I recently started dating a special guy. We’re both about 30 and he’s handsome, considerate, cute, intelligent, a good kisser and well-hung—excellent! He’s been really great and has introduced me to lots of his friends, which has been awesome… they’re all so creative, intelligent, engaging and handsome. Here’s the problem though, one of his friends is definitely into me. His friend is a nice and very handsome guy who lives in New York and if I hadn’t just started dating his buddy, he’s the sort of guy I’d totally jump into the sack with. So I’m not sure what to do.
I wanna give the guy I’m dating a fair chance and be honest with him, but I don’t know how to handle his friend. The last time I saw this friend, he gave me an extra long hug and made sure our cheeks were touching. He kisses me hello and goodbye and says things like “You’re so adorable.” He’s a nice, sexy guy and he invited me to go out and have drinks with him in my upcoming visit to the city, but I’m worried that if we do that he’ll try something.
I’m a grown man and I don’t want to get my new beau involved; this is between me and his friend. But I’m also unsure what to say or do about his friend that won’t make a big deal out of this. Truth is, his friend and I could benefit from each other’s friendship and we only see each other sometimes, so how should I handle this? Should I do everything possible to distance myself from his pal (that is, not ever call him and avoid him in public)? Should I say something to his pal, and if so, what? I’ve gotten in trouble in the past from not keeping my hands to myself and I don’t want to ruin my chances with my fella just because of my horniness or his tempting friend.
Any advice would help.
Why is it that as soon as you start dating someone hot guys start coming out of the woodworks? This is an ages old problem, but what’s the best way to handle a randy friend? In our opinion, this guy should just ignore the pal’s advances, make clear that he’s not interested, and then distance himself, but that’s just us. What do you think, QC readers? Is there a better way to handle this without making a too big deal about it? Please share your experiences and advice in the QComments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I don’t know how to ask this without sounding like a prude or a bible-beater, but does anyone date anymore? It seems like all gay guys (myself included) like jumping into the sack almost immediately, no matter if the date’s going well or not. That’s all good and well for a quickie, but it’s gotten to a point where it feels weird NOT to sleep with a guy on the first date; even though sleeping with guys too quickly has undoubtedly ruined long-term prospects with men I’ve liked once or twice.
Here’s an example. I met a guy online. He was great—very funny, nice, smart, handsome, and stylish. We went on a great date and had awesome conversation. We kissed before going out for coffee. After coffee, we went back to his place and fooled around; it was nice. The second time we got together we fucked and both came about four times apiece. Now, things have changed between us… I don’t know how, but they have. I get the feeling he thinks I’m only interested in sex, even though I actually wanted to date the guy. Yeah he’s busy, but he barely even calls and never makes plans, with even though he’s mentioned on the phone going out with other friends. I feel jealous and want him to spend time with me—after all, it said on his profile that he wanted to date. I can’t help but feel if I had taken my time that we might still be having great conversation and hanging out… oh well.
When I ask friends about this, they’re of two minds. One group says that you should sleep with anyone you’re attracted to and if it’s meant to be, it’ll work out. The other says you should only sleep with guys that you feel a genuine connection with over the span of several dates. That’s OK, but I guess it leaves me feeling like a bit of a tease. I mean, I obviously want to sleep with men I choose to date and I feel like if I string them along with kisses and a gradual baseball game of first base, second base, etc. that they’ll get bored, think I’m a disinterested prude or playing games and leave. I’m not trying to play games, I just dislike how sex seems to automatically change everything between people and I’d rather get to know a guy and appreciate him for him rather than just stick around for the possibility of getting in their pants. A lot of guys seem to be able to fuck immediately and stay around for personalities and intimacy as an after thought, but I’m not so sure I’m built like that.
So I guess I have a few questions: First, where can I find guys who actually date? Are there any readers on this blog who don’t jump into the sack too quickly? If so, (number two) how do you do it? Do you plan out how fast you’ll go with a guy (especially when you really want them)? Three, am I doing anything else wrong? I mean, I like sex as much as the next guy, but I really want a boyfriend… or at least someone I can date and spend time with. Am I going about this all wrong? I’m probably over-thinking it. Whatever happened to intuition, romance, and taking your time? Am I being naive or old-fashioned? If feels confusing sometimes.
