I have been in a steady relationship for 7 years, and until very recently I thought everything was going fine. That was until just before Christmas when I got home after work and my boy friend was leaving our home with all his stuff.
I guess if I hadnt gotten home early that day I might not have even seen him, as he had planned to just leave a note on the kitchen table and walk out. Although I did talk with him for a couple of hours he just said he was leaving, it wasn’t working out and that he had to live his own life.
To say I was devastated would be an understatement, I was in a state of shock and numb for days. I couldn’t eat, work or sleep. And I still don’t think he gave me any real valid reasons for splitting up – its not like we used to argue or fight, our sex was great (at least I thought so) and we were socialized together.
The embarrassing part is that when I told my friends about it, they all (well most of them) knew that he would do this. Yet no one said anything to me at the time, I feel so depressed and low knowing this. I can’t stop thinking about how this has happened and really feel I can’t get over him.
My questions are, how will I be able to recover from this? What should I do to stop these pattern of thoughts that just keep going around in my head? My heart still loves him but I now know he won’t come back – I don’t know what I did wrong, he hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts for months since he walked out on me.
I would really appreciate any advice on this – thanks guys…
Love n hugs,
Reid xoxo
Hi Reid and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Sorry to hear about your problems, but we’re sure that there is help out there for your current situation. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Reid? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
So I came out to my family this last week and all hell broke loose. Unfortunately my parents (in particular my Mom) freaked out and made me go to the clinic for STD and HIV tests.
Even though these are all negative they have told me I have to leave home, because they don’t agree with my lifestyle. Their initial reaction was that I must be diseased so I have to leave home, but now they know I am clear they are saying I’m immoral and there is no place in the family for someone like me.
I’m more disappointed than angry because I am still a student and I don’t have any money, I’m staying with friends now until I can find a job and get my own place.
Do you think there is any way I can persuade my parents that I can return home, or is there no point? At the very least I would like to reconcile with them and be accepted, I miss my home life, especially my brothers and sisters.
I would appreciate any advice, thanks.
Hugs,
Caine
Hi Caine and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Sorry to hear that your parents have reacted in such a way and hope you are able to resolve the situation. Coming out, especially to conservative parents can be difficult and not always go as planned but you have been courageous in doing so. And its impressive and admirable that even after being forced to leave the family home you want to reconcile with your parents. So, dear QC readers, have any of you been in a similar situation as Caine before? What tips and advice can you give him? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
Do any of your readers deal with this? It seems I can’t be the only one. How do you handle it if someone finds you attractive (esp. sexually attractive) for a trait that you yourself don’t like/hate about yourself? What if someone finds you attractive because you’re fat, but you wish you were skinny, and vice versa. Or if someone finds you attractive because you’re an older man but you wish you looked younger, and vice versa? Have a lot of hair/are bald, pale/dark, tall/short, etc.
How do you stay in the mood if someone is in bed with you verbally turned on by something about your body that you wish was different?
KW Guy
Hi KW Guy and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. It’s probably true that all of us have some aspect about ourselves (physical or otherwise) that we wish were different or that we could change. And, thankfully, we aren’t all attracted to the same things, but having a partner who is especially turned on by something you really don’t like about yourself can be rather challenging. So, dear QC readers, do any of you have physical traits that your partner loves but you hate? Have you been able to overcome this? What tips and advice would you give KW Guy? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 22 years old and have recently become sexually active, really active lol. I’ve been hooking up more and guys actually notice me now, which has been good for my self-esteem, but I’ve hit a major bump.
I really really like oral sex, however topping and bottoming is something I just can’t get into. The times I want to top I go flaccid as soon as I see a condom, and the times I bottom it hurts like hell and I feel the need to go to the bathroom. Both of these situations make me feel insecure about my performance in bed, because I just wanna be an awesome bed partner.
Do you guys have any tips on what I could do to enjoy anal sex more?
I’m from Mexico City, love the site. I’m 25 yo. Just read a nipple addict needs every time more stimulation to reach orgasm, so … I have the same issue, but in my butt hole.
Just yesterday I was finally nice fucked by a very huge thick only top cock, I felt it, but wasn’t as good as I had fantasized. I usually (three days peer week) fuck myself with huge dildos (BAM and Joh Holmes) or get fist-fucked once a week.
So I´m worried, this last cock was really big, if that one didn’t fill me up as I´m used to … Will I ever enjoy a normal sized penis again?, Is it possible to forget previous sensations and get used to enjoy with a normal cock?
Or should I never go back and continue with toys and fist? (its really hard for me to stay away from my toys). Please, I will appreciate the opinion of someone that has the same issues.
