I’m 25 years old and my BF is 35. I started to have sex at around 23, 24. Quite “late” but in a way, I tried to compensate by trying different experiences: cruising bars, SM, threesomes… I was not a sex addict, though and only went to those things when I was feeling horny.
The thing is that after asking several questions to my BF about his sexual experiences I realized that he’s slept with thousands, literally, thousands of men. For instance, he told me that from 23 to 25 he had slept with more than 500 different guys!
Now, I can’t help but having images of him and those guys in my head. I’m lost. It’s eating me up inside and destroying something that could be very special. He keeps telling me that it doesn’t matter, that I’m his man, but sometimes, I’m just in a real spin and can’t stop thinking about anything else which brings me to not being able to share the good moments we can have.
HELP ME PLEASE!
Thanks,
L.
Hi L and thanks for writing in, seems like you are having a difficult time getting through this, perhaps our dear QC readers can help? So how would you help L? Have you had issues with your current BF’s past? Is sleeping with thousands of men too much? Or not enough? If you can help L in any way, or have been in a similar situation then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’ve been reading this advice column for so long and finally now I’ve decided that I need some advice from your readers. So here’s my story:
I’m just a regular guy, 28 years old, good looking and educated and am in a relationship. He is very handsome, borderline genius, insanely charming and boy does he love to flirt. We’ve been together for almost a year now. We’ve spent many MANY great quality times together, traveled together, hang out together, he introduces me to many of his friends and we all get along very well. I often invite them to dinner and me and my boyfriend cook for them. Although we don’t actually live together we are about 30 minutes away from each other because of work commitments. I see him every weekend and any holidays, we talk intensely on the phone, through text, Skype and email, whatever – all the time!
He is my first boyfriend and my first actual relationship, but before he met me he was in a 12 years long relationship with a man. Since the first time I met him, he’s been very nice, gentle, kind and VERY patient. In return I give him so much love, respect and attention, I love him and he loves me too. We really take great care of each other. When I look at my life so far, I really couldn’t be happier because I have a good career, am living in a great city and am having an amazing relationship with my man. Everything seems to be picture perfect.
I say ‘seems’ to be picture perfect because just last weekend I accidentally found a text in his phone from another guy… and it was a sexy message. I was so devastated, because I actually come from a broken home family and my dad cheated on my mom several times and that’s scarred me for life! And that’s why I’ve always been shy and have been VERY protective from allowing myself to love.
And so now, when I thought I was in a good loving relationship I was so sad to see this going on and this thing happening. I’ve been trying to stay cool about that text and in a roundabout way try to confirm this text really without mentioning that I had actually gone through his phone. His answers though have always been able to somehow calm me down, but deep down I think I’m probably so blinded by love or I just love this man so much I can’t see clearly. I’m really REALLY cut up about this though but still I’ve been thinking to myself “Fuck it, he might be flirting but at least I am THE one he loves. I’m the one he introduces to his friends. HE LOVES ME!”
Yesterday, we were driving to the airport to drop him off as he’s going on a business trip and I noticed he was texting quite a lot while I was driving. On the way we stopped at the gas station so he could use the bathroom, and as he had left his phone on the dash, when he was in there I checked it again. This time he had been texting to a guy, about his business trip and how he wished that guy could be there with him and hoped he would visit him in his dreams naked! A part of me died in that gas station.
So when I got home, I decided to go through all his stuff and I found two notes that I figured he has prepared to hand out when he’s out dining on his business trips or when hes not with me. The notes say how he would love to see that man over dinner. And I could tell that the notes are recent cos both notes had his new cell phone number that he’s only been using for a short while. One note actually said “Hey handsome guy, I’d love to get to know you more – I assure you that I’m a perfectly respectable gentleman.”
When I found these notes I started to cry. I know I’ve broken his privacy but what am I to do?! Am I being foolish by thinking (or actually knowing) that I am still madly in love with this guy. I want him to be happy with me. I want him to be free but I want him to be mine and only mine. I’m ok with all the flirting but I don’t want him to sleep around with another guy when I’m not looking. I admit that I’m a very obsessive and jealous person, but I have really tried to suppress that side of me so that he’s always been happy with me and me with him. I’ve tried very hard not to let that jealous or obsessive side surface, but now I’m really having difficulty handling this situation.
What should I do?
