I’m 22 and I’m kinda shy. I can talk to people but most of the times I can’t find anything to say so I prefer to stay quiet. I’ve never dated anyone and I don’t know how to meet new people. None of my friends know that I’m gay and I don’t think they need to know right know, I guess I’d like to tell them when I am dating someone. None of my friends are gay and that makes it difficult to find someone to date or at least a friend who could advice me about this. I don’t like too much going out, maybe because I’m looking for someone who loves me back and not a one night stand. Besides I prefer watching a movie instead of dancing and stuff like that, so people tend to think that I’m boring though I’m funny when I feel comfortable with the other person. All guys I was ever interested on were older than me (25-30) and though I’m 22 I look pretty boyish so I think they wouldn’t be interested on me. And the guys I like are all straight so I’ve got 0 chances of getting their attention. What can I do to start meeting new people?
Thanks,
Todd
Hi Todd. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. Dating is always tricky, and especially if you’re not quite out yet. First of all, it sounds like you need to be a little easier on yourself. Don’t assume that the guys you are into definitely aren’t going to be into you. There’s a guy out there for everyone! (Seriously though, aren’t all the worst people you know dating someone?!) What advice do you have for Todd, QCers? Any stories you want to share about when you were just starting to date? Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m an out gay man in my 20s and I just moved to a major metropolitan city. I don’t have any problem meeting guys necessarily; I go out to the bars on occasion and have a lot of gay friends. The problem is, I don’t actually like many of the people I’m meeting this way. I hesitate to say that I disidentify with the whole mainstream gay scene, because I really have made some good friends since I moved here, but on the whole it seems really vacuous to me. I have a hard time finding anything real, whether it’s friends, dates, or even conversations with strangers. My impression has been that most people are geared toward telling me how awesome they/their job is and finding their next trick.
Obviously I’m oversimplifying and making pretty sizable judgements, but I guess I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong. Am I looking in the wrong places? Where else might I look? Maybe I’m approaching with the wrong mindset? It’s also worth noting that I’m not just looking for dates — though I am looking for dates — but also friends and just a genuine good night out that doesn’t feel quite so plastic. Help me, QC!
Thanks,
Friendz4Eva
Hi Friendz4Eva. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. This is probably a problem that many of us can identify with in one way or another. First, I wonder if you’re not putting too much stock in bars and clubs (does anyone really make friends there)? Plus, if clubs aren’t your thing, just go do something else. You’re most likely to meet the kinds of people you want to meet when you’re doing the kinds of things you want to do, right? What advice do you have, readers? What’s the best way to change the kinds of people that you’re meeting? Share your wisdom! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
So I met this wonderful, beautiful guy who I instantly fell head over heels for. He’s 21, I’m 24. He and I dated for almost a year but sadly broke up, thanks to his infidelity and our growing fights. We decided to break up but remain friends and to this day he is the ONLY person who I trust fully, since I have major trust issues. Anyway he is the best best friend anyone could have but I get so depressed when he goes on dates with other guys, knowing I still have very strong feelings for him. On one hand, I’m happy he’s moving on but on the other hand I get so depressed it’s almost scary. Any helpful tips on finally moving on and enjoying our friendship to the maximum?
Thanks,
Aaron
Hi Aaron. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. Becoming friends with a former boyfriend is tricky territory, especially when you have residual feelings for him. Plus, we can all admit that feeling jealous really sucks! What advice do you have for Aaron, readers? What’s the best way to get over jealousy when you see an ex go out with someone new? Share your wisdom! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
My name is Axer and I’m scared as hell. A week ago I got a blowjob from a man that said that he was not HIV+. It didn’t last long, but I am wondering how risky that action was in terms of contracting the virus. Now I know he is positive. I checked my penis and there weren’t any scars or visible lesions on it the day of the performance. I’m not sure about his mouth hygiene, so that worries me a lot. Also I finished inside his mouth and he literally ate my semen. Please help me.
