QueerClick

Dear QC,
I am a loyal reader of the site and love to provide advice when I can. Now I find myself needing advice.

I've known this guy, lets call him Nick, for the past 4 years. When I met him I couldn't stand him, and was actually lusting after his older brother (which was a huge mistake). I did like Nick a little bit when I did meet him though. Thought he was a great guy. Well something happened (a lot of drama) and we lost touch with each other about a year later.

Now on to what I need advice on. About two months ago, I was doing something on my computer. When out of the blue I get a message from someone I don't recognize and it turns out to be Nick. We talk the entire day and even into the next without any sleep at all. About a week later I realized that I like him...a lot. It wasn't long after that that he told me that he loved me. I have always had trust issues, but I thought that it's time to take a chance at love again. So I let him get close to me. And I love him more than most people can love in their own lifetime. Well He's been talking about suicide because he wants to be out of where he lives (lives in Canada) and go to New York then come here to where I live. But with money and finances the way it's at with both of us, it's not looking like it's going to happen on time. And he's been talking about suicide and I can't lose him. I don't know what to do about this. I've beat myself up so much and I've cried. I don't know what to do about this. He's 20 and I'm 24.

Needing help with advice.

Garrett

What advice would you give Garrett, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.

Have a question for QC? Send 'em to ask@queerclick.com and we'll do our best to solve your problems!

THE PERFECT MIDNIGHT SNACK: Colonel Mustard with the lead pipe in the kitchen...

This holiday season, surprise your friends and family with a gift that only you can give them... the sweet, succulent taste of your semen. Yes folks, Natural Harvest is the cookbook you've been waiting for, if what you've been waiting for is a way to get your family members to eat your manseed without being arrested. The introduction explains:

"Foods we might find strange or unpleasant may be considered delicacies in other countries. Rotten fish is a national dish in Sweden... the British love their blood sausage, and guinea pigs are roasted for dinner in Peru."

Mmmmm! Bloody wieners and roasted house pet? We're sold! Oh, wait a minute... we're not. Sure, semen may be a good midday snack or a nightcap after an evening of cocktail wieners and tossed salad, but most of the time it tastes like melted brie or salmon-flavored egg yolks... oh wait, maybe it is a delicacy. It's a shame most men just ingest with without a thought or else spit it back onto the bellies or eyes of their lovers. Let's read more:

"Semen producers can generate a wide range of semen tastes simply by making minot dietary adjustments. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food."

You mean to tell us that when those teenage fast-food cooks replaced the mayo in our chicken sandwiches with jism, they were just trying to expand our culinary horizons? Well, kudos to them, young innovators! We shouldn't have called the Department of Health on you, after all!

CUM AGAIN? Some folks never tire of their favorite foods. Just ask your grandma. That reminds us... does anyone remember the testicle cookbook that recently came out? Now you can have a culinary orgy right in your own kitchen.

At least the cookbook has a good sense of humor with recipes for high-protein smoothies, cappuccino de Semi, man-made oysters, roasted lamb with good gravy, and creamy cum crepes. Can you imagine the dinner party: "Did you enjoy your meal?" "Why yes, very much." "Good, because you just ingested about a pint of my semen. Bob's too." Won't your guests be thrilled when they realize you've tricked them into eating your cum (once again)? And worse, what if they love your semen and demand more, you might find yourself being milked like a cow every night by your cum-hungry friends and too tired even to stand up or take a dump.

Also, if you're jerking off straight into saucepans, does the chef still have to wash his hands afterwards? Or does the pungent, musky taste of nuts and crotch funk add another subtle flavor. Ahhh! Our compliments to the chef!

Via Sticky.

Dear QueerClick,

After years of only going as far as giving and receiving blow jobs, I recently started having anal sex. In all scenarios, I have always bottomed because I am a clean freak who borders on OCD. I laboriously clean and prep myself whenever I go out in the event that I do hook up with someone. I don't want any accidents while in the mist of getting it on and fortunately haven't ran into any.