Desperate lover
Dear Desperate thanks for writing in, sorry to hear of your troubles, lets hope the QC readers can dole out a healthy dose of advice for you! Have any of you been in a similar situation to this? What did you do? Is it OK for his lover to flirt like this? Is his lover being unfaithful with these texts and notes? Did he invade his BF’s privacy by looking at messages on his phone and going through his stuff or is that acceptable? If you can help answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Hi, I’m 26, recently came out as a Bi-Sexual man, to my friends at least, my mother still doesn’t officially know although I suspect she does. I consider myself bisexual because I would have sex with a woman as fast as I would with a man, but I’ve never found sex with a woman satisfying, so I lean towards men when the opportunity strikes me. I just recently became sexually active living a sheltered life with my brother dying before my birth and now in 2011 I have also lost my father. So I never moved from my home while I was in college and my mother and me lost our family home when my father died and now we both own our new one, so I cannot move out. I feel really trapped as I’m not able to go to bars – all of my many hot spots of my sexual adventures have been with what I thought was my “straight” friends who are now leading me down a different path.
Ever since I came out to my friend J (as I’ll call him) he’s been very flirty and we’ve messed around – even did my first three-some with him with a mutual girl-friend. He always seems to start it and even allows me to practically jerk him off but refuses to get too intimate. This past New Year he and another “Straight’ friend and I got a little heated with a three-way kiss, a lot of groping and ended with J going home to his g/f and me and “T” doing something that I regret. Usually when we get drunk we all like to play wrestle and this proceeded as normal and when J left I gave T a massage and he was telling me stories about his gay friend blowing him and how nothing ever came up that he was purely straight, even though all night long my hand was on his cock, so I took the story kinda as a challenge and that night I ended up blowing him. I passed his challenge cause he was hard but he passed out from the booze, and now I feel like some sort of gay creeper.
All of my sexual experiences haven been pretty fucked up in my opinion cause I feel like I’m being led on by my “straight” friends to feel out their curiosities, and I guess I’m starting to resent it. J wants to start another 3some with his g/f and possibly with T this time so a 4some with three guys which is confusing the hell out of me.
Finally J wanted to introduce me to his gay friend who is apparently very interested in me, but when I joked about screwing him he kinda got out of shape that he didn’t want to see me and his friend to have sex? So I am very confused, I’ve known these guys for about 7 years so I don’t want to fuck up a friendship but I don’t want to feel like the fall back gay guy.
Sorry for the wall of text!
Timothy
Sounds like a complicated problem there? Some say being bisexual is the best of both worlds – and some say its as confusing as hell! How would you help Timothy in this situation? If you can help answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Okay. So here is my problem…it not exactly sexual, so it isn’t going to be something that’s traditionally answered on here. But I figure what the hell, put things out in the universe and see what comes back.
I cannot seem to get a guy to date…rather than just fuck. It’s annoying. I prefer companionship and LTR over casual sex. In fact, so much so, I’m not comfortable performing sexually with strangers. I’m a shy guy, with tendencies for staying away from guys who are intimidating…mostly the men that I find attractive. I want friendships that progress to something naturally. I don’t like to rush into anything quickly. I take my time, and want to get to know someone first.
The only outlet I have sexually is porn. Which is somewhat sad, since it isn’t doing the trick anymore. Usually, my sexual fantasies revolve around romantic interests. My fantasies are not compatible with gay porn, in general.
I want to find companionship, but lack the necessary skills or good spaces to meet the right type of guys…
In other words, where are the good men at?
I don’t want to cruise clubs or bars for various reasons. Basically, those places you won’t find your dating types…its mostly about getting laid. Not like there is anything wrong with that, but it isn’t my scene (if you are wondering, YES, I’M GAY!)
I’ve tried some dating sites online, but the guys are not plentiful in the areas I’m at. And the ones that are very pushy and aggressive… one was asking me for commitment before we’d even met…so I politely turned him down.
I want the normal dating life that some straights seem to have, that gays lack. Any creative ideas on how to do this? I know of gay interest groups. But I’m not a biker, nor do I like religion; So that puts me at a disadvantage.
Signed,
Boo Hoo, I’m sooo alone!
With love in the air can we help Boo Hoo? Where or how would you suggest he finds his ideal date? What experiences have you had in meeting guys in places other than bars and clubs? If you can help answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m not sure if this is considered ‘normal’ for a gay man, but when I see myself naked or in sexy underwear in the mirror, or in photos I have taken, I get so totally aroused. I mean, I get the hardest boner and much more so than if I’m looking at another hot guy, or even having sex with a hot guy. I find when I’m having sex I have to keep glancing in the mirror, or think of images of my own body to keep myself hard.
I’m 19 yo, work out 5 to 7 times a week and have a really fit body, although I would say my looks are only just above average. I don’t have a boyfriend but I regularly date guys and can get as much sex as I want. But I’m now wondering if this normal or just weird as I seem to be less and less turned on by other guys bodies, in fact to the point where I would rather just masturbate in front of the mirror than bother to have sex with someone else. Have other guys experienced this and what should I do, if anything, to try to change?
