a clown. I love him. If I could wear a jean jacket, I would put buttons saying “I heart Chris Rockway” all over it. I started to notice Chris’ funny side when I watched his Randy Blue Christmas special. Few things are funnier than people who can poke fun at themselves. Now Chris has gotten Reese Rideout in on the action of having a good laugh at their work.
In this film, the two play a pair of bumbling, horn-crazed coaches; there’s even a chair gag. I felt like watching a gay version of Porky’s. The best part is that Chris and Reese are in on the joke. I’m not sure if the boys are trying to be good actors or they’re trying to be bad porn actors trying to be good actors. Again, I think it’s the latter. Reese is very much Rockway’s sidekick. It’s Chris who livens the scene with humor and even physical comedy. They’re like a gay Laurel & Hardy. I have to be honest, if Chris Rockway can sing he would be a triple-threat, because he can already fuck and act.
Now as I’m watching this, I’m thinking, but this isn’t porn. Where’s the sex? Where’s the dick? However, when Jeremy enters the picture things start to heat up. Jeremy tries to act, but he’s terrible. His acting is a little “dead inside”; however, his body looks more amazing than ever. As soon as clothes start coming off, Chris and Reese began the real interview for Jeremy. And here is the weird part…I WAS TURNED ON!
Anyone who says sex isn’t funny is missing out in my book. By the time Reese and Chris had thoroughly fucked Jeremy, I was ready to bust my nut.
Golden Boy Matthew Mitcham Shines In The Advocate
I think Matthew Mitcham is about the coolest person out there. It’s time for us gays to make ourselves known as more than just pretty faces and hot cocks. Matt’s a role model to us all. His bravery, his talent, and his determination are something we should aspire to.
Okay, I really wanted to write that he has the hottest abs ever and I want someone to suck him off and them imagine him shooting all over his rippling abs. But I’m trying to take the classy road and be supportive without being sexual.
MATTHEW MITCHAM… A REAL AMERICAN HERO… Oh wait, he’s Aussie. You know what I mean! Okay, I can’t stop staring at his package—happy?
It’s raining and dreary where I am, so you know what that means—I’m just staying at home looking at porn! So watch out fellas, because I’m going to bring it next week. In fact, consider it brought. So while I’m studying up, get out there and don’t forget to get turned on!
