I’m 49 years old, which probably seems ancient for such a question – but am I too old to “come out of the closet” and declare my sexuality to the world?
I’m what my family politely described as a “confirmed bachelor”, I don’t really think I act or look in anyway effeminate (not that I have a problem with that) but I’ve lived my life pretty much alone and just concentrated on my work. In every aspect I’m just a regular/normal guy who just happens to be gay.
But my 50th birthday is coming up in just over 6 months, and it got me thinking that I am more than half way through my life, more than ever before I have this urge to let the world know I’m gay and then just get on with my life. I’ve never have a long term partner but I live in hope that I can, maybe coming out will help with that? I’m actually pretty inexperienced on the relationship side of things, apart from some infrequent hook ups for sexual relief I’ve never even had a boyfriend.
With my 50th looming, I realized that I have been living my life in a way that others (parents, family, etc) expect me to and not really how I want to. So I’ve had this crazy notion to have a big surprise at my 50th birthday party and just “come out”! I’m not sure though, if it’s going to be a good thing to do it like that – just announce and declare it, or whether I should actually make invitation cards saying “You’re invited to Davids “Coming Out” Party!”?
I know this is probably a strange question to have here as most questions are either sexual or relationship based, but is 50 too old to come out? Has anyone here done that and what happened, was it a good thing or where there dire consequences? I’m sure that people will look and think of me in a different way and perhaps there may be some negativity associated with letting people know I’m homosexual (I can already see the looks of disapproval at my church). I know I don’t have to make this decision today, but in the back of my mind I’ve always thought it so unfair that I was brought up in a society that said homosexuality was wrong (school and church). I’m glad it’s so much easier for the youth of today and that they can come out in their teenage years. For me, the longer this has gone on the harder its becoming to do it so I feel that if I don’t do it at 50 then I’ll never do it. By the way, both my parents are still alive (and they are very homophobic as are a lot of other family members) but my friends and work colleagues I feel will either support me if I come out or not be bothered by it at all.
If anyone has been through this and can offer any advice it would really help in making my decision.
Many thanks, and I just really want to add, as a long term reader of QC of many years now, I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
Best regards, David
Hi there David and many thanks too for the compliments, it’s wonderful to know our long term QueerClick readers – and that you appreciate all the hard work the team delivering hot gay porn 24/7 . And thanks too for writing in with your question and concerns, coming out (or not) is a big step for every individua whether gay, bi or trans, and although everyones circumstances are different, there will surely be some similarity with yours and other readers here too. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you offer David? Is 50 too old (or even too young!) to come out? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 24, have a good job starting in a firm since I left college a couple of years back and I’ve been making good progress and just got promoted too. My boss is really great, he’s in his 40’s married with 2 kids, but recently he’s been kinda hitting on me too which was a bit weird at first but now I’m actually enjoying it.
I’m openly gay at work and no problems there and when he started flirting with me I just laughed it off initially. The thing is, now its become a bit more than flirty jokes, there are far too many “accidental” brushing against each other or leaning over where there is obvious body contact. I get invited out for drinks and dinners with him all the time on the pre-text about work, but he usually steers the conversation away from work and it comes around to sex. He says things, like he’s always been fascinated with gay sex but never tried it and would love to sometime, or he’ll tell me what his favorite gay porn sites are.
At first I really thought he was joking, or just trying to be cool about me being gay, now I’m more than a bit intrigued. I have to say, I do feel attracted to him too, I’m not dating seriously with anyone at the moment and it’s very tempting to go just that final step further – should I cross that line?
The other day I was in his car with him and when he dropped me off at home, I swear he leant in to kiss me good night, but just at the last moment I pulled back and got quickly out of the car. I expected there to be some awkwardness at work the next day, but really it was fine and just like usual, good fun to work there, laughing and joking around together – he even managed to make a joke about my rapid departure from his car!
So my dilemma is, even though I know it’s wrong to have sex or an affair with a married man, should I do it anyway? I’m defintely attracted to him both physically and mentally, and he seems to be into me a lot too. Would it be just a bit of fun, or the worst mistake of my life?
Not sure if anyone’s been in this type of situation but any advice or ideas on how to handle it would be a great help, thanks, Maxwell
Hi Maxwell and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. There’s probably some readers who have been hit on by married men before too, and some maybe even took it further than the flirting stage? Although their circumstances may not quite be the same as yours are, there will definitely also be guys who’ve had affiars with married men too. So dear readers, what tips and advice can you offer Maxwell? If you can advise him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months that I met online, we both lied a little bit in our profiles about our ages; I’m 19 but told him I was 24 and he’s 39 but told me he was 34. So the lied about profile age gap of 10 years seemed to be OK. In fact I prefer older men and he prefers younger guys which is what we were both looking for.
