I recently started dating my new boyfriend, we’re both 19 and get along great. He’s funny, caring and sexy. Oh god is he sexy!
But… when it comes to sex he is too scared to go too far cos he’s scared of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections.
So fair enough, we both went together and got tested to get the all clear, but still he wont do anything more than kiss, even though we get down to our undies and have even cum together (more from the pent up sexual frustration than anything else I’m sure!)
So my question is, what can I do to get my boyfriend to relax and be more comfortable about this situation. I keep assuring him that he is not going to catch any disease from me (I’ve only had one boyfriend before and that was over a year ago) but he still feels he wont even touch my cock or blow me unless I wear a condom.
I’m okay about wearing a condom but surely in such a monogamous relationship his behavior is a bit extreme dont ya think?
If you got any ideas on how I can fix this please let me know cos Im going nuts over it (my nuts are going nuts too!)
Thanks
Dane
Hi Dean and thanks for writing in with your question and concerns. Being concerned about your own (and your partners) sexual safety is important and respectful to each other. But everyone has their own limits sexually, and as to how far they feel comfortable with going in terms of sexual activity. Is Dane’s boy friend being too extreme or is he just being cautious? So, dear QC readers, if you have any tips and advice for Dane and his boy friend so they resolve their dilemma then please feel free to share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I was at my boyfriends family house for New Years vacation. But we had an argument on New Years eve so I ended up not sleeping with him.
His younger brother who was home from college said I could sleep in his room as he had a double bed. At the time I really thought nothing more of it than just to get some sleep.
But after talking in bed for ages it just sort of happened and we were kissing, the next thing we were fucking like crazy – and for most of the night – for hours. Actually it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had, all the more for feeling fucked up about it the next morning though. We couldnt even look each other in the face.
So the next day my BF and me said goodbye to his family and headed back into the city, his brother headed back to college. I don’t know why but I made sure I got his phone number before we left.
Even though I thought that would be the end of it (in terms of sex), here I am weeks later and I can’t get it out of my head. We’ve been texting quite a bit, seems easier to converse like that. He says he’s still straight and it was a one off but he said he really enjoyed it – for me though, I really feel that I want to take it further. Is he just saying its a one night stand to put me off? Cos I really feel we could be good together. How should I end it with my BF, should I tell him about that night or just pretend it never happened?
Jordan
Hi Jordan and thanks for writing in with your question and concerns. Getting involved with a partners relatives is always going to lead to complications, but I’m sure you will be able to resolve this situation. So, dear QC readers, if you have any tips and advice for Jordan on how to handle this situation then please feel free to share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Recently over the Christmas period my partner and I attended quite a few parties, some of which were pretty wild (in so far us both getting drunk and wasted, etc).
During the course of one of those nights, our hosts (a close friendly couple around the same age as us) asked us a “what if” question, which basically amounted to a proposal that we had a night of sex where we swapped partners.
Not wanting to sound a prude, when my partner said sure we would I also agreed, but on condition it was set up on a night when we werent all partying and drunk.
To be honest, I thought it was all a bit of a prank and us all joking around but now (this week), my partner was contacted to “set up” the night in question so we can swap with each others partner.
Now that I’m sober, in the cold light of day I don’t really know what to make of it all. Theres a part of me that says no this is just wrong, but equally there is a part of me that is excited at the prospect too. We are all in our late 20’s and have been steady with our partners for a few years each now.
My question is, will this just be a bit of harmless fun to spice up our sex lives or will it change everything. We’ve discussed (but not gone forward with) having an open relationship, I don’t believe we have any sexual hang ups but I’m now just a little hesitant as to whether we are making a big mistake.
Or could this be the start of a wonderfully exciting sexual adventure?
If theres anyone who’s gotten into the swinging scene or has any advice about this it would be great to know.
Thanks!
Kirk
Hi Kirk and thanks for writing in with your question and concerns. Swapping or swinging does have a scene, and I’m sure like most scenes has its pros and cons! Any I’m sure we have some readers who have been into this, or are still actively involved in swinging. So, dear QC readers, if you have any tips and advice for Kirk and his partner please feel free to share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 22 and have been sexually active for a number of years now, the thing is although I absolutely love having sex its afterwards I always feel guilt.
