PataPORN With Chinpoko
Oh my gosh! I’m so excited for a very SPECIAL Pataporn this week. I’ve been hitting some of the theater scene this week in New York, and I’ve been inspired to be more “artistic” in my porn reviews.. EEEE! Welcome to Pataporn with Chinpoko!
Club Jeremy Hall: Jeremy and Adam
RATING OF 5 – CUMWORTHY
You gotta get gimmick if you want to suck some head… right?
Well, Club Jeremy Hall got the memo. Dear fans, have you seen this site? It’s so great.
What I like best about the site is that you feel you’re inside the mind of Jeremy, or rather inside his sexual diary. Even the way his videos are shot seem very amateur and voyeuristic. I love that he not only does has the main camera going all the time, but that the fellas also take time with the hand-cam for those sexy close up shots. PATA PATA!
This video of Jeremy and Adam is the perfect example of what makes Club Jeremy Hall so sexy and fun. The sexual chemistry between these two is electric. And apparently Jeremy Hall and I have something in common…WE LOVE ASS!!! Jeremy can’t get enough of Adam’s ass. Atta boy, Jeremy!!
HOTTEST POST OF THE WEEK!
CockyBoys: Jimmy Clay
RATING OF 3 – AROUSED
This week Cocky Boys brings us an exciting episode of… THE MIRROR HAS GAY FACES!
Ah, mirror porn. We’ve all seen it. And we’ve all done… um… I mean, you’ve all done it. I’ve NEVER jacked off in front of a mirror… that would be WAAAAY to self-indulgent for me—hahaha! Okay, I can’t even say that with a straight dick. Of course I jack-off in front of the mirror. Have you seen how fucking pretty I am?
Well, this Jimmy from Cocky Boys, is wicked hot. And the video is picks up steam as he fondles and plays with himself in the bed… but then… he makes out with himself in the mirror. Eww. Maybe it’s just me, but that was just too much—alk about narcissism!
He does have one hell of a cumshot though. Check it in double vision!
New York Straight Men: Jimmy
RATING OF 4 – FULLY-ERECT
Editor’s note: For some reason Chinpoko is wearing a sequined embellished sweater with shoulder pads, glasses with a gold chain hanging from his foreskin, and he’s speaking with a New York accent mixed with Yiddish phrases. I’m sorry, but I think Chinpoko is doing performance art. I’m so so sorry. -Ed. D.
He’s so polite, that Jimmy from New York Straight Men. So handsome, so well mannered. Did you see how he asked if he could take a shower first? Oy, what a bubbela, that Jimmy!
And that Ben! What a cutie those glasses and red hair…although I don’t think he’s Jewish. Still, what a maven of sucking cock. Who knew? That boy is such a shaygets, he is. His mother has to be so proud?
My only gripe about this video is the lack of tuches. Jimmy has such a beautiful tuches. Mmm, so smooth you just want to shmear your man juice all over that.
Editor D: Chinpoko! Why are you wearing a yarmulke?
Chinpoko: Not now… I’m in character.
Editor D: God dammit, Chinpoko! This is offensive.
Chinpoko: Not now!
Editor D: Take off the fucking yarmulke or I’m not telling you the TimTales password.
Chinpoko: You bitch, OY!
Editor D: That doesn’t even make sense. You prick!
Chinpoko: Fine.
So whatever fans, watch the video. It’s hot.
Ugly Betty Finally Gets An Openly Gay Character
FREAK OF THE WEEK
FINALLY! Ugly Betty‘s character, Justin, comes out… which is a high note. So why did I choose this for the “Freak of the Week”?…because the television programming in the rest of the world is way ahead of America’s networks. I mean, how many times have you jacked off to Torchwood? I can’t even count.
CHINPOKO’S QUICK CUMSHOTS
Badpuppy: Sergio Soldi: Are you into big muscles, hair, gorgeous eyes, and a nice cock… um, who isn’t?
Bentley Race: Jay Townsend: He’s just a skater boy. He cums on you-later-boy and I would sooo let him board me!
Men Machine: Adam Faust: Meow! It’s the eye of the Tiger…or maybe it should be Eye of the Cock? Inked-up Faust is a hottie.
Well, dear fans…I’m sorry my artistic integrity was squashed by my heartless Editor. “Offensive,” my ass! When have I ever been offensive? Actually, when have I ever had an ass… I’m just a dick. Don’t you worry fans, I’ll ALWAYS find a way to express myself. The Bossman will never get me down! Ohh, boss man…hmm. Maybe I could do a minstrel number in blackface!
Editor D: CHINPOKO!
Chinpoko: Fine! Okay fans, you go out there and get turned on and I’ll figure something out!
