This might sound a bit weird but my boyfriend wants us to watch straight porn together.
He gets off on it, but I really feel uncomfortable about this and he says I’m uptight – I really don’t know how to deal with this and its getting me down.
Thanks for any help
MB
Hi MB and thanks for your questions and concerns. We all find different things sexually exciting and that includes your partner. Some things we will never like, and other things we don’t know until we’ve tried it. It’s good that you’ve made a step to reach out and find a solution and possibly there are some readers who have had similar experiences. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give MB? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
The thing is, my nipples are the only way I can get off sexually to orgasm, and they aren’t as sensitive as they used to be – is this normal?
It used to be just a lick or a touch and they got me going, but now they need to be bitten really hard for the same effect – does this happen when you get older?
Also, would you recommend those nipple clamps or the ones that give you an electric shock?
Thanks guys, happy holidays!
Jed
Hi Jed and thanks for your questions and concerns. When it comes to what turns us on sexually we all have our different needs, and nipple play is one of the many different ways we can be brought to orgasm. So, dear QC readers, what pointers or tips can you give Jed about his nipple problem? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 32 and ready to settle down with my new boyfriend, finally I’ve met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Everything is good and we’re planning on setting up home together after the holidays – I’m really excited and looking forward to this.
All but for one thing that is… I’ve seriously played the field for the last 15 years and I’ve slept around a lot. And by that I mean that I’ve had sex with literally hundreds of men, so much so that I can’t remember all the names, faces or places.
The thing is, I know my BF is at some point going to ask how many guys I’ve slept with and my question is, do I have to tell him the truth?
Blaze
Hi Blaise and thanks for your questions and concerns. I think by the age of 32 years old we will all have had some sexual experience, and your new boyfriend is going to be aware of that. Whether you have to, want to or need to tell him the exact amount of men you have slept with is open to debate? So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Blaise? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I single and don’t want to settle down yet (I’m only 24 yo) but I love sex and hook up a lot.
I’ve got a few (5 or 6) regular guys I meet up with for fun, usually late at night as I don’t get home till late from work.
The thing is recently almost all of them make up excuses not to come over to my place and I’m not sure why, I mean its just late night fun… what am I doing wrong?
Boxer
Hi Boxer and thanks for your questions and concerns. We all have different needs and expectations, especially when it comes to sex. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Boxer? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m a big fan of QC (and porn lol) and have a problem I hope you guys can help me with.
I’m 18, just finished school but now have to enter into the army (I’m from a country that still requires National Service). I don’t really have a problem with going into the army (lots of hot men hehe), but my problems are really more at home, with myself and my family – more specifically my parents.
I’m from a strict Catholic family, this in itself has caused me a lot of conflict throughout my teenage years. Although I’m not out to anyone other than my best girl, we have had discussions in my church group where I’ve tried to defend gay rights. It was upsetting and even depressing their arguments that being homosexual is wrong and against God – none of it makes any sense to me.
My parents are also actively involved in the church, and so I have hesitated to tell them about my sexuality. My reasoning has been that I don’t want to have that confrontation while I’m still living at home that I know will be inevitable with them. They’ve made enough homophobic and anti-gay comments over the years to make it plainly obvious what there views are on this.
I should mention that I also have three younger sisters (12, 9 and 6) and a younger brother (17) too. I share my room with him, and although we are close and talk about a lot of things, being gay, let alone coming out, isn’t something I’ve been able to discuss with him yet. Recently I also made a discovery that I think he might also be gay too, when I saw his browsing history on our shared computer. He hadn’t cleared his browser and was surfing gay porn too, I guess he might just be curious but I don’t know. Do you think I should come out to him first or my parents?
So I’m in a conflict, because after Christmas I will be joining the army, part of me is excited about this as it will take me away from all of our family problems (my Dad is always arguing with my Mom, its usually always about money problems, but its always horrible when that happens). But after reading this post on QC I could relate to that so much. I really laughed at Amy’s advice, because I’m pretty sure that’s the kind of reaction my parents will have when I tell them.
And the pressures at home have been so immense with the money problems, if I didn’t have to join the army then I would get a job to help them. I believe I’m a good son, but I know when they find out I’m gay its going to be the cause of much heart ache and shock – for them at the very least but I think it will affect the family too.
So I’m conflicted because I really want to tell them as its a weight on my shoulders too, and its not like I am going to change, I’ve known I’m gay since a early age. My problem is not should I come out to my parents but how is the best way to do it? This has gone over and over in my mind for years now and its really getting to me, so now at 18 and going into the army for the next 2 years I feel the need to do it now before I have to leave home in a few weeks time.