The thing is, it came out that he was having a big party for his 40th, and thats when we both confessed our real ages. We had a laugh about it, but realistically now the age gap is actually more than 20 years I’m wondering if our age gap is too big?
I’m still living at home with my parents and not “out” yet, but he’s out with his family and at work. It was when I asked him if I could accompany him to visit his parents that got me thinking our age gap might be too much as he said he hasn’t told them about me and doesn’t know how to tell them about our age differences.
I’m getting pretty confused about the whole thing now, because I really like him, I know I’m falling in love with him and feel I could spend the rest of my life with him. Everything is great, we get along, have a lot of laughs and lots of great sex. I get a bit concerned that he pays for everything, yes he’s working and has a good job but I am still studying. I try to contribute but he won’t let me, tells me to wait until I’m working. So I get these messages that he wants to commit seriously to a long term relationship too but then I get confused when I think too far down the line about us both getting older.
If anyone knows if a long term relationship with this big age gap will work or is feasible I’d really like to know?
Thanks guys,
Beckett
Hi Beckett and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. There are many relationships with smaller / larger age differences than yours and to many, age is just a number; those different birth dates don’t matter and aren’t of major significance in those relationships. There are, of course, some physical, physiological and economic differences associated with age, of course, but then we aren’t all alike either, and sometimes it’s these differences that attract us and keep us together too. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Beckett? Have you ever experienced or are currently in a long term relationship where there is such an age difference with your partner? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I am a 19 year old college student with what I thought was a regularly sized dick (7.5-8”) but my perception of that has changed as many different people have been surprised by the size. I consider myself to be a top but in my past encounters in college I have had to change and be the bottom because other guys have been unwilling to let me top due to my size.
I usually end up getting bullied into the bottom position even though I have asked several guys and promised them I would be careful. I am unsure that at this rate I will get much experience topping and without much experience I’m truly concerned that I would hurt someone while topping, or that I will always end up being a bottom.
What are some ways that you would recommend for me to experience topping in a safe way? My guess is that I will only improve with experience but how can I convince someone that everything will be okay?
Zack
Hi Zack and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Zack? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’ve been living with my partner in a long term relationship for 7 years now, he’s 35, I’m 27. He works and provides a great home for me and I like to think I make a great home for him too. I’m part time studying and the homemaker. As my partner travels a lot for his work, I get to spend quite sometime on my own, which I actually enjoy and is good for my studying.
Around 6 months ago, when I was using his iPad a few messages from an App flashed up on the screen, which confirmed that he was meeting up with other guys for sex. This may sound a bit fucked up, but I actually dont mind him doing that although we’ve never discussed being in an open relationship. I’m quite content and not as highly sexed as he is, and I have a good life so I just let it be.
From what I can tell, his sex dates with other guys only happen when he’s away so when he goes on his business trips across state, he’s usually away for 4 or 5 days and thats when he’s hooking up with other men. When he’s back home with me, apart from his regular 9-5 at the office he’s at home with me or we go out together each night. We pretty much spend all our time togther, eat all our meals together meet up for lunch/dinner as our home is near his office, I quite often walk into work with him as its near my university too.
The thing is, as I don’t really want any confrontation, and I’m happy with our life. Even though I know what he’s doing and I’m ok with the situation, I’m not sure how to bring the subject up or even if I should? I haven’t discussed this with our mutual friends as it will get back to him, and when I told my closest friend her first reaction was that I should leave him. Now she think’s I’m nuts for not saying anything, but it’s my life, our relationship and not hers. As I’m happy with the way things are, is it better to turn a blind eye or to let him know I’m ok with him having an open relationship? If I say nothing will it make things worse in the long run?
I’d really like some advice from guys who are in a similar situation, rather than a moral lecture or opinin thanks.
Charles
Hi Charles and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. There are infinite possibilities in a relationship between people to make it work – what’s good for you may not be for the next person. So bearing that in mind there are sure to be others here who have experienced and handled a similar situation to yours either now or in the past. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Charles? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I have been going out with a guy for the past two years and we are pretty serious. I am versatile and he is a bottom. I like to get fucked but I figured out pretty early that wasn’t likely to happen and settled into my new position as top.
Now my guy has decided that he wants to fuck me. I’m definitely willing but the problem is that my guy is huge, at least for me. He is about 8 inches but length isn’t the problem. I could get his head of his dick and probably an inch or two of the rest of his dick in my ass easily I’m sure. But whereas my dick has the head as the widest part, with his dick, the head is the narrowest part and it then just keeps getting wider and wider until at the base he is basically the size of a beer bottle.