I’d appreciate any advice and feedback from guys more like myself.
Thanks.
We’re of two minds about this letter as well. First, we empathize with wanting to find true love with that special someone, but we obviously understand the power and drive of sexual desire. So how can our young lover tame his sexual beast without killing all spontaneity? Is there a place (other than church) where easy-going and sociable gay men meet? Is there a way to convey to someone that you’re interested but don’t want to move too fast? Does wanting to go slow make you a prude or a game player? So many questions… please share your experiences and advice in the QComments section. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I’m a guy in his mid-20’s who have just came out less than a year ago. I’m currently with my first boyfriend for 6 months and my only sexual experiences are with him. I’ve always been the bottom because he’s a top. He has only tried bottoming once in his life and according to him, it hurts and he bled the first time which was a couple of years back.
We have always discussed about me topping him and although he’s reluctant at first, he said he’s willing to try again. The problem is, everytime I try to penetrate him, I go soft. I can have boner during foreplay, blow job and even when he’s fucking me. I just don’t understand why I go limp as I am very much in love/interested with him.
According to my boyfriend, he said I was too nervous but we have been trying for at least 5 times, am I still nervous? He has been doing all he can to get me hard again but I was just not able to maintain it until the crucial penetration moment. There was a time, he was fucking me, while I have a raging hard on, he pulls out and puts on a condom on me. He laid down and ask me to penetrate him but I go limp AGAIN!
I really wanted to top him as my sexual urges tells me, but I’m not able to. It’s frustrating, not only because I can’t fuck but also because I’m disappointing my boyfriend. I’ve always thought topping is easy as it’s natural for a guy to fuck and bottoming was hard as it’s painful. But it appears bottoming was much easier because you dont have to deal with the frustration of not being to get hard and fuck.
I’m not on any medication and do not have any significant health problems. Can anyone tell me what’s going on and what I can do about it? I would prefer not to take drugs (i.e. viagra).
Thanks.
We’ve had at least one other advice-seekerwho had trouble topping his lover. That time, most readers advised him to get a cockring, but only one advised him to take a closer look at his personal anxieties. It sounds like today’s advice seeker has more of a psychological issue rather than physical one, so what’s to be done? Going limp can compound itself if it becomes all a guy thinks about. But trying not to think about it is like saying, “Don’t think about pink elephants.” So what’s a guy to do?! How can our advice-seeker unite this problematic knot and end up on top? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
“How do I behave in the locker room (without missing out on gym cock!)?
I work out in the gym quite often. And I gotta be honest—I love the changing room and showers afterwards. The guys getting naked, wet, and pumped up really turn me on!
But I don’t know how to behave properly. At the moment I’m trying to look as if I don’t care. But I think with this behavior I’m missing out on the possible action that others always tell me about.
The question: how do I behave best in the locker room without being annoying and without missing out? Is it OK to smile to a guy next to you in the shower? Others tell me about jerking off in the shower to get attention, but hey, that’s like crazy isn’t it? And what about the sauna? I’m lost.
QueerClick, tell me how to behave and still get gym-cock 😉
Best from Berlin
YUPPYUPPY”
We’ve got a gym bunny who’s hungry for some carrots and holes! But how can he get his fill without having his tail bitten off? (OK, we’ll drop the metaphor) He wants to cruise some hot gym cock, but also wants to avoid being a pest, a creep, or getting kicked out. So we need some tips on gym cruising 101. Any experienced gym bunnies in the house? Help out a fellow friend by sharing your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
Long story short: bottoming hurts and I usually end up biting the pillow and moaning and convulsing from the painful intensity of it instead of the pleasure. I mean, I like the physical closeness and intimacy of sex and it pleases me to give my partner pleasure. But for me, there’s nothing really erotic about having my ass pummeled. I know of some guys who LOVE bottoming. I’m always amazed at porn stars and guys on XTube who can stay hard while getting fucked. And I go cross-eyed when I hear of guys who actually cum while getting fucked—what?!!