I would really be so grateful for any advice on how to approach this.
Many thanks QC and Happy Christmas to everyone there too 🙂
Andrew
Hi Andrew and thanks for your questions and concerns. Firstly, thanks for the kind comments and being such a big fan! And also thanks for taking the step to write in, we can assure you that you are not alone and there are many readers here who have been in a very similar situation to which you find yourself in at present. Coming out either now, in the future (or in some case never) is a dilemma that pretty much all gay men and women struggle with. It would be true to say that no two peoples circumstances are going to be exactly the same and with prejudices around us in all different types of countries and societies making that decision to come out always has to be carefully considered. But it’s good that you’ve got the courage to make that first step to reach out and find a solution. There have been a few similar posts on Ask QC; Should Gay Brothers Come Out at The Same Time, Low Libido, Depressed and in The Closet and When is the right age/time to Come Out. Although those examples aren’t specific to your situation you may find the information and advice offered useful. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Andrew? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
This might be the most generic question you can get but I really do hope you guys can help me on this.
I have been with my bf for 1.5 years. He was my first boyfriend and my first ever relationship. It was the most amazing 1.5 years of my life. I really enjoy spending time with him and I care about him a lot. I thought I loved him. I thought I loved him so much.
But even when we are having such an amazing time with our relationship, I can’t shake my own promiscuosity off. Before I met him I used to be very promiscuous and he was the one difference that I’ve ever found. When I was with him I never physically cheated on him but I have chatted with random guys and sexted.
He found out yesterday and threw me out straight away. We’ve had fights before because of trust issues. Because he was insecure and jealous, but at the same time knowing all this, I still gave into temptation and sexted with people. My own personal point of view is that sex is different from love as sex is just a physical activity. In my head if you love someone it is still ok to have sex with other people, the exact definition of an open relationship. But my bf has a different point of view.
I really do still feel that I love him. So much so that it hurts to think that we’re over. I want to try and get him back but I don’t know if he deserves someone like me who can’t even love properly.
Which is why I want to ask, is there something wrong with me for thinking that I can love and be with someone while at the same time have sex with other people? And I really do want to try and get him back but I don’t know if he deserves someone like me, so what should I do?
Sincerely,
John
Hi John and thanks for your questions and concerns. It’s usual in relationships whether open, monogamous, polygamous or otherwise, to clearly define the boundaries within that partnership. It’s clear that you have been able to identify the concerns which led to the break up, i.e. trust issues and behavioral promiscuity. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give John? Have you been in a similar situation yourself, and if so, how did you resolve it? In your experience, do open relationships work or do they always lead to break ups? If you can help John in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Would you like to be a gay porn star? It certainly sounds like it has its perks, such as being flown to exotic locations, being paid wads of cash to have sex with hotties, and enjoying the adoration of your lovestruck fans.
Perhaps more to the point is: do you have what the gay porn studios want? We did a quick comb over some of our favorite studios to see what their “Be A Model” guidelines are. Sean Cody is happy to see applications from anybody aged between 18 and 40. Your race and body type aren’t important, just so long as you are “in good shape”. You don’t even have to be gay, since Sean Cody tells applicants that while “most of our models are straight, we also love working with gay men who can show the straight boys how it’s done!” The notes on the venerable site’s “Want to Model” page exclaim:
I’m 25 years old, gay, have a good career, reasonably good looking (or so I’ve been told) and am totally ready to settle down with a guy for the rest of my life. I’m just not into going around having a lot of random sex with different guys that most of my peer group seem to be doing right now. I just want a good man to call my own and for us to be able to share our lives together.
I generally go for guys a little older (10+ years more) and I’ve never really been into any bar/club scene, I think I’m just a regular guy I guess and I want nothing more than a LTR in a monogamous relationship.
But the last two long terms I’ve had (2 years and 3 years) both ended where I got dumped and recently the last few dates with guys I’ve met through the Apps have ended with me being dumped too. Each time its been really upsetting for me and the only common reason I’ve been told is that they aren’t ready for settling down and they want something wilder and less permanent in their lives. But they only say this after we have dated a few times, most just want sex on the first date, which they aren’t going to get from me.
