PataPORN With Chinpoko
This is an ubersexy week for porn, dear fans. It’s as if some of the studios are pumping out some of their best work. And I do mean PUMPING! All right peeps, it’s time for PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!
Rear Stable: Angelo Marconi, Cole Streets, Francesco D’Macho, Steve Cruz and Wilfried Knight
RATING OF 5
HOTTEST POST OF THE WEEK!
Have you been to RearStable.com yet? Well, DO NOT GO! I’m telling you DO NOT GO TO REAR STABLE! This site is dangerous; it’s like the crystal meth of internet porn.
I’m not kidding. I’m completely and utterly addicted. I always tell myself, “Chinpoko, you’re just going to click on Rear Stable for one second, and then you’re going to go about your life.” Cut to me three hours later, still edging after cumming two times already. It’s too hot! IT’S ACTUALLY TOO HOT!!!! OH GOD I HAVE A REAR STABLE ADDICTION!
deep breaths
Okay, I’m okay.
So another great thing about the site is their inventiveness; it always keeps me coming back to cum. Take this week’s gangbang for example. Firstly, I should say that Steve Cruz can sit on my face and twirl. I love this man more than I love my left nut.
And like all Rear Stable videos, this scene is dangerously passionate; that’s why I love them so much. I know these people are actors, but God dammit if they don’t make me believe that they’re insanely attracted to each other. And the addition of the mini-cam makes me feel like I’m a voyeur watching all the manly goodness in action. PATA PATA!
Next Door Male: Aryx Quinn
RATING OF 4
Owwwwww, it’s a Mountain Man! I feel like I should get a six-pack of Coors light and head for the Rockys! Mmmm. I would love some of Aryx’ Rocky Mountain high!
I’m so grateful Aryx is back. (Does anyone know how to say that name by the way?) Eh, who the fuck cares? Sometimes I think the guys at Next Door Male can be a bit too “glossy” and produced. Thankfully, Aryx is the opposite of that. He’s hot and confident, but he still maintains an air of realness.
I have to say, I love me some wilderness and porn. There’s something so rustic and visceral about it. It’s like I’m letting my wild side go! I once saw a video of a man being fucked over a tree while he bit the bark…I think that was called Oklahoma… mmm… Maybe I’ll ask Steve Prince.
Oh I almost forgotmdash;the most beautiful part is the payoff at the end; Aryx jacks that cock of his like a lumberjack cutting wood. MMMMM…Timber!
EEE!!! I’m like Dickly Adams! GRRRR! I’m going to grow a beard. Now,where’s my racoon hat? I know it’s somewhere…
Bang Bang Boys: Jimmy
RATING OF 4
Jimmy is a hot Latin man, with a noteworthy prick, and a cute tattoo…but my favorite feature is (call me an emotional woman) his smile. I mean, words can’t describe my feelings. Perhaps this would be better expressed in song…Cue music, bitches!
(CUE CHINPOKO MUSICAL DANCE NUMBER)
When you’re smiling
When you’re smiling
The whole world smiles with you
When you’re stroking
When you’re stroking
My pre-cum oozes through
But when you’re flaccid
You bring on the rain
So pump that dick up
Make me happy again
Keep on smiling
Cause when you’re smiling
Chinpoko cums with you!
Thank you…thank you. No please stop. I’ll be here all week folks! PATA PATA!
FREAK OF THE WEEK
Hindu Guru Nithyananda Sri Paramahamsa And Actress, Ranjitha, Rock India With Oral Sex Video
Well, it’s time to talk about my spiritual beliefs. Yes, Chinpoko has a soul…if you can believe it (you bitches). And here it is…
A life without dick, ain’t a life. I get it… you want to be pure and untouched and all that. It totally makes sense, but… really? No sex? No lovin’? No reacharound? I mean, think long and hard about that (hahaha… long and hard). Seriously though… What Would Chinpoko Do?
Fine, I have to be honest… I DON’T GET IT! Why would some higher power give you a dick and not want you to use it with other hot guys and other hot dicks? I’m just saying. Sorry for the soapbox sermon. Amen.
CHINPOKO’S QUICK CUMSHOTS
Hairy Boyz: Pistol Pete and RJ Danvers: Watch out caballeros! RJ Danvers rides Latino Pistol Pete’s cock like a cowboy on a bronking buck.
Dirty Tony: Fabian and Justin: Justin (or whatever his name is) finally got rid of that Zoolander face, and actually looks pretty damn hot getting fucked. Way to take a critique!
Ruggerbugger: Berrick Barnes: Ohh, Berrick Barnes! I…uh…I mean…DO ME! So hot. PATA PATA!
You know, as much as I tried this week, I couldn’t find a lot of porn to bitch about. Really! I wanted to write some scathing reviews…but everything was just too hot. So help me out readers; What porn gets you offline rather than getting you off?
Can’t wait to hear from you. And remember, get out there and get turned on!
