Between the all the jewelry, treating people like sex objects, and macho over-compensation, it’s obvious that rap is totally gay. Except that rappers can retain their manly-gangster edge by claiming “no homo” after saying anything even remotely gay (as in, “Suck my dick… no homo”).
Bryan Safi of Current TV’s InfoMania discusses the “no homo” phenomenom in the show’s recurring segment, “That’s Gay.” Last time we had him on QC he discussed “Gayngels”, the homosexual saviors who save the day whenever life gets too heavy (on reality TV). This time, Safi’s even funnier and you get to see him roll off of another dude shirtless—score!
We think “no homo’s” ridicustupilame. Someone might wanna tell these guys that there are several up and coming homo-hop brother and sisters who actually have the courage to stand up and admit they like cocksucking and rug-munching without putting anyone down. As the saying goes, “They’re more man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever get.”
OK, OK, OK… so we swore we would never mention a certain fat-hating drama queen ever again. Except that he’s just created yet another video calling out the editors of QueerClick and Unzipped Media for circulating rumors about his relationship with Zack Randall.
Actually, the person in the video is not he-who-no-longer-deserves-QCoverage but his porn rival, Phillip Ashton. If you recall, Phillip inserted himself in the faux-drama by levying some very serious claims of rape, drug and spouse abuse against Randall and his lover. We initially called Mr. Ashton bonkers and jealous, but with this video he has singlehandedly redeemed himself!
He calls out you-know-who for all his bad behavior and then some, adding a deliciously nasty tone that’s not far from the original. Plus, he throws in the bad trademark Elvis hairdo, some devilish smiles, and an wicked brown-face performance that are truly inspired comedic touches! We were gonna use this column space to join in the abuse, except that Phillip’s said everything about you-know-who far better than we ever could. Bravo, Mr. Ashton—ten gold stars!
Click on image to see larger version. Between all the cocks, contracts, and coke, the world of professional gay pornography can be mystifying manwhore maze. Newcummers may have no idea what to expect and even a prominent rising star risks making a misstep if they’re unsure what to do next. That’s why we’ve stepped in and made this easy-to-use Porn Career Pyramid.
It’s simple! Porn’s a lot like poker—the stakes are high, the players are many, and some plays are more valuable than others. Start on the lower left at Solo JO Video and work your way up to Orgy Scene. But an orgy’s just about as high as one can go in gay porn, so after that it’s back downhill again starting at Directing, ending at Producing A Dance Track, and then dying in obscurity in a bookstore, coffee shop, or rehab center. Where does your favorite porn star rank?
We just had to pass this one along.Joe.My.God. reported an unsuccessful assassination attempt on the life of a Saudi Prince by a would-be martyr who stuck a bomb up his anus. The attack didn’t go as planned. Joe has more:
Remember the guy who tried to light a bomb in his shoe? And now we have to take our shoes off at the airport? Remember the guy who tried to sneak in liquid explosives? And now we can’t bring shampoo on board? What do you think the TSA will do about the ass-bombers? Richard Scneier:
Nobody tell the TSA, but last month someone tried to assassinate a Saudi prince by exploding a bomb stuffed in his rectum. He pretended to be a repentant militant, when in fact he was a Trojan horse: The resulting explosion ripped al-Asiri to shreds but only lightly injured the shocked prince — the target of al-Asiri’s unsuccessful assassination attempt. Other news articles arehere, and here are two blogposts.
For years, I have made the joke about Richard Reid: “Just be glad that he wasn’t the underwear bomber.” Now, sadly, we have an example of one. Lewis Page, an “improvised-device disposal operator tasked in support of the UK mainland police from 2001-2004,” pointed out that this isn’t much of a threat for three reasons: 1) you can’t stuff a lot of explosives into a body cavity, 2) detonation is, um, problematic, and 3) the human body can stifle an explosion pretty effectively (think of someone throwing himself on a grenade to save his friends).
Looks like you might want to keep an eye on the guy sitting next to you who keeps going to the bathroom. Or maybe that guy in the security line with the killer ass really has a KILLER ASS—is it real or is it plastique? Maybe you’d better squeeze to make sure. On Joe’s advice we checked out the comments section of Scneier’s article and collected the funniest ones below:
You’ll just have to hope it doesn’t explode when bending over to take your shoes off. Although, that can solve problem #3. Just bend over and “let rip”.
Time to buy shares in black rubber glove manufacturer’s…
just waiting for the first joke about explosive diarrhea…
I note the report states the device was probably detonated by remote control. I suppose this is one case where the traditional method of setting off a grenade (“Insert finger through ring and pull”) would have tipped the Prince off that something was wrong.
Well that certainly puts the “ass” in “assassin”.
I guess now he really *can’t* tell the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground.
Rectum?! Damn near killed him!
“you can’t stuff a lot of explosives into a body cavity” Are you kidding me? I’ve seen whole people come out of some body cavities.