Thanks,
Axer
Hi Axer. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. First of all, nothing anyone says on this advice thread is going to replace the value of getting tested regularly. Even if you don’t think you’ve been exposed, regular testing should still be a part of everyone’s routine. Secondly, though oral sex is not completely safe, it does carry a significantly lowered rate of transmission. Especially if you’re the one receiving oral sex (and not reciprocating). Again though, I’m not a healthcare professional. Get tested. So, QCitizens, does anyone have any experience in this area? What advice do you for Axer? Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
My husband and I have been together for 20 years, granted the first three years were rocky. We broke up and got back together 3 different times. Anyway, within the last 5 years his urge to have sex went to almost zero (once a year). He claims that he felt unattractive due to his weight. I was constantly asking to have sex, willing to do anything so that we could get back on track. I thought perhaps it was an age thing, he is 12 years older than me, he is 55. I thought his sex drive had slowed down to almost zero.
BUT within the last six months he asked me to update the music on his phone and when I plugged it in it uploaded a picture of some guys cock. My husband told me it was his friend and that he sent it to him without any provocation from my husband….
Then four months later I set up an iMessenger account, just cause it would allow free texting between us. Well, I get a text that was 2 months old that my husband had sent his ex about how he wanted to double fuck a fleshlight with him… according to him that’s just the way they talk and nothing happened…
So with all this in mind, I reached out to a mutual friend of ours and asked him if he knew of anything going on. He quickly went to my husband and told him that I was asking questions behind his back. That’s when my husband decided to tell me that he and the mutual friend had sex during one of our breakups early on in our relationship…
My heart wants to believe him, my gut says run for the hills, and my head just keeps spinning. The thing is, I still love him. I did give him the opportunity to leave, he wants to stay. We have built a great family together. I just don’t know if it’s enough…
Thanks,
J
Hi J. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. This is a tough situation, not least of which because you guys have been together for so long and your lives have become so intertwined. What do you think, QCers? Can you guys help J out? Should he stay with his husband, or is it time to run for the hills? Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I loved having anal sex up until a little over 10 years ago. I had rectal surgery and have not been able to have anal sex since. It is just too painful. Literally feels like a bowling ball is trying to go in there and is ripping it to pieces. Not to mention the bleeding that comes with it.
Little by little each year I have been less and less interested in sex. I still like watching porn especially when a guy is pounding another guy but just no real urge to have sex. I would love to find a guy that either has a very thin dick and/or is more interested in a “companion” for life. Seems like most gay men are interested in sex and that it’s a mandatory thing. I read in another person’s question a reply saying that not all men are
interested in sex like that and there are many that have almost completely sexless loving relationships. WHERE ARE THESE SINGLE MEN!?!?
The only one I have found is my ex in Chicago, except he is in a relationship. Are there any more men out there like that or should I just figure I will be alone for the rest of my life?
Thanks,
Ouch!
Hi Ouch! Thank you so much for your question and concerns. The question on everyone’s mind is whether or not you might consider solving this problem by topping instead of bottoming. Another important starting point here is to remember that sex problems (in one form or another) are extremely common, that they don’t need to be a source of shame, and that they are almost always solvable. What are you guys thinking, Queerclickers? Do you have any wisdom to share on the subject? Maybe some sex alternatives that you really, really love? Let’s hear it! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m a 23-year-old Chinese man, and I’m a virgin. Yes, I know. It’s creepy. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s just there are so few gay people around in my town. OK, enough about my sad life. I met a guy a couple days ago, so I want to ask you guys a few things about butt sex.
1. How do you prepare for butt sex? How do you clean properly? Do you need equipment?
2. During the butt sex, do you push or just suck it in?
3. Is ass-play (licking, fingering, fisting) really necessary? If it is, is it safe?
4. After receiving butt sex the first time ever, how does your butthole feel and what’s the smart move in terms of health and cleanliness?
5. After several times, does your butthole loosen up? If it does, is it possible that I could shit my pants for no reason or just a single fart could pull the trigger?
6. Does anal sex have a high risk of getting STDs? And what about butt sex with a condom?
Thanks,
Matt
Hi Matt. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. It can take a few tries to get all the (ahem) ins and outs of butt sex, but once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty straightforward. And there’s no shame in asking; none of us (except maybe DarkHog) were born knowing about butt sex; we all had to ask these questions at one point or another. Have at it, QueerClickers! Help Matt out. What advice can you give him about his first anal sex? Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 23, and my penis is uncut. If I get an erection my foreskin will naturally cover 4/5 of the head of my penis. But it can flip all the way back, though. And the head of my penis is extremely sensitive, so I usually masturbate with my foreskin on.
If I get circumcised, would it feel the same to masturbate? Or does it need time to process?