And its not as though I was brought up in some heavy religious environment or anything like that. I came out at 16 to my parents and family and friends, no problems there.
And I’ve had a few long term relationships but currently I’m not dating – again, I don’t have any issues with that – I’m going through college and don’t want to be tied down with a full on relationship at the moment.
It’s just that after I’ve had sex I get this overwhelming feeling of guilt, I feel bad about what we just did, I kinda feel dirty and degraded. Hard to explain but this feeling lasts for anything from a few hours to a few days and then I’m okay again. I’m up and ready for having sex again, and it’s really not as though I don’t want sex or hate it (when I’m doing it) its just the really horrible feeling I get afterwards.
I guess it’s not “normal” (whatever that is) but that’s why I thought I would write in and see if anyone can help me or point me in the right direction on this one.
Thanks guys, love you all at QC!
Ferdi
Hi Ferdi and thanks for writing in with your question and concerns. How we react and are affected by sex is probably different for all of us, but its usual to have good, happy and warm feelings and not bad feelings after sex? Any readers out there who’ve had a condition where sex makes them feel guilty? If so, perhaps you would be able to share your experiences with Ferdi? Or any readers who’s partners have felt like this? How did you overcome and resolve those feelings? So, dear QC readers, if you have any tips and advice for Ferdi please feel free to share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 28 years old and seem to be plagued with something I thought I would grow out of – I get multiple involuntary erections throughout the day.
Like most teenage boys I starting getting lots of hard ons at the most inappropriate times, in class, the gym, on the bus to school – you know, all the usual (and embarrassing stuff). But as I have matured into an adult the condition hasn’t seem to ease at all – if anything it’s gotten worse.
I’m an adult now, have been through college and now in the workplace and really this is bugging me as to why I get erections so regularly and even when I’m not aroused by seeing a hot guy. OK for sure, I’m active and fit and have a reasonable good sex life, I don’t consider myself a sex maniac or anything (although I do think about sex quite a bit) – its just that even when I’m not thinking about sex I get hard ons.
When I’ve bucked up the courage to mention this to MD’s they just brush it off and even make jokes about it (lay off the Viagra, thats not a problem its a gift, etc, etc) – this kinda irks me as no one seems to take it seriously. And its not like the sort of thing I feel comfortable with talking to my close friends or family too.
When I get these involuntary erections they can last from anything from a few minutes to an hour or so – I’ve taken to wearing baggy trousers and make sure I always have a bag with me so my bulge doesn’t look too obvious, especially as I travel to work on public transport.
I know there are a few people here who will make fun of me for this – but if there’s anyone who knows anything about this condition or how to reduce it I would really be very grateful – thanks.
Really appreciate any advice for this, Joel.
Hi Joel and thanks for writing in with your question and concerns. Not being a physician of any sort I can’t say whether this is a physchological or a physiological condition (or neither) but some of our readers may know? So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Joel? Have any of you had this condition as an adult? If you can help Joel in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
A friend of mine, who I was sure was straight, recently hit me up to catch up and meet for drinks – so I thought nothing of it.
I started getting flirty texts from him a couple days leading up to our meeting which totally throws me off but I brushed it off because this guy is definitely straight.
Then on the night itself, I get to the bar we’re meeting at and get stood up! He said he had car trouble and to try again the next day.
Long story short: I show up and he’s already wasted. Tells me “I’ve never been with a dude, but I think I wanna be. I really like you.”
I’m completely thrown off by this! Then I start to think, “I’m open to liking this situation, he’s very good looking and masculine, which I look for in a guy”.
But after his confession he got more drunk and blacks out so I leave him be and try to catch up the next day – but now I’m only getting very short responses to every question/text.
At this point, I’ve now built the hope that this could possibly be something – should I pursue him?
Thanks, Mike!
Hi Mike and thanks for your question and concerns. Sounds like a difficult situation but one, I’m sure, that has a solution! I guess possibly some of our readers have been in similar situations and can share their experiences on how they resolved it? So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Mike? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I am a 39 year old gay man that doesn’t know what to do. I’ve never been in a meaningful relationship. I had a boyfriend for 2 years but I never felt that he ever really cared about me. All he ever did was cheat on me, and when he finally broke up with me he had his “new” boyfriend call and tell me it was over. That was 2 years ago. Since then I have tried to find someone to go out with and its like everyone with in a 50 miles range dont like me. I am a big guy but have lost a lot of weight. I joined a dating site for chubby men and I have gotten no luck with that at all. At least not with anyone with in my state. I even had someone tell me I was “Ugly as fuck!”
