Ask QC: Penis question

Hi QC,

I’m really conscious with my penis when it’s erect. When I’m fully
hard, it doesn’t slap against my stomach (stand upright). Mine’s
sticking out straight, so it’s perpendicular to my body. Most of the
guys I’ve had sex with have erect penises slapping against their
stomachs. So does most of the porn you feature. I know dicks come in
different forms, sizes, length, girth, but it’s really bothering me.

Should I be worried? Am I shallow?

Thanks, Riley.

Hi Riley and thanks for writing in with your question and concerns. You’re absolutely right in saying that dicks come in all shapes and sizes! Personally I love bendy cocks, but thank goodness there are straight, curved, cut, uncut, fat, thin, long, short cocks out there and everything in between! Wouldn’t life be dull if all our cocks were totally the same? So dear QC readers, what information or advice would you give Riley? If you can help him in any way, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

Ask QC: Why do I think this way?

Dear Ask QC,

I am a 20 year old college student and came out before coming to college. I’ve had sex only about three times and over the past couple months I’ve realized that the way I think about certain gay “topics” isn’t what I want it to be.

I’ve met a couple gays and befriended them but when I hear that they really want to hookup with this other guy, I tend to get jealous and think weird about the whole situation. It may be that I’m attracted to them or the fact I don’t have guys asking to hookup with me.

I also met a guy in San Francisco and realized how open sexually it is out there. He’s in an open relationship and has the urge to get head in a park and in a bar in the same day. I don’t know why I seem so weirded out and turned off by it. My friend said its maybe the fact that I think gays are penis and sex crazy, but so are straight people but it doesn’t seem as promiscuous and gays seem more horny than straight guys.

What can I do to go about changing the way I’m looking upon the gay sex life?

AJ

Hi AJ and thanks for writing in with your interesting question! College life may not be entirely representative of all gay peoples sex lives, but it’s definitely a period when there is more sexual activity! But that’s not to say that all gay men are chasing cock constantly! So dear QC readers, what are your opinions on this? What can AJ do to change the way he’s looking upon gay sex life? If you can help him in any way, or have been in a similar situation then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

Ask QC: Kissing

Dear Ask QC,

I’m 25 years old and have been dating guys for about 6 years. Before I started dating guys, I dated girls hoping that I would change and that I would turn out straight, I didn’t. I can understand why I didn’t enjoy kissing girls because I was actually gay.

Then when I started dating guys and we would kiss it was not something I thought was pleasant, arousing, sexual or enjoyable. I found it to be gross and don’t understand the appeal.

What is so romantic or sexual about someones tongue in your mouth or yours in theirs and swapping spit? It’s gross on every level. There has to be other guys out there like me who think this is gross?

How do you get around kissing without hurting your partners feelings? It’s gotten to the point that I sometimes feel like gagging. I almost don’t want to date or have a boyfriend again.

I feel so abnormal but I’m hoping there are other guys out there that feel like I do so I don’t feel abnormal and also hoping for as much advice as I can get because my feelings about kissing are not going to change.

Thanks, RC.

Hi RC and thanks for your question, we always welcome any concerns our readers have (no matter how unusual some may think they are!) We also understand that not everyone likes the same thing, and whilst many people enjoy kissing that’s not to say it’s for everyone. So dear QC readers what advice would you give? Do you like kissing? Do you find it repulsive? Have you experienced dislike in the past and overcome that now? What experiences can you share with RC and what advice would you give? If you can help RC in any way, or have been in a similar situation then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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Ask QC: What Am I?

Hi everyone,

I’ll try to explain my situation briefly. Basically, it is about the way I connect with men.

When I was younger, I wasn’t quite the guys-guy type. My friends were ALL female. I used to fantasize about boys as well as girls. As the years have gone by, I started preferring men, although I hadn’t had sex with either boys or girls. I just found the male physique more appealing.

I am 26 years old and now I would definitely say I’m gay since I watch gay porn, and notice men on the streets rather than girls. Once in a while I will notice a girl that I like and I want to have sex with, and if I get to know her the feeling Intensifies, but I still think of
men when I masturbate yet think of the girl if we have sex.

