Well, is March going to come in like a Lion or Lamb? Honestly, Chinpoko could give a rat’s ass—he just wants to talk about cock. Don’t you love your weekly PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO! Chaos Men: Ashton and Jagger Raw
I was so excited to see this video. First of all, I think Bryan does a great job over at Chaos Men. All of his videos seem so comfortable and I often feel like I’m watching the action from an outside window; the guys are so into one another they don’t seem to notice the cameras.
Jagger is a hot, hot boy. First of all, this guy has the bubbliest little butt, and just the perfect amount of hair. Also, Jagger has an interesting cock—it’s fat, long, and points down like a plane wanting to dive bomb some enemy’s ass. AND you know how I feel about an inked boy—PATA PATA PATA!
I began watching the video, then I noticed my sound wasn’t on. I turned it up. Hmm. Still nothing. Maybe my sound button wasn’t working. Hmmm. Still not working. Let’s check another video I thought. Well, that one worked. Hmmm. But not this one… let’s try it again.
Oh wait, apparently Helen Keller had two twink grandsons and they’re both being taped on Chaos Men and I was watching them.
I know. I hated to see it, but these two boys were so uncomfortable. Ashton moaned a bit when Jagger fucked him but that’s about it. Even when they both came it was like watching a Charlie Chaplin movie. Jagger came on Ashton’s face and Ashton just lay there frozen with his eyes closed and mouth shut. He looked like an extra from The Mummy.
I don’t get it. You’re both fucking—RAW I might add—yet, it seems too difficult to act like you’re enjoying yourselves? I mean, are you afraid of being intimate—come on! They’re fucking raw… how much more intimate can you get?
Try harder next time, fellas. Tony Ward: Solo Video And Sexual Philosophy
Oprah says everyone has a story. Well, Chinpoko thinks every penis has a story too. As you know, cocks around the globe took notice to recognize February as Cock History Month. Now that March is upon us, I think it’s time that you boys don’t just pull and tug at your cocks. It’s time to get to know your dick: Love it. Caress it. Play board games with it (like Clue). And when your dick wins, treat it to some young twink’s pink, tight ass. Isn’t that just polite? I think so.
Tony Ward has lived a life that many would want to live, and thankfully his cock has been with him all the way. This bathtub interview is not to be missed. His cock literally throbs in the tub. Throbs.
Has QCam got a surprise for you… that’s right: BIG COCKS. There’s plenty of cock to go around on QCam. We picked out three of QCam’s biggest and best boners from last week just for you: expointokyo (8 pics): Wanna know how to say “big penis” in Japanese? It’s okii penisu. Now that you know how to say it, there’ll be an oral exam and expointokyo’s your sensai. He’s got an international flavor and a Tokyo Tower to savour. smoke20 (13 pics): Smoke20’s rigid veiny cock made us throw a rod as soon as we saw it. He really puts it right in front of the camera. He’s also got shirtless shots that show off his fuzzy body and hairy thighs… it’s getting hot in here! Bren (8 pics): This cocky young twink puts on a nice bedroom show, adjusting his hung, uncut piece in a tight pair of undies. He unleashes his thick member and also exposes his tight, hairy hole. Nice body, great cock, and a willing hole—what a knockout! And there’s much more on QCam. Not only more BIG COCKS, but comments sections, free membership, and even a chance to share your cock. Don’t keep your rooster cooped up in the henhouse… let it cock-a-doodle-do!
So what if the economy’s falling to shit all around us?! At least we know someone who’ll always set a gold standard for porn reviews. Yep, QC’s own Chinpoko, with this week’s PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO! Justin Gaston In VMan Magazine
Miley Cyrus is a lucky, lucky girl. I don’t care how Christian that girl says she is; I totally know she’s sitting on that face while he fingerbangs her. She probably calls out God’s name a couple of times while she’s cumming—I know I would. I even love Justin’s lil’ gay jeans! PATA PATA PATA! Hot House Backroom: Damian Rios and Mike Roberts
I know everyone over at Hot House is excited about Mike Roberts’ return, but let’s hear it for Damian Rios. Goodness! You know Chinpoko loves a hot boy with some ink on him. I love how Damian’s star tattoos trickle down his side and lead to that big-headed cock of his. I can’t get over Damian’s ass. That shit’s so smooth I bet I could just slide right in like a hand into a glove.
