Maybe you like the BBC weather forecast for y’know, the weather. Lame. We bet you also go to grocery stores “just to buy food” and art galleries “for the art.” Not us. We watch BBC weather for one reason and it rhymes with Tomasz Schafernaker. Yes, the handsome weatherhunk always brings the sunshine, even when its pouring acid rain. He’s recently brought even sunnier weather into our lives by appearing in UK gay mag Attitude magazine’s men’s fitness supplement, Active.
We already found him attractive, but he’s even sexier without any clothes on. And though we’re not sure what his stunning secret is, but we hope it’s that he wants to sleep with us. Our forecast calls for partly studly with an 80% chance of boners.
Tomasz always delivers a weather forecast to remember, especially with his tight shirt, bulging arms, and that healthy khaki-covered butt. No matter his forecast, we’re predicting things are gonna get very very wet! We’ve had a dry spell and we’d be happy to have Tomasz’s large hot front swirling over our southern region with moist humid air coming in from below. We’re prepared for an all-night storm with high temperatures and flashes of lightning, but after we seeing his hurricane’s eye, we know it’ll be nothing but sunshine ahead…in our pants.
Oh Straight College Men…will your wonders this month never cease? First, you regale us with a father-son jerk-off scene. Then, you get the cutest contestant from VH1’s Tool Academy 2 to spank it for you. And now you’ve snagged your upcoming masturbator from Tool Academy 2 as well, in open defiance of a cease and desist letter from the show’s producers.
A QCommenter alerted us that Straight College Men’s next hunk would be none other than John Lamb (aka. “Giant Tool”) from Tool Academy 2. According to his MySpace page, he’s a 6’5″ white catholic capricorn. And according to his MySpace pictures, whatever he learned in Tool Academy, he’s promptly forgotten. Let’s take a quick look at why he got sent there in the first place:
John L., 29, may look like a big teddy bear, but when this exotic dancer rips his clothes off it’s no surprise to learn he has serious anger management issues. His 24-year-old girlfriend, Sarah, a secretary, wishes he would just calm down. This muscular giant also needs to learn to treat women better. His overbearing, alpha male persona has put his relationship in serious danger. John L. may be a serial disrespecter of women, but with the help of the Tool Academy, hopefully he will start acting like a big man instead of giant tool.
John got eliminated in episode 5 for “his lack of maturity and his loss of temper, resulting in the damage of school property. He had promised to calm down and not lose his temper as much, but proved he was not able to do so.” Oh John…you can act like a giant tool with anger management issues around us, especially if you have a giant tool—and an uncircumcised one at that—hot damn!
And while we’re looking forward to seeing the large oaf stroke it at SCM, we were also intrigued by the cease and desist letter that the producers of Tool Academy sent them:
“This office represents 495 Productions, Inc. (“495″), the producer of the television programs currently entitled “Tool Academy” (initially aired on the VH1 Network) and “A Shot At Love” (initially aired on the MTV Network) (collectively, the “Programs”)…
It has come to our attention that some of the performers in the Programs are participating on and in connection with the websites (www.realitvrevealed.com and www.straightcollegemen.com)… in particular, Stewart Ellefson, Daniel Jovicevic, John Lamb, Tyler Synon, and Josh Dunn…
…we further request that you also cease and desist from allowing them to further participate in the Websites and that their images, names, statements, and other materials are immediately removed from the Websites.”
That means that Tyler “Tatt Tool” Synon and the delectable Josh Dunn are the next reality show fodder for SCM’s sperm mill. Synon’s a d-bag who got arrested for taking a swing at a hotel employee, but Dunn is electric sex. His only downside is having competed in MTV’s bisexual reality dating show, Double Shot of Love, for the attention of the Ikki twins, Rikki and Vikki—icky is right…blecch!
Anyway, Straight College Men has obviously not complied with 495 Productions’ little cease-and-desist letter because Big John’s about to jerk his large uncut tool on their site. But in the meanwhile, 495 Productions, Inc. should probably be thanking SCM instead of sending them legal threats. Had SCM not featured men from Tool Academy and Double Shot of Love, we never would have heard of those shows at all.