Thanks,
John
We all love ourselves, to varying degrees, but when is self-love too much? Is it common for gay men to display more narcissistic behavior than heterosexuals or is this just a personality trait people experience in their formative years? If you can help John answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Recently I was having really great sex with my boyfriend and he was fucking me vigorously like there was no tomorrow. It was totally awesome right up to the point where I farted… and when I say I farted this was a looooong low deep fart, right from the bottom of my gut and lasted about 20 seconds! I was totally embarrassed and lost my hard on immediately, in fact that was the end of that sex session as I just leapt off the bed and ran to the bathroom.
The thing is, I actually didn’t need to go to the bathroom at all, but I was totally embarrassed about the situation. I have never experienced farting during sex so it was a bit of a shock for me, especially as I had no way of stopping it. And whilst I did have bit of a laugh about it afterwards I am now actually more concerned about my boyfriends reaction when we discussed it. He said he really ENJOYED me farting and that it was a big turn on for him, and so now, in future, he wants me to take things further with me sitting on his face and farting as much as possible!
Whilst I have always experimented (mildly) with some kink (a little bit of S & M, bondage, etc) and I enjoy being dominated (to a degree) I’m actually not sure how to go about being able to do this passing wind thing, is there anyone else who is into this? What do you do prior to sex? Eat as much gas inducing vegetables as possible or something? More to the point, although I have always anally douched and purged myself before being fucked, I’m now worried that if I don’t do that then I may have an ‘accident’ whilst farting on his face. And, even worse, this kinda leads to my worse fear that my boyfriend may well be into such things as scat, etc (which I will totally not want to do or encourage).
If anyone has any advice to this it would be appreciated, I don’t particularly want to be a prude in bed, and whilst I admit I’m not totally turned on by the farting thing, it seems my boyfriend is and its important to me to be able to please and satisfy him too (but without going too far as for me to be uncomfortable with the situation).
Thanks for your help,
Riley 22
Farting during sex… possibly something, that at one time or other, a few of us may have experienced or feared in the past? But how can we help Riley? It seems he really wants to please his BF but also doesn’t want to take this too far. Are any of our dear readers into this? And if so, what advice would you give Riley? Whilst this may seem one of the more unusual pleasures or interests we’ve heard of during sex I’m sure that Riley would appreciate you leaving your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I don’t understand how people can ever be convinced they are having safe Bare Back sex.
I mean, with an exclusive boyfriend of course it’s easier, but what about those who have BB sex with random people?
The 3 months window period can be really tricky, the only safe way that I can think of is that you get tested 3 months prior and so proving you are negative, and then wait 3 months without having sex at all (or only have protected sex during that period – but I feel this will then discount the confidence at the end).
I don’t know, when you are having BB sex, what makes anyone think you are safe?
Appreciate your thoughts and advice guys,
Thanks,
John H
Bareback sex is certainly an interesting (and controversial) topic!, Whilst everyone knows that we should always wear a condom during intercourse to stay safe, some choose not to do so. The reasons why they do or don’t wear a condom – well only they can really answer that! But you’ve certainly raised an interesting and relevant topic John. So if anyone can help John with the answers he’s seeking, or have any other advice to offer him on this subject, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I think I’m in love and I’ve really fallen for a friend who is gay too. The problem is he already has a boyfriend and I don’t know what to do because I always want to kiss him and be with him! I don’t know what to do because I feel like maybe he has feelings for me but I’m really not sure about it!
How can I know if he feels something for me? Should I tell him how I feel? Or should I just wait and see what happens?
Please I need some advice about this thank you!
Thanks,
GMZ
Well GMZ, you sound like a young guy who’s having a lot of confusing feelings so I really hope we can give you some advice to help you!, I’m sure there are many readers who’ve been in this situation before, so if you think you can help GMZ answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Ever since being sexually active I have tried to avoid oral sex as I am completely turned off by the taste of pre-cum.
When guys go down on me, they obviously expect the same in return so I normally reach for a condom which they find very unusual. I have tried sucking without but as soon as I taste one bit of pre-cum I gag and have to get a condom. Occasionally I come across guys that don’t pre-cum so I don’t have any problem but the majority do.
Does anyone else have this problem? I have nothing against cum, in fact I love it, but the sight and the taste of pre-cum is enough to make me sick.
Mikidiki
Lots of us like cum, but what about pre-cum? Do we love it or loathe it? Should we taste it or not? Is it usual to give blow jobs wearing condoms or not? Are you or should you be disgusted by pre-cum as the writer is? If you can help Mikidiki answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m an 18 year old virgin boy (with a very nice butt), I’ve met some men via the web and I have been chatting with them (and other stuff too 😉 ).