I am picky and I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help to like what I like. I mean if I could change my attraction, I would like women but I can’t change that and dont really want too. But I am tired of being alone. I’m so sad and lonely. I watch all my friends (big and small) have relationship after relationship, and I can’t even have one. I almost just want to just end it all. Can someone please tell me what I should do? I’ve tried everything I know to do.
Sincerely
Loveless life.
Hi “Loveless life” and thanks for your question and concerns. Sorry to hear that lately you’ve had no luck in finding a life partner. But I’m sure that there are many of us here who’ve had periods of our life like this and can offer advice. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give? Have any of you been in this situation before? How did you go about getting out of this situation? Did you eventually find the love of your life? If you can help in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
My boyfriend and I have been dating for several months and the relationship has been going better than I could possibly imagine. We spend every weekend together, the sex is great, and I can honestly say I am in love with him. We have become very close and he has introduced as his partner to his family and coworkers. That with the way everything else is going really touched me and made me envision a serious future with him.
But lately I have begun to worry. He is scheduled to go to a conference in a city that is very near where his ex now lives. I asked my him he if plans on seeing his ex and he assured me he was not going to even though I told him I did not mind so long as they only met as friends. He has also become very secretive of his phone. He always carries it with him and makes sure I never see the messages he receives. These two things have been driving me crazy and the other day I had the impulse to go through his phone while he left it unattended.
I found that he is still contacting his ex and has let him know when he will be attending the conference and what hotel he will be staying at. He tells him over and over again that he stil loves and misses him. Yet what surprised me the most was finding messages from another guy who contacted him asking him for sex. My boyfriend seemed very excited to meet him and was attempting to set up a time to meet with him during the week when I was not around, although in the end they did not end up meeting up.
Seeing these messages made me see a side of him I did not know existed. I know going though his phone was a violation of his trust and I doubt he would forgive me for doing so. I am tempted to not confront him about it, but I cannot forget what I saw. Although he has not technically cheated on me, he might as well have with the messages and photos he is sending. This has really shaken me because he is always advocating for monogamy and to some extent is jealous of me and what I am doing during the week when I do not see him and he always becomes annoyed when I use my phone when I am with him. Yet I have never cheated on him and have made every effort to end some of my past relationships with other guys in order to focus on him.
At this point I do not know what to do. I know invading his privacy was a mistake. I know I should have taken a different approach because although I feel betrayed, my betrayal was just as bad. I know that there is the possibility that things are not what they seem. For example, if he were ever to hear the conversations I have with an old ex of mine he would be convinced there was something going on between us, but that could be not be further from the truth because we only say things out of humor. I wish that were the case with him but I know it is probably not. At this point I doubt I could trust him again and know I will end up going though his phone again. I do not want to make this a habit and hope to eventually hope to trust him again, but I honestly do not know where to start.
Please help,
A.
Hi A and thanks for your question and concerns. Sorry to hear you’ve found out about your boy friend in this way, hopefully there will be some way that the two of you can resolve these issues? So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give A? Have any of you been in this situation before? Did you go through your boy friends phone and do you consider this a violation of trust? If you can help A in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 22 and enjoy keeping fit, gym, cycling, swimming and I’m in my last year at college – I live life to the fullest and regularly go clubbing and, best of all, love dating lots of guys too!
I’m naturally quite a hairy guy, especially my crotch and ass and there is no way I’m gonna shave that off! But I do have a bit of an embarrassing problem when having sex – usually during oral my date will end up getting a mouthful of hair. I mean, they end up having to spit out hairs when they blow me.
I’ve tried trimming and keeping my bush as natural as possible, I shampoo and even brush to remove any loose hairs before I go out on a date. But no matter what I seem to do there’s always this embarrassing moment when my date coughs and then spits out (or even pulls out from their teeth – ugh!) several of my pubes!
I’m beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me, its not like I’m losing clumps of hair, but there’s more than a few pubes come off when I brush and after showering I notice quite a lot of hair in the drain too.