Straight College Men has had two noteworthy videos this week. First, the father-son jerk-off and now, a new video starring Dan Jovicevic from VH1’s Tool Academy 2.
But how did this upstanding young gentleman end up on Tool Academy 2 in the first place? Let VH1 fill you in:
Dan, 22, is a pathological liar, Shannon, also 22, is his girlfriend of 2-½ years. These students live in Huntley, IL. Dan and Shannon live together on a part-time basis. Dan thinks he is a “god” and talks a big game about sleeping with tons of women, but he also loves to lie and is a self-admitted “a$$hole.” Shannon can never tell when Dan is speaking the truth or out and out lying. Fortunately for Shannon, the Tool Academy is here to sort out her mess of a relationship.
So Dan may not be husband material, but who wants a husband? We’d be happy just hooking up with the handsome turd. He’s actually the second Tool Academy flunkie to end up on SCM. The first was Stew (aka “Hillbilly Tool”). And you also might recall seeing the penis of Shawn Southern from Tool Academy 1. Add to that Rico from I Love New York who later showed up on SG4GE and it seems as if VH1’s reality show has an exit door right into the world of amateur porn.
According to SCM, “When the production company responsible for the reality TV show got wind of Stew and the others appearing on Bait & Tackle’s websites, they sent a cease and desist letter to us stating the guys were prohibited ‘from in any way participating.’ Our lawyers had to address the situation.” Looks like VH1 is very protective of its sluts. In fact, the video above from the Onion News Network shows VH1’s response when a reality show bus recently crashed on a major highway, spilling more than 2,000 pounds of slut.
See Dan’s elimination video from Tool Academyafter the jump!
Thanks to Daily Dudetube for some of the pics.
…or so says one of his skanky mistresses. We’ve already told you about the Tiger Woods sex pics that he got a UK court to block. And everyone knows that Tiger’s stuck his putter into more holes than a PGA tour champion, but maybe he’s also stuck his driver into a guy’s golf bag, says Loredana Jolie Ferriolo, the 13th tigress in the golfer’s den of sluts.
She’s come forward with a million dollar tell-all book about Tiger’s “healthy appetite for arranged sex, threesomes, girls next door, girl-girl, and an answer to all the rumors surrounding Woods’ sexuality.” Radar has more:
“One of Tiger’s many mistresses, Loredana Jolie Ferriolo, is penning a tell-all book about the golf ace and claims that she witnessed him in gay encounters. RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that Loredana has claimed she saw Tiger having sexual relationships with other men. That shocking twist is something no other mistress has claimed and there has been no proof. But Loredana recently attempted to sell her story for $1 million and graphically described group sex that included incidents of Tiger with other men, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.
According to Pink News, another one of Tiger’s sweet ladies “claims to have a sex tape of the disgraced star but porn producers Vivid Entertainment say they cannot ascertain whether it is him.”
Whether or not Tiger’s gay, we’ve certainly found him a heck of a lot more interesting since learning about his insatiable whoredom. We also wonder how many other women are going to come out and say that he’s played a few rounds on their holes. It’d be perfect if it was 18 mistresses—18 holes, get it? And while we’d like to hear that he had gay group sex, we’re more curious about whether he plays with a 6 or a 9-iron. Why aren’t any of his ladies coming forth with that info, eh?
It looks like fashion designer Marc Jacobs and his rich Brazilian hubby, Lorenzo Martone, have continued their Christmas vacation in St. Barts. They look a bazillion times better here than they did in the last photo series—amazing what a little sunlight will do! And between Marc’s perky buttcheeks and Lorenzo’s bulging basket, we don’t know where we’d prefer to plant our faces
We’ve got even more shots of the hot power couple along with more closeups of Martone’s awesome bulge after the jump!