I won’t give you the play-by-play (yes, I’m a tease). However, I will tell you that the way Damian sucks Mike’s cock is a thing to behold. When he sucks, his lips look like rose petals. Oh, the things that boy could do to me. Seriously, he makes me moist.
I told you I was going to bring it this week. After all it’s Valentine’s Day. So whether you’re on your own or with a buddy, I’m giving you both something to beat it to. Consider this Chinpoko’s Valentine’s Day gift to you. So on with PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO! Cocky Boys: Andrew and Ludovic
I love Ludovic, I just want to say that right off. Why? Well, so many reasons actually: 1) He has the prettiest eyelashes. I don’t know why I love eyelashes so much, maybe because I don’t have any. 2) He’s got the perfect amount of hair. If he trims it, than it doesn’t look like it. It’s just enough hair to catch the cum, but not enough so that the little semen get lost from view. 3) He really gets into sex and this video with Andrew is no exception.
This is really my first experience with Andrew. He’s cute. However, I wish he didn’t trim his pubes so weirdly; either keep it au naturale or take it down all the way. Instead he does this halfway shit that kind looks like his dick is wearing a yarmulke. Eh, I guess it’s a religious thing. Ah well no worries, he makes up for it.
In the beginning of the film, Andrew goes to town on Ludovic’s cock. I mean takes the husband’s credit card, goes to town, shops at Neimen’s for three hours to get Momma some shoes, goes back home, and then GOES BACK TO TOWN. That’s how much he goes to town on Ludovic’s hot pole. I, of course, loved it. Apparently Andrew has been reading my reviews and understands the importance of a good dick sucking.
The rest of the video is all about Ludovic. As Andrew is fucking him, the cameraman (Bless Him) focuses on Ludovic’s face. The boy is in total heaven. And the way he moans! Oh, it’s like something is coming up from his soul saying “Yes, I love dick in my ass!”
Then, the boys break apart to jack and cum. Usually I’m not a big fan of this. Why break up the energy? Just fuck ’til you cum. Seriously, I was disappointed and I almost shut the screen of my laptop. Then two things happened… One, I remembered I don’t have hands or arms to shut my screen and two, Ludovic came on his own face.
Yes, you heard me girls! Ludovic shot himself in the mother-fucking eye! It was like watching the superbowl of cumming. I jizzed myself right there. PATA PATA PATA! Benjamin Godfre Bulge/VPL
Who is BenjaminGodfre? This guy is gorgeous and I think he’s wearing the best pants I’ve ever seen in my life. Seriously, I need to see more of this man. These photos have put me in a state. I’m like a penis unleashed. I can’t stop thinking about him and all I want is to see Benjamin Godfre in the hot naked flesh! Oh God, what is happening?!! I need it! I need it! Call me, Ben.
Holy crap! It’s almost Valentine’s Day! What should you get your loved one, and more importantly what should you give yourself? Here’s a hint… PORN! Need some suggestions, well QC’s Chinpoko is here to help with this weeks PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO! Wrestle Hard: Chris Stone vs. George Stevenson
Hot. Tattooed. Wrestlers. Oh my god, I’m in heaven! Chris Stone is one muscle-bound, inked-up stud. Why don’t I have arms and feet? Hell, why don’t I have a body? Chinpoko wants to wrestle! Oh well, at least I can cockfight…
The first part of this scene is terrible. Why does there need to be a plot? I don’t care about the electricity? You’re wrestling, people—what more plot do you need? I guess they needed a reason for Chris to start ripping off George’s clothes. I’ll give you a reason—George is hot.
