8 months ago, I hooked up with an old friend of mine from high school (I am now in my late 20s). We started dating, fell in love, and decided to be in a relationship. As we now live in different countries, we have been sustaining a long-distance relationship by visiting each other as much as we can. The problem lies with our future plans.
I live in a small city with my family. He plans to come over to my country as a student so that he can pursue further education while being with me (My country does not allow for any kind of gay union, so the only way he can remain here is by me sponsoring him after living together while he studies). The strange thing is that he is adamant in moving to the capital city. While it is true that there is a better school for him to study, I am simply not financially able to survive there (I am a freelance artist, and have carved a niche in what I do where I live).
I have tried my best to explain this point to him, but he does not believe it would be as impractical as I think it is. I have suggested that he come to my city, where he can also study and take advantage of the fact that my family can help us to settle. However, it appears the attraction of the capital is hard to resist. He now accuses me of being afraid of change and being too comfortable with living with my family.
My other worry is that I do not think it is realistic to begin a relationship with someone in a new expensive city. I also explained to him how it doesn’t really make sense for both of us to have to move just to be together. It’s like asking me to move from New Mexico to New York to live with my new European boyfriend. It just doesn’t make sense (to me at least), which is why I find myself questioning his motive.
Is he moving to my country to be with me or to live the fast-paced life in the city of his choice? After expressing my reluctance to his plan, he accused me of taking his dream away from him. He then said, “I’ll move there first. When you’re ready, you can come and join me”. What should I do? There are so many issues to consider; I don’t know what’s right from what’s sensible.
Sincerely,
Small City Boy
What do you think, QC? Should Small City Boy follow his boyfriend to the big city or stay put? What are the consequence and ways he could make his relationship work in both cases? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
Whether you like his politics or advice,sex columnistDan Savage remains one of the most vociferous and sexiest advocates for gay rights in America today (unless you count Rob Tisnai). He’s a Irish-American DILF with wit, humor, nice biceps, and one hell of a ghetto onion. Here he responds to the question, “How many sexual partners is too many” by shedding some light on the differences between hetero and homosexual couples—namely, the willingness of women to have sex in public restrooms. His response is illuminating, kind, and ultimately focuses on the need for gay men to set their own sexual limits—we’ve set ours somewhere in the thousands.
My boyfriend of three years just left me in the worst way. He texted me while I was at work to say it was over and when I returned to our apartment, he’d moved out all his stuff. Now he won’t respond to my calls or texts and I’m hurt, sad, and so fucking angry!
We’d been fighting off-and-on for several months and yeah, I made some mistakes but I wasn’t stealing, doing heroin, or cheating on him. If anything we were just growing apart. I know “all’s fair in love and war” and that clean break-ups are rare, but is what he did in any way warranted?
My friends say “good riddance” and I agree, but I’d never break up with someone like that—it’s devastating. I’m curious if your readers agree and if there are any “rules” when it comes to breaking up. My ex reads this site and I’m hoping the discussion will vindicate either one of us.
High and dry,
Luke
Huh… it may be hard to give advice without knowing the details, but what do you think, QC readers? Is it OK to break-up with someone however you like or do you owe a long-term lover more respect? Please share your experiences and advice in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
OK, I met a hot guy online. He’s Middle-Eastern with a great body, a hairy chest, and the largest cock I’ve ever seen. His profile also said he was vers… the only problem is, he’s a total bottom.
I’m not hating—we hook up regularly and I myself am a much better bottom than I am a top, but that’s the problem. He said “vers” to appear more marketable and while I’m glad we met, I really want HIM to fuck ME. So far he hasn’t (though he has suggested toys and a third guy), leaving me on top.
I actually like him and don’t want us to stop hooking-up, but I’m afraid two bottoms will be problematic down the line. Am I over-reacting? Can I train or trick him into fucking me? Or does this mean we’re sexually incompatible? Man, I hope not…
-Please help
Needing It Badly
We got one hungry customer in need of advice (and some cockbutt, apparently). Is this guy a greedy ingrate or a friend in need of fulfillment? What do you think, QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I am 18, gay, and enjoying life. There is one problem though. I want to join the Marines. I’ve had all these recruiters contact me because I scored really high on the SAVAB test.
