I hope that I can get some help here because I don’t know what to do. I have been dating my partner for about two years now and pretty much everything is great. We are still madly in love and have fun every day we are together. There is just one problem—he has never ejaculated during sex. We have tried many times to get him to cum but nothing seems to work. He gets really horny during foreplay but when I go down on him or he goes inside me, he becomes flaccid pretty quickly. During this time, he produces a lot of pre-cum. He loves to do things to me I have no problems cumming for him. We have tried mutual masturbation but that doesn’t seem to work either. I have asked him to try to masturbate to porn in front of me but he doesn’t seem too happy about that idea. He seems to think that that won’t do anything.
Since we only see each other on the weekends, he is at his house Monday through Friday. He tells me that he masturbates quite regularly to gay and straight porn during that time (he is bi) and he says that he has no problems getting off then. He has tried stopping masturbating, but after three weeks of that and no luck, I told him that he could masturbate again because that doesn’t seem to be the problem. At first I thought his inability to cum was just him being embarrassed around me but after two years I would think this would go away.
We have no idea where to go from here. Should we see a sex therapist? Is there a medical reason for him becoming flaccid? Or, is there something we can do to help him through this? I love this man and I want everything to be perfect, especially our sex life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks guys,
KS
What a quandry! It sounds like KS really loves his fella and like his fella really wants to cum. But what is the issue her? Nerves? Psychological block? Bio-feedback? And how can KS and his beau find their way towards sexual bliss without making themselves miserable? Please share your experience and advice in the QComments section.
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I have been dealing with this for over a week now and I don’t know who else to turn to. I think I was raped and I feel stupid for not knowing if I was or what to do. But I’m going out of my mind and have no one else to talk to—please help me.
My name is Bryce* (*name changed). I’m 23, live way outside of Dallas, and only came out 9 months ago. My family disowned me because I’m gay and I don’t really have any friends because I’m ugly and awkward. I used to go the gay dance club in Dallas whenever I could get off work and find a ride. I went last weekend with a friend and started talking to an older guy named John* (*name also changed). John was 37 and really nice. He bought me a bunch of drinks, told me how handsome I was, and said he wanted to take me home and that he’d give me a ride home the next day.
I got really drunk and when we got to his place which was far away from the bar I told him I wanted to have sex but that I didn’t feel too good. We kissed a little bit as he began to undress me and kept saying “That’s OK, you’re alright. Don’t worry.” To be honest, I don’t have a real good memory of what happened after that. All I know is I remember getting up at one point and he was fucking me even though I was barely awake and he didn’t have a condom on either. It really hurt because he was going hard and I asked him what he was doing. He said I told him he could. I felt so bad that I got up, went to the bathroom, locked the door and made myself puke and drink water to try and wake up, but I was too tired so I fell asleep right there on the floor as he knocked on the door and told me to come out. I told him to go away and that I just wanted to go to sleep. I told him if he didn’t leave me alone, I’d call the cops.
I woke up sometime early the next morning before he got up. My ass really hurt and bled a bunch (I had only had sex one other time and it hurt then too, but this hurt more because I guess he had a big one and I wasn’t ready). I was drunk too and even though I said I wanted to have sex, I also remember saying I was too drunk and I never would have said yes to sex without a condom.
I don’t know what to do. I told my friend and he said I should get tested and I did. I’m negative right now but I could still get it in a few months. I live in a small town and don’t want to talk to anyone here because I’m afraid it will get out that I have AIDS and am a gay whore and I deserved it and everything. I also don’t have the John’s number. I walked to the nearest gas station that morning and had a friend pick me up, but I don’t know where John lives or how to get a hold of him. If I did, I don’t even know what would I say.
I hate feeling like I deserved this. I know I drinking and going home with a stranger is dumb but I got so much more tired and drunker than I ever have that I wonder if he spiked my drink. I also know I didn’t consent to sex, but if you go home with a guy that’s like asking for it right? I am also scared that I have AIDS and don’t know it. Now I don’t want to return to the bar and all my friend can say is “At least you’re alive.”