A.
Hi there A and thanks for writing in with you questions and concerns. We all have our preferences when it comes to sex, some like to use toys and fisting, some like anal sex and some don’t. Just because you have a particular taste or preference in sex now doesn’t mean that it will always be the case. There are lots of ways to give and receive pleasure sexually, so dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give A? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I don’t seem to be attractive to the guys I am attracted to, what do I do?
When I was younger (20’s-30’s); I would get the attention of very hot looking guys. I mean the type the others would say ‘WTF you hooked-up with that hottie?’ I also dated the same type of men, but it didn’t last longer than 6-9 months. Some how the interest in me was lost.
Now I am in my early 40’s and the guys I am still attracted to are not even looking at me. Yeah I’ve put on some weight and the hair has gotten some grey in it, but I’m still the same man inside.
I know one of the obvious answers is to get in shape; lose the extra weight. But is it these days that men don’t want to date for a relationship anymore – is it just the FB thing now?
Waiting for Mr. Right
Hi there and thanks for writing in with you questions and concerns. Finding a compatible life partner and your Mr. Right (as opposed to finding just a Fuck Buddy) can be fraught with difficulties. But don’t despair, there are lots of alternatives out there and no doubt many readers who can point you in the right direction. So dear QC readers, what suggestions and advice can you give to help find a Mr. Right? If you can help in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 5 years. We enjoy our sex life a lot, only recently I’ve was given a diagnosis of Irratible Bowel Syndrome. Due to this I have developed anal fissures which break open and bleed from anal sex.
I havn’t found a Doctor that I’ve been able to have this conversation with. Any suggestions on how to find a Doc that will help me out? Does anyone know what the Dr. will suggest? Surgery?
Thanks, M.
Hi there M and thanks for writing in with you questions and concerns. No doubt there will be other readers who have had the same medical condition that you have identified. And there will be others here who can point you in the right direction to find a suitable Doctor or Specialist. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give M? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I have a horrible gag reflex….even when brushing my teeth I will start to cough and gag. Is this something that I could be taught to overcome, or is it genetic?
I have straight friends who can deep throat a 7″ banana and I’m like, “Damn! What a waste of talent!” but I start coughing and spitting and choking somewhere around two!
I’d love to be able to take a cock down my throat, but I don’t know how! I’ve tried practicing with different fruits and vegetables, I even had one of my BFFs let me try practicing on him and he said he’d kick my sorry ass out of bed 🙁
Any suggestions?
TMK
Hi there TMK and thanks for writing in with your question. Gagging is a natural reflex reaction which can be difficult to overcome and especially off putting during oral sex . But you are not alone in this and we are very sure that there are ways to reduce or eliminate this problem. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give TMK? Has this happened to you before and were you able to overcome it? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
This might sound a bit weird but my boyfriend wants us to watch straight porn together.
He gets off on it, but I really feel uncomfortable about this and he says I’m uptight – I really don’t know how to deal with this and its getting me down.
Thanks for any help
MB
Hi MB and thanks for your questions and concerns. We all find different things sexually exciting and that includes your partner. Some things we will never like, and other things we don’t know until we’ve tried it. It’s good that you’ve made a step to reach out and find a solution and possibly there are some readers who have had similar experiences. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give MB? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
The thing is, my nipples are the only way I can get off sexually to orgasm, and they aren’t as sensitive as they used to be – is this normal?
It used to be just a lick or a touch and they got me going, but now they need to be bitten really hard for the same effect – does this happen when you get older?
Also, would you recommend those nipple clamps or the ones that give you an electric shock?
Thanks guys, happy holidays!
Jed
Hi Jed and thanks for your questions and concerns. When it comes to what turns us on sexually we all have our different needs, and nipple play is one of the many different ways we can be brought to orgasm. So, dear QC readers, what pointers or tips can you give Jed about his nipple problem? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 32 and ready to settle down with my new boyfriend, finally I’ve met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Everything is good and we’re planning on setting up home together after the holidays – I’m really excited and looking forward to this.
All but for one thing that is… I’ve seriously played the field for the last 15 years and I’ve slept around a lot. And by that I mean that I’ve had sex with literally hundreds of men, so much so that I can’t remember all the names, faces or places.
The thing is, I know my BF is at some point going to ask how many guys I’ve slept with and my question is, do I have to tell him the truth?
Blaze
Hi Blaise and thanks for your questions and concerns. I think by the age of 32 years old we will all have had some sexual experience, and your new boyfriend is going to be aware of that. Whether you have to, want to or need to tell him the exact amount of men you have slept with is open to debate? So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Blaise? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I single and don’t want to settle down yet (I’m only 24 yo) but I love sex and hook up a lot.