My favorite part of this scene is when Chris fucks George doggie style. Chris really starts talking dirty. I would say them here, but I don’t want to spoil it for ya. Ah, the best is when I noticed Chris’ inked arm muscles ripple as he pounded George. Whew, I’m wet already. PATA PATA PATA!!
Chinpoko wanted to write a snappy intro for this week’s PataPorn With Chinpoko! but he’s too hard and excited. He demands we just get to it; he’s an aggressive lil’ dick who loves to PataPorn With Chinpoko! Randy Blue: Lucas and Ryan
Watch it and then ask yourself, “Did you enjoy it?” Oh, I think they enjoyed it. Ryan enjoyed it oh and Lucas enjoyed it. Did Randy enjoy it?
Confused yet? Well, let’s put it this way… I did NOT enjoy it. First of all, I think Ryan, Lucas, and Randy mentioned someone “enjoying” this blowjob video about twenty times. After a while I wanted to scream at the screen and say, WE GET IT! SOMEONE ENJOYED IT!
Ryan said this was his first blowjob. If that’s true, then I feel sorry for him. Lucas sucks at giving head or rather he doesn’t suck enough. You know what I mean, he’s lousy at it. Dame Judy Dench could fit more of Ryan’s cock in her mouth than Lucas. The whole time Lucas only took in about half of Ryan’s cock. What’s up with that? That’s like eating only the top half of a two-scoop ice cream cone!
The positives are that Ryan’s is gorgeous and Lucas’ cute fuzzy body is hot stuff. But I must say, these two could use some more chemistry.
Oh and lastly, notice the way Ryan speaks at the end of the video. He talks about doing porn in the most polite, whitest way ever—like a grandson who just finished mowing Grandma’s lawn talking about how he would love to mow her law again sometime. It’s a lil’ weird… but kinda hot.
The rush is on! You’ve got holiday presents to buy, places you have to go, and relatives you need to ignore. We at the QC know this is stressful. Thankfully, Chinpoko keeps plugging away, working hard for you. So take some time for yourself and PataPorn With Chinpoko! Chaos Men: Tex – Edge
I’m never deleting this video from my computer. Ever. This is by far one of the hottest videos I’ve seen a while. There’s something about the art of surprise, and oh my god, Tex gets it.
The first video begins with an edited montage of what’s to come—or who’s to cum. It reminded me of a teaser from a movie. Honestly, I was hard before that ended.
Soon Tex is getting tied up, blindfolded, and Bryan puts earphones over his ears, as Bryan begins to play with his cock over his shorts. Bryan pulls Tex’s cock and fingers the piss slit until he finally slides the shorts off. So much attention paid to Tex’s cock! I love it.
Personally, I think Bryan was a dancer. He has to be! As he began stroking Tex’s cock—first with one hand, then with both—it was like watching Baryshnikov perform Swan Lake. By this time, I’m throbbing. And so was Bryan I think because he starts swallowing Tex’s rock hard cock. Next, he’s biting on his nipples, kissing Tex’s neck—all the while Tex is in ecstasy.
The scene cuts to Tex on all fours as Bryan engulfs Tex’s cock from underneath, but finally Tex can’t take it. He soon begins fingering and licking Tex’s pink smooth hole while gently stroking his cock. My favorite is when Bryan rubs his own hard cock up against Tex’s hole. He never enters but you can tell they both want to fuck so badly. Finally, Bryan cums on Tex’s pink hole. He cums so much that the cum slides down Tex’s balls and drips to the floor. Drips. I really need Bryan to suck me off. I mean come on, I’m just a dick in need too! . I’m not going to give you all of the details, but I will say there are toys involved and Bryan seems to have perfected the art of cock sucking. Also the editing and the music/sound effects really enhance the experience. Bravo Chaosmen. Bravo. Bear Bares All!