While you were busy giving your nephew socks this Christmas, fashion designer Marc Jacobs and his husband Lorenzo Martone took their Louis Vuitton towels and $5000 Birkin bags for some fun and sun in the Caribbean. Don’t the two hunky hubbies look cute in their skin tight bathing suits? While muscle otter Marc adjusted bearish Lorenzo’s silver necklace (because nothing’s more important at a beach than wearing a large silver necklace), your mother won another hand of gin rummy and ate an old dinner roll filled with cold ham.
“Ha ha!” said Lorenzo reclining on his Egyptian cotton towel, “Isn’t this fabulous? It makes me wonder what the common people do during their beloved Christmas holiday.”*
“Plebians,” Marc said, frowning and wiping a single grain of sand from his perfectly elongated man-lashes.
See more of their fabulously opulent Christmas holiday, after the jump!
*EDITOR’S NOTE: This conversation only happened in our writer’s jealous little mind.
Corbin Fisher has become a bitMichaelLucas-esque with their zany press releases. First, they supposedly offer Levi Johnston $100,000 to masturbate three times. And now, they’ve decided to release a press statement defending Adam Lambert’s AMA performance… rather timely seeing as it happened about a month ago. Corbin Fisher takes aims at Anita Staver from the homophobic organization, The Liberty Counsel. She filed a complaint asking the FCC to fine the American Broadcast Company for showing Adam Lambert’s simulated oral sex. And while neither we nor Corbin Fisher have any problem with broadcasting oral sex, CF’s press release certainly takes a sanctimonious and over-the-top tone by suggesting that FCC test Staver’s household to see whether Lambert’s performance “aroused an unwholesome sexual interest or desire.” How, you ask? Through penile plethysmography and anal probes:
We cannot presume, for the moment, which member of Ms. Staver’s household felt arousal or sexual interest in Mr. Lambert, but she should be prepared to provide this information to the FCC if it is her position that the broadcast was marked by an “unwholesome sexual interest or desire.”
…we demand that the FCC subject all male members of the Staver household to a
test to determine whether, indeed, one of them is susceptible to arousal by Mr. Lambert’s performance. We suggest one of two methods to be administered to determine if, indeed, a member of the Staver household found his loins to be appropriately stirred so that it would warrant an investigation by the federal government.
The subjects could submit to penile plethysmography while watching a tape of the Adam Lambert performance. Alternatively, Joseph G. Bohlen, James P. Held, and Margaret Olwen Sanderson were able to judge the levels of sexual pleasure in men by the administration of a convenient anal probe, which measured involuntary contractions of the sphincter during orgasm. See The male orgasm: Pelvic contractions measured by anal probe, in the April 23, 2005 edition of Behavioral Science. Either method would do.
We do agree that it was stupid of ABC to censor Adam Lambert’s AMA antics after the fact, especially when they’ve shown female pop artists kissing and grinding in the past. But we weren’t titillated by those female kisses either. And while we’re happy to push boundaries and throw sex back in the face of the self-righteous, in the end we found Lambert’s simulated oral sex as “arousing” as Corbin Fisher’s letter, which is to say, very little.
Apparently pics and video of Tiger Woods’ 9-iron are out there and likely to hit the web soon. How do we know? Well, because Tiger won a court order in the UK to block their publication! QC hears that several of his “sweet sweet bitches” agree that the golf pro packs one hell of a driver. You can bet that we’ll hunt them down and post them as soon as they’re available. Stay tuned!
We imagine that you’ve heard all about Tiger Woods and his “Wall of Whores” by now. He has, like, a bazillion cocktail waitresses coming out of the woodwork, all claiming that they got a piece of Tiger’s wood. QC is hearing that Playgirl has possibly seen Tiger’s 9 iron on film but is confirming their authenticity before purchase.
Could this be their play to make up for the disappointing Levi Johnston pics? They should take a lesson from that experience and put these shots on lockdown, should they prove to be Tiger’s. Though you can bet we’ll post them the instant they leak. We’re looking into it and will definitely keep you in the loop.
