Ask QC: Advice on being Catfished

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Hi Ask QC,

I’m fairly new to the gay scene an all, I’m 18 and still living at home and not out to my family. I’m in a small town in Kentucky with the nearest major city is an hour drive and so I’ve been using the dating apps to try to get to know guys and even meet up.

I recently had an experience on Grindr that left me feeling quite vulnerable and confused. I met someone who was really hot, a few years older than me and looked really sexy. He seemed sincere at first, but as we continued to chat, I started to feel that something wasn’t right. The pictures he sent were slightly blurry and he didn’t have an album of photos to share, which struck me as unusual.

When he asked for nudes, I suggested moving the conversation to Snapchat to verify his identity, a precaution I usually take. He agreed and added me, but when I asked for a live snap, he sent a picture that was identical to one he’d previously sent on Grindr. When I confronted him, he denied it was the same picture, but then he blocked me on Grindr. He continued to message me on Snapchat asking for nudes, but I blocked him there too.

I’ve heard of catfishing, where people use fake profiles to trick others, but I never thought it would happen to me. Is it a big problem on Grindr? I’ve learned that there are different types of catfishers: some use other people’s pictures to trick you into talking or meeting them, and others are scammers trying to get personal information or photos.

I’m feeling a mix of emotions – a bit dumb and embarrassed that I fell for it, angry that I was tricked, and worried that it might happen again. I’ve been reading the Advice columns here on QueerClick but couldn’t find anything on this topic. I’m gonna guess that there loads of the readers here that use the dating apps and could give me some advice. How can I spot a catfish in the future and what should I do to protect myself from this kind of situation?

Any advice you guys can give would be really appreciated.

Thanks,

Caleb

Hi Caleb and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.This is an interesting topic to raise, especially as it is important to stay safe when meeting and hooking up with other guys when using dating apps. Sadly we think it’s all too common for cat-fishers to be present but you’re right to make sure to verify who you’re talking too. Live video and other platforms/apps are a good way to verify if a person is real, but even then we would advise that you take caution when meeting up in person for the first time. Make sure it’s in a public place and somewhere you can exit quickly if you feel uncomfortable with the situation. And always let another friend know when and where you have arranged a meet up. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Caleb? Have any of you experienced this before, if you’ve been previously catfished, what precautions do you now take to avoid it happening again? If you have any ideas on how to help him with this issue then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

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10 Mar 24 By Tim Write a comment!

Ask QC: I’m a Top with a Small Cock

Ask QC: My New Boyfriend Can't Get it Up

Dear QC,

Hi, I’m 22, I’m a masculine, well built college jock – except in one department, my dick isn’t exactly big. Tbh it’s only 4” when hard and it’s causing me a real problem.

It seems all the bottoms I dated want “well hung” and it’s doing my head in seeing the look of disappointment when I drop my trousers for sex. A couple of guys have even laughed, which I kinda laughed it off too at the time, but really it was very crushing.

Look… I know that every top isn’t hung like a porn star, and I realize that there are lots of bottoms who are “size queens” but is there anyone out there who is going to accept a top like me who has a smaller than average cock?

I even tried bottoming for a while, but it just doesn’t do it for me, I didn’t enjoy the experience or feeling. I have this really strong urge to fuck, not be fucked.

Tbh it’s really starting to get me down and depressed. At high school it didn’t really bother me as I was in the closet there, but when I moved to the city for college 2 years ago I came out.

Admittedly most of my dates have been through the apps but I’ve yet to meet a guy “normally” as in friends or common interest first and got to know each other before jumping into bed.

Any help? I’m not sure what to do and this is destroying my confidence in dating guys. When I tell guys on the apps my size I usually get blocked, but should I tell someone if I am regular dating or do I wait until we have sex and then…

Any advise is welcome – thanks!

RR.

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11 Sep 22 By Tim 2 Comments

Ask QC: My New Boyfriend Can’t Get it Up

Ask QC: My New Boyfriend Can't Get it Up

Dear QC,

I recently started dating a super hot guy earlier this year, I’m 19 and he is 29 and a real sexy daddy!

We really get along great and for the first 6 months we have had loads of sex, really hot wild sex, like 2-3 times a day – he’s top verse and I’m bottom verse.