The complete opposite happens with men. I have eventually become more
self-confident and started to socialize with men. And as I’ve got to know many men I used to fantasize about, the urge to have hot steamy sex with then rapidly declines (if not vanishes completely!)

As I become emotionally closer to a guy, I virtually don’t want to have sex with him at all; it is the same as when I’m not close to a girl! What I mean to say is when I’m emotionally distant from a girl and emotionally attached to a guy, I could have sex with the person (but I don’t want to).

Yet when things are opposite, I’m close to a girl and I don’t know the guy, then I want to have sex with them! This is why I am confused with my sexual identity. Not that I need the label, I don’t, but I believe it would be a lot simpler if I was just a regular bi-sexual.

Now my question is, how do I manage my relationships with girls if I fancy guys? Should I date girls in the first place, since I’m more attracted to men at
first glance? I do not want to cheat in a relationship, so this is a problem for me!
I really need some help and your opinions on this, thanks in advance,
Nick

Hi Nick and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. I think ultimately no two people on this planet are the same and you’re correct in not wanting to label or categorize yourself as such. But, having said that, I understand you have a dilemma in connecting both physically and emotionally with either sex. Perhaps some of our readers have been in similar situations? So, dear QC readers, If you have any advice or comments then please feel free to leave your opinions and experiences in the QComments section!
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

Ask QC: I’m Confused, Lost and Different

Hi QC,

I really hope that you can give me some good advice that will help me
out. I’m sure you probably hear this often, but I live a very straight lifestyle and I’ve had very little contact with the gay community – not to say that I’ve had none, just very little.

My city (Dallas,Texas) in my opinion is probably one of the gayest cities in the U.S. I think.. my problem is my attraction as I have a very strange attraction when it comes to men!

For some reason every guy that I like happens to be straight. I know most people think it’s the typical closet case, but I don’t even get aroused with gay porn. I enjoy watching men masturbating, but I enjoy straight porn. I also have a very hard time
separating feeling of friendship for actual emotions of love. I’ve fallen for my best friend (sad I know, but that’s another story!)

I’ve gone out to our gay scene here and can’t find anyone that interests me, I’ve tried “dating” a few guys and it never goes anywhere. It has nothing to do with them and they see nothing wrong with me, however, when I’m with a guy for some reason it just doesn’t feel right. I only feel that attraction to certain guys and they always end up being straight.

And I’m not talking about extremely Macho guys either, they could considerably be
mistaken for gay guys themselves. Now the guys that I have tried to “hook-up” with I’ve only gone as far as oral sex with them and afterwards I have this extreme feeling of regret and shame. I’ve tried receiving and I can’t look at myself in the mirror afterwards, I’ve tried giving and the guys liked it but it just didn’t turn me on. I’m not sure why I feel this way but I do.

I’ve dated women and I have no problem performing and I’m fine afterwards but I know I’m attracted to guys as well. Is there a such thing as just enjoying the view of another straight man without wanting to be with him?

Does this have anything to do with the fact that I was molested as a child and it sparked my curiosity while confining me to shame as well?

I’m too embarrassed to go to group sessions because people think Im making this up to stay closeted, but I couldn’t be more honest about this. As far as being in love with a guy goes I fell really hard for my best friend back in high school and was outed to him, which went ok at first. Then we lost touch and now he has so many kids and “baby’s mamas” I’m not even willing to go there, plus there is no there to go to anyway. We still speak regularly now but the feeling is gone, I’m sure he’s willing to fool around, but I’m not.

On that note I have a new friend whom I came out to about my feelings for him and he also took it surprisingly well. nothing ever happened between us, but I can’t shake my feelings for him at all. He doesn’t lead me on or anything like that, I’m just
weak about it. I like him a lot (with all of that said am I going crazy with all these mixed emotions boiling inside of me?)

Should I just lock myself away in solitude to prevent hurting anyone with my
confused outlook on my own sexuality? (that’s what I’ve begun doing) Is there anyone there that can keep in touch with me on this issue? It’s ok if you don’t even publish this to the site I’d just like some help. Please tell me this isn’t the first case you’ve heard like this
and that I’m not alone.