Okay, I know I’m a dick and usually I shouldn’t be interested in anything but dick, however… Bear Gryllis is just so damn hot. Seriously. Watching an episode of Man vs. Wild is like watching some of the hottest porn you’ve ever seen. Yes, I know he’s straight, and yes I know he has kids, but… he’s just so manly.
Maybe it’s true what they say; a girl just wants a man to protect her. Or in this case, a dick wants to be protected. I know that no matter what wild elements came about—the blistering heat of heat rash on the balls, the untamed jungle of forgotten pubic hair—Bear’s got my back… well, if I had a back. And I don’t think anyone can deny the guy has got balls… AND WE CAN SEE THEM!
The reviews are in, and you love our opinionated Chinpoko! He is a feisty little dick isn’t he? That’s why we love him. And Toby, the QC mascot, loves him so much he tries to play fetch with our lil’ Chin-chin. Thank God human resources fixed that mess! But no worries, Chinpoko is here and ready to PataPorn! Jesse on Sean Cody
There really is an art to photography, and I must give credit to Sean Cody; the man knows what to focus on.
Jesse is a cute 20 year-old bi-boy from the Midwest. Do me a favor, don’t skip past the talking. Jesse’s conversation’s pretty darn cute. He’s a little on the thin side for me but his nice cock and pretty eyes make up for it. He does have a perfect nose, too. See I’m not ALL about the dick… (yes I am).
Y’know, I love solo scenes because it’s all about focusing on the dick, but the best, hottest part of this video is the cumshots. Good God, this kid’s got more creamy cum than Liz Taylor’s got diamonds. Seriously, when he shoots on the stool, his seed keeps dripping… repeat… dripping of the sides. You think he’s done but he just keeps going.
And in the next shot, Jesse shoots on Sean’s couch. There’s almost just as much in this video was well. I’m telling you—this guy could feed the hungry in Africa. In this shot, he moans and whispers to himself. Oh, I can only imagine Jesse whispering to me! To top it all off, Cody gets a hot shot of Jesse’s cum covered hand and also catches Jesse’s dick still dancing and seizing on it’s own. I love a dick dance. Hmm, maybe I should audition for So You Think You Can Dance? I could do it, right? I know Jesse could.
The New Year has inspired Chinpoko. He wants this year’s porn to be even hotter than last year’s. What does that mean for you? More reviews and more joy… and more bitchiness from a six-inch talking cock! Maybe now’s a good time to remind everyone that Chinpoko’s remarks don’t necessarily reflect the opinion of QC and it’s other staffers! But we guess there’s no way around it, let’s PataPorn With Chinpoko! Sean Cody: Twins – Jeff and John
Chinpoko sings! (again): But they’re cousins, identical cousins and you’ll find,
They laugh alike, the jack alike, at times they even cum a like.
You can loose your load,
When cousins are on Sean Cod…y.
Yes I know the ending doesn’t really rhyme, but work with me people—I’m just a dick. And yes, I know Jeff and John aren’t cousins. They’re two, hot brothers. Mr. Cody pulls out all the stops this year. I originally planned on giving you boys a play-by-play, or (as we like to say in the porn world) a stroke-by-stroke. However, I really think you need to just see this shit to believe it. Like the post says, the hottest parts are when John watches his brother jack. Is it wrong that I want to see them make out and suck one another off? Chaos Men: Bryan and Tobias
Hottest post of the week if you ask me, and well, you did. I do love Bryan from Chaos Men and not only because he gives us such hotties. I also love that he just cuts to the chase. But most importantly, BRYAN PAYS ATTENTION TO THE COCK! I swear to God, the man knows what to do. While his face stayed buried in Tobias’ ass cheeks, what did Bryan do? He stroked the cock. Even though he couldn’t see, partially blinded by Bryan’s ass cheeks, what did he do? He stroked the cock. Bryan keeps his priorities straight, or in this case gay. He pulled and caressed Tobias’ cock like an Incan idol to be cherished and worshipped. And rightly so! Tobias has got a beautiful, long cock and I bet it’d love to be real good in Bryan’s hole.
