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This porn week was diverse and... well, different. But hey, I got off and here's to hoping you do to. Saddle up for another PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!

Dominic Ford: Ricky Sinz

So Dominic Ford landed another big one folks.

Yep Ricky Sinz is doing a solo 3-D scene. AND IT'S GOING TO BE...

Ehh.

All right, don't get me wrong, Ricky is hella hot. I love his tats and that boy's cock is so long it could be used as a blind man's leading stick. However, it seems like Ricky's trying to "sell" his audience. In the beginning of the video, he talks about how excited he is to get his own 3-D glasses and become a member of Dominic Ford.

I don't know, just seemed a bit too much "let me sell you my cock" shtick.

Let me tell you something Ricky... you're already hot. You have an amazing body and an amazing, rock hard cock. You don't have to sell us. See, we're looking for porn and you're a hot porn star... AND THAT'S IT. Thankfully, Ricky shuts up and just begins to stroke himself slowly.

The jacking in this video is really hot. Ricky definitely knows what he's doing. I love the way he talks to the audience. He will say things like, "you wanna fuck this hole?" I actually like that. It's like Ricky' dirty-talking me!!!

So on the pros side—Ricky is hot and cums like a geyser.

And the Cons—is this in 3D on Dominic Ford? Oh wait, I know it is... because Ricky mentioned it 10 times.

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This porn week was diverse and...well different. But hey, I got off and here's to hoping you do too. Saddle up for another PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!

Johnny Hazzard Wants To Shove His Veggie In Your Oven

Okay, you know you're hot when you don't even have to show your "goodies" to get me turned on.

I thought I had seen it all—I really had. However, there's something Johnny Hazzard has been hiding from you—

HE'S INTELLIGENT! And WELL SPOKEN!

AND IT'S SOOOO HOT!!!!

I'm so confused by how I feel. I'm a dick. I'm only supposed to respond to dicks, ass and cum... but there's none of this in Johnny Hazzard's latest cooking video blog (well there's a lil' ass).

I have to say, Johnny is so charismatic in this clip. Now I want to fuck him and then let him cook me dinner! Ohhh, maybe we could remake Donna Reed together! PATA PATA!

All Australian Boys: Alex

I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY EXCEPT... IT'S SO BIG!

You know, they say Hollywood celebrities all have small bodies and really big heads. Maybe the secret to large porn star dicks is that they have small bodies that make their cocks look MASSIVELY HUGE! Okay, probably not the case, but can't a dick dream?

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I love my job. No, really. I really, really, REALLY love my job! And when you're through with me today—you'll know why. Now it's time for PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!

Milk Screenwriter Dustin Lance Black Shows Off His "Oscar" On Sex Tape

An Oscar and a nice thick cock! Oh my goodness! OH MY GOODNESS!

Okay dear readers, if you don't know who Dustin Lance Black is then get with the program. At the Oscars, Dustin's acceptance speech reached out to all those young gays out there who feel bad and alone about being gay.

And judging by this video, it seems Dustin would like to reach out even more! In his spare time, Dustin must be at the gym constantly because his body looks amazing and with that cock! Mmmm, I bet the boys are begging for it. PATA PATA!

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I know. You've been crazed with life right now, haven't you? Because it's almost pool party season! It's heating up!!!! I can't believe summer is almost here and holy moly!!!! Gays everywhere north of the equator are cutting carbs, running extra laps, and manscaping like hell. You may be stressed, but I won't keep you waiting for long. The hot porn is a cumming! It's PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!

Sean Cody: Mac

Ladies and Gentlemen... Chinpoko, the singing penis

*Chinpoko singing to the tune of Mac the Knife*

Oh, the shark, babe, has such a cock, dear
And his cum is, pearly white
Just a jack off on Sean Cody, babe
Just for you boys, ah...just tonight.

Ya know when that Mac jacks, with his pecs, babe
Muscles flex hard, in Sean's porn bed.
But gay sex, though, is not for Mac, babe
Yet in high school, he gave head.