M22

Hi M and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. It certainly sounds like you’re having a difficult time now but I’m sure that there are plenty of readers here who’ve faced similar situations as yours? So dear QC readers what advice would you give M? How would you move forward in this situation, what did you do yourself? Where you able to seek help and advice from others in your area? If you have any advice or comments for M then please feel free to leave your opinions and experiences in the QComments section!
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Ask QC: I am a Sugar Daddy!

Dear QC,

I’m a 37 year old married man. Three and a half years ago I met a young man who just came out. We met in a very unusual way. I was leaving a therapy appointment and he was the next appointment. For weeks we would see each other during that time betwen appointments and would open up to each other a little at a time. I was going to therapy
to try to figure out gay thoughts I was having and that I had recently acted out on and he was a freshman at college and dealing with coming out in a very traditional family.

One day, about 4 months after we met, we started talking in the office and then decided to meet later to talk. We opened up to each other and became casual friends and I encourged him to come out to his family. Unfortunately, it didn’t go well for him and they cut him off. By this time I knew I was looking to have a guy on the side and I had told him
about it. I was looking to set up a young guy in an apartment and give him $4000.00 a month cash on the condition that we have sex whenever I want and that he get tested for STD’s monthly. He asked me if I’d be interested in him. I was very attracted to him and I took him up on his offer.

He just graduated college with an economics degree and got a good job in the banking industry (I am also the President of division of a large bank). He’s very smart and was recruited while still attending classes. I thought this would be the end of our relationship. Surprisingly, he told me that he wanted to continue seeing me but that he no longer wanted money from me and he was going to move to a place he could afford on his own. He told me that he loved me and that it was never all about the money for him. During this entire time we never told each other we loved each other. Our time together grew to be not just about sex but going out to diner, him making me dinner, going to the movies, watching TV together, going to the theater – we made a life together without me even realizing it.

I have had to admit to myself that I love him too but I am married with three kids and don’t know what to do. I was looking forward to leading an honest life with my wife and giving up these desires for men. I have only been with two other men before meeting up with this guy who has become a huge part of my life. I am so torn and confused. I could see myself spending my life with this guy and actually coming out myself. I also can’t see myself not having him in my life anymore. On the other hand, I still have a good sex life with my wife although it’s not as passionate as with this guy. I am sure I am bi and not gay
because I really do like having sex with both of them.

I am so confused and just don’t know which way to turn at this point. It’s hard when you really have no one to talk to about any of these really intimate details of your life. Any serious suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, V

Hi V and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. It’s not always easy coming to terms with being gay or coming out as we all have our different circumstances and upbringings. And everyone has their own story of how they’ve overcome this despite those difficulties. But the great thing is that gay/bi/trans cover a very broad spectrum and we (thankfully) we can’t all be neatly pigeon holed or categorized – so I’m sure there are others here who may have experienced similar circumstances to your own. So dear QC readers what advice would you give V? If you have any advice or comments then please feel free to leave your opinions and experiences in the QComments section!
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Continue with “Ask QC: I am a Sugar Daddy!”

Ask QC: Is My Straight Friend Really Straight?

Dear Ask QC,

So I recently came out and this friend was one of the first people to know and honestly I have liked him for a long time and my “gaydar” senses that maybe hes really gay or bi.

Other people have thought he was gay too. Here are some of the reasons that suggest to me he could be gay; 1) When I told him I was gay he said “I always knew you were. It makes me more comfortable now that I know.” 2) He says that he enjoys my company and spending time with me. 3) When in social situations he always make it a point that he’s straight. For example, if someone makes a joke or something.

Also how should I approach this? I don’t want to make our friendship awkward or anything the last thing I wanna do is lose him he is a great friend. So yeah what should I do? I know he has no problem with me being gay, but if hes not gay/bi it might be awkward for him to know that I like him. I don’t want to wreck our friendship, but I’m curious to see if we could ever be more than friends. I feel like he would be perfect for me. I think we would be good for each other and we would treat each other well.