I’ve only fucked him once though and that was 3 weeks ago, the weird thing is since then when we have sex together he can’t get it up! He said he is okay with getting an erection by himself and jerking off but for some reason when we are together he can’t get erect with me. I suggested more things like massage to relax him or that I fuck him but he says he doesn’t want that.

So, I’m a bit confused, he obviously doesn’t have any physical problem getting his dick hard if he can jerk off when we are not together. So it would seem to me a psychological issue, either that or he has “gone off” me!

I’m a bit concerned because I would really like to make this long term and he says he would too – any ideas how he can clear his head of these issues and so we can get back to our normal and crazy hot sex life!? It would be a great help if anyone here can offer or share their advice or experiences with me to help me in this situation.

Thanks!

Byronn

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20 Aug 22 By Tim 4 Comments

Ask QC: My Boyfriend is Asking me to Push my Boundaries


Dear QC,

My BF and I have been together for 5 years and we have a healthy sex life. Well, tbh, it WAS ok, but since Covid19 he has been changing. He suddenly started to become a little more aggressive, not in a bad way, in fact I was quite happy with his escalation. One night over dinner he told me about a fantasy he had, we have always been very open, of watching someone get pegged by his female coworker. I could see in his face that it was me that he wanted to see getting pegged. I was a little turned on by the idea, but it was an escalation and part of a pattern. I agreed and it was a fun experience, and yet I felt a little trepidation that things might not stop there.

Over the weekend my boyfried told me that he had read about guys setting up anonymous gloyholes so they could hook up and have a relative degree of safety for Covid19. He wants to set up a hole and wants us to take turns servicing anonymous men. I’m a little frightened that he would ask this of me, and a little bit turned on too. I’m not going to lie.

I’m worried about our safety but more so I worried the state of our relationship, and even more about these impulses he has awakened in me. Should I just embrace this ‘new’ me, or am I on a path that I shouldn’t travel?

-Reluctant, yet turned on

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08 Sep 20 By Dave 1 Comment

Ask QC: Anal Conundrum

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Ask QC is the dedicated place for all of you to connect, support & share your wisdom!

This time Ivoggo asks:

Anal Conundrum

So, I’m 21 years old, and I’ve been dating a 35-year old guy for the last year. I’ve had anal sex before, and I never really got turned on by it at the time, mostly because I was afraid an “accident” would occur, since I never douched… just washed up and hoped for the best. I was okay with big dicks (not too big, but you know… above average) and they never hurt me, so that wasn’t the problem either. So I let it go thinking “well, you got nervous and limp only because of not douching, but you’ll be turned on otherwise!”

Cut to present day, and I finally bought a douche, because I want to have sex with my boyfriend more often. It feels lovely to be clean and not have that tension of “OMG, will my tummy start gurgling in the middle?!” But I still don’t get turned on while he fucks me. I’m super turned on during foreplay, and even when he slides in. And I love the idea of him inside of me. But when he starts pounding me, in my head, I love it, but my dick thinks otherwise – it goes limp faster than you can say “stop going limp”. 😐 I get this squishy, uncomfortable feeling inside, and that’s what turns me off. I don’t know what to do about it. It gets very annoying because I want my boyfriend to feel like he’s pleasuring me too, and I *want* to feel the pleasure as well, but my mind just won’t cooperate, I guess. I have to start jerking off from scratch after he’s done fucking me, and that’s the biggest turn off, so the overall experience becomes quite frustrating.

Is there anything I can do about this? Can I train my mind to be turned on some other way during sex? Does it require practice? […] Continue Reading

To read the whole question and if you’d like to join the discussion, thoughts and experiences on this issue, jump on over to ▸ QCommunity ◂ now!

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13 Jun 16 By Tim

Ask QC at QCommunity: How do I have mutually pleasing sexual connections?

Ask

Ask QC at QCommunity is the dedicated place for all our QueerClickers to connect, support and share their wisdom. You can start a new discussion, join a thread or browse through the hundreds of posts archived there to share your concerns, issues and advice. And we’ve made it easy for all to join in – no fuss, no new accounts, just log in with your regular Disqus account that you’re already using here. This week OnAslowjourney asks about:

SEXUAL CONNECTIONS

So I’m not someone that hooks up all the time but recently I’ve become more open to it. So I’ve met a couple guys from an app and haven’t had the most satisfying experiences. Firstly, I am a top and consider myself to be sexually dominant. I didn’t even fuck either of these guys, which is fine because I’m generally more turned on by foreplay anyways. However, in both my experiences the guys were too rough for me. One of them, literally. But it’s an awkward situation because I want them to have a good time but I can’t seem to get my needs met. In both instances I did not orgasm. The first time I thought it was partially due to nerves and not feeling comfortable. But both times the guys were way too rough! I tried to communicate how I felt but it was harder the second time. I don’t know what it is…Maybe I’m just not used to voicing my needs in general… So now I’m wondering how do I find a guy who is more gentle and sensitive, and allows me to take the lead. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks!