I’ve got a few (5 or 6) regular guys I meet up with for fun, usually late at night as I don’t get home till late from work.
The thing is recently almost all of them make up excuses not to come over to my place and I’m not sure why, I mean its just late night fun… what am I doing wrong?
Boxer
Hi Boxer and thanks for your questions and concerns. We all have different needs and expectations, especially when it comes to sex. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Boxer? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m a big fan of QC (and porn lol) and have a problem I hope you guys can help me with.
I’m 18, just finished school but now have to enter into the army (I’m from a country that still requires National Service). I don’t really have a problem with going into the army (lots of hot men hehe), but my problems are really more at home, with myself and my family – more specifically my parents.
I’m from a strict Catholic family, this in itself has caused me a lot of conflict throughout my teenage years. Although I’m not out to anyone other than my best girl, we have had discussions in my church group where I’ve tried to defend gay rights. It was upsetting and even depressing their arguments that being homosexual is wrong and against God – none of it makes any sense to me.
My parents are also actively involved in the church, and so I have hesitated to tell them about my sexuality. My reasoning has been that I don’t want to have that confrontation while I’m still living at home that I know will be inevitable with them. They’ve made enough homophobic and anti-gay comments over the years to make it plainly obvious what there views are on this.
I should mention that I also have three younger sisters (12, 9 and 6) and a younger brother (17) too. I share my room with him, and although we are close and talk about a lot of things, being gay, let alone coming out, isn’t something I’ve been able to discuss with him yet. Recently I also made a discovery that I think he might also be gay too, when I saw his browsing history on our shared computer. He hadn’t cleared his browser and was surfing gay porn too, I guess he might just be curious but I don’t know. Do you think I should come out to him first or my parents?
So I’m in a conflict, because after Christmas I will be joining the army, part of me is excited about this as it will take me away from all of our family problems (my Dad is always arguing with my Mom, its usually always about money problems, but its always horrible when that happens). But after reading this post on QC I could relate to that so much. I really laughed at Amy’s advice, because I’m pretty sure that’s the kind of reaction my parents will have when I tell them.
And the pressures at home have been so immense with the money problems, if I didn’t have to join the army then I would get a job to help them. I believe I’m a good son, but I know when they find out I’m gay its going to be the cause of much heart ache and shock – for them at the very least but I think it will affect the family too.
So I’m conflicted because I really want to tell them as its a weight on my shoulders too, and its not like I am going to change, I’ve known I’m gay since a early age. My problem is not should I come out to my parents but how is the best way to do it? This has gone over and over in my mind for years now and its really getting to me, so now at 18 and going into the army for the next 2 years I feel the need to do it now before I have to leave home in a few weeks time.
I would really be so grateful for any advice on how to approach this.
Many thanks QC and Happy Christmas to everyone there too 🙂
Andrew
Hi Andrew and thanks for your questions and concerns. Firstly, thanks for the kind comments and being such a big fan! And also thanks for taking the step to write in, we can assure you that you are not alone and there are many readers here who have been in a very similar situation to which you find yourself in at present. Coming out either now, in the future (or in some case never) is a dilemma that pretty much all gay men and women struggle with. It would be true to say that no two peoples circumstances are going to be exactly the same and with prejudices around us in all different types of countries and societies making that decision to come out always has to be carefully considered. But it’s good that you’ve got the courage to make that first step to reach out and find a solution. There have been a few similar posts on Ask QC; Should Gay Brothers Come Out at The Same Time, Low Libido, Depressed and in The Closet and When is the right age/time to Come Out. Although those examples aren’t specific to your situation you may find the information and advice offered useful. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Andrew? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
This might be the most generic question you can get but I really do hope you guys can help me on this.
I have been with my bf for 1.5 years. He was my first boyfriend and my first ever relationship. It was the most amazing 1.5 years of my life. I really enjoy spending time with him and I care about him a lot. I thought I loved him. I thought I loved him so much.
But even when we are having such an amazing time with our relationship, I can’t shake my own promiscuosity off. Before I met him I used to be very promiscuous and he was the one difference that I’ve ever found. When I was with him I never physically cheated on him but I have chatted with random guys and sexted.
He found out yesterday and threw me out straight away. We’ve had fights before because of trust issues. Because he was insecure and jealous, but at the same time knowing all this, I still gave into temptation and sexted with people. My own personal point of view is that sex is different from love as sex is just a physical activity. In my head if you love someone it is still ok to have sex with other people, the exact definition of an open relationship. But my bf has a different point of view.