I don’t know what to do. I want to join but I don’t want to risk it because of my sexual
orientation. I’m afraid that they will find out and I will get dishonorably discharged. That would look really bad.
What should I do? I have 4 months to decide. They want me to leave for boot camp in June. Can someone help me? Please!!
-J
Hmm… one on hand, J should be able to serve his country without fear. But on the other hand, the US military still has the reprehensible “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy. What do you think, QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
My boyfrienf, who is 22 and a lot younger than I am, experiences a very intense orgasm when I insert 2 or 3 fingers in his anus and stimulate his
prostate while he’s masturbating. He and I never knew about “anal”
orgasms” until recently.
Nothing wrong with that, but after he comes (a very, very intense
orgasm) he falls into a sort of spasmic state for a couple of minutes,
after which his muscles relax, but he remains in a semi-unconscious
state for 10 to 15 minutes. He does not react to any stimulus, whether it
be vocal or physical. And he cannot remember anything when he slowly
“wakes” up after that.
It is a bit scary to see him go into this “spasmic inertia”. But also
very exciting to see how he almost shoots to the stars… have any others ever had experiences like that?
Thanks,
Herman
Wow… that sounds amazing but also potentially scary if you’ve never seen it before. What do you think, QC readers? Have you ever seen a guy in such a state (or ever been a guy in such a state)? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I’m 27 and going out with a great, handsome guy. We’re monogamous and very much into each other. We’ve been dating for about six months and go to bed and wake up usually kissing, sucking, and jerking each other off. My dick stays hard throughout… until he mentions sex.
The instant he says “Fuck me,” I get real nervous and go limp. Even when I put my cock anywhere near his ass, I’ll go soft within seconds. It’s a real shame especially since he’s got a great ass and a good attitude. He hasn’t pressured me or made me feel bad, but I want to top him and am getting frustrated—he wants it bad and I’m tired of always being the bottom.
All the books and websites call it “performance anxiety” but I don’t know what to do. I topped my ex two or three times after a lot of failed attempts. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’ll need Viagra, hypno- or sex-therapy just to fuck the guy I like. Meanwhile, all my other gay friends seem to fuck with no problem.
What should I do?
Alex
Have you ever experienced what Alex is going through? What advice would you give him, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I’ve been foolish and stupid in the past but I have to admit I’ve got myself in a really sticky situation at work this time and I’m not sure what to do.
I hold a managerial position with a major hotel group, and one of our golden rules is that you do not fraternize with the guests on a sexual level and certainly not in the hotel. I have to admit I got a bit carried away with a very hot guy, we ended up in his room and unfortunately we were caught on the hotel’s security video in the elevator and hallway.
A member of staff is now threatening to show this video unless I make sure he gets a promotion. If he makes it public for sure I will lose my job, but if I promote him it would also mean an innocent member of staff loses their job to make way for him. I feel like I’m trapped and being blackmailed and I really don’t know what to do. He says he just wants the promotion but I don’t know if he will actually stop there with just that or if it will get worse. I know I’ve been an idiot but, jobs are hard to come by right now and I don’t know what to do.
JN.
What advice would you give JN, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
My problem is one mainly of career choice, or rather should I say it’s prejudice and discrimination against me being gay in the very homophobic industry in which I am currently employed.
I’ve always been a very rough, masculine type, very much into the outdoors and sports and so naturally gravitated towards subjects which eventually led to the career in which I now find myself (Heavy Industrial Engineering). The thing is, when I was choosing education courses that pretty much pre-determined this career path, I hadn’t really clearly defined or accepted myself as a gay man at that time.
Now in my mid-thirties I find myself trapped in a very homophobic environment, and not being able to be ‘out’ at work, I find it very frustrating, especially having to listen to homophobic ‘jokes’ and comments. At 34, it may seem a little late for a career change, but it would be good to know what industries and businesses are more likely to be open, accepting and gay friendly so that I don’t make the same mistake twice. Where I am right now, as a single man I’m not earmarked for promotion, and its been said many times they only want to promote married men with kids – in any case I’m fed up where I am now. I do accept myself as a gay man and I’m out at home and with my friends and family but I know coming out at work, and particularly the homophobic environment I now work in would be a complete disaster – its easier to move on than be subjected to that hate and torment.