If you’d like to join the discussion and share your advice, thoughts and experiences on this issue, then jump on over to ▸ QCommunity ◂ now!

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22 May 16 By Tim

Ask QC at QCommunity: Accidental Pooping

Ask

Ask QC at QCommunity is the dedicated place for all our QueerClickers to connect, support and share their wisdom. You can start a new discussion, join a thread or browse through the hundreds of posts archived there to share your concerns, issues and advice. And we’ve made it easy for all to join in – no fuss, no new accounts, just log in with your regular Disqus account that you’re already using here. This week briandt asks about:

ACCIDENTIAL POOPING

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. We met in college and moved in together after graduation. We are both versatile and had a great sex life until 5 months ago. While my partner was bottoming for me he accidentally pooped. He had no idea that it was going to happen. I actually could feel it hit the tip of my dick but I didn’t know what to do. I thought it might just stay in there so I kept going. Then I came and after I pulled my dick out of him and the poop came out of him at the same moment. It wasn’t all that big a deal to me. It was just one poop log. It wasn’t like it was some big mess. I got up to get tissues to pick up the poop but he took them from me and picked it up himself and flushed it. My partner was terribly embarrassed told me to shower first like I was bothered by his poop touching my dick. We didn’t even talk about it. I said it was no big deal but he didn’t answer me.

We still haven’t talked about it. It’s kind of like we haven’t talked about sex all. He stopped initiating sex. When I initiate it there are only certain things he’ll do. He’ll rim me, blow me and fuck me but I can only blow him and get fucked by him. Since the incident he has refused to let me rim him or bottom for me.

I’m pretty confused about his reaction. Nothing like this has ever happened to either one of us in our lives. We no longer use condoms and we’ve never even had the slightest bit of poop on our dicks. We haven’t had many partners before each other so our sex lives previous to each other has been limited so I’m not sure how common something like this can be. I miss him bottoming for me and I really miss rimming him since it’s one of my favorite things to do. I mean, so what, he pooped. He cleaned out before sex so it’s not like he was careless or anything, it was simply an accident. It doesn’t gross me out at all – this is the man I love and intend to spend my life with and, quite frankly, his poop doesn’t gross me out at all. It’s not like I’m into scat but I also don’t find his poop gross. So, where do I go from here? How do I get our sex life back on track? How can I help him to deal with his horror over this incident? I sincerely appreciate any help.

If you’d like to join the discussion and share your advice, thoughts and experiences on this issue, then jump on over to ▸ QCommunity ◂ now!

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12 Apr 16 By Tim

Ask QC: It’s that time of year that makes you feel even more single

Ask QC has moved to a new home! We have recently launched QCommunity a dedicated place for all our QueerClickers to connect, support and share their wisdom. You can start a new discussion, join a thread or browse through the hundreds of posts archived there to share your pearls of wisdom. And we’ve made it easy for all to join in – no fuss, no new accounts, just log in with your regular Disqus account that you’re already using here. Too easy!

To kick thing’s off, Ebo 74 asks:
Its that time of year that makes u feel even more single

If you’d like to join the discussion and share your advice, thoughts and experiences on this issue, then jump on over to QCommunity now!

Need advice? Just post your questions and the QCommunity will get you some answers!

21 Dec 15 By Tim

Introducing QCommunity

Hi QueerClickers! We are super excited today because we are unveiling our new site – QCommunity. We say new site, but it’s actually a new abode for a familiar friend you guys have already known for years!

Since 2005, QC has been running an ongoing advice column. It started off with “Doc Feel” which then became “Ask QC.” A decade and hundreds of questions answered later, we’ve decided to create a brand new space to start building a dedicated, passionate and safe community where we can support one another.