I also have to admit that I loved the ass teasing. Bryan slid his wet head back and forth against the lips of Tobias’ ass. Tobias loved it. He moaned and sighed, and they both started doing some dirty talk. And you know how I feel about dirty talking—I came right there. I did. It got a migraine, my head throbbing so hard. And when my head hurts that bad, there’s only one thing to do—shoot like a motherfuckin’ oil spout in Dallas.
Again, hottest post of the week. And the biggest reason why, I think, is because I almost felt like I was watching two men in their bedroom. They way Bryan and Tobias would whisper to one another, so sweetly and intensely. It felt intimate. I know… how fuckin’ romantic!
Are you sick of the holidays? Well, Chinpoko is. Our Editor D caught him bitching at the water cooler yelling, “Enough with this Jesus’ Birthday stuff. Let’s talk about porn, God Dammit!” After a serious talk with HR, we assured our lil’ dick that we wouldn’t dream of forgetting to PataPorn With Chinpoko! Randy Blue: Kevin and Leo Giamani Chinpoko singing:
Heaven, I’m in Heaven.
And my balls are blue and I can hardly speak…
Just to see hot Kevin and Leo Giamani
When Kevin spreads Leo’s hole and slides between his cheeks.
Didn’t know I was a singing dick, did ya? Yes, I’m talented. I only wish I was as talented as Leo Giamani and Kevin. Y’know, they’re some of my favorites, and c’mon—Leo is QC’s Man of the Year!
One of my favorite parts of the video is the beginning. As Leo and Kevin talk, it’s so obvious that Kevin can’t keep his hands off Leo. He talks, smiles, and rubs Leo’s neck. I already started throbbing. After some hot making out, Kevin kisses all up and down Leo’s ripped body and then inhales that massive Italian sausage. I once had a great affair with an Italian dick, but he came with such an accent I never knew what he was saying. Another great part is all the dirty talk between Kevin and Leo. As Kevin rims Leo’s hole to get him ready for pounding, they both moan and whisper sweet nothings. It’s so romantic!
Really there are SO many good parts to this video, but here’s the last thing. Let’s hear it for Kevin. So many guys always go for the ass. Lick the ass, fuck the ass, fist the ass—but you forget the big finale always ends with me—the DICK! Kevin is a details man and I appreciate that as he pounds Leo, he stroke’s Leo’s cock. Way to think about the penis! I loved this video. I precame so much I looked like I’d been crying watching Titanic. If I had hands, Leo and Kevin, I’d never let go. I would never let go.
The rush is on! You’ve got holiday presents to buy, places you have to go, and relatives you need to ignore. We at the QC know this is stressful. Thankfully, Chinpoko keeps plugging away, working hard for you. So take some time for yourself and PataPorn With Chinpoko! Randy Blue: 4-way Jackoff
How many “straight” guys does it take to fix an air conditioner? Well apparently, no one gives a shit at Randy Blue. Mr. Blue has staged an actual plot line in this latest offering of mutually masturbating boys. Christian Sharp is the ring-leader of this scenario. Damn that boy is hot. I love the little bit of fur on his chest. His cockiness drives me insane as well. As the three boys talk about the air conditioner while gently rubbing themselves through their underwear, I was already at full attention. I actually think I might be in love with Christian Sharp. His ass is like a cave I need to spelunk. Also, I can’t get enough of Max Cruz. Oh my goodness, those eyelashes! He is that pretty boy you went to high school with that you still love.
