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This time domini asks:
Cumming On Time
hey guys…
i have this problem from a very long time and im just wondering if other folks are facing this kind of situation too. i have trouble reaching orgasm if i am having sex with someone. it doesnt matter if the guy im with is my type or not, i could not an orgasm if i dont jack myself off. and even then it takes an unusually long time to reach climax. i dont get this problem if i jack off, only when i have sex.
it places a burden on my boyfriend because he thinks i dont want to have sex with him. its making me anxious to cum and that makes it even more difficult for me to cum because of the anxiety. i have already explained to him, that this happened to me before, to all my previous hook-ups, but i know if he believes me. dont get me wrong, i have no problem getting an erection, i just i have difficulty cumming. think of it as a reverse pre-mature ejaculation, only i could go for hours and not cum, and its not as good as it may sound. any suggestion or insight on overcoming this? thanks.
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This time Ivoggo asks:
Anal Conundrum
So, I’m 21 years old, and I’ve been dating a 35-year old guy for the last year. I’ve had anal sex before, and I never really got turned on by it at the time, mostly because I was afraid an “accident” would occur, since I never douched… just washed up and hoped for the best. I was okay with big dicks (not too big, but you know… above average) and they never hurt me, so that wasn’t the problem either. So I let it go thinking “well, you got nervous and limp only because of not douching, but you’ll be turned on otherwise!”
Cut to present day, and I finally bought a douche, because I want to have sex with my boyfriend more often. It feels lovely to be clean and not have that tension of “OMG, will my tummy start gurgling in the middle?!” But I still don’t get turned on while he fucks me. I’m super turned on during foreplay, and even when he slides in. And I love the idea of him inside of me. But when he starts pounding me, in my head, I love it, but my dick thinks otherwise – it goes limp faster than you can say “stop going limp”. 😐 I get this squishy, uncomfortable feeling inside, and that’s what turns me off. I don’t know what to do about it. It gets very annoying because I want my boyfriend to feel like he’s pleasuring me too, and I *want* to feel the pleasure as well, but my mind just won’t cooperate, I guess. I have to start jerking off from scratch after he’s done fucking me, and that’s the biggest turn off, so the overall experience becomes quite frustrating.
Is there anything I can do about this? Can I train my mind to be turned on some other way during sex? Does it require practice? […] Continue Reading
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Ask QC at QCommunity is the dedicated place for all our QueerClickers to connect, support and share their wisdom. You can start a new discussion, join a thread or browse through the hundreds of posts archived there to share your concerns, issues and advice. And we’ve made it easy for all to join in – no fuss, no new accounts, just log in with your regular Disqus account that you’re already using here. This week OnAslowjourney asks about:
SEXUAL CONNECTIONS
So I’m not someone that hooks up all the time but recently I’ve become more open to it. So I’ve met a couple guys from an app and haven’t had the most satisfying experiences. Firstly, I am a top and consider myself to be sexually dominant. I didn’t even fuck either of these guys, which is fine because I’m generally more turned on by foreplay anyways. However, in both my experiences the guys were too rough for me. One of them, literally. But it’s an awkward situation because I want them to have a good time but I can’t seem to get my needs met. In both instances I did not orgasm. The first time I thought it was partially due to nerves and not feeling comfortable. But both times the guys were way too rough! I tried to communicate how I felt but it was harder the second time. I don’t know what it is…Maybe I’m just not used to voicing my needs in general… So now I’m wondering how do I find a guy who is more gentle and sensitive, and allows me to take the lead. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks!
If you’d like to join the discussion and share your advice, thoughts and experiences on this issue, then jump on over to ▸ QCommunity ◂ now!
Need advice? Just post your questions and the QCommunity will get you some answers!
Ask QC at QCommunity is the dedicated place for all our QueerClickers to connect, support and share their wisdom. You can start a new discussion, join a thread or browse through the hundreds of posts archived there to share your concerns, issues and advice. And we’ve made it easy for all to join in – no fuss, no new accounts, just log in with your regular Disqus account that you’re already using here. This week briandt asks about:
ACCIDENTIAL POOPING
I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. We met in college and moved in together after graduation. We are both versatile and had a great sex life until 5 months ago. While my partner was bottoming for me he accidentally pooped. He had no idea that it was going to happen. I actually could feel it hit the tip of my dick but I didn’t know what to do. I thought it might just stay in there so I kept going. Then I came and after I pulled my dick out of him and the poop came out of him at the same moment. It wasn’t all that big a deal to me. It was just one poop log. It wasn’t like it was some big mess. I got up to get tissues to pick up the poop but he took them from me and picked it up himself and flushed it. My partner was terribly embarrassed told me to shower first like I was bothered by his poop touching my dick. We didn’t even talk about it. I said it was no big deal but he didn’t answer me.