On the few occasions when we asked our readers what you liked most about QC, we are ever so humbled that so many of you have been following us for years, grew up with us, but what touched us the most (and continue to do so) was when you shared with us that we not only entertained you, but that we had made a difference in your lives through Ask QC, the support from the community and the collective wisdom so many of our readers have shared.

The hope is that more and more people in our community will share wisdom and experience, developing empathy and compassion for one another. By allowing free access through the Internet, together we can make a difference in people’s lives, freeing anyone from their fears and confusion. A place where we meet our vulnerabilities with tenderness and curiosity. A place where we feel safe to grow ourselves.

Belonging brings you the feeling of being at home, wherever you are.

You feel safe. Expansive. Curious. Happy to be here.

You can relax, open your heart, question, explore, and just be yourself, knowing that you are loved; you belong.

We welcome all your questions and encourage you to comment with your personal views and opinions. We are here to help one another. We are pleased to let you know that all past Ask QC questions are available on the new site. QCommunity is accessible via our navigation bar above (coloured in green) and is always just one click away from this main site. Explore the new site and let us know what you think. Together with you, we hope to build QCommunity into a great resource that will benefit many of our tribe.

Thank you for your contribution and participation in advance. Three cheers for good karma.

With metta,
Editor D

Explore and join the QCommunity now.

19 Dec 15 By Editor D 4 Comments

Ask QC: Should I bring porn into our relationship?

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Dear Ask QC,

I’m in a new relationship with a lovely guy, so far things have been pretty good apart from in the bedroom. I’m in my mid 30’s and been out for years and I guess fairly experienced in regards sex, gay lifestyle and partners (I’ve had two long term relationships, each 5-6 years). On the other hand my new bf is early 20’s, I’m his first real boyfriend and apart from leading a closeted life (up till now) he’s the opposite of me in that he’s quiet, introverted and the studious type – I’m the more outgoing one.

Most things have been going really well together, to the point where he has agreed to move in with me early next year after Christmas and the holidays. We will both be visiting our respective parents in different cities separately and January is the earliest opportunity to start up together -something we are both really looking forward to!

The thing is, when it comes to sex, he’s not only shy and inexperienced but he is also really innocent to a lot of the usual terms or actions that most guys his age would know, or at least have some knowledge of by watching porn even if they’ve never done it before. And it’s not like I’m talking about anything extreme or weird or kinky here, just the usual stuff – apart from making out, we are just talking about mutual masturbation, sucking and hopefully fingering leading eventually to some fucking too. Thing is, in all my past relationships we always used to watch porn together and this not only broke the ice but helped get us in the mood and open us up new ideas and things to try out. With my latest boyfriend he says he’s not even watched porn before as he led a very closeted and strict religious upbringing with his family (they had very limited access to online content and even then it was closely monitored by seniors).

So my question is this, should I introduce him to porn together in our relationship to help things along? Like I say I’ve always enjoyed it especially with my former partners but the situation was different with them as they had the same interest in it and where totally cool with the idea and enjoyed watching it together. If I go ahead with this, what would be the best way to introduce him to it, or is it just a bad idea and will sour things?

All the best, JP

Hi JP and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. It’s good that you have reached out for advice as no two relationships are the same, your newest certainly sounds as though it has a different dynamic compared to your former LTR’s. You obviously care enough to ask here rather than just jump straight in and click on a porn video in the bedroom which your new boyfriend may or may not enjoy. As he has already let you know his upbringing was strict and he has not experienced so much freedom to choose to watch porn his reaction to it is a rather unknown quantity at this stage. But here is the thing, even though lots of people enjoy porn they don’t necessarily watch it together (either in or outside relationships). That’s not to say there is anything wrong with viewing it together, it just may not be everyone’s thing – some may view it as a “private thing” and only watched solo – others, like yourself, are quite open about it and fine with enjoying watching it together. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give JP? Should he ask his new boyfriend to watch porn together? And if so, how should he introduce him to it? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

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07 Dec 15 By Tim 5 Comments

Ask QC: He doesn’t like my hairy butt hole how do I remove it?

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Dear Ask QC,

I’m a fair haired smooth twinky type of guy (22 yo) and my body is basically hairless apart from my butt hole. My new bf really likes to rim but he hates the fact that I have a bush of dark thick hair at and round my butt hole – and I have to agree its kinda gross.