Thanks,
Cut Curious
Hi Cut Curious. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. Honestly, this is a question that a lot of us are going to have a hard time answering, just because we either got circumcised very young or remain uncut (and so have obviously never been circumcised. I think you’re right that there’s obviously going to be some healing time required, and I would imagine that the sensation is probably going to change. There’ve always been rumors flying around that foreskin is like the male version of a clitoris, so getting circumcised could lead to decreased sensation. I don’t know though; I’m not a doctor. So, QCitizens, does anyone have any experience in this area? Better yet, are any of you doctors? What advice do you have? Where are the foreskin experts among us? Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I am a Bisexual college freshman but I’ve never experimented with a guy before. No one knows that I’m also attracted to men because I’m still not ready to tell anyone, and frankly a lot of people are going to be surprised which scares me somewhat. My roommate in college is gay, and so are a few other guys on my hall, but, I don’t want any of them to know/find out! How can I experiment with another guy without anyone finding out? I really want to experiment with a more masculine guy, but would it be more difficult to do so? I’ve thought about confronting one of them but I don’t think I can trust them. What do you think I should do? Who should I talk to, or where should I go for some help?
Please help,
M.
Hi M. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. Coming out — and finding people to fool around with — can be particularly difficult to navigate, and it’s something that we all go through. I’ll mostly leave it to our readers to give advice, but I do want to say that there are gay and bi guys of every type, and tons of out, masculine men. So I don’t necessarily think you should associate coming out with being (or hooking up with) a particular kind of person. Plus, I think we’ve all got a “one time in college I messed around with a frat guy” story, which is really just to say that there are definitely ways of hooking up discreetly. So, QCitizens, what do you think? Have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it? What advice can you give M? Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Dear Ask QC,
I am a senior citizen and finally took the step to explore my curiosity about man to man sex. Not surprisingly, I discovered that I enjoy almost everything I have experienced. Unfortunately, after only a year of exploration–and always having only safe sex– I have been diagnosed with HPV. I do not want to give up the pleasure of man to man sex, but I also do not want to be responsible for passing on my infection. After consulting the CDC website, I have learned that HPV is not passed on by body fluids, so I assume that I could limit myself to oral, but even then there is likely to be some skin to skin contact. How can one enjoy the pleasures of man to man sex when living with HPV?
Thank you,
Frustrated Biguy
Hi Frustrated Biguy. Thank you so much for your question and concerns This is a particularly important question to ask. As a community organized around man-on-man action, HPV is something that we usually don’t think about. But especially for those of us who still sleep with women regularly, it’s an issue we should be talking about. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t think there was a conclusive test for HPV in males. So, QC readers, what do you know about HPV? Have you ever been in this situation? What about with another STD? What advice can you give Frustrated Biguy? Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Dear Ask QC,
Two years ago I met an incredible guy. I was working one night at a gay nightclub and at the end of the night I went upstairs to leave as my shift was finished. He was working the whole night upstairs so we didn’t even see each other (it was both of our first nights). When I saw this sexy blond haired, strikingly blue eyes guy I immediate went to him and said, “Where have you been all my life?” He replied, “Right here, papa bear!” and we immediately started kissing and hugging.
We left that night with each other and went back to my place with a few other co-workers. But, then I noticed that he was a little too feminine and I went to bed leaving him with everyone in the living chatting and drinking. We saw each other a few times afterwards and each time, we would start kissing and and go back to my place but he always rather talk and drink with my co-workers (one which was my roommate).
About two months later, he told me he just found out the week before that he was HIV+. He cried as I held him close to me in my bed. I have been with him now as friends for the past year and a half, and I find my attraction to him growing more and more everyday. I asked him if he still likes me and he said that I am not his type, but when he and i get drunk together he does kiss me and we’ve even fucked around 4 times (2 of which he claims to not remember). I know that being HIV+ is a heavy deal for him. He lost his job, his apartment, and even got arrested one drunken night (for grabbing a police officer) but I have been there to help through it all.
It has now been a year and half, and he is coming around to having a better grip on things. He has finally made an appointment to get on medications, he is looking for a job (though he still feels physically tired all the time which he says he knows is the hiv), and he is going to move in with me in a new studio apartment I found. I’m wondering if this is a smart move for me. I love him so much, and I crave for him to love me back even more. I sometimes jerk off at night when I hear his light snoring next to me. Am I a total pervert? Should I just be happy with his friendship? How can I set myself apart from this feelings when he and I will be living together in such close quarters?