We still haven’t talked about it. It’s kind of like we haven’t talked about sex all. He stopped initiating sex. When I initiate it there are only certain things he’ll do. He’ll rim me, blow me and fuck me but I can only blow him and get fucked by him. Since the incident he has refused to let me rim him or bottom for me.
I’m pretty confused about his reaction. Nothing like this has ever happened to either one of us in our lives. We no longer use condoms and we’ve never even had the slightest bit of poop on our dicks. We haven’t had many partners before each other so our sex lives previous to each other has been limited so I’m not sure how common something like this can be. I miss him bottoming for me and I really miss rimming him since it’s one of my favorite things to do. I mean, so what, he pooped. He cleaned out before sex so it’s not like he was careless or anything, it was simply an accident. It doesn’t gross me out at all – this is the man I love and intend to spend my life with and, quite frankly, his poop doesn’t gross me out at all. It’s not like I’m into scat but I also don’t find his poop gross. So, where do I go from here? How do I get our sex life back on track? How can I help him to deal with his horror over this incident? I sincerely appreciate any help.
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Here’s the deal. A friend of mine and I went out to the local country gay bar and he saw an hot ginger guy, very buff, young and good looking. This fella was with his friends, but he didn’t seem to be with anyone or hitting on anybody. Now, my pal ain’t nothin’ to sniff at—he’s pretty cute, in good shape, and a nice guy too—he’s just a little shy.
My friend spent forever talking to me about how he should approach the guy: what should he say, how can he strike up conversation, what won’t make him sound stupid or desperate. I told him to go up, shake his hand, introduce himself, and ask him on a date but my friend said that wasn’t smooth at all. “It’s a heck of a lot smoother than being a wallflower,” I told him. He finally went over to talk to the fella when I said, “Hot guys wanna get asked out too.”
It didn’t really work. The ginger guy was surrounded by his friends and so my pal couldn’t really get in there. And when he did, all he did was compliment the guy’s looks and the guy just smiled and said thanks without introducing himself or paying my friend another thought. It’s occurred to me that the ginger might’ve been a jerk, but how could my friend have made a better entrance?
A lot of guys get intimidated when it comes to approaching someone that’s really hot. I keep thinking, “Why would he like me? He can get any guy he wants,” and it’s real hard to shake that. It’s even harder when you wanna go up and try and meet them. It’s so tough that these days that I don’t even pursue men any more, I just let them approach me first. But how can a guy pump himself up and feel more confident when approaching a hot stranger? The advice would help lots of fellas, I bet.
It takes a lot of guts to approach a hot stranger and introduce yourself with the hopes of getting his phone number, but it often seems like a do-or-die situation. “Fortune favors the bold”, “Nothing ventured nothing gained” and all that. But what’s the best way to do it to come off as cool, confident, and casual as opposed to clueless? Calling all players and hot guys. The hot guys especially, what can a guy do to get your number or at least charm you a bit? We’ll take any insider tricks you can muster. Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
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I feel like a jerk just for asking this, but I know I’m probably not the only one so here goes: I’m seeing a guy with a skinny 3 or 4 inch dick. He’s a cute guy and good kisser, but I’m not sure how to work his piece. It’s easy to “deep throat”, my hand is bigger than it when jerking him off, and I don’t really feel much when he fucks me. I do like him and want to please him, but I have to admit that he’s smaller than me and most guys I’ve been with. Any tips?
What happens when a size queen falls for a smaller fella? Our advice seeker is finding out. Everyone enjoys sex no matter the size, but we’d love to hear from 3 or 4 inch men and the men who love them. How can our advice seeker rock his guy’s world? And what things might he want to keep in mind not to get too hung up on size? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
Need advice? Just send your question into Ask QC and we’ll get you some answers!
My friend and I have a disagreement. I met a guy at a convention. We had drinks and made out, but after we fooled around he revealed that he had a boyfriend and that we were technically cheating. I felt pretty turned off by the information and didn’t want to hook up with him again even though he was hot and we had several days left in the conference. I had respect for him and didn’t want to help him cheat on his boyfriend, but my friend thinks that was foolish thinking on my part.
In particular my friend said, “It’s not like you’re having an affair. It’s just a trick. It’d be one thing if you were trying to have a relationship with the guy, but you just wanna have sex—so what do you care if he has a boyfriend? That’s their issue. If he wasn’t fucking you, he’d just fuck someone else.”
Call me old-fashioned, but that doesn’t sit well with me and our other friends stayed on the sidelines. So what do you think? Is either one of us right or are we both wrong and right in different ways? I’d love to hear your input!