What do I do? Please help me.
Wow. A heavy one this time around and we don’t know where to begin. Namely, Bryce needs some serious help and someone to talk to. He’s also got some serious self-esteem issues and probably needs to leave his small town and find a gay mental health counselor to talk with. But should he also try and contact John or get legal help? Bryce is depending on us QueerClickers to give him the next step. Please share your advice and experiences in the comments section.
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I’m a 24-year-old and a few weeks ago I met a cute 27-year-old Derrick at a bar. We hit it off instantly—he’s handsome, funny, sweet, and physically just my type. We had made out a couple of times during our dates, but then one afternoon while hanging out I saw him take some pills and when I asked what for, he said “Actually, I’m HIV positive.”
I was surprised, but not hurt. We had only kissed and made out up to that point, nothing serious. I told him that I liked him, but that I’d need some time to think about it. I’ve heard of mixed-status couples who stay together without giving the virus to each other, but I’m not sure what I should do. Ideally, I’d like to date him and see how it goes, to get to know him as Derrick rather than “the guy with HIV.”
I already told my brother and he thinks I’m crazy to consider dating Derrick. He said there’s lots of fish in the sea and that dating a positive guy is just asking to get sick. Anyone no matter their status can become sick and I always have safe-sex but I’d be lying if I said I’m not afraid of possibly contracting HIV. I don’t know anyone else who is positive, though I assume I will eventually and I’d like to make an intelligent that’s the best for me.
Derrick said he’d understand my decision either way, but I could really use advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation. Thanks!
Whether you’re positive or negative, HIV effects everyone. It sounds like our advice-seeker really likes Derrick, but wants to stay negative too. Right off the bat he should probably do some reading about mixed-status couples at The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource, but what would you do? Would you date Derrick or not? If so, how would you balance safety and conversation to make sure both men stay safe. If you wouldn’t date him, why shouldn’t Derrick and what should he do instead? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
If you have a question for Ask QC, just drop us a line. We love giving advice!
Are the over the counter HIV test kits accurate and as good as the tests from your physician?
This is probably the shortest question we’ve ever had at Ask QC, but it’s a good one especially since home HIV tests have started popping up at local pharmacies. They can be less expensive, but do they work? The only thing worse than a false positive would be a false negative! Has anyone ever tried them or is there a doctor in the house who can tell us about their effectiveness? If so, please share your advice and experience in the comments section.
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I’m a big guy, gained a lot of weight, but I’m still good looking. The way media puts a spotlight on guys with great abs, great cocks, thight bodies, and chiseled jaws really makes me insecure about myself.
I dated a few guys before and they liked me. I have the personality and they are okay with my body. They loved me. But I turned them down because I just feel insecure about my body and think it’s better for them to find a hotter guy.
Is it just me or what? Should I just stay the way I am?
As a gay porn blog we’re partially responsible for perpetuating the image of “the perfect guy.” But while killer looks and porn star sex totally rock, it’s important to remember that these men are sexual fantasies and that chiseled abs and a nine inch cock are no substitute for the sexiness of a smart, fun-loving guy with a great personality and caring heart. Sounds like our advice seeker could use some advice on how to raise his confidence without letting all the models on TV, the web, and magazines wreck his self-esteem. We’re sure he’s not the only one who has ever felt this way, so how can he help himself feel more secure when approached by hot guys instead of giving up before it begins? Please share your comments, experience, and advice in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to [email protected] and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I am pretty sure I have hemorrhoids, but am terrified of going into the doctor to get it looked at because I have never had sex and am worried the tube he will have to insert into my anus will actually turn me on and I might get a boner. Has anyone else gotten an anoscope procedure done and how did it feel?