Well shiver our timbers and swash our buckles! It’s international Talk Like A Pirate Day! We’re mostly interested in butt-piracy but we also like a good sword fight on the poop deck especially when there’s booty to be plundered! Arrrrr! So you can either take pirate talking lessons from this YouTube instructor or visit the link above for lots more pirate talk tips, including these handy come-ons:
“Well blow me down?”
“Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you”
“I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon”
“Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.”
If you’re just a junior buccaneer, you can bone up on your gay pirate history at Uncylopedia which includes info on one of the most fey pirates of all time, Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Carribean. Depp discussed his very gay preparations for the role during an interview with Rolling Stone:
[Johnny] Depp says he was intrigued by a scholarly work titled “Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition.” “I liked the idea of [Jack] being ambiguous,” he tells Mark Binelli in the new summer double issue of Rolling Stone. “Because women were thought to be bad luck on ships. And these pirates would go out for years at a time. So, you know, there is a possibility that one thing might lead to another. You’re lonely. You have an extra ration of rum. ‘Cabin boy!'”
And if you’re an experienced seaman still searching avast for more pirating fun, check out gay pirates and punishments like walkin’ the plank! (Gettin’ wet off a hunk of wood would Jolly our Roger). Find out what to do with a drunken sailor—a gay pirate cocktail that’s strong and fruity, just like you, matey! Take a quiz to see how long you could last on a gay pirate ship. Or, if you act in the next 4 and a half hours, you could get a free download of the old-skool pirating game, Tales of Monkey Island.
We at Team Orange are commemorating 9/11 by remembering the international solidarity that followed those cowardly and awful attacks. Our staff works internationally—in the UK, Europe, throughout the US, in Asia and Australia too—and we recognize the pain and struggle that citizens worldwide still face in 9/11’s aftermath, especially our lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender brothers and sisters who still face political discrimination, harassment, and abuse while fighting for a more equitable, free, and loving society.
So it is with all due respect to the seriousness and solemnity that the occasion requires that we try and provide a little levity and humor, courtesy of the American satirical newspaper, The Onion. According to them, many Americans around the world are commemorating the event by making the conscious decision not to masturbate. It’s a deeply personal choice and should you choose to refrain, we’ll support your decision. And should you choose not to refrain, we’re more than prepared to support that decision as well with pictures of stunning firemen after the jump.
Did your mother die? Does your best friend hate you? Did you just lose the love of your life? FORGET IT, GIRLFRIEND! WHEEEEEEEEW!!!! Just throw in a flamboyant gay man and all your troubles will disappear. Anyone who’s ever watched sitcoms and reality TV knows that gay men provide all the insight and comic relief you need when the poop hits the fan and Bryan Safi of Current TV’s show InfoMania discusses these “gayngels” in the recurring segment, “That’s Gay.”
We can’t tell you how many fag hags and fruit flies we’ve stopped from throwing themselves a pity party, just by showing up, shoving a drink in their face, and starting to sing show tunes like Judy Garland on coke (that’s redundant). Oh, it’s a dirty job, but we girls loooooove dirt—dish it, ladies!
Hat tip: Towleroad
We just had to post this. Ever since Adam Lambert’s gay kissing photos surfaced, we’ve had a crush on the stylish young rocker. He totally should’ve won American Idol instead of his dorky straight counterpart, but whatevs. Apparently, we’re not Lambert’s only sex-loving fans. In fact, fans have been throwning so many pairs of panties, handcuffs, and sex toys at him onstage, that Lambert actually had to ask them to stop, but that didn’t stop them.
In fact, poor Lambert got hit in the leg with a dildo during his show in Hamilton, Ontario. There he is singing Led Zepplin’s “Whole Lotta Love”… and WHAM! 2 minutes 10 seconds into it, he gets a dildo to the leg! He kicks it back into the audience; we hope it hit whoever threw it, but it probably hit some 12-year-old girl whose only wish was to see him—now she has a dick-shaped bruise on her face—oh Adam you beast!
But seriously, why you trying to injure our glamour boy? Let him sing the damned songs. If you don’t stop, he’s gonna have to start performing behind a dildo-proof glass bubble, like the pope. Besides, if you really wanna throw a dick at him, do it in person once the concert’s over—he’d probably appreciate it a lot more.
Remember the last time your partner forcibly ejaculated in your eyes and nostrils? You should have thanked him for giving you the skin care treatment that’s the toast of New York City—a sperm facial! Young writer Marty Beckerman had to visit a midtown spa to get one, though his female skin care specialist seemed much too “womanly” to provide him with fresh, high-quality sperm. Whoever’s sperm she spreads on Marty’s face, we would’ve at least ask for a picture of the sperm provider‘s cock.