So what’s the best way to remove this hair around my anus? My pubes around my cock are quite thin, fair and wispy and my balls are completely smooth so I’ve never had to deal with this. I don’t know if I should use an electric shaver, wet shave, trim with scissors or is waxing a viable option? I want something that will be lasting, hygenic and easy to maintain. Help!

Hugs, Robin XOXO

Hi Robin and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. We all have our own preferences when it comes to pubic/body hair – some like it natural and bushy and others like it trimmed or completely smooth. It’s a personal choice but you should be aware that there can be health consequences associated with any type of depilation: shaving, waxing, clipping, tweezing, threading, or laser treatment. Your pubic area is especially sensitive to these hair-removal techniques so exercise caution if you do decide to proceed with this. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Robin? Have you removed hair from this area before and/or do you maintain a hair free anus/pubic region? What methods would you recommend or should he avoid? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

30 Nov 15 By Tim 5 Comments

Ask QC: I want sex but I just clam up!

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Dear Ask QC,

I’m 24 and have been closested almost all of my life until recently when my situation changed and I have been able to be a bit more open. Up until 6 months ago I still lived with my parents when I was recently transferred to another city through work which has been liberating to some extent. Although I’m not out at work I was able to start dating men and I thought, finally able to have sex.

You probably think it’s a bit pathetic a 24 year old guy writing in with this problem, as I have not had sex with another guy. But don’t get me wrong, I love sex – well porn at least anyway lol! Seriously I really love it and I love to masturbate daily as really this has been my only outlet. So you can imagine how excited I got when I knew finally I would have my own place and be away from my parents and away from that hateful homophobic town I used to live in (seriously I don’t know why I stuck it there for so long).

So, being a bit new on the scene and all I’ve tried some of the bars but really I didn’t like it much and so I starting using the dating apps. After a few bad dates with some weirdo’s I finally met the sort of guy who not only makes me feel good inside, he’s hot too, I generally go for older guys but he’s only 28, still he’s hot though, and funny, and kind and so far he’s been really very patient with me.

Although I love the idea of hot random sex, I’m not the sort who is going to jump in bed or do it just for the sake of doing it. I think I’ve realized that I have to have some emotional attachment with a guy before I would want to go that far. So here is my dilemma, my guy has been patient for a while now and we’ve gotten to making out but that’s it as far as I can go. If his hand goes near my dick or he puts my hand on his I just clam up. I know this is weird and I usually make excuses like I’m tired or I don’t feel well (I’ve even pretended to fall asleep a couple of times). I know this is wrong and I don’t know why I am like this or why it happens? I just kinda freeze and can’t move. It’s like I am scared but I want it and well I don’t know really it’s confusing. The first few times this happened he was okay with it but the last few times he sighed and last night he even started to get a bit angry and grumpy and he left early. I hate doing this to him and seeing him like this but I can’t even try to explain to him why I do this or how I can fix it? After last night I even started to get a bit scared he may dump me or go off me because I’m not giving him the sex he wants. Like I say, it’s weird because I want sex with him too but well, it just stops with me clamming up! Seriously guys this is starting to get me down so if you know how I can change this I would be really so happy and grateful to you all – thanks.

hugs and all

Matt

Hi Matt and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. Firstly Matt no one here thinks your letter or problem is pathetic and if you read back through the archives you will see that there are plenty of guys older than you who’ve not had sex or full intercourse yet. So don’t ever think that a question here is in anyway trivial or not worthy of being posted here, we are a community and here to help our fellow members. Learning to love both physically and emotionally doesn’t just happen overnight, it’s a life long process. In your case, being suppressed in a closeted and homophobic environment for the most part of your life won’t have helped you but now that you are in a new and more open situation then things will improve. And consider that it’s only been a few months since you left your previous situation and adapting to your new job, environment and openly gay lifestyle will all take some time – but you will adapt. You’re lucky you have found such an understanding guy and it will help if you’re able to explain your situation to him so that he can comprehend your problem too. It may be worthwhile seeking out gay support groups in your city who may be able to advise on counselling if it is also needed. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Matt? Have you come across this before or experienced a similar situation? If so, what did you do? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

23 Nov 15 By Tim 6 Comments

Ask QC: Can I really become a Bug Chaser?

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Dear Ask QC,

Hi! I write to you guys just to get some opinions.