I realize that there will always be prejudice of some degree in any work place, but if I’m going to make this move I want to at least be somewhere that doesn’t have any issues with your sexuality and its just based on performance. Any tips on a career change to a more accepting industry or business would be really helpful and much appreciated.
Many thanks,
John.
PS: I guess you guys at QC don’t have this problem at work right? LOL!
Indeed John, our work place is the probably the least homophobic (and fun) place anyone could wish to work! So dear QC readers, what advice would you give John in making that career change? Which jobs, businesses or industries are the most gay friendly? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I wanted to ask, is it possible to have multiple orgasms, by that I mean one after another consecutively for like a few minutes. I’ve had several orgasms in a day, the most I did was 7 but that was over 5 hours and I had to rest between each one. I just wondered is there any way you can prolong cumming in such away that you can shoot all these orgasms together?
Is there a limit to how many times you can or should cum in any given time period, day, week, month?). Hope you don’t mind me asking this, it’s just that I enjoy having sex so much I just want to keep on improving and getting better and better at it, hehe 🙂
Charlie
What do you think dear QC readers? Is there a limit to how many times you can orgasm? Can you have multiple orgasms and what’s the best way to learn and practice? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help Charlie in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I’m 26 years old and living with an absolutely gorgeous man of 32 with whom I want to share the rest of my life together. We are both very much in love, and on Christmas Day he proposed, which really swept me off my feet!
I feel I am ready for this, (although we haven’t actually worked out where we will have our commitment ceremony) but I do have a problem, one which actually terrifies me – meeting his parents! I’m sure some may feel it pales in comparison with other problems here, but when my BF has asked me to meet his parents I just freaked out completely.
We’ve been together for nearly two years now, live, work together and share our lives completely. But this is our life and one which we have carved out for ourselves in NYC, and the thought of meeting his overbearing parents chills me. Although I have never met them personally, I know that my BF was bullied and abused by his parents, who shunned him when he came out. Now that he has a successful business, worked through college with no help from them, I’m perplexed that he wants to travel all the way back to Texas for this meeting. Worst yet, is that his parents live out of town so we will be trapped in their house for the whole weekend.
Part of the problem I have is that I am angry with the way his family have treated him, and I anticipate them being judgmental of both me and of our relationship. And I’m not even sure what the correct etiquette is in a situation like this, what our sleeping arrangements will be, do I take a gift, nor do I know if I will be able to hold back and tell them just exactly what I think of them?
I’m not sure I can go through with this, but his mind is set on the ‘Meeting the Parents’ thing, so I would dearly appreciate any advice on how to get through this much dreaded weekend. Thanks everyone.
Dean R.
What experiences have you been through when meeting the parents, any advice tips or horror stories? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice for Dean in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I’m writing in as I have a sort of fetish (I think it is?) but it’s definitely a problem for when I try to meet up with other guys and to find a boy friend. It’s really preventing me from getting into a steady relationship, something I really want, so I just wondered if there are a) any guys out there who have the same preference as me and b) are their guys out there would want to be in a relationship with someone who has my ‘fetish’.
And when I say fetish I’m not even really sure if this is classified as one (I think the term might be voyeur but I’m not really sure). The thing is, I’m gay and I totally adore the male body but don’t want to have any physical contact with it or in a relationship. In fact what I want is to watch a guy masturbate but there has to be a certain amount of ‘distance’ between us.
I’m sure this sounds pretty weird to a lot of you, but my ideal boy friend would be someone who enjoys stripping for me and masturbating whilst I watch. Also they would not want me to touch them at all. I’m not sure if I will ever find a guy like this, I’m 22 now and although I’ve dated, I’ve always been a disappointment when its got to the stage where we are supposed to have sex. I had one miserable failed attempt when I hooked up with a guy recently, he did masturbate for me but then left before he ejaculated and said it was just too weird for him with me only watching and not being involved. I do like to jerk off but not at the same time, and so I think that may have helped if I did that?
