Dear QC,

I have a friend who was gay. I use the word ‘was’ because he changed his mind. He’s 25 and decided that before he’s 30, he wants to have kids. So he broke up with his boyfriend, told everyone he was now straight and called up an ex-girlfriend to ‘give things another go’ as he put it.

I just think he’s making a terrible mistake. He always said that things never seemed right with women, and that he was so much more comfortable when he was with men. Ever since I’ve known him, not once has he evr mentioned the opposite sex, except to idolise personalities like Kathy Griffin, Janet Jackson, and Katey Segal. He’s clearly gay, and he had excepted that, but now he’s doing a complete 180 and convinced himself otherwise. He seems to have forgotten that he told me about his trouble with women and has now hanged his story to he liked them all along. But there’s no denying his sexuality.

I understand that he wants a family, and that it’s difficult for gay couples to have what’s considered ‘normalcy’, but I can’t help but feel that he will lock himself into a loveless marriage which will end up hurting himself, his wide and his kids. I really don’t think he’ll be happy and that worries me so much, I can’t imagine a life where you deny who and what you are. He’s a good person, just self-delusional.

I don’t know what I should do. Should I stay out of it. When push comes to shove, it really is none of my business. Or should I confront him, remind him about how he used to talk and try and convince him that living a lie will do more harm than good.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give,

Jake

Dear QC,

Since you have so much experience maybe you can help me out here. I am an 18 year old quarterback for a winning football team. I am 6’2″ tall 195 and built like a brick. Everyone, including my father who is the coach, thinks I am the REAL man. I have even been with several girls just to keep up the facade. As you can see this is the problem but now the real problem. My receiver is also the same height, build and in the shower both very well endowed and uncut. I can barely take a shower without getting a hard-on over him. One of the defensive lineman noted we were twins down to the massive size of our dicks and the rest of the team started calling him fag and queer because he would notice such a thing. Now you know what the “F” I am up against. I am very masculine so no one would ever guess the star quarterback is gay or bi I guess.

Please help me here. The receiver is , I think, is hopelessly hetero-sexual. I want to go out with him, make love to him. How do I approach this without getting killed, destroy my reputation, not get kicked off the team and humiliate my dad who I love very much.

Thanks,
Hidden Jock

Dear QC,
I am a loyal reader of the site and love to provide advice when I can. Now I find myself needing advice.

I’ve known this guy, lets call him Nick, for the past 4 years. When I met him I couldn’t stand him, and was actually lusting after his older brother (which was a huge mistake). I did like Nick a little bit when I did meet him though. Thought he was a great guy. Well something happened (a lot of drama) and we lost touch with each other about a year later.

Now on to what I need advice on. About two months ago, I was doing something on my computer. When out of the blue I get a message from someone I don’t recognize and it turns out to be Nick. We talk the entire day and even into the next without any sleep at all. About a week later I realized that I like him…a lot. It wasn’t long after that that he told me that he loved me. I have always had trust issues, but I thought that it’s time to take a chance at love again. So I let him get close to me. And I love him more than most people can love in their own lifetime. Well He’s been talking about suicide because he wants to be out of where he lives (lives in Canada) and go to New York then come here to where I live. But with money and finances the way it’s at with both of us, it’s not looking like it’s going to happen on time. And he’s been talking about suicide and I can’t lose him. I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve beat myself up so much and I’ve cried. I don’t know what to do about this. He’s 20 and I’m 24.

Needing help with advice.

Garrett

Dear QueerClick,

After years of only going as far as giving and receiving blow jobs, I recently started having anal sex. In all scenarios, I have always bottomed because I am a clean freak who borders on OCD. I laboriously clean and prep myself whenever I go out in the event that I do hook up with someone. I don’t want any accidents while in the mist of getting it on and fortunately haven’t ran into any.

My problem is, I don’t want to always bottom. There have been numerous instances where I have wanted to top a guy but my clean freak tendencies cause me to worry about whether or not the guy has bothered to go through the cleaning process as thoroughly as I have. (I highly doubt anyone goes through as thorough a cleaning process! =P)

So the question is, what are the rules of etiquette if fecal matter does happen to become present during sex? We are talking about the ass after all. I’m sure it has happened to numerous guys. How do I handle myself? Is it okay to ask if a guy is clean down there before we begin play? Do I ignore its presence and continue? Is it rude to stop to address it? Is it rude to stop all together? What’s the standard procedure?

I don’t know what to do and would love some help. Any past scenarios and how it was handled would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Clean Seeker

Dear Ask,

I’ve met this guy online a few months ago who I really like, he’s also into the same stuff as me and the same age, we’re both 20yo. He’s smart, gorgeous, kind and funny. We really have a laugh together and I know I’m falling for him, but the thing is he is thousands of miles away (he’s east coast I’m west).

What are the chances of us progressing and developing a loving relationship rather than just friendship? I already feel like I’m falling in love with him and he has said as much too. Is it unrealistic of me to expect that such a romance can happen? I just feel so happy when we’re chatting online and I want to be with him all the time. We’re both in college now, but I can switch courses so that I would be in the same city as him, its something we’ve discussed already as possible. I realize its a big risk, my heart tells me yes but my head tells me no – the thing is I really want to give romance a chance. Has anyone had experience of relationships like this and did it work out?

Thanks in advance guys!
Alex.

Hi QC,

I have a problem that when I cum it just sort of dribbles out a bit and I really want to cum like loads and loads more. My current boyfriend shoots really far, like right above his shoulders, sometimes right over his head! And I would say his load is at least 10 times more than mine.