When the cat’s away some mice do play! To be honest, we don’t usually ask tricks if they’re single. But if a guy announces he has a boyfriend before, during, or after fooling around, we might feel a little strange. On the one hand we don’t condone cheating, but on the other hand… SEX!!! So what’s it gonna be boys? The high road, the low road, or somewhere in between? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
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Don’t you hate it when you’re enjoying a good hearty meal and some Debby Downer starts blabbing about how meat is murder, processed ingredients ruin the environment, and globalized vegetable farming causes child labor? It may be true, but let us finish our Hungry Man microwave dinner in peace, GAWWW!!! Well, we just got news that our favorite midnight snack causes throat cancer. Way to ruin the fun, science.
According to Dr. Joykill* of Wisconsin (*not his real name), there’s been a rise in certain types of head and neck cancers among young and middle-age Americans—cancers that he believes are caused by slamming a hot dick in the back of your throat. His fun-slaughtering study says that “having six or more oral sex partners over a lifetime [was] associated with a 3.4 times higher risk for oropharyngeal cancer—cancers of the base of the tongue, back of the throat or tonsils.” He says the reason there’s an increase of these cancers is because young people love suckin’ on dongs and because of a little thing called HPV.
HPV or human papillomavirus is a virus that used to be famous for causing cervical cancer in women, but now it’s raising its celebrity stock by giving cancer to EVERYBODY!!! Oh Death, you tricky bastid! Now every time we suck a wee wee we’re gonna imagine putting our lips on the barrel of a gun. Maybe we can just all start using dental dams to give oral sex, just like the lesbians do. Or what about that HPV vaccine—can we just start giving it to everyone with a penis?
C’mon guys! Start thinking creatively so we can beat this thing. COCKSUCKERS UNITE!!!
I am an 18-year-old boy who 3 weeks ago was diagnosed with HIV. It was my first time and i was drunk and it was with my boyfriend of a few months. I am since on meds and on my way to feeling better.
The relationship has since ended and I have been talking to this guy who I really like and i’m sure he is negative but I am afraid that if I tell him my status now it will ruin what we have and it will end. I am sure that in the course of my lifetime me telling people my status will ruin some of my romantic relationships. My question is, is finding out your partners positive HIV status a deal breaker for most people?
I’m not afraid of telling him; so far when I told my close friends and family they have been surprisingly supportive and understanding. I’m just afraid of the relationship going south. So is it common for people who are HIV negative to have relations and relationships with positive people?
It’s Valentine’s Day so we wanted to help this young lad in search of love. He wants an honest and fulfilling love life, but will his HIV status send his new love south? And is there a way he can break the news without making it the centerpiece of his affection? We would suggest he read old Ask QCs like When Should I Admit I’m HIV+ and I’m Negative, Should I Date A Positive Guy?. But beyond that, what do you recommend? Please share your opinions and advice in the QComments below.
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I am stuck between a rock and a hard place (pun intended). I’ve become very close to a friend whom I met just over 2 years ago. Over a year ago, after a sleepless night with a swarm of butterflies in my stomach, I told him I had fallen in love with him and asked him to be my boyfriend; I was on top of the world—until he said, “I love you too but not in that way.” I started to isolate myself from others and the people I did see could tell something was wrong.
I never knew a heart could really hurt that bad. I contemplated the idea of never seeing him again because it hurt too bad to see him knowing I couldn’t “be with” him. It took a while to get past it and just accept friendship, and we’ve been good friends since. However, sometime last year, I recalled to him “You know how I feel about you” to which he responded he knew.
We continue to see other as friends a couple times a week, and we get along great—one of the best friendships I’ve ever had. Here’s my dilemma—my feelings still haven’t changed, and he knows it and he still hangs out with me. He is such a beautiful person on every level, and he’s HOT to boot. So I frequently visit the idea of just asking him if I can blow him. If I ask, will he run? If I don’t, will I regret it? They say, “It can’t hurt to ask.” Well….I don’t know what to do; next time he comes over, should he go or should I blow?
We’re glad you can turn to your QC family when you need some good advice. And here’s our first take, angel cake—we have all totally crushed hard on a close friend before, believe us; it’s almost a gay rite of passage. Your friend may seem like all that (and maybe he is), but you’re putting him on a pedestal as the end-all-be-all of gay experience. That’s bad for two reasons: one, it sells you short and reduces your self-worth to whether or not he wants to “get with” you. And two, it’s not him but what he represents that’s really got you turned on; he’s safe, he accepts you, he’s a great guy. Probably the same sort of guy you’d like to be (with)? That’s what you want, but you may be barking up the wrong tree. What do you think, QC family? Should he go for the blow and if yes, how so? And if he doesn’t how can he deal with the pain of unrequited love? Please share your experiences and advice in the QComments section!