We’ve been to the proctologist more than twice and let us tell you, when you’re in that skimpy gown in a cold examination room with an old dude and his female nurse looking deep into your cho-cho, it sure ain’t sexy. But for fans of anal, we could see how unexpected boners could prove embarrassing. Has anyone had this problem? If so, how did the doc respond to your cock? Or did you have a secret trick for keeping your tiger tamed? Please share your comments, experience, and advice in the comments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to [email protected] and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I have been dating the most wonderful man for the past 6 months. He’s kind, attentive, ambitious, thoughtful, attractive (to me) and most of all we share the same values, particularly in the monogamy department.
We took our relationship very slowly in the beginning and were very respectful of each others boundaries. We weren’t intimate for the first 2 months as we were getting to know each other and I also told him that I was celibate until I was in a real relationship. He obliged and that’s what got me. My past boyfriends weren’t so receptive to the idea so we either went our separate ways or I broke my own boundary and had sex with them to appease them, which would later make me feel like shit.
Fast forward into our relationship, I find myself having the greatest sex of my life. We’re both in our early 30’s and we just want to do it all the time. It’s a wonderful feeling.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were in the mood again and just as we were getting into a bit of action, he whispered in my ear that he’d love it if we could go bareback (if I was ready). I told him, not yet.
Here’s the thing, I’ve never had bareback sex. I guess it’s always been drilled in my head that if you’re going to have sex, protect yourself. My past boyfriends never had a problem with it and it’s not that I’m afraid that my boyfriend will reject me if I do insist on a condom.
Is barebacking “normal” in a gay relationship? Do I take the next step and have unprotected sex with the man I love or do we continue using condoms because of my hang up? I trust him and we’ve both discussed that an open relationship isn’t in the cards, but I’d like to know what others think before I make any kind of decision.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Mike
One QC editor dated his boyfriend exclusively for a year and a half before they both went in to get tested so they could start barebacking. When he told the HIV clinician that he and his boyfriend were monogamous, the clinician rolled his eyes and said, “I’ve heard that one before.” What a dick! But maybe he had a point. Is it better to always wrap up your sausage or is it ever OK to serve it up raw (especially when the table only seats two)? Please share your comments, experience, and advice in the comments section.
I’m18 and recently came out, but my problem is that it seems I can never get any guys! I’m attractive, funny, smart. I just don’t seem to have that guy magnet attribute. Any tips on how to get guys without looking desperate? I need help.
Thanks, Bummed in FL
Looking at a porn site you might think a guy can just walk up to any other guy and start sucking him off. That works for some people—they’re called “freaks”. But Bummed knows that life isn’t a porn video and that meeting men can be much more daunting than what you see on Extra Big Dicks. So experienced men, sound off. How can Bummed attract men without coming off as a spineless need sponge? Please share your comments, experience, and advice in the comments section.
For the last 6 months, I have been living with my partner. We are both 30. Recently, I discovered that he has a blog that he has been secretly keeping ever since we started living together. In it, he writes about the highlights of his life, including all the not-so-nice bits that include me. Our occasional quarrels and disagreements are often blogged about in detail with the natural biases that one tends to have. In addition to this one-sided account of events, other sensitive details of my life are exposed, such as references to my health problems, my social life and other shortcomings that I may possess. He also includes (unflattering) photos of me. Last, but not least, he actually uses my name in the blog!!!
I am shocked at what he has done. I feel extremely violated. I almost feel as if this is far worse than if I caught him cheating on me. As this blog is read by his friends (and god knows who else on the net), I must appear like public enemy number one. Is he out to make me look bad or does he simply have no regard for my privacy? I have not confronted him and I am not sure what to do. Some part of me feels like I should not be with a person who claims to love me, but does not respect me. How will I ever trust him again?
Public Enemy Number One
We’re all for sharing, but there’s such a thing as too much! The writer doesn’t mention if he loves this guy or what all is at stake, but what do you think? Should PENO take his boyfriend’s blogging in stride, simply talk to him about it and ask him to be more discreet, or should he DESTROY HIM, break up, and threaten to sue? So many options… oh, it’s love American style! What would you do? Please share your comments, experience, and advice in the comments section.