The other thing is that he is almost 28 could he still be unsure of his orientation? I’m 20 but I have known since I was like 14 that I was gay, I just never experimented with it until I was 19.

Thanks,

ML.

Hi ML and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. How do you tell if your straight friend is gay or bisexual? Should he really be sure of his sexual orientation at 28 or not? So dear QC readers what advice would you give? Have you ever been in similar situation? How did approach your straight friend and ask him? Or didn’t you ask? If it happened to you in the past where you able to resolve it or is asking risking that friendship too much? If you can help ML in any way, or have been in a similar situation before then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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Ask QC: I Can’t Take Dick!

Dear QC,

So my boyfriend and I have been trying anal for the past three years. However, he’s my first so I’m super tight and usually remain super tight. It also doesn’t help that his gorgeous cock is extremely thick and so when it gets inside it hurts.

We’ve tried anbesol to numb my hole but I can still feel the sting of the stretch when he’s in. The only way he can get past my hole is if I jerk off but then I feel like cumming right away and pushing him out!

Once inside, I just feel general discomfort. It’s a mix of pain and like something is jamming my insides. Unconsciously, I keep squirming away from his dick when we’re in missionary.

When I met him I thought I was a complete bottom but as we went on I have become more versatile. The thing is I really want to bottom and ride his dick like a bad bitch! I’d like to stay away from poppers as to not rely on them so I’m really at a loss on what to try.

I mean, I don’t even like fingering myself or using my dildos for the same reason!

Please help me QC!

Signed,

Desperately wanting to ride cock

Hi there and thanks for writing in with your question. Being able to have anal sex with your partner can be amazing but does require a certain amount of practice and to find the technique that suits you both. Looking back through the archives there has been some great advice given in the past Teach Me Your Anal Douching Secrets, Oh Wise Ones, Bottoming Hurts Too Much! What Am I Doing Wrong?, I’m A Virgin And Unsure How To Have Sex!, Help Me Become An Awesome Bottom!, It Hurts When I Bottom! and The Art of Shaving. But of course, we’re always happy to dish up a sprinkling of new advice too! So if you can help answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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Ask QC: Am I Gonna End Up Getting Hurt?

Hi QC,

The other day my boyfriend and I were texting and he said that I deserved better than what he could give me. After numerous text messages back and forth I asked him if he really wanted to be with me. He said that part of him does and part of him doesnt. With an answer like that it took me by surprise and I didn’t really know what to say back to him.

I’ve told him before that I love him but he hasn’t told me back yet but I told him I wouldn’t rush him and that whenever he felt it he would tell me. I also asked what part of him doesnt want to be with me and he said the part that was still in love with his ex. After he said that I asked him if his ex told him that he wanted to get back together would he dump me? He said no but at the same time I felt like he was just telling me that because that’s what I wanted to hear.

He says that he has a great time with me and he loves being with me but I know it will take some time for him to open up his heart to me. But I love him and I just want to know am I gonna end up getting hurt?

Luvaboy

Hi Luvaboy and thanks for writing in with your problem and concerns. It’s not always easy knowing what to do in these situations, especially when you’ve not experienced this situation before. So dear QC readers what advice would you give? Have you ever been in similar situation? How did it work out for you? If you can help Luvaboy in any way, or have been in a similar situation before then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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Ask QC: Single at Twenty Seven

Dear Ask QC,

I just got out of a considerably successful 8-year relationship. So that means the last time I was single, people still used Myspace, Tom Cruise hadn’t even met Katie Holmes and Lindsay Lohan wasn’t a hot mess.

We met when I was 19, and he (not Tom Cruise) was my first boyfriend, love and gay experience all rolled into one. It may sound like a recipe for disaster, but it worked until it didn’t, which was about 2 months ago.

Needless to say, at the ripe age of 27, I’ve set out to salvage the rest of my twenties to make up for lost time. And possibly experience a downward spiral or two (that was a joke, I think).