So the premise of the video is pretty damn lame. I was so sick of hearing these guys talk about how hot it was and they wished someone would come fix the A/C. Then we had to hear about sports, in an effort to convince all of us that these boys are straight. (Christian Sharp is so not wanting to have anything to do with pussy.) Yeah, these guys are about as straight as the two maids from Mary Poppins. I eventually just wanted the guys to shut up and get to it, and thankfully they did and soon Buddy shows up to fix the A/C, which he never does.
But don’t lose interest yet, because the best part of this video… THE VERY BEST IS AT THE END. All right, I have shot some pretty good loads in my time. If there was a penis Olympics I think I would be a good contender for the Cumshot Put Event. However, Max Cruz’s cock taught me a lesson. He was the first to shoot, and when he did, he hit over his head, on his face, in his mouth… oh my goodness! Give that girl the Gold! Even talking about it now makes my head drip a little precum. Sorry, I drool.
All right QCers, it’s time to take a trip, and I am your tour guide. Today, we’re taking you on an international tour of QueerClick on PataPorn With Chinpoko! Boys-Pissing: Zack and Jeremiah
Our first stop is QCX where Zack and Jeremiah are pretty much drenching one another in urine. I don’t get how they can shoot up to their mouths like that. I’ve tried to, but I can’t. Now cumming—OH! I’m like a missile. I could shoot from here to Brazil if I wanted to. After the rest of this trip, I might. Xtra Inches: Remy Delaine y Francois Sagat
The next stop on our tour is QueerClick Español. And why is Francois Sagat getting pounded and no one told me about it? Come on, it’s Francois! He totally wants to marry me… right? Ahh, Francois. He’s the hottest thing to come from France since the French roll. So come on Español—share the love.
Chinpoko has been out of control this week. He’s still reeling from last week’s opening of QCX. We’ve literally had to write him up for not working. I mean, the QC loves porn but come on—you can’t jack off ALL day long. UOMOTV: Gael
Gael looks swarthy. Y’know what I mean? Like, pirate swarthy. I am imagining him with the eye-patch, a little black eyeliner, and me up his ass. Now that’s what they should make a movie about. Johnny Depp, eat your heart out—or just eat me out. I’m good with that too. QC Movies: Tommy Lima in Brazil HOT, HOT, HOT, LATIN MEN! ALERT! ALERT!!! Oh my goodness. I love the QC Movies. It’s like the online version of Blockbuster—COCKTHRUSTER! I didn’t know that I needed to move to Brazil. Damn! These boys have the thickest meats you’ve seen, and I just love the way Latin boys kiss. Yum!
Oh my goodness. We here at QC have stuffed ourselves this week with food, but not Chinpoko. He’s always ready to PataPorn! Cooking With Spunk
Tired of turkey? Yeah, I am too. I totally binged until I could bust a nut—literally. I love Thanksgiving but I also love when it’s over. Thankfully I’ve found my new inspirational ingredient—cum! Yes, there is actually a book filled with nothing but cum related recipes. Are you kidding me? I love it. How come they don’t talk about this new book on The Today Show? I would love to watch Matt Lauer contribute to this segment! Doogie Gets Nakey
Ah, Neil Patrick Harris. Who doesn’t have a crush on him? Everytime I walk by Steve Prince’s desk, I see little hearts drawn around Doogie’s face, and Editor D—forget about it, he’s totally smitten. Even Toby wants to hump Doogie’s leg. No matter what, you can’t deny that Mr. Harris looks damn good.
Chinpoko is taking a break this week, well kinda. Instead of bringing you just the sights of the QC, our resident talking dick has been looking to spread his seed elsewhere. We can’t be responsible for what he says because, well, it’s PataPorn With Chinpoko! Ask QC: Dirty Bottom OCD
No, my first name ain’t baby. It’s Chin. Chinpoko if you’re NASTY! Are you a nasty boy? Well apparently this QC reader thinks he is. Personally, as long as I’m covered, I go for the gold. I mean, once you’re in the black hole, there ain’t no turning back. Anyway, someone please give this poor boy some advice—she needs it.