It’s now been around 2 years since I’ve had anything up my ass (except for the occasional dildo), but the ones I’ve used aren’t anywhere near as wide as my boyfriends. What do I need to go to get ready for a big dick?
I’ve been practicing with my dildos, but when I move up to the big one that I have (which is really just a hair above average), the inside of my ass burns. I’m sure this is just because it is stretching me out in ways that I haven’t been stretched for a while now, but I really want to be able to take a pounding from my boyfriend when he fucks me.
Are there any exercises or tricks someone knows that could help me out? I’d really appreciate it, I’m presently torn, between wanting that big wide dick inside me and being a bit afraid it will hurt too much not to be enjoyable for the both of us.
Thanks for any advice,
L
Hi L and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give L? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Last year I finally got out of a long term (5 years) abusive relationship, it took a while but I’ve met a wonderful man who really adores me and looks after me so well.
The thing is, from my late teens all the way through to my late 20’s (I’m 34 now) I slept around a lot. I had a lot of amazing sex, I don’t regret that but my behaviour was a bit wild and it’s not something I’ve told my current man about.
So everything is fine with my guy, apart from in the bedroom. He’s OK, but its not exactly mind blowing, and its more than a little annoying that he tells me what a sexpert he is and how good he is. If only he knew!
And thats my problem, should I tell him? I’ve tried coaching him, but he just ignores that and say’s he knows whats best, and I’m like but yes I like it better this way or that way, or lets try this, etc, etc. But he’s just straight in there, hardly any foreplay or kissing, fucks and thats it.
After getting out of a long term relationship (that had eventually turned abusive, both physically and mentally towards me) its been such a relief to find a nice guy like this. We really are compatible on so many levels, but the bedroom thing is bugging me, I still enjoy sex but I don’t want to hurt his ego by telling him he’s not that great in bed, any suggestions?
Love you guys at QC, muacks, Ben xoxo
Hi Ben and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We all want to have sexcitement in our lives dont we? And if its sexual ideas you’re after then you’re definitely in the right place for that! So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Ben? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Is this normal or am I obsessed? I’m 28 years old, but when I was 13, I met a guy at school who I totally had a crush on, really I fell in love with him but never did anything about it. I wasn’t “out” to friends or family then and I was still confused and struggling with why I felt so much for him.
Nothing ever happened between us, apart from being very friendly in class and sometimes traveling together on the bus, but it felt so good to be around him, just to be near him. We used to hang out at lunch and ride around on our bikes and boards together at weekends but that was about it really.
Of course I fantasized just about every situation that might happen together, but it never did and when my family moved out of the area and then I went to a college and started work, we just lost contact. For a while I was really down and depressed and sad about that but eventually I came to terms with it, although he has still always been there in my thoughts (and even dreams)
Now I have the opportunity to return to that city for a school reunion, I’ve not attended any since I left that school as work commitments have prevented me from going before. But this year, he actually got in touch with me through LinkedIn and said it would be a good excuse to catch up together. A few things ran through my mind, one that he had taken the time and effort to track me down and also when we started to converse on chat he mentioned that hes not the marrying kind of guy (this piqued my interest!)
I havent told him I’m gay (just said I was single) and I don’t really know whether his comment about not marrying meant hes letting me know he’s available, or he’s straight and not ready for settling down yet? I feel like a love struck teen again which is crazy, am I being foolish and thinking too much into this or could this be our opportunity for us to finally get together?
I’m sure there are a lot of guys here who’ll think I’m foolish or being idiotic (isn’t that what love does to you?) but I would really like some advice on how I should handle the school reunion and meeting up with him. Should I let him know beforehand I’m gay, or just come out to him and everyone else at the same time? I’m ‘out’ now and comfortable with it, but unless I tell people usually its not that obvious to them. Also, do you think I tell him that I’ve had this crush on him for all of these years? Will that scare him off, freak him out? I don’t know why but I seem to be having all these fears and doubts that I had when I was a teenager now, thought I’d got over that and I feel a bit silly at my age acting like this. I’m sure there will be some who think I’m insane for even thinking theres a possibility now, but I’m an optimistic type of guy and any help or advice offered is gratefully accepted.
Cheers
Murray
Hi Murray and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We all remember our first loves and crushes so no, don’t feel silly about that. Remember that Ask QC is a place where you can ask anything in an informative and non-judgemental environment. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Murray? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
He has a really small penis – like 4 inches. Mine is twice as long at 8″.
When we first got together he was the top because he couldn’t handle my dick and didn’t want to try. Now I feel increasingly frustrated because I keep fantasizing about bottoming for a bigger dick.
It makes me feel shallow, and I am afraid to bring the issue up with him because it will give him a complex.
Any tips?
Thanks, Drumsey.