My ex and I enjoyed many years of delicious, unprotected sex. I never worried about wearing a condom or contracting a nasty disease because we got tested together and were monogamous. Looking back, my only worries surrounding my first sexual experiences were “will it hurt when you put it there” and “should I swallow when you put it here?” Now, with the prospect of being with new people, I worry more about contracting a nasty STI or HIV or herpes or even a cold. I’ve taken proper precautions (in my mind) with a fresh test for the usual suspects and a stockpile of condoms.

How can I enjoy sex with someone new, while being safe and without worrying about whether or not my health is at risk? Where is the line? Is it really down to trusting the other person’s word? At what point do you have that conversation with a potential partner? Am I over-thinking this?

Signed,
Single, sex-starved and scared

Hi there and thanks for writing into Ask QC with your questions and concerns, I’m sure our readers will have some ideas on how to help! Having an active sex life is certainly something you shouldn’t exclude yourself from, but staying healthy and taking the right precautions is even more important! So dear QC readers what advice would you give? Have you ever been in similar situation? Where you in a long term and sexually safe relationship suddenly to find yourself young, free and single again? How did it work out for you? Is “Single, sex-starved and scared” over thinking this or just taking sensible precautions and not being paranoid at all? If you can help him resolve his dilemma or come to terms with this then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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Ask QC: My best friend’s boyfriend is homophobic!

Dear Ask QC,

I’m an Asian guy who is studying in the US right now. My best female friend who is from the same country as me is currently dating an Army guy. To be honest, I really did not think these two would be a good match for each other. He’s a super conservative (republican) and she’s really quite a free spirit. I guess it could be what attracts him is that my friend is really open-minded and independent, even though she’s still a stereotypical “submissive” Asian gal.

I’ve really tried to like this guy but I just can’t, he’s really a douche-bag! Although he doesn’t drink or treat my friend badly, he has a very tedious sense of humor but worst of all, he’s blatantly homophobic!

When I was first introduced to him, and knowing him from the Army, I asked him about “Don’t ask, don’t tell”, and immediately he started a very obnoxious gay imitation with his wrist and lisp. I was really very offended by that, but for the sake of the dinner’s peace, I didn’t say anything. He then argued that he cannot be with soldiers who he cannot trust. WTF has that got to do with gay soldiers? I was so shocked and upset that I had to step outside for awhile.

My friend after that still continued seeing him, after all that’s her choice but I really didn’t say anything to her about how I felt for several reasons. Firstly, I’m still in the closet; secondly, she seems to like this guy a lot and this is the first time I’ve actually seen her so very happy. Lastly, I really don’t know anything about relationships so I just cannot put my nose in like that, I don’t want to interfere.

For a while though, I actually started being okay in the same room with him until recently, until she told me that he’s joining the “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day” to support the ban on gay marriage. Now, I know I can’t have any control about this, but there is still an urge inside me to punch him in the face and tell my friend to stop seeing him!

What should I do about this?

Jeremy

Hi Jeremy and thanks for writing into Ask QC, I’m sure our readers will have some ideas on how to help! Even though we can never chose our friends dates, husbands or life partners, it’s sometimes difficult to put up with their quirks, idiosyncrasies or prejudices. Do you stay quiet for the sake of harmony and to retain your friendship, or do you speak up regardless? So dear QC readers what advice would you give? Have you ever been in similar situation? How did it work out for you? If you can help Jeremy resolve or come to terms with this then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

Ask QC: Meeting up with guys

Dear QC,

I don’t know if this is the type of question to ask on here, but I need advice from other gay guys.

I live in a small town, where being gay isn’t exactly socially acceptable, so other gay guys are pretty much impossible to find. I’ve developed a rather bad habit of meeting up with guys lately. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, or that I am forced to do it or whatever. I feel used and dirty afterward, but I like it so I keep going back for more.

It follows a pattern, I meet a guy, do whatever with him, it’s hit and quit it, then I feel pretty bad, then I meet up again. It just keeps going. It’s also gotten to the point where it’s been enough guys that I’m worried about VD’s.

What should I do? Should I just stop meeting up or will this go away?

Thanks for any advice,

A.

