You may have heard of the bedbug takeover of Manhattan. It’s true—pretty soon they’ll learn how to open doors, drive cars, and shoot guns… which means we’re all fucked. So you might as well start learning about your insect overlords now.
That’s where Isabella Rossellini comes in. Her Green Porno series made her a bit of an expert on how common bugs and ocean creatures do the nasty. Now she’s gonna show you how to get it on bedbug style. All you need is a penis-knife, a bedded victim, and about 200 eggs… easy, right? Hope you like “traumatic insemination.”
It may sound icky, but it could be worse. You could be a water skimming bug and have your sexual partners threaten to kill you if you don’t spread your legs. Then again, maybe some of you boys are already in similar relationships. Time to call the Orkin man!
Remember that cocktease you took on a date to the movies? Coca-Cola does, and it’s here to help you relive the entire awkward experience! Near the climax of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, that suave looking son of a bitch reached over and grabbed our pudgy hand. We hadn’t been to the gym in months and felt particularly frumpy that day. How could such a fine looking mother-scratcher ever take a shine onto us?
But he did! And he drew his hand closer to his crotch, only to use our hairy Beefaroni-scented mitt as a bottle opener so he wouldn’t tear his sliky Vaseline-softened hands on the serrated blade they call a Coca-Cola bottle cap. Without even looking at us, he dropped our paw like a dirty cum rag and started sucking on that longneck while we looked on enviously, knowing he’d never put his lips on us that way.
After the consolatory pat on our back goodbye, we went home, deleted his number from our phone, and masturbated in tears while listening to All By Myself. But we still occasionally jerk off to his unlocked pics from his personal profile. Thanks for the memories, Coke.
Remember that horrid weekend when we posted a video of horny old dudes singing Katy Perry’s California Gurls? We’re gonna make it up to you by showing you an infinitely hotter version of the same song with the mega-hot men of Dirty Tony dancing, stripping, and playing with their balls in the pool. They’ve gotten us wet and we’re nowhere near a pool.
Newly crowned Fleshjack poster boy Brent Corrigan is not only an occasionallycontroversial and adorkable porn star, he’s also a rising star in gay indie film. That may sound like an exaggeration, but it’s true—he’s starred in Another Gay Sequel and a gay-horror short film called In The Closet.
His In The Closet co-star was J.T. Tepnapa is also the director of the Judas Kiss a science fiction drama about a failed filmmaker who meets with a gay filmmaking student stuck between parallel timelines. In it Corrigan plays Chris Wachowsky, a former film student who has to compete against the “big man on campus” to woo the heart of his crush.
Corrigan also gained some notoriety by doing a handful of safe sex PSAs that feature his hardened cock. And while he’s been cute and plucky in those vids, does he have the chops to bust into mainstream productions? It depends partially on the directorial talents of Mr. Tepnapa. We’ll certainly be watching.
A while back we gave you our gay interpretation of the Twilight sequel New Moon— basically the werewolf character is struggling with his sexuality and ditches the boring heroine to go run shirtless with his manly wolfpack. The recent Twilight spoof Vampires Suck picked up on this none-too-subtle theme and simply turned it into a werewolf dance number.
We have a few complaints though. First off, it’s not “raining men“, it’s “raining lycanthropes“. Second off, the whole It’s Raining Men and “two guys fake-kissing” schtick can suck our furry wolf balls. Third off, real gay werewolves would dance infinitely better. But apart from those flaws (and the movie itself being a piece of crap) we’re all for shirtless hunks and denim asses. Of course, Twilight doesn’t need a spoof to be gay: Twilight’s Kellan Lutz Appears in CK Undie Ad Taylor Lautner from New Moon Bulge The Cum-Sucking Vampires of Twinklight Finally See The Light Of Day
We got two very gay music videos for you! The first features athletic modern dancers bare-chested in their underwear! Is it the latest performance art piece from New York City? No! It’s the video for Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark’sIf You Want It.
You may remember OMD’s song If You Leave from the 1985 Pretty In Pink soundtrack. Apparently they’re releasing a new album in September called History of Modern, where this track comes from. We like the young hunk in boxer briefs the best. Yes, he has raccoon mascara and Ocean Spray hair, but he also has a nice butt and perky tits — so get off your high horse and get on your knees, art snob!
Secondly we have the Scissor Sisters’ video for Any Which Way, a single from their new album Night Work. We’ve already had the pleasure of seeing Scissor’s frontman Jake Shears mostly naked in Tetu magazine and on his Rentboy profile. He’s not nearly as naked here, but he does go shirtless in a pastel colored animal mask, smeared in paintballs, and breaking through colored glass which—if you like Raccoon Boy from the first video—should tickle your fancy.
Did we mention that both albums are pretty badass? Oh we did? Awesome.
Oh yes, the headline makes sense, though we’re not so sure that the video does. Reese Rideout continues his delightful descent into YouTube madness with this playfully weird video of him enjoying suds with his four-legged bud. Is “peanut butter” the name of his dog or just what he’s feeding the animal to keep it from running off? We don’t know. But we do know this: Reese Rideout is hot as all get out. Don’t believe us? Wait until the end of the video—boy is ripped!