Then, to prove his “manliness,” Mr. Beckerman swigs some Jack Daniels and talks about the many times he’s tried to convince women to accept his free facials. However, he also likes the smell of sperm, considers drinking cum with his chamomile tea, and thinks facials make a great Father’s Day gift. So excuse us if we don’t entirely believe when him when he answers “When was the last time you had a facial?” with “Never.”
In what’s probably the strangest viral marketing campaign of all time, Taiwanese computer company MSI, advertises its 13-inch X-Series laptop’s slim, lightweight design by tossing one into a guy’s butt—yes, it’s so sleek and light that you can have a pal toss one right into your ass.
Twink-jocks in singlets? A blondie hoisting his butt in the air? Uh… are they trying to market to gay porn lovers? The video’s obviously fake, but then again so is the other slim, lightweight 13-incher we normally slide in between our buttcheeks.
Check out more “art” and comedy quickies at the QCA archives.
Meet Kent James: he’s an ex-Mormon, his rap persona is “Nick Name,” and he just got done fucking your boyfriend. Now, before you get angry, your boyfriend chose pretty well. We mean, if he was gonna cheat on you, you’d rather he did it with someone attractive, right? Besides, according to Nick, he fucked you too once upon a time, so get off your high horse there, missy. No matter what you think of Nick Name’s boyfriend fucking, we like Nick’s hairy, chest and brazenly confrontational manner. His song’s pretty hilarious too. You can check out his pictures, bio, and other videos at his website. Related QC Features: More Bad Sex Rap With Drag Performer Christeene’s Fix My Dick Where Is All The Mormon Porn? Ask QC: Is Webcam Cheating?
Via Queerty.
If you like porn star and hot men with tattoos waxing their pubic hair, this video’s for you! Yes, it’s YouTube, but there’s some hot groin and ass action at the end with plenty of laughs in between.
You may have heard of gay NYC pop-culture interviewer Mike Diamond, but only recently does he seem poised to blow up in big ways. He’s about to get a show on Logo and has just started his own blog and website that he’ll undoubtedly use to promote his talented, hilarious ass—he’s like the fun, gay best friend every girl wants.
In this hilariously naughty clip, Diamond visits the Face-to-face Spa in NYC and runs into some famous gay celebs including Project Runway hottie Jack Mackenrot, hilarious comedienne Robbyne Kaamil, transgender dancer Laverne Cox, and writer-slash-actor Jesse Archer. Now that we’ve just posted them on our international gay porn site, they can add that to their resumes as well.
And talking about gay porn, Mike Diamond even managed to run into mega-cute porn star, Mike Dreyden. He’s only been on QC once for almost catching on fire at Hustlaball but he’s hot stuff, flames or no. And in this great vid, he’s also getting his asshole waxed—fun! If you just can’t get enough of Mike Diamond, you can check out more vids at his YouTube page or his Logo search results page.
We’re all about toys recently on QC. No, we don’t mean the ass toys from Fort Troff. We mean childhood toys, like Legos. As a kid, we loved our older brother’s He-Man action figures. Maybe it was the hard plastic, their sculpted muscles, long swords, or furry briefs. Either way, we loved making them wrestle against each other on the carpet, in our beds, against our wills… against our hearts!!!
What we didn’t know was that He-Man was closer to our hearts than we could have ever imagined. What do we mean? Click after the jump to find out…
Even though it’s chicks… urm… we mean, bricks, this Girls Gone Wild spoof is dead on and manages to sex up our childhood building blocks. Of course, we preferred bath time with our sister’s Ken doll, though we never did tell her where his head went after the (ahem) incident.
For more QueerClick Arts hijinks, check out the QCA Archives!
You know how happy we usually get when pornstars wed. That’s because gay porn marriages are like a kick in the balls to bigoted conservatives. But when straight pornstars marry, oooh! Girl, we get out our claws! While putting together a post on the latest Str8cam update, we discovered our beloved Jeff wearing a wedding ring. We’re so happy for you, Jeff. Who is the lucky bitch? Does she know that YOU BELONG TO US?!? Oh no? Well does she know about your infamous “Wife Beater” show? She might be interested in how “extra hard” you’re gonna beat her. Or how about your “Baby Oil” show? We’re not saying you’re gonna make a bad father by whoring out your baby on Str8cam, but you might make a better mom. For one, you have awesome tits and a great manpussy. For two, any guy who constantly puts “str8” in front of his name, probably isn’t. It’s like all those “str8” guys on Craigslist we’re always blowing in elementary school bathrooms. Oh Jeff, DON’T LEAVE US!!! Of course, maybe this is just another one of your theme shows, like when you dressed up as Santa, and your “wife” doesn’t even really exist. Or maybe you live in Iowa and are married to a dude, in which case, bring that bitch on Str8cam for some wife beating, baby oil fun. Sigh… oh well. We can always relive your bachelor days at your QC Fan Club page. In the meanwhile, we’re gonna toast you and your beloved with a bottle of whiskey and jerk off with our tears.