Hi A and thanks for letter with your questions and concerns. Writing in is a positive step to seeking advice, as here you can share in other readers experiences, mistakes, failures and their successes too. Sometimes it’s not that easy to date openly with other guys, especially if you’re living in a small town or rural area, where circumstances may be more difficult than in the city areas. So dear QC readers what advice would you give A? Have you ever been in similar situation to his? Where you regularly hooking up too? And how did things work out for you? If you can help A in any way, or have been in a similar situation before then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

Ask QC: To play, or not to play? That is my question!

Dear QC,

About two years ago, I weighed about 80lbs heavier than I do today. I was a complete mess and I had no sense of personal style whatsoever. Today I look amazing and I love myself more and more each day that passes.

However before two years ago, there was this guy that I really liked. I told him that I liked him and he responded, “We’ll get to know each other.” After that a couple days passed, he seemed really distant and didn’t want a thing to do with me. So I wrote him off and went on with my life.

Time went on and my birthday came up he surprised me by coming without my knowledge. After that things were at a stand still, I tried making other moves and he never reciprocated any kind of feelings for me. I again, wrote him off as a “never-to”be.”

A year goes by, he moves to San Francisco for college and he gets a boyfriend (or probably already had one.) I on the other hand am going through a really rough time, I’m about to lose my house, my father lost his job, I couldn’t get a job, my “friends” were dropping like flies. I was pretty much by myself and on the edge. I reach out to him one last time, because lets face it, I’m not at all over him and I needed to talk to someone. He tells me he’s in LA and I ask him out for coffee, he agrees and I ask him when is a good time for him (keep in mind I DID NOT know about his boyfriend.) He stops responding and
on the day of coffee I don’t even bother getting out of bed. I write him off, once again.

NOW, by the time summer hit, I lost the 85lbs, I revamped my entire wardrobe, I got a Pink/Grace Jones-esque style hair cut. I basically went all out. I changed for the better and I did it for me. Although a part of it was so I could show him, “THIS is what you missed out on, THIS is what you decided to play a game with.”

In the beginning of 2012 I get a job, two actually. I’m on Cloud 9 and I’m really enjoying this ride. So I try, once again to message him. I say, “Hey, how are you?” We basically talked like nothing happened between us, and he informs me that he moved back from SF to LA because he “got tired” of SF. (I’ve lived in SF for 2 years, one does not simply ‘get tired’ of SF.) In the month of May my friend had her 21st birthday party and we all got a little crazy, he was there and we, of course, were both drunk. We were just talking, nothing happened. I looked good, he didn’t (he lost a lot of weight and I didn’t find him at all physically attractive.) I went home knowing this and I could honestly say to myself that I was finally over him. I requested him as a friend on FaceBook and he accepts.

SOOO, now, a week ago he messaged me asking if I still had his number, I told him I didn’t. He gave me his and asked me to text him. We talked of a bit, I asked him what it was that was so urgent for me to text him. He states to me, “He just wanted it so we could stay in contact, and he lost my number.” Just a few days ago I was working at my second job and he texts AND calls me at 12:00am asking where I’m at. I respond at work and he says that he was wondering if I wanted to hang out with him.

I don’t know what to do, should I go about playing a game with him like how he did with me? Take him up on his moves of trying to hang out with me, just to see where this could go? The power is in my hands and I don’t know what to do with it. Please help?

Lux

Hi Lux and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. I’m sure many of us have been in situations where we don’t know how to make the next move? So dear QC readers what advice would you give Lux? Have you ever been in similar situation? How were you able to move forward in your situation? If you have any advice or comments then please feel free to leave your opinions and experiences in the QComments section!
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

Ask QC: Anal sex lube advice please!

OK,

I didn’t know how else to contact ya but was going to ask since this is a sex business, my partner and I have been looking for a lube for anal sex that does not burn, we have tried a few things but not very impressed, astroglide totally burns and have seen reviews for maximus and liquid silk, but have not tried them.