Hey the line forms, at Mac's cock babe
Now that Mac, dear s'about to nut
He shoots a load queer, you're gonna love it,
Oh Mac, babe, Let me in yooour BUTT!

Editor's note: We tried to get him not to sing, we really did. There's just not talking to a stiff prick. Sorry.

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June is busting out all over!!!! And hopefully someone's busting out on your face! The porn gods have been listening and things are becoming so sizzlin' that I am just plain erect all the damn time! Ah, I love my job and I love PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!!!

Hairy Boyz: François Sagat

Ah, François is so nice, so thoughtful, so caring, and so bloody hot!

Okay so I doubt he actually was hanging around and just thought, "Hmmm... I want to go jerk off for free."

Yeah, I call bullshit; Daddy wanted to get paid and that's that. Still, I love this video mainly because I just love François. Maybe it's because he's French, but I always feel like I'm watching couture porn when he's in the film. Maybe next time I'll wear a beret when I lose my load watching him!

This video is pretty candid and great. As usual, François looks incredible and he's so comfortable on camera. And oh my God—does this boy shoot. Oh, and his ass! God, to be inside that ass!

VIVE LA FRANCE!

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It's all about hand over fist this week, or hand over mouth! Either way, it's going be dirty fun this time around at PATA PORN WITH CHINPOKO!!!!

Rock Hard Jocks: Matthew Rush

Matthew Rush is pure awesomeness.

He really is. Rush remains one of the true class acts in porn and this video has all the proof you need. The best moments in this Rock Hard Jocks release are the candid outtakes.

Don't get me wrong, Matthew Rush is still really, REALLY hot. His cock is one of the hottest dicks in the business. But why I like Matthew so much is because he doesn't take himself so seriously. Mr. Rush always serves his porn with a smile, and I love that!

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Apparently it is the Mercury retrograde. For all you non-astrological folk, the Mercury Retrograde is basically when all the world's a bit out of whack. Apparently porn studios are using a different star chart because this week's is HOT HOT HOT! You heard me it's going to be a sizzling' PATA PORN WITH CHINPOKO!!!!

Hairy Boyz: Logan McCree and Bo Matthews

Who said used tires were worthless? Okay, maybe no one actually said that, but I think Logan McCree was out to prove all those hypothetical naysayers wrong.

In this scene from Les Boyz de Hairy, McCree gives Bo Matthews a good idea of what "going green" is all about.

I know I'm not supposed to play favorites, but I LOVE LOGAN. Yes, I think he's hot. Yes I think he can fuck with the best of them.

But mostly... I'm just in awe. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say I'm in awe of anyone with a dick tattoo. I could never do it. When do they do it? When it's hard or soft? Do they have a fluffer in the tattoo parlor? Wouldn't that be the best job ever?!!

Also, I'll be honest... Chinpoko is NOT good with pain! I think I would go running out of that tattoo chair screaming my foreskin-covered head off!

As for the video... yum. Good stuff. What I love about Logan is the intensity he exudes. I wonder if he's very serious in real life. Ohhh, now I wanna see a "day in the life" of Logan McCree—wouldn't that be fun QueerClickers??

Oh sorry, yes... back to the video. I must say my favorite part was watching Bo shoot while Logan's inked cock slid in and out of Bo's hole. Ah, Logan... be my friend, please?

PATA PATA PATA!

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It's heating up!!!! I can't believe summer is almost here and holy moly!!!! The hot porn is a cummin'! Are you ready for this week's PATA PORN WITH CHINPOKO?

Playgirl: James Riley

Way to step it up Playgirl. Very nice. James Riley is one hot stud. First of all, look at that boy—no tan lines. Seriously, even his cock is tan. I mean, don't most white boys have a penis that's paler than them? Not James Riley. He goes the extra mile and I appreciate the effort.

But no matter what color his dick is, has anyone noticed, THAT IT IS SO LONG?!! I bet that boy could stick it in and literally tickle your ribs.

Whew! PATA PATA PATA!

I'm usually not a fan of Playgirl. Often the guys look too manicured and perfect, but James Riley is just a hottie, a real hunky man. Yum.