Anyway, it never happens to me to get to know a random guy on Grindr just to hook up, it’s not really my style. However, the other night I saw a very attractive dude and I decided to talk to him. He was extremely direct about just meeting for sex. But, he told me he was a “Giftgiver”. To be honest, I didn’t know what that was. Later he asked me if I was a “Bugchaser”, so I was terribly lost because I didn’t know what to say. I Googled the terms really fast and then I knew what that was all about. In fact, he was organizing an orgy with guys that wanted to have unprotected sex… so, eventually, they would get HIV. I declined to participate in the orgy, but I offered to meet him some other day and maybe have safe sex, if he was willing to do it in that way. Surprisingly, he replied that if I didn’t mind he was positive, then he would do it.

Truth to be told, I was really shocked about the fact that probably that night, some dudes would get infected with HIV just because they wanted to. Anyway, the weird part comes next: I texted him again on the app the night after, just a simple “What’s up”. As before, he was very direct asking my sexual role and age (like as if we hadn’t chatted previously) and I told him again about the “safe sex” deal we had discussed, but he started acting very rude, saying to me that if it wasn’t my intention to do it bareback, then to f*ck off. So, that kinda got my back up and I put myself in the same rude position but, somehow, we started sexting. WTF, right?

I dared him to be that rude with me on the bed (just teasing him to get him to be more angry). But then, he wrote some really very hot stuff and dared me to have unprotected sex with him, even though there is the HIV infection risk. He even gave me his address and told me he had a car and that he could come over to my place to pick me up right then. But the thing that really worries me is this – that I got really turned on. I got a huge boner in my pants and I fantasized a lot about having sex with him. I did though say no to the guy and blocked him on the app.

Of course, now I know all this Giftgiver/Bugchaser thing is a practice well-known, even though some people deny it. I read that people are willing to get infected with HIV, and that their logic to make that choice is based on several points; love is one (when their partners are infected and they’re not, it’s a way to make a stronger bond, according to them). The thing is, I get really terrified to know that if I got this excited while just dirty talking about bareback sex… can I, in the future, have the will to get HIV because it turns me on by having risky and tough sex practices? I know some of us like dirty, teasing talking or a little bit more rude sex, but… can this mean that I can really somehow become a Bugchaser?

LH xoxo

Hi LH and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. Intentionally wanting to pass on or to receive an STI or HIV infection through “Gift Giving” and Bug Chasing” is a controversial topic to say the least. However, since you have recently experienced this through chat on the apps and become intrigued with the subject then it’s just as worthy as any of the other hundreds of letters and different topics written in to Ask QC and as usual it’s open for discussion here. It sounds as if you became a bit too excited over the risk element though and rationality can become rather clouded then – and perhaps your hormones got the better of you when dirty talking too. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give LH? Have you come across this before or experienced a similar situation? If so, what did you do? What are your views on the whole Giftgiving/Bugchasing scene? And are there any valid reasons for a person to intentionally get infected with HIV or other STI? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

16 Nov 15 By Tim 5 Comments

Ask QC: Why did I suddenly start to have wild fantasies?

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Dear Ask QC,

Recently I started having these wild fantasies – like being raped or being taken and used by 3 or more men. I’ll be in the grocery store waiting in line and then it will just flash these images of the guys at the checkout forcing me into the back room or even taking me there right in the middle of the store, fucking me every which way and abusing and filling every hole. Or I’ll be in a meeting at work and then I suddenly start to think I’m force stripped and fucked over the desk by the rest of the guys there.

The weird thing is I’m a top, in my 30’s and in a stable, steady relationship with my partner of 4 years, we live together and have a good and regular sex life. I’ve never been particularly into kink, bondage or anything like that, although I’ve always enjoyed watching porn (I still do, but not the extreme stuff).

So I can’t think why this has started to happen – I don’t know if it’s stress at work or means something else in our relationship (is it too boring?) or does this happen to everyone? I’ve not mentioned this to my partner yet as I don’t want to worry him or put him off me sexually – but these thoughts of being a slutty bottom are getting more frequent (several times a day) and more and more intense and extreme.