Now I’ve met a guy who I really like, I don’t know him that well but I really want to lose my sexual virginity to him. But I don’t know if it’s the right way, what do you think? Is it safe?
PLEASE I NEED AN ANSWER!
CB
Most of us have been in this situation haven’t we? We’re all in a rush to lose our virginity! But what advice would you give CB? If you can help him answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I love being a bottom, in fact it’s the best way for me to cum while I’m getting fucked but over the last couple of years as soon as guys put on a condom I go soft as soon as I start to get fucked.
The only way I can get hard is by them rubbing their bare cock against my arse and I have even let them put their head inside me for a second but once I reach for that condom and they start fucking me I go soft.
It actually hurts and I get goose bumps all over me because the feeling is really uncomfortable.
Could my hole be allergic to condoms or am I just imagining it? The feeling of a condom inside me really hurts!
I really don’t know but I just can’t enjoy anal sex anymore unless it’s bareback which I don’t feel comfortable doing!
Steve
Lots of us like to fuck and we all know we should be using condoms But does anyone have the same problem as Steve? Could he be allergic to condoms or latex? If you can help him answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I am now in my first relationship and sexually things have progressed to the point of sex. We will spend two nights together next week and we will have sex then.
My question is that I am really nervous about being prepared and clean. Can you give some guidance to an inexperienced bottom?
I’m an openly gay man in my 40’s (both at work and with family) and recently a work colleague informed me that his 14 year old son had just ‘come out’ and declared himself gay.
My colleague and his wife sounded quite supportive of their son, but they also seemed rather distraught at the fact their son had ‘come out’ too early (as they put it). They also said they hoped it was just a phase he was going through and that their son wouldn’t really know his true sexual identity at that age.
Whilst there is always the possibility that their son may have some confusion with his sexual identity/orientation I mentioned that they should also be prepared and respect the fact that he may well also be very sure at his age that he is completely gay too. They both seemed surprised when I mentioned that, in my case, I personally knew I was gay by 12 or 13 years old (although I would say I probably had a pretty good idea when I was 9 or 10 years old).
I mentioned that their son is lucky to have such supportive parents and how times have changed for the better in the last 30 years with more positive gay role models on tv/film, society, politics and positive changes to laws over the years, etc. Coming out for me at 13 years old wouldn’t have been a possibility so I see it as progress that its now easier and more accepted to come out to family, friends and school mates at an earlier age.
Of course, we all know that there is still homophobia, hate and prejudice out there and changing that will still take time, but I believe it takes a lot of courage to come out in your teens and still at school.
Whilst my work colleague seems fine that his son is gay, he still seems to be having difficulty getting over the age issue. So I have a few questions which I hope I can then pass on this collective advice to my work colleague: How old where you when you knew you were gay? When is the ‘right’ age/time to ‘come out’? And what other advice would the readers offer?
Thanks in advance,
Thomas
It’s great to see that young people have the confidence to ‘come out’ these days but how can we help the parents accept their son’s declaration at an early age? What advice would you give them? Did you know you were gay at an early age? And is this even such a big issue? Please feel free to share your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section so Thomas can pass them onto his work colleague and family. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
If you are in a long term committed relationship, is it considered having an affair if you meet someone on line, have them make a mold of their erect cock, mail it to you and then you fuck yourself with it?
Rembert
Thanks for your question Rembert! A while back a reader asked is webcamming cheating and that elicited a strong range of views! And although these circumstances are different, there are some similarities with both questions. So under these circumstances, is this situation considered having an affair? Or is there enough disconnect to consider this just some cybersex fun? If you can help Rembert answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m looking for some help / advise and I know you have the “asking for advise” section that appears on the site weekly. I wanted to know whether you would post this question.
All those ads about buying Viagra or Cialis online, has anyone actually bought from them? Has anyone actually used them before? Does anyone have a reliable legal source, other than a pharmacy?
I have to take them because of other blood pressure drugs I take and I am looking for a less expensive outlet. I am looking for a serious response and help please. This is no fake email, or scammer. Can somebody direct me?
Batushka
Viagra and Cialis adverts, we see them all the time don’t we? Are they genuine? Do they sell the real thing? Does anyone know of a legal, cheaper alternative for Batushka who requires this drug for medical reasons? Are they any alternatives for maintaining erections other than using drugs if you have a medical condition such as high blood pressure? If you can help Batushka answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Advice on how to get my boyfriend to give up smoking and drugs.
Brief and to the point! Whilst Anthony’s question may be short we’re sure that there are a wide range of options and advice out there from our readers. Has anyone experienced the same situation? How have you helped your loved one kick the habit? What works and what doesn’t? Does perseverance and true love prevail? If you can help Anthony answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section. Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