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Here’s the deal. I met my ex about a year ago. We really hit it off, then after a month of dating, I told him that I didn’t think I was ready to be exclusive, that I had cheated on my ex-boyfriend, was in sexual addicts anonymous, and didn’t know if whether or not I should be in an open relationship. He thought it over for a day and then called me to tell me that as he wasn’t interested in open relationship that we probably shouldn’t date. He did add however that he found me amazing and that he thought we should totally be friends.
Soon after that, I called him and told him that I regretted us breaking up because I feel like it ended a possibly great thing prematurely. He said that he needed to think about it, that we should discuss it later, and that he was going to be gone for most of the summer anyway. During that summer, I slept with an acquaintance of his (something I’m sure my ex learned about) and me and my ex never really got a around to discussing anything. It has been about 9 months since then. I have reached out to my ex a few times since then via Facebook postings and phone messages—nothing creepy or desperate—just small touches to let him know that he’s on my mind.
One time I did get a hold of him and let him know how I felt and while he said he appreciated my feeling, that he was dating someone at the time and didn’t want to lead me on. I don’t think he’s still seeing that guy anymore because a few weeks ago my ex-sent me a late night text message calling me handsome, promising to call soon and soon after sent an FB message jokingly asking me for cock pics and then asking if I was going to be attending the annual event where we met last year. He has yet to call me back.
I think the world of this guy, I really do. Not only do I regret not committing to him the first time around, but I have also undergone a lot of self-work and growth since then and I am not the same person I was back then. We really did get along very well and I feel like if we got a chance to actually date that we could make each other incredibly happy. I just want a second chance, but I don’t know how to proceed telling him how I feel without coming off as a weirdo.
Part of me dreams about sending him a gift with a long romantic note or showing up at his apartment complex with a guitarist who would help me serenade him, but either one could backfire. He’s not great about answering his phone or messages and so I’m not sure if leaving a voicemail or Facebook message is the way to go—it seems so unromantic, no? Should I leave it alone knowing that he already knows how I feel? Should I wait for him to call? Should I write him or video him a long, sincere note declaring my affection? Or should I move on?
I know I’ve made some mistakes, but we really are both good guys who I think could have a beautiful life together. I don’t want to regret not doing enough to let him know how I feel and always wondering if I could have gotten him back. What should I do? What would you do?
Thanks.
We’ve all made mistakes when it comes to romance but it seems our Romeo is ready to come clean and commit to his ex of one month. But does he have a chance at catching his attention or should he swim on in search of other fish until his ex throws him a line? And what if you were his ex? What would he need to do in order to win your heart back? Step up all you lovers with your angel wings and quivers and give this problem your best shot! Leave your experience and advice in the QComments section!
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I met a guy last month that is my idea of perfection. He is tall, brown hair, blue eyes, gorgeous, sexy body, and… “straight.”
We talked a lot after we met and then one night out of the blue he told me how he was attracted to me. He said that I was different and he didn’t know what it was, but that he wanted to hook up with me. Now, this guy is very well known by our mutual friends, and he said that while he wanted to be with me, it would all have to be kept under wraps. Obviously, I couldn’t imagine my luck and agreed. We hooked up a couple of more times after this and each time was amazing and erotic and I loved every second of it.
Now, he said he loved me after our first hook up and for a while after. I’m not stupid, obviously he did it just to get with me, but I couldn’t help but want to believe him. It is now a month later, and while our last “hook up” was a week or two ago, I can’t help but notice he’s been getting distant. Certain comments he’ll make that hurt my feelings, which he probably doesn’t intend, and just the fact that he always talks about girls, even when it’s just me and him.
My problem is that I hang out with him nearly every week, see him probably every other day, and I don’t want to let go of him. A perfect guy that wants to have sex with me? Hello!? But now he’s talking about getting a girlfriend and how he’s been talking to some girl and may decide to date her. I don’t know if he knows it hurts me, but I can’t help but cry inside and feel like shit when I think about the guy I’ve been seeing for a month being with some skank.
QC, I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him, and abviously he has an attraction to me that still goes on, but he’s “straight!”
Please help 🙁
John
Perfect guy, eh? Maybe not. All of his closety “I love you” stuff and girl talk sounds like the makings of an emotionally immature young guy, but we can definitely understand wanting to stay with a hot piece, even if he’s got some issues. But what do you think QueerClickers? Can John find any happiness or closure with his bi-curious beau? What’s the best way John’s pal can let John know how he feels? And how can John deal with the situation seeing as his friend is also a regular part of his social circle? So many aspects and lots of room for your advice and experience, so please share them in the QComments section.
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