I hope you don’t mind me asking this question here, I’ve been a big fan of QC for a few years now and I get so turned on by watching solo jerk off sessions, it just seems natural to me that I would want to be in the presence of a guy doing that for me. I really want to know, would there be a boyfriend for me out there who would take me for what I am. I guess they would have to be a bit exhibitionist and enjoy masturbating in front of me but not want to have any physical contact with me. Sorry this email is so long, its sort of difficult to describe or try to explain fully, but I would really like to hear from anyone who knows about this or has experience of it or knows where I can meet guys like this?
Thanks
Mikey R.
We all have our sexual preferences and there are many different types of relationships out there. What experiences and advice would you give Mikey, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I’m 20 years old so I guess I have stopped growing physically and should be at my sexual ‘peak’ by now. The thing is I have a very small penis, and by small I mean its only 1″ when flaccid and 3″ when fully erect.
I’ve been ashamed by this and become very introverted, I was bullied and teased at school all of which has made me feel so inadequate. I’m starting to come to terms with it and accept my body and the fact that I will never have a big cock, but what I wanted to ask was, are there guys out there who would like someone like me, even with such a small cock?
When I look at porn all the guys have really big cocks, and that’s the sort of boyfriend I want. But I’m afraid to approach guys to date for fear of them rejecting me when they find out my cock is so small. Is 3″ too small, would anyone like that?
Lee.
Does size matter? Is it important at all? What advice would you give Lee, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I’m gay and am still living at home with my family who are very deeply religious and opposed to homosexuality. For the last year I have been having a sexual relationship with one of the members of our church, (he is married with children and a respected elder at our church).
He has started to totally shun me as a person and wont have anything to do with me on an emotional level, so now I feel like I am being used by him as his sex toy. The thing is, I have to admit that I enjoy the sex with him but I want more than just that, I’m starting to have very deep feelings for him. I think I love him and when I mentioned this recently to him he went mad and threatened to end our meetings, and that’s something I don’t want to happen as its my only sexual outlet.
I’m really at a loss as to what to do in this situation, living in this small religious community if I ‘come out’ as gay I know I will be outcast. Is the only choice I have to leave home and my church? Much that I detest their homophobic views, the church and my family are a major part of my life and I’m scared I will lose everything. I really don’t know what to do?
Jerod.
What advice would you give Jerod, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I was circumcised when I was a baby, and until I started dating guys with foreskins I hadn’t really given this much thought.
But over the last two years I have been in a relationship with a wonderful boyfriend who has the most beautiful and tender foreskin. I just love the way it looks, the way it dangles and I just cant stop nibbling, licking and sucking it!
I love it so much (and him of course!) that I really want to have my own foreskin. I have read up a bit about foreskin restoration and I see there are a few products on the market that can do this (basically most of them are clamps which slowly stretch the skin back over several months/years).
I wondered if there are any readers who have restored their foreskins? What are the best methods, any problems that occurred and were they happy with the results? Most of the websites that sell these products have testimonials but it would be great to hear from some guys who have actually done it, rather than reading some sales blurb.
Cheers,
Kaden (QC fan!)
Any readers out there who’ve restored their foreskins? What advice would you give Kaden, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I have a question that I hope the QC readers can help me with?.
Ever since I knew I was gay, (from about the age of 13), I have always had a crush on older guys, and I don’t mean older by just by a few years. I’m 22 now and love guys in their 40’s and 50’s, especially those slightly overweight and graying/balding. So I seem to go for guys who are at least 20+ years older than myself.
I know this doesn’t fit the gay ‘norm’ (whatever that is) and I’m also quite aware that the gay community describes these as ‘Daddy/Son’ relationships. None of this bothers me, nor do I care what other people think about these types of relationships, but I wondered if there are any readers out their who have experienced being in a long term committed relationship of this type?
The reason I ask is that, although I have dated some older guys over the last few years (which I really enjoyed), I’m really looking for a long term relationship with an older guy. I guess my main concern is that do these types of relationships last, is the age difference too much especially bearing in mind when I’m in my 50’s my partner would be in his 70’s? It would be reassuring to know of any long term relationships of this kind, the pitfalls and any advice the readers might have to offer.
Thanks in advance
Joey.
Anyone readers out there who have been in this type of relationship or situation before? What advice would you give Joey, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