I’ve tried not jerking off for more than a week to try and build up the sperm in my balls but the result is just the same, I just get this dribble of cum. I notice quite a few of the porn stars cum bucket loads and I want to be able to do that. Is there anyway I can get my cum to spurt really far and is there any special diet or supplements I can take to produce more cum?

thanks, Lyle xoxo

Hey QC,

I hope you don’t think this is a lame problem but I’m really worried that I don’t fit in with the gay scene and because of that I can’t find a boyfriend. I keep comparing myself with all these other guys that are on the scene and they’re all better looking, slimmer, fitter and cuter.

Its really getting me down because I’m not like them and when I go to gay bars and clubs no one ever seems interested in me. The few times anyone has ever chatted to me they were much older (I’m 18) and obviously only after sex. And when I made it clear I’m not just going to have sex with a random I just met then they moved on to someone else.

I found the whole process demoralizing as it took me so much courage to build up just to go into those places then just ended up going home alone. I think I’ve realized that I’m not the sporty, clubbing or bar hopping type, I’m more the studious type and a bit shy and introspective. I just don’t identify with a group of shrieking guys and I don’t even like the music they’re playing in those places. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with the effeminate type of guy, but that’s not the sort I am attracted to, what are the chances of me finding other gay guys my age who are just normal and not into the scene?

Thx
Blane

Dear QC,

My partner recently started a new job managing a restaurant which now means his working hours are from 4pm to midnight and I work regular office hours. So this now means we don’t get to see each other as regularly as we used to and definitely our sex life is suffering because of it. I know that I’m more highly sexed than he is, even though we are roughly the same ages, (27 and 29) and he’s always been OK with us both being into porn (we even have a really good selection of smutty DVD’s).

So the other day he comes back home early from work and walks in on me webcamming with this other guy online and he went ballistic, totally off it like he had just caught me in bed with another guy or something like that! And I’m like huh? Its just video, its just webcamming, the guy isn’t even in the same state as me! And he accuses me of being unfaithful and how webcamming is “different” from just jerking off to a video, but I just don’t see it like that.

Well definitely we both have a major disagreement with this, he’s still all huffy about it and has busted up my webcam now. I’m just a bit confused and angry about it really, cos I’ve never seen webcamming as anything more than a bit of fun and certainly never considered this as being unfaithful. And its not like I’m addicted to webcamming or anything like that, just a bit of fun to kill the boredom whilst he is out at work, not like I’m actually meeting and hooking up with guys. What do you guys think?

Travis.

Hi QC,

Up till now, I’ve been a top all my life (28 now) but recently I have had these urges to become a bottom and get fucked.

The problem is my current bf is a total bottom, and although we’ve tried it with toys and dildos that really isn’t what I want. I just have this uncontrollable urge to have a real man’s cock inside me.

So I think, OK I’m just wanting a bit of versatility which initially surprised me, but now I realize that I’ve also lost my interest in fucking another guy. As you can imagine this is causing all sorts of problems with my current bf.

I guess I’m turning from a top into a bottom, just a bit concerned this will last or be permanent, I’ve tried to get my partner to be a top but he’s not interested in that at all and I cant see two bottoms staying together (at least sexually).

We don’t really want to split up over this, but we are missing out on our sex lives. Anyone else been in this situation, did you get another person in for a threesome or eventually break up or what? Any ideas or experiences on this to help us would be really appreciated?

Thanks!
RJC.

Dear QC,

Here’s a weird problem for you (and a nightmare for me!).

I’ve been gay for as long as I can remember, thinking of guys before my teens and coming out with a bang at 13. Being gay is such a big part my of life that the feelings I’ve recently developed are actually quite shocking to me. I’ve never been remotely interested in girls sexually, yes I’ve always had girls as friends but never have I wanted anything to do with a vajayjay and certainly not put my dick or mouth near that or a tittie!

So I’m sure you will understand my trauma in that I actually think I’m turning straight – sexually that is. I’ve always worshipped cock, love my porn and sure I’ve always enjoyed some straight porn (but of course only to look at the guy). I’m not turned off by women, and I know a good figure on a girl when I see one and get along with them fine. But what’s distressing me is that for the last few weeks I’ve actually been having sexual dreams, hetero ones at that! And at work I’ve been fantasizing about having sex with the women I work with there too, not that I’ve mentioned this to them, at least not yet, goodness knows what their reaction would be.

I wondered if any one else has experienced this at my age, I’m now 34, is this a “phase”, will it just last for a few weeks or months? I’ve really never considered myself Bi and find this weird that I’m getting all these very powerful sexual fantasies now. And just to make things even more complicated, I’m in a long term gay relationship, sharing my home with my partner of 8 years, our sex life is healthy so I don’t know what on earth to tell him or do about this, its driving me nuts!

Any ideas boys?

Paul.

Dear QC,

I’m happily partnered, have been for the last 6 years and I would say we have a very healthy and regular sex life.

The reason I’m writing in is because I recently started having these fantasies about being groped in a mass orgy of men. And I’m not just talking about occasional dreams either. These fantasies appear when I’m at work, on the train, in the street, shopping, etc and pretty much everywhere and all the time too!

I just wondered if this is OK, too weird, just a phase or does these mean that I am lacking something sexually? Does this actually mean that in order to be fulfilled I need to act on these fantasies and start going out for group sex? With being in a monogamous relationship I’m not sure how to approach my partner about this without him being upset about it, any ideas?

SF.

Dear QC,

I’m dating this boy who is absolutely gorgeous in every way except he just cant kiss!

To say he makes no effort in kissing would be an understatement, he just sort of sticks his tongue out and then doesn’t even move it! Any tips or ideas on how I get him to improve? It would be so great if we could kiss for hours and hours. Sexually he’s really great in bed but kissing with him is like trying to resuscitate a dead fish!

Help!
RB.