I’m 30 and have been getting fucked for almost a decade now, but I guess I must be doing it wrong. As I age, I’m beginning to feel like I’m a real crummy bottom. I just kinda let the guy violate my ass while gritting my teeth. I’m not sensuous or in any sort of control or ecstasy. Meanwhile, I’ve fucked a few bottoms who are awesome and whenever I ask “How do you do it?” They always smile and act like their skill is some big tantric secret that they can’t articulate.
Please help me. I wanna learn how to be a more capable and sensual bottom and I’m willing to take instruction, change my attitude, and put in the practice. But I feel like I need simple, easy to understand notes about how to insert the cock without feeling too much pain, how to get their cock to stimulate my prostate, and how to ride it for a long time without getting tired of the nonstop hurt. I feel cut off from an entire aspect of my pleasure as it is. I want to enjoy having sex with the men that I love as much as they do. I’d love to be one of those guys who can stay hard, derive pleasure, and even cum from getting fucked.
Thanks
Bottoming can be a tricky business for even the most seasoned porn star. And it seems that everyone has their own bag of tricks when it comes to turning it out and spreading their legs open wide for the right fuckstud. It sounds like our advice seeker wants to be having a lot more fun, so what’s to be done? Should he practice with toys? Read a book? Masturbate more often? Find the right-sized dick? Practice breathing? We need you awesome bottoms to help this blossoming butt become all that he can be! Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I love your website and I usually look at it along with some other gay porn sites I like to jerk off before bed every night. I have recently joined a gay personals site meant for hooking up and I now have men I can sleep with in any major US city I visit. I sleep with gay friends that I’ve had for years, I sleep with strangers I meet off the web, I am currently sleeping with about 3 different men in the city where I live on a regular basis.
I grew up in a real strict religious household that taught me that gay love is evil. I have also always been in long-term monogamous relationships for most of my life. It’s just that I found that monogamy might not be right for me because I was always thinking about sleeping with other people. And now the number of men I have slept with over my entire life has gotta be getting up to the hundreds. A.D.I.D.A.S.—All Day I Dream About Sex. When I go to bars, parties, and the grocery store, I totally scope out all the guys and think about all the horribly wonderful things I want to do to them. I’ve even slept with guys I’m not totally attracted to because just because they’re sweet or nice.
I know there’s nothing wrong with a healthy sex drive, but sometimes I wonder if I have a problem. I mean, I’ve held down a full-time job for a long time and I have great relationships with my friends and family. I can also meet gay guys and not want to sleep with them. I always play safe and I’m up front with the men I’m seeing that I’m also sleeping with others, but sometimes I wonder when enough is enough. I was abused as a kid and have never been very confident. I think I sometimes sleep with gay guys I meet instead of just relaxing and being myself and actually getting to know them. And while I love the sex, I’m worried it might prevent me from meeting someone I can spend my life with. Or maybe not…there are guys in open relationships who fuck around and still love each other. I dunno. But am I a sex addict?
From everything I’ve read, I don’t think I’m as bad as some other guys who cheat on their lovers and fuck themselves out of a career and catch diseases because they just can’t keep their pants on. But at the same time, my sexual desire does feel a bit compulsive. I would rather be fucking than not and I’m always on the prowl, it seems. But does that make me an addict or just a guy with a healthy sex drive? Should I find a group or slow myself down?
There’s nothing wrong with a healthy sex-drive. But at the same time, if this fella’s writing into Ask QC, he must find something a bit off with the way he’s conducting himself. Sex addiction can be complicated, there are often lots of reasons people feel compelled to have sex and some people even think “sexual addiction” is just a label to stigmatize sexual liberation. We also have gay friends who have hooked up with literally hundreds of guys, but they’re at least slutty, if not “addickted.” So what do you think? Has our writer got a problem or is he just feeling weird about his newfound sexual freedom? Should he join a group and if he does, what sorts of questions might he ask himself to figure out if he is or isn’t? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I am 18 years old and I am afraid that I might have oral herpes! Why I say I think is because I just found tiny bumps at the end of my lips and when I looked up pictures and symptom of this I got scared!