Click on the image for the larger version. We snagged a copy of the contract that Corbin Fisher offered to America’s sweetheart, Levi Johnston. Johnston turned it down because they didn’t offer enough money, which makes us wonder, if $100,000 isn’t enough for jerking off three times (especially when we always jerk-off it for free), how much is? Would Levi have shown us his Johnson at any price?
Here’s the most important details from the contract, posted by AboveTheLaw.com on Friday:
We are prepared to offer you a compensation package for the project on the following terms: [1] $100,000.00 in financial compensation ($25,000 upon signing an agreement to do the project and $75,000 upon completion of filming), [2] 5% of royalties on gross revenues of DVD sales to continue indefinitely calculated on a monthly basis, and [3] all travel expenses and expenses incurred during the shoot.
The project will consist of 1 profile piece, 3 solo scenes consisting of a short interview after which you would be asked to masturbate on camera to completion, and participate in supporting documentary footage and still photographs. The profile piece would allow you to talk about and promote yourself, share significant pieces of information about your life, feature your athleticism, and showcase your personality and appeal.
Above The Law asked readers to “Pretend that Johnston is your client. How would you advise him? Review and flyspeck the offer letter. Do you see any terms in it that might be problematic for your client?” There’s a lot of sarcastic porn-haters commenting on the site, but the most insightful comment from the Above The Law site so far is the following:
In addition to everything already noted, the letter doesn’t specify where the location of the shoot will be, what class of travel, what class of accommodations… he’ll be sent Air Alaska, coach class with 2 huge “security” guys on either side of him to keep him from escaping, and filmed in a nondescript motel room in the seedy suburbs of LA, from which he will not be allowed to leave (for “security” reasons) until the 5 days are up.
It also doesn’t address IP rights in the work or whether Corbin Fisher can sell/distribute in ways/means other than as specified, whereas royalties are only for DVD sales.
It doesn’t specify whether Levi will have any input into the “interviews” or whether they can force him to say what they want him to say or they won’t pay him.
It doesn’t specify what happens with “out-takes.” Oh, that money shot wasn’t spurty enough for our highly classy erotic film company, try again this evening, we need more footage.
Personally, we think Johnson was smart not to accept the $100K. We’re not sure how much he got from Playgirl, but showing his cock would have cost him a lot more than $100K. This is the kid who might help take down Sarah Palin and because he didn’t show his cock, he’s kept some mainstream marketability and has easily set up round two for a shot at gay porn, which are both worth a lot more than $100,000. What do you think?
If you’re like the rest of us squealing girls here at QCHQ, you’ve been feeling fangst over New Moon heartthrob Taylor Lautner. Rolling Stone recently interviewed him to ask him about rumors that he’s dating some she-twink named Taylor Swift.
[He said,] “We got along great. We instantly clicked. And she’s – she’s an amazing girl,” Taylor said of the singer in a new interview with Rolling Stone. “Aside from being beautiful, she’s extremely funny, charismatic and fun to be around, so we definitely get along. We’re close.”
But, is Taylor dating someone?
“Possibly,” he told the mag.
What a tease! He’s know that he’s infinitely more marketable as an ambiguously single man. All sorts of folks have pulled that routine—right, Zack Randall? Not content to leave ambiguous enough alone, Rolling Stone then pressured the pop-pup to respond to rumors that he’s gay:
“Another possibility is that maybe you’re just sort of discovering yourself,” Rolling Stone asked.
“OK,” Taylor said.
“…As a young person trying to figure out his sexual identity in the world,” the mag continued.
“OK. I see where you’re going,” he said during the interview. “Interesting choice.”
“It is a possibility,” the mag said.
“There’s a lot of rumors out there,” Taylor said.