I accept the fact that (at least to some) I appear to still be a bit twinky and even a bit dull and not too exciting for them (I’m quite a serious guy), but I’m intelligent and thoughtful so I really can’t comprehend why I keep getting rejected like this all the time – its really getting me down. I believe I have so much to offer too, I’m kind, caring, loving, loyal, and love to look after my man, (especially in bed) so what is it that I am missing here?
But after this last guy dumped me I sat and cried for weeks at home, it was awful and only just a few good friends have been able to get me through this. I feel I’m ready to try again now but don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes, whatever they are. So am I choosing the wrong type of guy or what? Am I wrong to look for older guys, sorry but guys my age or younger just don’t interest me. What am I doing so wrong that I keep getting dumped, if anyone can shed some light on this I would be really thankful.
Love you guys at QC!
Thanks 🙂
John
Hi John and thanks for your questions and concerns. When it comes to matters of the heart, hopefully there are some here willing to share their thoughts and experiences with you. It’s difficult to predict how a relationship will develop and the reasons why people stay together or drift apart but perhaps some of our readers have some general pointers which might help you in the future. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give John? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m in my 30’s now and I’m still angry and pissed with my parents for having me circumcised when I was a baby. It’s not like they asked my permission about this, they already said they did it for religious reasons but I don’t even follow or agree with their religion either!
My long term partner is very understanding about my situation and says I should have therapy to get over this issue with my parents. Incidentally, he has a beautiful and unmutilated penis, his foreskin is gorgeous and his penis head is so sensitive, I can drive him wild just licking and touching that sensitive head and I really love nibbling his juicy foreskin.
I feel that my cock is totally ruined by having my foreskin removed and I really feel as though I am missing out each time I have sex. I can see the positive effects of having your penis glans covered by a foreskin, that’s how the body intended it to be. To protect it and I can really see how much more sensitive it is, my partners cock is so sensitive it jumps each time you touch it. Mine just feels like hard rough skin, and the scar is not exactly pretty either. Being circumcised really serves no purpose for me and yes I know there is some anecdotal evidence of health or sexually transmitted diseases being lessened for circumcised penises, but I really feel this is a weak argument, especially as I am in a long term relationship. I basically find this a morale issue and I am really disgusted that my parents so selfishly decided to have me circumcised without my consent!
But I think even if I go for therapy for this I still can’t forgive my parents for doing this to me. And I feel so sad for all the boys who are circumcised basically as their parents are doing this for selfish reasons. Why can’t we be allowed as adults to choose circumcision or not?
I have read up some on foreskin restoration and wondered if there are any guys here who have experienced that and can offer any advice and how successful it is?
Thanks in advance guys,
Scott
Hi Scott and thanks for your questions and concerns. Whether its for religious, health or cultural reasons the pros and cons debate for circumcision continues on. But that doesn’t lessen your rage nor does it justify your parents decision to have you circumcised when you were a child. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Scott in this situation? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
The appearance this week on Fratmen of Raphael, who died in June this year, has started an interesting discussion about the ethics of promoting scenes featuring performers who are no longer with us. It’s an interesting discussion because there’s much more to it than there seems.
The consensus seems to be that it’s not appropriate to promote scenes featuring dead gay porn stars, such as Arpad Miklos (above) and, sadly, numerous others. But why is that? When movie stars die, nobody objects to their movies being played. On the contrary, one of the ways we pay respect to dead movie stars is by keeping their image alive in as many ways as possible – think Marilyn Monroe or River Phoenix.
So, what’s the difference? You tell us in this week’s QueerClick Open Forum.
I’m 28, sexually active and enjoy dating and sex, apart from recently I started to find it difficult to cum. I don’t have any issues with getting erections and can hold them for hours, but when I’m with a guy seems that even though we BJ, JO and fuck for hours I just cant seem to cum.
This has gotten kinda embarrassing, last weekend I was with a date and he came fairly quickly but after trying to get me to cum for nearly 2 hours he gave up and said he was exhausted.
But then the weird thing was I just went to the bathroom and jerked off and came within a minute! So what the heck is wrong with me?
I don’t know whether this is a sign that something is going wrong down there and I need to see a urologist or if this is something psychological? The fact that up until now I’ve never had this problem and now all of a sudden its started has gotten me kinda anxious now and it seems worse with each date I go on 🙁
If there is anyone who has advice on what might be the cause (or remedy) of this I would really appreciate it!