When I looked at pictures it kinda looked like that but I don’t have the symptom. I am still worried about it and plan to go to the health clinic for the first time to get an STD/HIV test and to see if this could be oral herpes that I have. I am currently in a relationship
with my boyfriend of more than a year and I love him dearly and would be devastated if I lose him.
The only way I could have gotten this was from the two guys I had slept with. They didn’t have any bumps and they both said they were clean. The only reason I did this is because we were going through some problems and let my penis head think on its
own.
I am really scared at this point and pray to god it it’s nothing. What do you think I should do? Should I worry? Should I tell?
A few things strike us about this reader’s letter. First off, the web’s a horrible place to diagnose one’s self. Once when we had an ingrown hair, the web told us that we had skin cancer. Second, herpes is mega-contagious and about 1 in 2 people has it—your grandma can give you the herp just by kissing you on the cheek. That being said, no one likes cold sores, especially on your genitals. Lastly, our own QColumnist slept around on his boyfriend recently and got differing opinions on whether or not to tell. But we’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. What should he do about bumps and his boy? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I I hope you can help me out. I am 23 and have only been with a few guys and somehow I caught HPV. None of the guys had any warts or bumps or anything and when I asked if they were clean they all said yes. Last week, I thought I was getting a hemorrhoid (I’m a little beefy), but when I went to the doctor he said, “That’s not a hemorrhoid. That’s an anal wart!”
I feel so disgusting and scared. I don’t know who gave them to me or what I can do about them. I don’t have health insurance and I can’t afford to have them treated. I work have a low-paying job and I heard some treatments can cost $300 or more (and I don’t want to ask my family, they do not even know I am gay). Also, I just started dating a really great guy and I’m afraid that I may have given HPV to him. We have not had sex, but he did rim me before I got the wart, so I’m afraid he’ll get them too (maybe even on his face). Also, I don’t want him to leave me, but I hear that one of my old partners could have given me the disease, so do I need to contact everyone I’ve slept with?
Please help me. I have no one very close that I can discuss these issues with.
Sometimes we just wanna reach out and give our letter writers a hug. This guy is definitely one of those. Seems like he’s got a lot on his plate. From what we know, HPV isn’t the end of the world (it’s highly communicable, but treatable), but he still needs several types of advice. First, how can he find affordable treatment? Second, how should he go about telling his current lover about his medical condition? Lastly, should he tell his past partners as well, or is that overkill? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I have been dating my bofriend for almost 3 years. He is 22 and I am 31. I love him dearly and I think he loves me too. But we’ve had many problems in the past, some of them like him telling lies and not admitting it even when I’ve got all the facts.
First, he created a profile on a site saying that he was single. When I asked him about it, he said no. I asked him several times and the answer was still no. When I showed him the site, he got angry. He said he didn’t want to see me again and then began to cry and bang his head against the wall!!! I decided to just forget about it.
Then a few months ago, he added one of my student on his profile. Now my student doesn’t know him personally. But when my boyfriend and I go for walks I often see my students in town. My boyfriend always teases me about them and always
wants to know their names. When I came to know about him and this student in particular, I didn’t tell him anything.
But one day when my boyfriend was with me, we met that particular student. My boyfriend just walked away and didn’t meet the student. Afterwards my boyfriend started asking me lots of questions about him, pretending as if he didnt know a thing about him!!! I got angry and phoned the student and he told me that he knew my boyfriend. But even to today my boyfriend never admitted even knowing the guy.
A few days back, I discovered he added another student, Tom. My boyfriend knew Tom was my student and Tom came and told me about it. When i asked my boyfriend, he said he didn’t add any student named Tom. I asked him several times and the answer was still “no,” Then he said that he adds lots of people and that maybe he added him, but didn’t know he was my student. Now, I know for sure that he knew the guy was my student because he always used to tease me about him, asking me how he is.