Hi Drumsey, firstly congratualtions on 10 years together! Thats an achievement in itself, and yes, over those years your tastes and experiences in sex will have matured too, so thanks for writing in with your question and concerns.There’s definitely readers here with penises of every size and length imaginable, so there’s likely some who have partners with either bigger / smaller dicks and have experienced a similar situation as yours. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Drumsey? Toys? Dildo’s? Strap ons? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Before I met my current BF, I used to date a guy who was totally into role play. That rocked, but as far as a relationship went it totally sucked – we were incompatible in about every way you can imagine – apart from the bedroom that is 🙂
So I’ve been in a steady relationship now for just over a year, we’re committed and exclusive. And everything is great except that my BF wont try role play – he says it makes him feel silly. It’s not like I think my role play fantasies are too bizarre or outrageous (I want him to pretend I’m a stranger and he picks me up in a bar – fucks me crazy, etc), I just find that kind of thing exciting and thrilling.
Is there any way I can tap into his sexual desires to get him interested in my role play fantasies or is it a lost cause?
Thanks for the tips!
Markie
Hi Markie and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We totally advocate keeping your sex life with your partner spicy! So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Markie? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 24 years old, I don’t have alot of experience when it comes to sex and I’ve noticed a problem that really annoys me.
I’m a top and when it comes to anal sex, I always keep it safe and put a condom on. But the problem is, everytime I put on a condom, I almost lose my erection. It’s semi hard, but not hard enough to penetrate the guy.
I’ve always tried to regain my erection by jerking off again, but somehow I can’t get it fully erect again. I’m really embarrassed when it happens, the guys always tell me it’s fine, but for me it’s a huge problem, it makes me not wanting to fuck a guy.
Fucking without a condom is no option, I don’t want to get sick. So I hope you guys could help me with some tips, because i really want to enjoy having anal sex
Thanks 🙂
Matt Hi Matt and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Rest assured that you’re not alone with this problem, it’s more common than you may think and Ask QC’s had previous letters dealing with becoming soft when trying to top, limp when I top and losing erections. So dear QC readers, If you can help Matt in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’ll do pretty much anything to please my BF, especially sexually – but recently his requests are getting more and more bizarre.
We’ve done a 3some before, outdoor sex, toys, bondage, edging, etc but now he wants me to have sex with some random guy while he watches. And he wants to watch it all from our bedroom closet.
I think I understand his thrill of being a voyeur and of course I will take precautions (condoms, etc) but I’m concerned if we are doing anything wrong or breaking the law in anyway (he doesnt want the stranger to know that he is being watched or that my boy friend is hiding in the house)
Like I say, I’ll pretty much do anything for him, but this was has me hesitating and so thats why I’ve written in. Any ideas about this one guys?
Thanks,
Damon
Hi Damon and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We all want to please our man in bed and we all find different things sexually exciting (and that includes your partner too). So no one is here to judge what you like (or don’t like) but offer advice to your particular dilemma. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Damon? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m a porn addict… and when I say I watch a lot of porn… I really mean A LOT!
When I find a very attractive porn star, each and everyone of them is a top, but if any one of them bottoms, even for just one scene, then I immediately lose interest in him and the rest of his work.
That’s why I don’t watch “Top To Bottoms” presented by Men.com
I really need to know if I have some psychological issues or is it something you guys can relate to, either way, I would like to hear some helping voices.
Matt
Hi Matt and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Matt? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I live outside the city in a small country town with not much opportunity to meet up with other gay guys. Until I can move to the city, my only chance to contact other guys has been online.
Over the last few months I’ve been chatting with a guy in the next state, he’s really hot (27, I’m 18) and its gotten really steamy with our chats recently – to the point where we’ve been describing everything in detail what we’re gonna do together.
So finally we’ve decided to meet up half way and stay over at a motel for the night, the thing is, now I’m getting really nervous about this. I’ve exaggerated the amount of things I can do sexually (I’ve never fucked before) and also the things we’re gonna do together.
Now I’m worried I won’t be able to live up to his (or my own) sexual expectations and I don’t know what to do. I really want to meet him but also I don’t want to disappoint him or for it to be a complete disaster in the bedroom – any ideas how I can fix this?
Quinn
Hi Quinn and thanks for your questions and concerns. We all get nervous before meeting up with a new date, even if we’ve got to know them online for a while. Online dating and hooking up through apps, its quite usual now for guys to meet up like this, but of course everyone here would advise that you exercise caution and only meet in a public place, that’s the sensible thing to do. If things work out after meeting up and you both decide to take things further that’s where you need to define your boundaries with what you’re comfortable with doing (and even if your online chats have gone really too far already it won’t hurt to redefine these boundaries before you meet up face to face). So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Quinn? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