Via The Sword
Hey all you chicken hawkers and sugar daddies! Looking for a young, hairless twink to suck your crooked drooling meat bat? It sure sounds like fun UNTIL THE POLICE GET INVOLVED. Take it from Tag Adams, statutory rape is a total boner killer. So why not sing along with your Uncle Merv instead and learn the U.S. ages of consent? That way you can spread your seed among the young saplings clean across the country! Or, you could… y’know… just date men your own age (boring as that is).
We already knew thatArrested Development actor Jason Bateman—not to be confused with gay-for-pay actor Pat Bateman—had kissed at least one guy, but we had no idea that he had an entire porn site under his name!
Yessir, JasonBateman.com used to be a porn hub with lots of links to other sites, kinda like QueerClick, except that it used the handsome actor’s name to misleadingly lure people to its pages—QueerClick doesn’t have to use actors’ names to get guys to visit us, we just use dick.
Bateman’s lawyers jumped right on the website because he’s famous and no one else can use his name ever without having his express written permission in blood on lambskin parchment. Now JasonBateman.com is (yawn) one of those generic search pages with links to plasma televisions, chat rooms, and free anti-virus downloads—hot.
We know the real Bateman’s probably too busy to run his own porn site, but couldn’t he have at least put up one sexy picture of himself on JasonBateman.com… like this one?
You think we’re just a porn site, but little did you know that our jerk-off material’s giving you the most intense upper body workout you’ve ever had. Don’t believe us? Then just check out this ad for the Shake Weight. “Its piston-like motion sends a shockwave of energy that forces your muscles to contract as many as 240 per minute. So you build definition, size, and strength…” Going by that rationale, you should have forearms of steel by this point and a penis that’s darker than night from all that intense rubbing.
Plus, the Shake Weight comes with “an Iron Clad Kick Butt Guarantee.” Umm, who are they marketing to? Frat boys, Maxim readers, and fans of The Man Show DVD collection? You should stick with our Iron Clad Big-dicked Guarantee instead. You’re sure to lose at least a few calories and about a teaspoon worth of jism every time you work out with the QueerClick Masturbeight Weight (lube and wet naps not included).
We dunno about you, but all the sexy asses at the World Cup tired us out. Soccer’s great, but sometimes you need a break. Just ask this zebra-thonged moob man. He recently ran onto the field of a Brazilian soccer match after Sao Paolo scored a goal against the Santos Football Club. He waved a red shirt while wearing a black and white thong, but was he supporting the Sao Paolo team by outrageously displaying their colors or was he mocking them?
And are those chest implants or does he have gynecomastia (a condition that gives male breasts extra fatty tissue)? Maybe he’s friends with MOOBS Gone Wild! So many unanswered questions…
Via Tabloid Prodigy
UPDATE (8/8/10):We know the video’s been deactivated, but we snagged a copy before YouTube removed it. You can find here at QueerClique! Not a member? Join up! It’s quick, fun, with lots of great sex videos… all for FREE! We’re out to prove a point here at QueerClick. Namely, that you can find porn just about everywhere you look; even on supposedly non-porn sites like YouTube. A lot of their videos work as softcore, but how about a video with some actual cock? Well here you go… a video of what appears to be a Malaysian cop (or guy in uniform wearing a helmet) jerking off in front of a store.
As the video description says, “one malay guy do something wrong on the road,crazy man.” Yes, crazy man indeed. Because at some point he becomes aware that someone’s watching, even videotaping, but it only turns him on more. What’s a citizen to do when a cop’s masturbating in front of your convenience store? Shoo him away? Help him finish? Laugh nervously until he nuts? Someone call the vice squad!
We’d heard of Cazwell before, but never really paid him much attention because who cares if he saw Beyonce at Burger King? Our ear drums certainly didn’t. But then the gay rapper took off his shirt, got a gang of Latino papis, and made us melt with his new music video, Ice Cream Truck. It’s got everything you could want from a slutty rap vid: booty poppin’, popsicle fellating, speedos and see-through shorts dripping with sweat. Oh, and ice cream! Who says summer’s almost over?
Before now, the only films that our favorite art freak Francois Sagat had starred in were the undead porno flick L.A. Zombie (which got banned) and Saw VI (for, like, three milliseconds). But we told you about Sagat’s latest role in French director Christophe Honoré Yagga’s newest new film, Man in the Bath and it’s coming soon!
Sadly the 20 to 45-minute short about a gay guy slutting around after a break-up looks like festival fodder rather than something you’ll see at your local cineplex. It does however feature the ASSet that made Sagat famous. Imagine that, a porn star in a movie about sex. Does he have the swerve and the verve to become the first true mainstream-gay porn crossover? Wait and see. In the meanwhile, we imagine there’s lots of people who could happily watch Sagat’s amazing buttcheeks for hours. We’re some of them.
You’ve been good this week so we have a treat for you—a video of four sexy guys singing a gay(er) version of Justin Bieber’s Baby. Their version is called Horny and if you like rainbows, discos, and ice cream… you’ll probably love it. But if you dislike diapers, pedophilia, and old men moaning out of sexual frustration… well, you may not like it so much. But we promise you’ve never seen anything like it (unless of course, you’ve seen this).
Thanks to OMG Blog for the find.