Please advise me what to do. I know that my boyfriend will never tell the truth. For him, I am the one who is accusing him of something he never did. It’s been four days and he hasn’t even called or SMS. I’ve heard nothing from him. And I’m sure he is lying and I know he will never admit it, just like in the past. Please help. Thanks.
We certainly have our own opinion about what this gent should do about his lying boyfriend (hint: it rhymes with “dump him”), but it seems like he genuinely loves his guy, so we’re wondering… is it possible to reform a liar? Could it be that his boyfriend is lying for a certain reason that our advice seeker could clear up? Is there a way he could end up having the same boyfriend, but without all the games? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I have a question about how to have an effective bar hookup! I am a bottom and when I know I’m going to have sex with a gentleman caller, I always make sure to wash my booty clean inside and out!
The thing is, if I’m hooking up with a guy from the bar, I dont have the proper tools with me or maybe even a private place in which to “evacuate the dancefloor” as Cascada would put it. If I have the feeling I might get lucky I’ll do it beforehand, but often the contents have shifted during the flight and im not rady to go anymore…
I see guys leaving together, sometimes not even making it to each others’ homes… and I dont know how they’re doing it! I cant imagine they all are just getting down and very “dirty.” Is there a secret I should know about? or should I just accept that I cant get off after lights on?
Yours in Christ,
Bar Bottom
Um… can we just say how much we love that a letter about anal douching before drunken buttsex ends in “Yours In Christ”? That aside, it seems like Bar Bottom has the wrong idea about a few things. Bottoms we’ve hooked-up with occasionally visit the bathroom for a little “dance floor evacuation” before sex. And we’ve also had bar hookups that don’t end in anal sex. But tell us, fellow bar bottoms: what’s your secret when you need to “evacuate the dance floor” in a hurry? Is it always possible to be prepared for the unexpected? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I’m a virgin (sorta) and need help regarding what should I do to make my ass loose.
I’ve been on dates with tops but have disappointed them due to the pain—when I bottom, it feels like my ass is tearing up and I feel a burning sensation when applying lube (not sure if that’s normal).
Thanks,
JT
Sounds like our novice bottom’s having a rocky ride. While we’re not so sure about why one would feel a burning sensation while applying lube (hemorrhoid perhaps?), we’re sure there are other things JT might do to help make bottoming more go more smoothly. How can he loosen himself up beforehand and reduce the pain during sex and really begin to enjoy all that bottoming has to offer? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I got HIV when I was 23 and I’m never sure when to tell someone I wanna sleep with that I’m positive—both online and in person.
I don’t have my HIV status listed on my personal profiles, but I’ll be honest about it if someone asks. I do this so that someone will get to know me first before excluding me. After all, I’m more than just HIV-positive; I’m also cool, friendly and funny. The problem is that not all guys ask and I’m never sure when to bring it up, though I’m pretty sure it’s not in the bedroom.
My friends all disagree about when the right time to tell someone is. Some even say that you don’t have to tell a guy at all as long as you’re only doing low-risk sexual activities. But I don’t feel at all comfortable with that. Am I being too cautious?
Do I need to put it out there first thing when meeting a guy or is it OK to wait? I don’t want to be sneaky or a liar, but I also want a guy to like me for me and not be afraid.
Thanks,
Oliver
Anyone who’s HIV-positive knows that disclosing your status can be like coming out all over again. But Oliver’s right, every guy seems to have different guidelines about when to tell someone. We agree that honesty’s the best policy, but when’s the best time to speak up? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
We know that we already ran an Ask QC this week, but in light of all the recent twinhijinks, we simply had to post this recent letter from our inbox:
I am an identical twin. I have been having some form or sex with my twin brother since before kindergarden. We grew up in Southern California and shared the same room growing up even though we have no other siblings and there was another bedroom that was used as a spare room. Our parents understood that we wanted to be together and were totally okay with that. Even when we were in third grade and the school felt it was better for my brother and I not to be in the same class, my parents eventually understood that we were going to be together no matter what anyone else wanted.