Thanks,
Papa Bear
Hi Papa Bear. Thanks for your question and concerns. Negotiating the boundaries of your relationship to someone is one of the trickiest things, especially when you live in such close quarters. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give? Should this reader hold out hope that his friend will get his act together? Or should he just put as much distance between them as possible and try to get over him? If you can help Papa Bear in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
My boyfriend of 3 years recently told me that he no longer loved me and wanted to break up. I was devastated and felt cheated because I had no idea. We live together, had a comfortable routine and the sex was still unpredictable and incredible after all the years. He would tell me he loved me almost every day.
Then he left. In one day, three years together was gone. He came back home the next day and agreed that we should ‘take a break’. We had sex. Twice. Then he left again.
I felt miserable, and after some thought, had to ask him if there was someone else or if he was simply trying to slowly let me down. He told me neither was true.
Now he’s talking about moving into a new house together, new sexual fantasies we could try, etc. But he won’t commit to saying we’re still together. Am I being delusional here? Can he fall back in love with me? Should I give up trying?
Thanks for your help,
High and Dry
Greetings High and Dry, and thanks for your question and concerns. It sounds like a difficult situation. As hard as breakups can be, they’re even worse when you aren’t sure whether or not the relationship is actually over. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give? Should High and Dry hold out hope? Or is it time to cut his losses and move on? If you can help High and Dry in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m a 21 year old college student and this past year I finally met up with a guy I had met off of Grindr and texted for about a year. We hit it right off like we had been best friends for years, but I also thought he was the most beautiful person, inside and out, that I’ve met. Later in the year I got a temp job at an airline, where I could travel for free. He was well traveled and my other friends couldn’t acompany me, so I chose him to share my benefits. We traveled several places, including his home town where I met his dad, aunt, grandma etc, whom all loved me. Over time, I realized how much I cared for this friend and wanted more to happen. He had recently broken up with his boyfriend, which I heard was hard because of how in love they were.
Fast forward to the future. I’ve mentioned how I feel to him and he respectfully said I’m not his type. What’s the easiest way to move past him? When I see him talk or flirt with other guys, I still get jealous or upset that he doesn’t feel that way about me. I want his friendship because as I said, I’ve never related so much to another person and deeply care for him as a person. Thanks!
Ethan
Hi Ethan. Thanks for your question and concerns. Sounds like a tricky situation. Unrequited love (or at least an unrequited crush) is always hard, and even more so when it involves a friend. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give? What’s the best way for Ethan to get over his feelings but keep his friendship? If you can help Ethan in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 25 and just recently split from the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. How do I get over the person I spent the last 2 1/2 years loving?
He was everything I was looking for in a mate. Beautiful. Compassionate. Intelligent. He was a family man, something I was looking for all along. And to put the cherry on the top, we had the most exhilarating and exciting sex-life I could imagine, including a dick from the gods!
Of course our relationship had ups and downs, break-ups and make-ups, but I never thought we would actually part ways. He is only a year older than I. He had a career that ran him ragged, left the job, and ended up in the hospital for depression. After leaving the hospital, he never fully recovered. He moved back in with me and we spent the whole summer together.
During that time, he told me how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, but I pulled away, scared that he was unstable based upon his mental state. Due to my inability to make a decision, he left and traveled around the country to try and find his path. When he was gone, I came to the realization of just how much I did love him. As the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. He returned and we coupled up again. We spent the rest of the year together, with me giving him the ultimatum to decide on our future by the new year.
He decided that I deserve more than him as he is not educated, lacking a career, and extremely down on himself. But I love him for him, and I have seen him go through some of the worst times in his life, not judging him based upon the hardship he is trying to get back up from.
We recently mutually split because we both feel we need to make ourselves the best possible people we can be if we are ever to have the fulfilling life that we want. He tells me he has not loved anyone like me. He says that I am the only person he has ever seen possibly settling down with.
I recently graduated from college, lost my job and moved back to my parents home. I have no idea what to do with my free time now that I am not spending it with him. How do I get over the man I thought I would spend my life with?