I have met this wonderful guy and we’ve been going out for more than two months now. We are really in love with each other and happy together, but when we met he told me that he was versatile and I told him that am active (a top). After two weeks he told me that he is active as well. As we were really in love we decided to continue seeing each other.
The first times we had sex, we did mostly oral stuff and masturbating. He did try to take my dick with lots of lube but he couldn’t. I tried taking his dick and almost succeeded. We’ve tried two more times but every time my dick goes in a little he tells me to stop. Now I am very gentle, patient and attentive and I know am not forcing him. The third time, I succeeded in taking his dick and we did it, Twice!!!
Now I must confess that I did not get any pleasure out of it. It was strange because I never did this before and at times (rarely I felt some pain) but I did it because I LOVE HIM. I am not saying it was an unpleasant experience for me, I like it in many ways—making love to the guy I’ve given my heart to. What I am asking is how to deal with things if my boy can’t take my dick?
I know it will be quite frustrating for me, because I want to make love to him. He told me he’ll try again and again, but please help me. What can I do so that he feels less pain? We use lots of lube and we do the foreplay; I finger him etc. But what can I do if he still can’t?
Thanks for your help guys.
One of our editors recently mastered bottoming and all it took was a little anal douching, a patient top, a hell of a lot of lube, and some other “tricks” of the trade. Bottoming can be difficult especially for the inexperienced, but we’re sure there are enough seasoned pros here who can help with a tip or two. So how about it boys? Please share you comments, experience, and advice in the comments section.
My military buddy who serves in the same unit as me is getting married. He asked me to be his best man and without thinking about it, I said yes! I then looked up the responsibilities of the best man. Great, now I, as a gay man, have to plan a straight man’s bachelor party!?! Now what do I do? Suggestions? Anyone else ever been in this situation?
This gentleman can’t be the first gay guy ever to plan a straight bachelor party, right? We’re thinking that before our advice seeker plans a thing, he should think about what his friend likes to do (maybe even ask him) and also ask the groom’s other pals if they have any ideas. It has been our experience that other guys love help planning bachelor party debaucher, but how should this man proceed? Are there any websites or additional ideas he might want to consider before his buddy’s last night of freedom? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
I’ll admit it, I want a guy to pee on me. A lot of my friends think it’s weird, but I really wanna try. It sounds so hot having a guy who’s turned on pee on me. I wanna be a piss slut, maybe take some in my mouth and kiss him, let it run down my chest as his hung flaccid washes me in piss—I’m getting hard just writing about it.
I really wanna try out this fantasy and have found a guy willing to do it, but what are the rules? I mean is it OK to drink it? Will I get STDs from piss (I hear pee is sterile)? Is it OK to let him pee in my eyes or on my ass? Is there anything else I should know? I really want to live out this fantasy, but I also want to make sure I am safe.
Human urinal coming through! Piss play can be hot (or warm depending), but our first timer has lots of questions. We’d say that maybe he should check out Boys-Pissing for some pissing points, but porn isn’t always the best place to pick up safe sex advice. So what should our new weatherman keep in mind so he can enjoy the golden showers without getting hosed? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
I have a unique problem. My dad came out pretty late in life (around age 55). He’s almost 70 now and though he’s hired a few hookers in the past and has flirted with men, he’s single and getting pretty lonely from the looks of it. He cried once while telling me about being ignored at a bath house. It’s kinda weird talking about gay dating with your dad and I’m not entirely sure what to tell him.
He’s a good looking fella, even at his age, but he doesn’t want to join some gay seniors group. He’d rather meet a middle-aged gay guy another way, but I have no idea what to tell him. Where should a 70-year-old gay man go to meet a potential partner? I don’t want to send him to any old dating website because it’s my experience that most of the men on there are younger and the older guys have daddy complexes or fetishes.
I’d appreciate any advice. Thanks!