I don’t know whether this means I am going to go bald (there isn’t any hereditary hair loss in the family), or does this mean I have some other problem? I really don’t want to shave or wax until there is nothing down there to avoid this problem. Is losing this amount of pubic hair an indication there is something else wrong?
Any ideas or advice would be great thanks!
Jayden
Hi Jayden and thanks for your question and concerns. There has, for a long time in the comments section, been an ongoing debate whether guys should shave or leave their pubic regions untouched. Some cite health, appearance or comfort reasons, others prefer the pubic bush to be left untouched and in its natural state. But it’s a personal choice and both smooth or hairy have their own sexual appeal. As for the dropping of hair and the embarrassment it’s been causing you I’m sure there are a few guys here who have experienced similar situations themselves. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Jayden? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 18 years old and quite a small framed/skinny guy, I’m certainly not big and buffed – but these are the type of guys that I’m attracted too.
Recently I also discovered that I like to be abused during sex, I enjoy and get off on being slapped, punched, spat on and tortured. I can’t explain why it turns me on sexually and I feel a bit weird about it cos I was bullied all through my school days and definitely didn’t enjoy that then!
So apart from the weirdness feeling, my problem is now trying to find the right guy who will treat me like this? Some guys I have met said no way will they do this, but it’s something I feel that I need to be satisfied sexually.
The part that worries me is how do I find a the right guy who treats me well in a relationship but also abuses me in the bedroom? I don’t want someone to treat me like shit all the time, just when we are having sex, what’s the best way to find him?
love and hugs,
JD
Hi JD and thanks for your question, that’s certainly an interesting topic! So dear QC readers what advice would you give? Do you like the idea of being abused? (in a controlled environment sexually that is) Have you experienced being in such a relationship before? How did you find your partner? If you can help JD in any way, or have been in a similar situation then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Okay, I know this is probably way off base from what you guys are here for…but is there ANY way possible you can let us know what the double-star tattoos mean and why so many porn actors are getting them?
It’s like a new performer pops up with the star-set every day, either the two on either side of the belly button (which quite frankly looks like they have “ovary envy” since that’s probably where they would be), or just above the pecs on either side.
Is there some kind of “inside info” that many of us have missed out on (like the whole left-earring/right-earring thing), or is this just some random fad?
PLEASE clue me in! I feel like a horrible homo for not knowing stuff like this!
Thanks, Wesley
Hi Wesley and thanks for writing in with your interesting question! Nah, you’re not off base asking this, but we really don’t want you to feel like a “horrible homo” for not knowing! So dear QC readers, does anyone out there know the great mystery of the double star tattoos? Or perhaps some of our favorite porn models would like to answer? Either way, same rules apply – just leave your answers in the QComments section! 🙂 Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
When I am with a guy for the first time, even the second time, I am not able to reach orgasm. I am able to masturbate to orgasm normally, but when I’m with a guy it gets to the point where I am still pounding away long after my partner has come.
I feel really self-conscious about it. I’ve blamed it on being with a new guy and I am not comfortable with him, and/or to performance anxiety.
But my one thing though, is that I am just not turned on when we start fooling around and I am not really into it at all. Though I do get (and stay) rock hard the instant I start kissing a dude.
Any ideas, help?
Thanks,
J.
Hi J and thanks for your question and concerns. It’s possible that performance anxiety may be an issue as its obvious that you’re healthy, can maintain an erection and ejaculate with no problems. Everyone can have these issues with new partners or from time to time and there’s probably a few guys here right now who have experienced similar situations themselves too. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give? Have you had performance anxiety before? Was it just the first few times you were with a new partner? Or something that’s just happened only in certain situations or occasions? Was is psychological or physical and how did you overcome these issues? Or have you been with a partner who had a similar problem to this? What did you do to help resolve it? If you can help J in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Hey, I’m from London (UK), I’m 19 years old (just last month) and I have never had a boyfriend.
My two closest gay friends have each had at least two past relationships that lasted for a significant time. My experience consists of two dates that have never amounted to anything and sex with a few ‘straight guys’, all drunken encounters and I guess experiments for them.
I’m openly gay and have been out for longer than anyone I know. My problem is that I don’t ever seem to get any male attention, my friends try to reassure me that there isn’t anything wrong with me but it really drags my self-esteem down. It really does sound stupid but it always gets me down, and the thought that I have never been loved does upset me.