Thanks,
Ryan David
Hi Ryan David and thanks for your questions and concerns. Difficulty in attaining orgasms each time you have sex is a problem that is more common than most people will admit. But you’re right to think that this could be caused either physically or psychologically and I would advise at the very least you talk with your Doctor regarding this. Having said that, I’m sure there are plenty of readers who have experienced a similar situation to yours and will be willing to offer their thoughts too. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Ryan David in this situation? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’ve been living with my partner for 14 years now (we are both 38 years old), and I thought I had seen it all sexually in the bedroom with him… that was until last week.
He said he wanted to spice things up somewhat and suggested role play, and I was like, er, ok what do you want me to do (btw I’m a total bottom and he’s totally top). So he asked me to dress up as a school boy and he was going to be teacher.
The thing was I wasn’t able to go through with it as basically this brought back some horrible memories of a few incidents that actually happened to me at school when I was 11 (and I would rather not go into that right now)
He was good enough to let it drop but when we discussed it he did say it was a long standing fantasy of his to do this and that it was only acting out that fantasy for sexual pleasure.
But I’m a little bit confused by this, as I was sexually abused when at school, and I was so disgusted when that happened now I feel I lost some trust with my partner. It’s hard to explain but I look at him now and think he is perverted for suggesting that role play. So who’s wrong here, him? me? both of us? neither of us? I don’t really know what to think or overcome this situation, anyone else out there who has been through this?
Hugs,
Ben
Hi Ben and thanks for your questions and concerns. Role play within an adult, caring and trusting relationship can be a healthy part of sex life. However, the effect and you’re concerns regarding abuse as a child obviously are still an issue that has resurfaced with this incident. But whether role play is to be considered perverted or not is open to debate, as role play does precisely involve fantasies and something that would not likely happen in the real world or outside the bedroom. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Ben in this situation? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Not all of us are white, and not all of us only get off on white men, so why is gay porn so, well, white?
It seems sometimes that you really have to search for non-white men in gay porn, indeed, there’s entire studios that don’t feature any models of non-European backgrounds at all. And often, when you find some racial diversity in gay porn, it’s often framed inside cartoonish and stereotyped boundaries: hung black guys who are ultra-macho and dominant, or pliant Asian men, who are 100% passive.
And this is quite odd, really, since many of us live in racially mixed environments where we have sex with all comers, and interracial relationships are so common that it seems dated and odd to even note that they are “interracial”.
What’s your view? Does the racial mix of gay porn match your reality? Do you want it to – does it need to? And what do you think drives it? This great speech from Diesel Washington gives some insight into an interesting possibility:
I’m Argentinean, I think there are many differences between my culture and yours but also there must be similarities too. I’m 22 years old and really like this guy but I’m not quite sure what to do. I want to know how I can workout if this guy (Martìn) likes me the way I like him?
We meet at the College every day but only a few times I actually dare to say “Hi” to him… I’m very shy and I can never really see if someone likes me or not. I only find this out when a person tells me so its hard to know as I have very little experience with guys.
I’ve noticed more than a few times that Martin got quite nervous when I stared at him. I thought it was because he knows I am gay and that he didn’t like that. However, when I spoke to him, he was willing to listen and he smiled a lot. My close friends know that I am gay but I’m not really sure that Martin does? I don’t consider myself a macho even though many classmates think that I am straight. Something more, I like hang around with my closest friend and kinda pretending she is my GF, many people believe she is and so does Martin so I know this confuses the issue somewhat.
I really want know him very well, sometimes I think about doing things with him, like sleeping together and watching him waking up. Or just staring at him while he sleeps or touching his back. I doubt if he looks for the same as me or just wanna fuck. Or even if he realizes that I wanna have sex too. Sorry about my grammar.
Help me please,
Thanks M. Y.
Hi M. Y. and thanks for your question. Telling someone that you have feeling for them is hard, and not knowing if Martin is gay or not makes the situation so much harder. Dear QC readers, If you can help M. Y. in any way, please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Nothing compares 2 an Open Letter, especially now that it’s all the rage. Bring out your inner Sinead (or Miley, whatever suits) in this week’s Queerclick Open Forum and pen your own Open Letter to the gay porn industry. Tell those who produce the gay porn we’re all addicted to what you really think about what they make, and what they might want to do instead. You can do it anonymously, or angrily sign your name to your lengthy list of complaints. Or, you might have no complaints — there’s no reason why an Open Letter can’t be a Love Letter too, you know. The forum is all yours. Img: Donnie Russo and his bored partner wait for “Action” to be called on the set of one of Falcon’s classic vintage gay pornos.