Well, Mr. Lautner may not or may not be gay, but while playing the character of Jacob Black in the teen vampire/werewolf drama, New Moon, he certainly feels conflicted. At one point Jacob has to choose between running away with the film’s heroine or a pack of beefy wolf-boys. He makes his choice and we stand by it. The TimesOnline.uk reports:
The rest of New Moon concerns Bella’s growing relationship with local beefcake Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). The latter though, in another telegraphed allegory, is struggling with his sexual orientation and eventually rejects Bella for a foursome of local rowdies in cut-off denim shorts and baby-oiled torsos.: ‘It’s not a lifestyle choice, Bella! I was born this way!’ he says, before fleeing into the woods with the beefy boys—they are also werewolves, but in the movie’s hysterical emotional register, this is of secondary importance.
As soon as we found these pics at GuysWithiPhones, we simply had to share them! It’s number 24 Center Fielder for the Cleveland Indians—baseball hunk Grady Sizemore! He’s 27-years-old, biracial (from a white mom and black dad) and he’s hot, Hot, HOT!!!
Indians’ general manager Mark Shapiro called Sizemore “without a doubt one of the greatest players of our generation” and after seeing these sizzling pics, we bet he’s a great player indeed! Rumor is that he snapped them on while traveling for the delight of his girlfriend Playboy Playmate Brittany Binger. Luckily, they got leaked for our delight as well! He’s handsome, built, has awesomely suckable nipples, and you can even make out the head of his penis in the last picture!
For more celebrity bulges, check out The Bulge Report. And you can see even lower after the jump!
Making a very successful jump from reality show star to Cocksure Men star—Latino hunk Marco Rivera shows us all what VH1 couldn’t on the reality show, “I Love New York”. His chiseled abs, his round and firm butt and his beautiful uncut dick are all on display for you but it’s that gusher of a cum shot that will make you think you might need a rain coat. Seriously, this stud is a one-man Bukake movie.
Last time we checked in on Adam Lambert, he got hit by a dildo during a concert. Well, it seems as if he stowed that dildo in his action slacks before hitting the stage at the American Music Awards, because his bulge was so big and glittery that its sparkle blinded several children watching at home.
Before his performance at the AMA, a bit of scandal surrounded the young singer’s appearance on the cover of OUT magazine. Basically, OUT’s editor said Adam’s handlers didn’t want him to appear too gay. Well, no need to worry about that any longer, Mr. Editor, because after Lambert’s tonguing, thrusting, and gyrating at the AMA, no one’s ever gonna look at him and think he’s straight ever again ever.
Thanks to QCommenter Doug for digging up what may be the last YouTube video of Lambert’s performance. Get it while it’s hot because now that we’ve posted it, ol’ Dick Clark will probably hunt it down and squash it soon, the jerk. Adam’s dildo-fueled antics apparently made a few parents simultaneously queasy and horny as well, because 1,500 of them complained to the network about his performance being “tasteless and vulgar.” We agree, but we like tasteless and vulgar things like this.
Sadly, his dry humping and faux-fisting of dancers cost him a gig on the daily dry heave known as Good Morning America where he hoped to camerahump boygirls for millions of bleary-eyed 9-to-5ers. His gayness cost him American Idol and now it’s cost him Chode Mourning America. If we’re not careful, the boy will move to Europe. Amid the media uproar, Lambert responded by saying:
It’s a shame because I think that there’s a double standard going on in the entertainment community right now. Female performers have been doing this for years—pushing the envelope about sexuality—and the minute a man does it, everybody freaks out. We’re in 2009; it’s time to take risks, be a little more brave, time to open people’s eyes and if it offends them, then maybe I’m not for them. My goal was not to piss people off, it was to promote freedom of expression and artistic freedom.” If ABC opts not to broadcast several of the more risqué moments of “For Your Entertainment” in a few moments, “In a roundabout way it’s a form of discrimination because it is a double standard,” Lambert says.
We have posted the original AMA performance for you, but they may soon yank the piece off the web. So instead, you’ll have to yank your piece to the pics above and the video below of the song he sang, For Your Entertainment.
Via Sticky. Thanks to Unzipped for the pics.