I really do still feel that I love him. So much so that it hurts to think that we’re over. I want to try and get him back but I don’t know if he deserves someone like me who can’t even love properly.
Which is why I want to ask, is there something wrong with me for thinking that I can love and be with someone while at the same time have sex with other people? And I really do want to try and get him back but I don’t know if he deserves someone like me, so what should I do?
Sincerely,
John
Hi John and thanks for your questions and concerns. It’s usual in relationships whether open, monogamous, polygamous or otherwise, to clearly define the boundaries within that partnership. It’s clear that you have been able to identify the concerns which led to the break up, i.e. trust issues and behavioral promiscuity. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give John? Have you been in a similar situation yourself, and if so, how did you resolve it? In your experience, do open relationships work or do they always lead to break ups? If you can help John in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m 25 years old, gay, have a good career, reasonably good looking (or so I’ve been told) and am totally ready to settle down with a guy for the rest of my life. I’m just not into going around having a lot of random sex with different guys that most of my peer group seem to be doing right now. I just want a good man to call my own and for us to be able to share our lives together.
I generally go for guys a little older (10+ years more) and I’ve never really been into any bar/club scene, I think I’m just a regular guy I guess and I want nothing more than a LTR in a monogamous relationship.
But the last two long terms I’ve had (2 years and 3 years) both ended where I got dumped and recently the last few dates with guys I’ve met through the Apps have ended with me being dumped too. Each time its been really upsetting for me and the only common reason I’ve been told is that they aren’t ready for settling down and they want something wilder and less permanent in their lives. But they only say this after we have dated a few times, most just want sex on the first date, which they aren’t going to get from me.
I accept the fact that (at least to some) I appear to still be a bit twinky and even a bit dull and not too exciting for them (I’m quite a serious guy), but I’m intelligent and thoughtful so I really can’t comprehend why I keep getting rejected like this all the time – its really getting me down. I believe I have so much to offer too, I’m kind, caring, loving, loyal, and love to look after my man, (especially in bed) so what is it that I am missing here?
But after this last guy dumped me I sat and cried for weeks at home, it was awful and only just a few good friends have been able to get me through this. I feel I’m ready to try again now but don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes, whatever they are. So am I choosing the wrong type of guy or what? Am I wrong to look for older guys, sorry but guys my age or younger just don’t interest me. What am I doing so wrong that I keep getting dumped, if anyone can shed some light on this I would be really thankful.
Love you guys at QC!
Thanks 🙂
John
Hi John and thanks for your questions and concerns. When it comes to matters of the heart, hopefully there are some here willing to share their thoughts and experiences with you. It’s difficult to predict how a relationship will develop and the reasons why people stay together or drift apart but perhaps some of our readers have some general pointers which might help you in the future. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give John? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
I’m in my 30’s now and I’m still angry and pissed with my parents for having me circumcised when I was a baby. It’s not like they asked my permission about this, they already said they did it for religious reasons but I don’t even follow or agree with their religion either!
My long term partner is very understanding about my situation and says I should have therapy to get over this issue with my parents. Incidentally, he has a beautiful and unmutilated penis, his foreskin is gorgeous and his penis head is so sensitive, I can drive him wild just licking and touching that sensitive head and I really love nibbling his juicy foreskin.
I feel that my cock is totally ruined by having my foreskin removed and I really feel as though I am missing out each time I have sex. I can see the positive effects of having your penis glans covered by a foreskin, that’s how the body intended it to be. To protect it and I can really see how much more sensitive it is, my partners cock is so sensitive it jumps each time you touch it. Mine just feels like hard rough skin, and the scar is not exactly pretty either. Being circumcised really serves no purpose for me and yes I know there is some anecdotal evidence of health or sexually transmitted diseases being lessened for circumcised penises, but I really feel this is a weak argument, especially as I am in a long term relationship. I basically find this a morale issue and I am really disgusted that my parents so selfishly decided to have me circumcised without my consent!
But I think even if I go for therapy for this I still can’t forgive my parents for doing this to me. And I feel so sad for all the boys who are circumcised basically as their parents are doing this for selfish reasons. Why can’t we be allowed as adults to choose circumcision or not?
I have read up some on foreskin restoration and wondered if there are any guys here who have experienced that and can offer any advice and how successful it is?
Thanks in advance guys,
Scott
Hi Scott and thanks for your questions and concerns. Whether its for religious, health or cultural reasons the pros and cons debate for circumcision continues on. But that doesn’t lessen your rage nor does it justify your parents decision to have you circumcised when you were a child. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Scott in this situation? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section! Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