If anyone can help me understand what’s going on here I’d sure appreciate it, thanks guys, losing my mind a bit over this…

Ted

Hi Ted and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. Our sex lives don’t necessarily stay exactly the same throughout our entire lives. Everyone is different and we have differing wants and needs at different times of our lives. Having vivid sexual dreams or fantasies during the day can occur to anyone at anytime really and may go as quickly as they have come. That said, you obviously feel concerned by this and you could talk with your primary medical carer to determine professional advice on this matter. But just as valid are our readers experiences on this matter too, so dear QC readers what advice would you offer Ted? Should he be concerned about his sexual fantasies or not? Have you been in this type of situation before and how did you resolve it? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

09 Nov 15 By Tim 3 Comments

Ask QC: I am still single at 40 something, am I too picky?

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Dear Ask QC,

I’m in my 40’s, in good shape and have established a good career path. When it comes to material things then I’m pretty well set up with all that I need but when it comes to men I just can’t seem to keep a guy for more than a few months. All of my peers (straight, bi and gay) have all settled down either in permanent relationships (for years) or have married (and ha e kids, etc) – I seem destined to be alone it would seem.

It’s true that I have a certain type but my parameters aren’t that strict (+/- 10 years of my age) and intellectually/sexually compatible and a good sense of humor. Career wise they have to know what they want but I’m not particularly looking for someone who is a CEO or something like that, as long as they are happy and fulfilled in their work then I am fine with that. So I think the type of guy I am looking for is normal, yet for some reason the guys I’ve been dating seem to move on after a few weeks or months at most.

One important period in my life was that in my late teens I did have a long love relationship for 4 years but his family migrated overseas and that ended. This affected me very deeply when this happened and I withdrew into myself for several years just focusing on my studies, sports and then career. My friends say that I constantly judge or mark guys as suitable life partners against my previous love but this was over 25 years ago now and it doesn’t even make sense or seem real any more. I guess I do have this habit of making comparisons (doesn’t everyone?) but I can’t seem to break out of this – so have I set the bar too high or am I just too picky?

Any ideas on how to solve this? Thanks guys, hugs

Douglas

Hi Douglas and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. We will always remember our first love more tenderly (and probably with rose tinted spectacles truth be known) but this is because the first time we experience those feelings they are incredibly intense and it’s all so new and exciting first time around. So how do we replicate that intensity and excitement again? The answer is that we don’t; next time around it will be different but that’s not to lessen the quality of those feelings of love at all as inevitably with the benefit of experience our perspectives change. Finding a suitable life partner isn’t exactly scientific either, although some would make us think it’s that easy. Finding love can be as random and unexpected as life itself but let’s assume that you are putting yourself in all the right places to meet the type of guys you like? It sounds more as though you need to break away and disconnect from seeing each date as potential marriage material. There could also be an element of your comparisons and eagerness to settle down that ironically may be what is pushing guys away too. So my advice would be to just date and don’t feel pressurized in any way because of your age or your peer group. Just let things take their natural course and it will work out. So dear QC readers what advice would you offer Douglas? Have you been in this situation before and/or know how to resolve it? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

02 Nov 15 By Tim Write a comment!

Ask QC: Did having sex ruin our bromance?

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Dear Ask QC,

Me and a male friend of mine recently started messing around. Things were going great until he decided to have a threesome with him and his gf. When I approached the room to join them, she got very very pissed, to the point where she left his apartment. About 5-10 mins later, after she didn’t return, I went to his room. He was naked (probably waiting on me) and we started having some fun. He turned his butt towards me and I put my dick inside of him, and fucked him.

A couple days later, I recieved a text from him stating he’s done with everything and he needs time for himself!!!!!.WTF!!!!!

I don’t know what to do or say because even though I LOVED the new aspect of our friendship, I don’t want to lose my friend over this. And he won’t talk to me about it either. Is he embarrassed by it, did he like it too much, or maybe he didn’t like it, and is trying to be nice about it. Do you have any suggestions about what I should do?

S.

Hi S and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. Technically by definition a bromance is a close but non-sexual relationship between two men. In your circumstances it sounds as though the limit of those boundaries were exceeded before you guys had actually discussed or thought about it. The fact his girl friend stormed out would also indicate the idea of a three some hadn’t been discussed with her either. That said, this doesn’t have to be the end of a good friendship but it may take some time before he is ready to be able to discuss it with you. Tell him what is important to you, the fact that you value your friendship together and yes, you enjoyed the sexual side of it too. Perhaps he was experimenting and testing his own limitations too, but without any discussion with him it will only be speculation. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give S? Has anyone experienced a similar situation before? If so, where you able to resolve it and how? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

26 Oct 15 By Tim 31 Comments