Would really appreciate your help/advice . Doesn’t matter if silicone water based or any, just the burning is the issue.
GoB

Hi there and thanks for your interesting question. We’ve had a few suggestions in the past regarding anal sex and lube in our Advice Archives. Previously some have suggested an intolerance to latex condoms which cause irritation, so possibly your partner has an reaction or aversion to the type of products you’ve tried in the past? So dear QC readers what advice would you give? Have you ever been in similar situation? Which lube would you recommend? If you can help GoB and his partner resolve this in any way, or have been in a similar situation before then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

Ask QC: How Do I Ask/Get This Guy to Be My Boyfriend?!

Hi QC,

I met this guy online a few weeks back when he sent me a message. He’s just a couple of years older and we just clicked instantly, chatting for hours! Unlike all the other guys on the site, in no way whatsoever have either of us even tried to mention about our love life/interests. I know for a fact that he’s single, and he also knows I’m single. I don’t know how he feels about me, but I have an inkling that he does like me.

Whenever we text, I would try to be flirty with my messages but still downplay it enough to seem just friendly. It’s not that I don’t like him, it’s just that I feel that he’s gonna be different from the rest, and I really just wanna take it slow! BUT, he’s doing the same thing and gosh it’s confusing me! I don’t know if he’s just being a friendly gay guy or he’s serious about me!

I had made him something for his birthday recently, and so we met up for a short couple of minutes as I had things on. He seemed to really bother what I thought about him when we met, and I presumed that’s another sign? But again maybe it’s just cause, like me, he’s a fashion-forward gay guy.

Stalker-mode on, I spied on his profile, and discovered he stopped going to the site right after we exchanged numbers! This is a good sign, isn’t it??

We’re gonna meet next week for dinner, and I’m probably gonna ask him if he wants to be my boyfriend. I just don’t have the patience to wait for him to ask me! But how do I do that guys? My ex-boyfriend was the one who initiated the relationship, and the other person I dated was a girl! Me being single and wanting a boyfriend again now probably signals how much of a success those relationships were huh?

So guys, please help me! How do I ask him out, and what do you think his reaction is gonna be?

It’d be fantastic if you guys could help me! Thanks!!!

JW

Hi JW and thanks for writing in with your questions. Let’s hope we published your letter in time before that all important dinner date? But if not, then lets hope it went as planned! How you approach someone and ask them to be your boyfriend is probably as varied as there are different men out there! But hopefully our dear QC readers have plenty of advice and tips on this subject! What advice would you give? Have you ever been in similar situation? Did it work out (or not) for you? Is there a perfect way to ask a guy to be your beau or is there something you should definitely avoid? If you can help JW in any way, or have been in a similar situation before then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

Ask QC: A little advice needed…

Dear QC,

I am a 24 year old gay guy from Manchester, UK and I am in need of a little advice. I am not very experienced at sex and shy away from relationships and it is starting to bother me.

My first relationship unfortunately was an abusive one – mentally and physically = during sex I was forcibly the bottom. Since this relationship ended I have lost 3 stone (42 lbs) in weight and avoided entering a committed relationship and, therefore, have also steered away from sex. I believe myself to be a bottom more than a top or a versatile guy as the thought of the right type of man inside me, makes me hard instantaneously!

However my bad past experience is making me avoid engaging in sex and my weight loss appearance is making me self conscious. I am far from skinny and the weight needed to be lost but my confidence has gone the wrong way.

I am eager to move on from my past but a couple of things are on my mind – should I just get it over with and bottom for a guy regardless? (or is that opening old wounds – excuse the pun haha!) And also if, and when I reach critical stage with a man again, how do I explain my inexperience and apprehension? Am I getting too old to have never enjoyably bottomed?

Thanks,

Jordan

Hi Jordan and many thanks for writing in with your problem and concerns. It’s perfectly understandable for you to be apprehensive especially as you’ve experienced an abusive relationship in the past. But 24 certainly isn’t too old and there are no rules to say you have to make up your mind to be a bottom for the rest of your life! Knowing what to do next and how to explain your feelings to another man, may take a little thought on how to approach that subject, but to the right man who cares for you then that shouldn’t be a problem too. But dear QC readers what advice would you give Jordan? Have you experienced being in similar situation? How did you move forward with it? If you can help dear Jordan in any way, or have been in a similar situation before then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!