We’ve got a sexy senior on our hands! It’s definitely difficult getting older whether you’re gay or not. So how can we help this older gentleman find a mate without having to cruise bathhouses or manslut.com? Do we have any older guys out there who can suggest good meeting places for mature men? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
I’m a single professional guy who just got a decent IRS return and I wanna stock up my pleasure chest for when I play alone or with someone else. A “pleasure chest” is what I call my collection of sex toys. Right now my collection is pretty tame—I just have some lube, a Fleshjack and a blue nine-inch jelly blue vibrator that’s shaped like a thick cock (it’s pretty good). Those are a good start, but can you advise me on other toys I should buy?
Toys tend to be expensive, so I wanna buy stuff that’s good quality and that I’ll actually use. I’m kinda curious about buying an Aneros, a Rude Boy prostate stimulator or a double-sided dildo. I’d also like to buy some BDSM gear, but am unsure where to start. I guess I have a few questions. First, should I buy the ones I’ve mentioned? Has anyone else tried them? Are they any good? Also what else should I buy? I’m especially unsure about the BDSM gear since I am a beginner and inexperienced. Which items would be the best way to start exploring that (from the side of the dominator and the submissive guy)? I really want to get my money’s worth and would prefer hearing from guys who have experienced these toys firsthand.
Thanks
Christmas came early this year and now Santa wants to stuff his stocking with some very naughty boy-toys. So what toys should this hot guy get? Toys are not only a great way to make good sex with someone even spicier, they’re also great ways to learn more about your body and what turns you on when you’re alone. We have our favorites, but what are yours? Help this fella spend wisely by sharing your experiences and advice in the QComments section!
I’m 18, and I’m a virgin… but that’s soon to change. I have a man who really likes me and wants me to fuck him. Only problem is that I’m terrified. I don’t know the first thing about what to do. How do I fuck??? How do I have sex? I know it might sound crazy but I’m lost. please, anyone… Help!!!
Thanks
We’ve all gone through a first time. Usually it’s sweet, well-intentioned, awkward, though incredibly hot. So now we’ve got a young green gentleman looking to fuck but he’s noticeably nervous, so what’s a timid top to do? How might he relax, prepare himself and his partner, and do the deed so that he and his lover can have a sexcellent time. He needs a recipe for a successful night—do you have the ingredients? Please share your experiences and advice in the QComments section!
I have a horror story that’s kinda funny. My brother has this friend who woke up one Thanksgiving morning feeling very ill. His balls and stomach hurt and even though he didn’t feel like eating, he joined his family at the dining room table. He felt hot and woozy and no sooner had he prepared his plate did he pass out face down into the mashed potatoes.
It turns out that one of his testicles had slowly wound its way around the other one and cut off circulation causing an extreme amount of pain. And while they rushed him to the emergency room to remove one of his balls, thieves broke into his family’s home and stole all of their Christmas presents—so his testicles ruined two family holidays!
I used to giggle about this story until I realized the same thing could happen to me. Lately my balls have been very sensitive and I sometimes worry that the same thing is happening to me. Is it? Are there any other reasons my balls should hurt so much? It’s not a case of blue balls nor have I been hit in the nuts anytime recently. I’ve read that it could be something called spermatorrhea, but I’m not sure.
Has anyone had a problem with achey balls? Is there any chance that one of my balls could be twisting around the other and I just don’t know it? How common is that anyway? I have real low hangers and wonder if one could easy wind around the other like a tetherball winding itself around a pole. Can that happen any old time?
Whoa, what a story! We feel bad for your brother’s friend and can understand why you would be worried about the same thing happening to you, especially if you’ve been laughing at that poor guy all these years—karma’s a bitch. But achey balls (whether blue balls or not) are no fun. So how about it, readers? Do you know why our advice-seeker might be experiencing pain? Have any of you gone through the same thing? And how likely is it that he might end up like his brother’s pal? We’ve never heard of anyone going through that, but maybe it’s more common than we think. Please share your experiences and advice in the QComments section!