I try to convince myself that it will never happen, as to avoid future disappointment but my inner optimist will always expect it to. Sometime I think its because I’m too feminine, though I promised myself a long time ago that I will never change who I am for anyone.
I do go out to gay clubs quite often, so I’m not sure if there is anything I can actually do improve my chances. I need help! It does sound trivial but I am genuinely saddened by it and think about it daily.
Thank You. C
Hi C and thanks for your question and concerns. It’s great to hear from you and that you’re out and about and able to visit gay clubs and have gay friends too. That’s always a great start in meeting new men! Thankfully the world is made up of all different and unique types of men and remember, not everyone likes the same type too! I’m sure there are plenty of guys here who’ve been faced with a similar situation to yours and can share their tips and advice on dating men and finding the right guy! So, dear QC readers, if you can help C in any way with your own experiences and improve his chances of finding the ideal boyfriend, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I am a 21 year old Australian guy who is unlucky enough to suffer from both Pearly Penile Papules and Sabaceous Prominence. Do you think you guys could run an article explaining these conditions just to let everyone know that despite them being so ugly, they are actually rather normal and nothing to be afraid of?
Cheers,
Hairy Aussie
Hi there Hairy Aussie and thanks for writing into Ask QC with your request! Even though some may think of us as “Doctors of Porn” we can’t profess that we are also “Doctors of Medicine” too! So although we can’t give out medical advice here, we’ve opened this forum to all to discuss and point to any reliable sources of information out there on the web. We have had readers write into Ask QC before on this subject here, but one site that struck us as very informative and personal (and run by one of your fellow country men) is NoMorePapules, run by Dennis from Sydney he created this back in 2006 due to his own frustration and lack of information about pearly penile papules treatment. Also there is some information on sebaceous prominence here.
Indeed there is an abundance of information out there if you Google, but we would certainly advise to take great caution with any home remedies offered without first seeking professional medical advice. And talking of advice, we’re also very sure that some of our readers are in the medical profession or have this condition too and can talk from their own personal experiences and to help raise awareness.
So dear QC readers if you’re able to give any useful information regarding Pearly Penile Papules and Sebaceous Prominence then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I fell hard for my first love. We were together for 4 months before I went away to school. After I left for school, our relationship just fell apart. I did all I could to save us, but things were never the same after the initial breakup.
It has been one month since I broke up with him, and now I am really struggling with the loss. I am away from home for the next 4 months and when I return, I plan on trying to rekindle the flame.
Any advice or just encouragement for a broken heart?
Thank you.
RWH
Hi RWH and thanks for your question and concerns. Sorry to hear of you’re relationship difficulties. I’m sure there are plenty of guys here who’ve been faced with a similar situation to yours and can share their tips and advice on mending a broken heart! So, dear QC readers, have you been able to successfully maintain a ‘distance relationship’? Were you able to patch things up again after a split? What qualities does it take to endure a relationship where both parties are apart for lengthy periods of time? If you can help RWH in any way with your own experiences, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
So, I’m 24, but fairly new on the sex-having scene. Got warts from a partner a few months ago (ugh), and I’ve been getting them treated. They’ve mostly gone away, but there’s still a few stubborn ones kicking around the ol’ butthole. Seems like they’ll be cleared up within the next few weeks (fingers crossed.)
The problem is I just met someone new. We’ve had two great dates, spent the night together the second time but didn’t do anything below the waist. The next time we see each other though, if it happens, it seems likely that sex would be in the works. I’m a bottom and they’re anal so…you get the picture.
What’s the protocol? Should I just come clean on our next date? Is that going to freak him out? Do I try to stall for a few weeks and see if they go away? Not trying to be devious or irresponsible here…just looking for data points and wisdom.
Thanks!
NK
Hi NK and thanks for your question and concerns. It’s good to hear that you’re being treated and taking your condition seriously and with responsibility. I’m sure there are plenty of guys here who’ve been faced with a similar situation to yours, either with the same type of condition themselves or with a partners condition. We have had questions previously on Ask QC regarding the treatment of HPV but this didn’t address the issue of how to tell your partner. So, dear QC readers, if you can help NK in any way with your own experiences and how to handle this situation, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