My problem is, I don't want to always bottom. There have been numerous instances where I have wanted to top a guy but my clean freak tendencies cause me to worry about whether or not the guy has bothered to go through the cleaning process as thoroughly as I have. (I highly doubt anyone goes through as thorough a cleaning process! =P)

So the question is, what are the rules of etiquette if fecal matter does happen to become present during sex? We are talking about the ass after all. I'm sure it has happened to numerous guys. How do I handle myself? Is it okay to ask if a guy is clean down there before we begin play? Do I ignore its presence and continue? Is it rude to stop to address it? Is it rude to stop all together? What's the standard procedure?

I don't know what to do and would love some help. Any past scenarios and how it was handled would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Clean Seeker

Are you a dirty bottom hater, like Clean Seeker? What advice would you give him, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.

Have a question for QC? Send 'em to ask@queerclick.com and we'll do our best to solve your problems!

Join the Impact has organized nationwide protests in almost every major U.S. city TOMORROW, SATURDAY NOVEMBER 15th, in opposition to California's recently passed anti-gay measure amendment, Proposition 8. We're doing a full analysis of the Proposition 8 vote in the QC Weekender tomorrow, but for now, find your protest and join in the battle.

Safety first, right boys? It's always smart to slip on a condom before the butt sex, though slipping two on doesn't make you twice as safe. In fact, the friction between the two sheaths could break them, spilling vicious man-load all over your friend's warm, velvety intestinal lining. Well, how about putting on ten condoms? or 625?!?

Our friends at My Fun Zone tried just that using a 8-inch dildo and a heck of a lot of free jimmy hats. The Good News: it'll make your cock about a foot and a half long and wider than a can of Diet Coke. The bad news: it'll also make your cock look like a daikon radish and all the pressure of 625 rubbers will squeeze all the blood out of your poor dick. Experimenting is fun, but trust our advice—stick with just one.

Dear Ask,

I've met this guy online a few months ago who I really like, he's also into the same stuff as me and the same age, we're both 20yo. He's smart, gorgeous, kind and funny. We really have a laugh together and I know I'm falling for him, but the thing is he is thousands of miles away (he's east coast I'm west).

What are the chances of us progressing and developing a loving relationship rather than just friendship? I already feel like I'm falling in love with him and he has said as much too. Is it unrealistic of me to expect that such a romance can happen? I just feel so happy when we're chatting online and I want to be with him all the time. We're both in college now, but I can switch courses so that I would be in the same city as him, its something we've discussed already as possible. I realize its a big risk, my heart tells me yes but my head tells me no - the thing is I really want to give romance a chance. Has anyone had experience of relationships like this and did it work out?

Thanks in advance guys!

Alex.

Anyone out there with experience of this? What advice would you give Alex, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.

Have a question for QC? Send 'em to ask@queerclick.com and we'll do our best to solve your problems!

Hi QC,

I have a problem that when I cum it just sort of dribbles out a bit and I really want to cum like loads and loads more. My current boyfriend shoots really far, like right above his shoulders, sometimes right over his head! And I would say his load is at least 10 times more than mine.

I've tried not jerking off for more than a week to try and build up the sperm in my balls but the result is just the same, I just get this dribble of cum. I notice quite a few of the porn stars cum bucket loads and I want to be able to do that. Is there anyway I can get my cum to spurt really far and is there any special diet or supplements I can take to produce more cum?

thanks, Lyle xoxo

Any tips dear QC readers and what advice would you give Lyle? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.

Have a question for QC? Send 'em to ask@queerclick.com and we'll do our best to solve your problems!

Now that you know what time polls close, here are a few ways to kill some time...

Election Day tension can be killer! There's screaming pundits, swing states, long lines to the polls, election fraud... the nail biting and hard drinking alone could make your nerves shot for the next four years. So why don't you turn off the TV and put away the blogs for now (we mean the super political blogs, not the porn blogs... there's no better stress reliever than shooting off a load) and partake in some of our Election Day Time Wasters?

Create Your Own Electoral Map!
Stop waiting for the pundits to give you their analysis on which state will swing which way and start predicting your own forecast. This handy little site lets you click on states and decide how strongly they're leaning one way or another. You can even view polls to make an educated guess. Get a bunch of friends together to make their maps and then offer a cash or beer prize to the winner!