Rock Hard Jocks: Addison and Cort Donovan

Addison, oh Addison... how I love thee. Shall I count the ways? Okay!

1. I love your long cock, it's so big and thick, sometimes it makes me feel like I'm a small prick.

2. I love it when you talk, oh that London charm. Would you film with me fucking on a farm?

3. You love to be rimmed and I'd love it too, yet I don't have an ass, so I'll stick me in you.

4. Your ass is so hard, its cheeks have dimples. I love it so much and I love your temples—

That's not so great, is it? Whatever... screw you, poets! You try rhyming with "dimples" and see what you come up with! I'm just a dick! Fucking critics....

Ahem... bottom line, Addison = hotter than hell. This one will have you precuming like a thirteen-year-old boy. Hottest post of the week!

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Okay so last week I was not impressed by the week's porn. Well apparently admitting that worked because this week—OH IT'S ON MOTHERFUCKERS! Let's get started with PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!

Corbin Fisher: Fucking Elijah

PATA PATA PATA!!!! Wooooooo weeeee! What a way to kick off May!!!!

Thank you, Corbin Fisher. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Okay boys, renew your subscription because you're going to want to see this shit!

I have to admit when I saw this post I thought to myself, "Ugh, Brent again." Don't get me wrong—Brent is a hottie, but lately it seems like Corbin Fisher should change its name to "Brent Dawson," because it's basically Brent or Dawson doing some kind of fucking.

Well today I learned a lesson. Just like in jazz music, there are standard songs. Standards are celebrated by jazz lovers and respected by jazz connoisseurs. Well, Brent is a standard of Corbin Fisher and he's earned my respect.

Now before you watch this post you HAVE TO read Corbin's synopsis. It totally made me chub up before I pressed play. Corbin puts in teasers like this...

In what I consider to be some of the most passionate footage I've ever captured, Brent ever so slowly slides his dick into Elijah's hole and pops Elijah's cherry. He takes it easy on Elijah at first and really lets Elijah not only get used to the sensation, but also thoroughly enjoy it.

Are you kidding me?!! Corbin is right, too. Elijah (who's usually more aggressive) looks like he's in seventh heaven. Honestly, this kid could be a slutty, twinky, bottom-whore in real life, but in this video I believe he's lost his cherry. I really do. And as always, my favorite part is watching Elijah's face as he cums while Brent is inside him.

Yum. If dicks really had mouths, we'd lap up the cream too.

Hottest post of the week.

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I'm going to be honest. I was unimpressed by this week's porn releases. What does that mean, porn masters? IMPRESS ME, BITCHES!!!!!! Luckily for you, dear readers, I've compiled the highlight from this week that made me a bit chubby. After all, if you can't trust a cock's opinion in porn, then who's can you trust? Welcome back to PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!

Cocky Boys: The Clark Brothers

He's not gay, he's my brother!

I just had to comment on this video from last week. If you're into brotherly love, then this one's for you.

The video begins with Seth Clark watching football. He convincingly yells at the TV, dropping in the word fuck as often as possible. Apparently saying "fuck" increases your credibility as a porn actor.

Seth appears shocked when Bobby brings up DVD's—apparently, it's "dirty DVD day." (Everyone is surprised).

The best part—and by "best" I mean worst—is their commentary while watching straight porn; it's wretched. I mean just terrible. It's more forced than a marriage to Liza Minnelli.

Seriously, I felt like two thirteen-year-old boys decided to write a porn script ten years ago, and unearthed it just for this scene. Bobby and Seth reminded me of an unfunny Statler and Waldorf... with their dicks hanging out.

My advice: cut the "plot." First of all, these guys really aren't brothers; Bobby is of the Orange race and Seth is White.

My least favorite part of this video is the detachment between the two guys. They don't even look at one another while jacking off. They stare fixedly upon the porn playing before them. I don't get it. Do they think that if they actually look at one another, they might have some homosexual inclinations...?

NEWSFLASH!!! YOU'RE JACKING OFF TOGETHER!!!!!!

I usually love Cocky Boys, but this was so lame I didn't even get blue balls... try harder boys.

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