Crushed
Hi Crushed. Thanks for your question and concerns. Breakups are hard for everyone. Maybe one of the cruelest tricks about not being over a guy is that it always feels like you’ll never get over him. Have faith though! I does get easier, but it takes time. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give? Most of us have been here before at one time or another. Do you know any tricks for getting over someone? What’s the best way to make peace with the end of a relationship? In situations like this, it usually even helps to share stories. If you can help Crushed in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’ve met an absolutely gorgeous man online, initially we met a few times and dated, just dinner, movies, etc at first. He’s the perfect gentleman, funny, sexy, but as things progressed and much to my amazement, we’ve both fallen in love – hook, line and sinker!
I guess under normal circumstances this would be wonderful news, and it is BUT, the thing is I have a very dark secret – I’m an Escort.
I know I should have been honest and open with him from the beginning but I felt he would have rejected me had I said I was an escort, and I was more interested in him as a date and not a client. So I lied and told him I was a freelance model and photography assistant, which he accepted.
The thing is, he’s now asked that I move in together with him – and its something that I very much want to do – but I feel very much trapped now. Financially I can’t afford to give up my escort work, and I know how much people look down on someone like myself for doing this type of work. So if I give up the work and move in I won’t have any financial means to support myself, but if I tell him the truth I’m very sure he will reject me and that will be the end.
I’m sure there will be some commenters here who will flame me, say its my fault or tell me I’m a tramp, but they have not had the same circumstances that I have had in order to make a living. And all’s that I have ever wanted was to be in love and find a man who loves me too – I feel so lucky and yet so doomed too.
Any advice on what to do?
Kyle
Hi Kyle and thanks for your question and concerns. It sounds like a difficult, but not impossible situation. And don’t presume that everyone looks down on the adult or escort industry (take a look at high profile couple Marc Jacobs and Harry Louis for example!) So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give? Should Kyle tell his new love? Or should he just give up his escort work and hope that his new partner doesn’t find out? If you can help Kyle in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 26 and have been sexually active since 18, did the club scene for a few years and sexually tried most things during that period whilst I was “finding myself”.
Now, after several long term relationships, I’ve settled down with my life partner (we’ve been together now for 2 years), we live together and everything is great apart from one part of our sex life.
I’m a Bottom but I hate anal sex! I’ve tried being a top, flex, etc but it doesn’t work for me. I love cock, and I love my boyfriend – I worship his cock, his body, everything. And, he’s definitely a Top only – he wants and needs anal sex but I just can’t enjoy it.
Yes, I can do it – I’m ok with the mechanics of having anal sex, the douching, the preparations, etc and its not as though its even painful. I’ve practiced enough times with dildo’s, etc and I’ve really tried to get into it when he’s pounding me but for some reason I just can’t stand it. It’s not a case of not just enjoying it, I just really hate it for some reason but I don’t know why.
I love being gay, I have no issues with that, I’m happy at work and out to family and friends, as far as I know I don’t have any hang ups – apart from the anal sex thing. I can, of course, just “grin and bear it” for the sake of my boyfriend but I’m not sure even that’s the right thing to do.
And I love having sex with my boyfriend too, we really do have a wonderful and regular sex life, its just this one aspect that I can’t handle. It is, however, something that he really wants to do – and enjoys doing too. So even though I enjoy almost everything, I then start to tense up knowing what’s coming and then have to go through with it.
I’ve discussed it with him, and even suggested we don’t fuck at all – but he really didn’t like the idea of that! Is there anyway that I can find a solution to this? I don’t want to lose him over this (it’s been one of the reasons of previous break ups), I know from talking with my other gay friends that not everyone is into anal sex, some couples don’t do it at all (but some couples only do anal sex and nothing else).
It’s such a shame as we are compatible on every other level and our relationship works so well together. We are a great “fit” in every aspect except this one thing and it’s getting me down. Any way to resolve this? Will I ever learn to love and enjoy anal sex or is it something that I’m going to have to endure?
Thanks in advance!
Hugs,
Wills
Hi Wills and thanks for your question and concerns. You are right it saying that not everyone enjoys anal sex and that not every gay couple practice it too. The things is that we all enjoy and desire different things, so in that respect you are no different from anyone else. The key, of course, is finding a compatible partner with which to share your intimacy with, and I’m sure our readers here cover every spectrum of sex that can be imagined. It’s very likely then that other readers have experienced the same issues as you and may well have found a solution or suitable compromise to this situation. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Wills? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