Play AIRMILF!
Watch out Dick Cheney... there's a new trigger-happy hunter for VP! Just skip the ads and then get to hunting wolves in a helicopter, just like Sarah Palin. Get a $100 bonus that adds up with every consecutive headshot. But be careful not to kill the antelopes or elks. The spacebar fires the "special weapon" and look out for cash, grenade and bazooka bonuses! In fact, Comedy Central has loads of election-themed games from Joe The Plumber: Layin' Pipe to Don't Get Hurt: The No Health Insurance Game. Now we're having fun, huh?

Click Around Palin's Presidential Office God forbid anything happen to McCain if he's elected president. That would be a gosh darn shame for Sarah Palin, y'know? She'd have to play Commander In Chief and I betcha, it's harder than it looks. In this funny site, click around Sarah Palin's Oval Office to see what she's hiding. Burning books in the closet? Interesting...

Watch Some Election Comedy
Sure there's international terrorism, institutionalized homophobia, and a worldwide financial crisis, but that doesn't mean Election Day's gotta be all long-faced and serious. Stop by any of the four sites linked in the title above to get a good dose of laughter... and we're not just talking a few minutes worth, but hours upon days. You could find yourself having such a good time, that you'll forget to check who won. Just make sure you DON'T FORGET TO VOTE, eh?

Election '08! Oh the memories... the joys, the hopes, the heartache, the heartburn, the upset stomach, the dry heaves, the constipation and migraines... thank goodness it's almost over!

TODAY IS ELECTION DAY so go wipe off your hand and get out there and vote! Harass your friends, family, and co-workers to do the same. Here are a couple of useful links to make sure your Election Day is a good one.

- If you're not sure where to vote, find your polling place with the Google Voting Map.

- Know your rights regarding time off to vote. The link above has all sorts of helpful legal backup you can print and leave on your boss' desk.

Here's a handy Voting preparation checklist. Here's a few reminders:

• DON'T wear any campaign gear (buttons or shirts)! You're not allowed to campaign 100 feet from the polling place.


• Bring a snack, water and maybe a chair, jacket, and umbrella in case of long lines.


• Bring a camera to immortalize the historic event or to capture any shady shenanigans.


• If you see any weird, discomfiting, or questionably illegal going on, call Election Protection at 1-866-OUR-VOTE.


• Learn ways to report election fraud at this link.

- If you are told you cannot vote for any reason, demand a provisional ballot, and contact the Election Protection Coalition at 1-866-OUR-VOTE.

- If you are transgender, brush up on transgender voting rights.

- Brush up on new voter laws in different states

- Please stand in line to vote for as long as it takes.

- Encourage others to vote and to report election fraud.

Thanks from Team Orange! There's two instructional videos about voter fraud after the jump.

More "Erection '08: VOTE AT ALL COSTS"

Give it up, Palin. You'll never be President unless McCain croaks and he's not gonna. Even if grandpa manages to pull a victory out of his wrinkly ass, he'll stay on life support just to make sure it's his finger on the button and not yours. QueerClick's personally voting Libertarian (ha!), but we've also got a dark horse candidate for those of you who enjoy parties more than politics—celebuwreck Paris Hilton! She's liberal alright... she's pro-clean energy, anti-torture, and pro-gay marriage (one of her Secret Service men has a secret of his own). And don't doubt she won't do a good job. As she says, "Bush did it, it can't be that hard."

But in all seriousness, Election Day is Tuesday, November 4th and you had better get out there and vote. QueerClick has some useful links to make sure your Election Day is fulfilling and fair.

- If you're not sure where to vote, find your polling place with the Google Voting Map.

- Know your rights regarding time off to vote. The link above has all sorts of helpful legal backup you can print and leave on your boss' desk.

- If you are told you cannot vote for any reason, demand a provisional ballot, and contact the Election Protection Coalition at 1-866-OUR-VOTE.

- If you are transgender, brush up on transgender voting rights.

- Encourage others to go out an vote as well.

Thanks,
Team Orange