My parents went to our school and talked to the principal to let us be in the same class. We refused to go to school if we weren’t in the same class. Even when my mother brought us to school and made us sit in our seperate classrooms we would get up and walk as soon as she left. We would leave our class rooms and hide out in the school gym all day until the school day was over. After two days of this my parents knew that no matter what anyone did, if we were going to go to school we had to be together. It was never an issue again.
The sex started out as innocent fun. I don’t know how we knew, but we knew wew weren’t supposed to let anyone know what we were doing. As we got older the sex also became more adult and by 15 we were finally doing everything you could probably think of and more even though we were dating girls by then. It just seemed natural. Even though we knew we were gay we never put a label on it until we were almost 17. Sex with my brother is never boring. We are able to communicate so easily about what we want to do, what we want to try. Everything is just so natural. We didn’t know sex wasn’t going to be natural like that until we were 17 and started to have sex with other guys. That was the same year that we decided to tell our parents we were gay.
They took it well .We didn’t have to expalin anything to them. We both sat them down and told them that this is how we are and it made sense to them that if one of us were gay the other would be too. The only thing that threw them is that we didn ‘t fall into any stereotype and dated girls from around 13 until 17 and were both really good in sports. They started to suspect when we were seniors in high school that we might be gay since all of a sudden we weren’t dating girls.
We are now 20 years old and go to the same university. Again, this is out of choice. My brother made some better schools than I did but we we wanted to be together. We were going to get an apartment on our own because the school doesn’t let you pick your roommates when you are freshmen but then we talked to the administrator in charge of the dorms and were able to get a room together. That was two years ago.
My brother and I don’t even date anyone else anymore. We have friends and tell everyone we are focused on our studies and not dating. Everything is fine with us but it’s other people that bother us. It eventually became an issue because of some twins who are going to have sex in a movie. Some of our gay friends brought this up and thought it was disgusting. I know that this is incest, but to my brother and I it’s
different than if we were just brothers.
Being a twin is a totally different thing than just being brothers. We don’t really know what we are supposed to do. We don’t know how to keep our secret and just be happy together anymore. We want to grow old together. We talked about it and neither one of us wants to live live apart from the other. We are torn and confused about what to do and what our next step in life should be. I don’t think anyone telling us we shouldn’t be together would influence us. I guess I’m hoping to hear words of support.
Thanks for any help from anyone.
We’ve already know the taboo surrounding real-life twincest couples like Bel Ami’s Peters twins and even the fictional brothers in the Brazilian film From Beginning To End. But our writer seems to be living the fantasy. How can he and his twin take pride in their love without sacrificing honesty? Can they live happily ever after or are they doomed to keep their relationship a secret and forever live a lie? Have any of you ever experienced “forbidden love”? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I have a problem that I could use your readers’ help. My foreskin and my ass are very sensitive. I have a very high threshold for pain but I often literally feel torn up after sex. If a guy jacks my cock too hard or pulls the skin back too far, I feel pain as if a microscopic rip occurs. The same can happen during sex. Even with more than enough lube, my ass will often feel as if it has been ripped open the next day. I feel a lot of pain even if a guy just fingers me, I feel as if there are tears in my lining.
Fortunately, there’s never been blood but my skin feels very raw the next day or shortly after sex. It feels like I have an open wound. I also have to be very careful when I JO so I don’t hurt myself. I always make sure to use plenty of lube but I still have issues. I usually have to tell a guy to be gentle but they usually get tired of me wincing in pain and then get turned off. I’ve had to stop guys from giving me hand/rim/blow jobs because I feel as if a rip has occurred.
Am I the only one with this issue? I feel I am at a higher risk for STDs because of this and have wondered if there were ways to “toughen” up my foreskin and ass.
Thank you.
Rip/Torn
Ouch! It sounds as if Rip/Torn’s problem is definitely rubbing him the wrong way. We’ve had our share of rough sex and mishandled handjobs, but it’s definitely the exception rather than the rule. So how can Rip/Torn make sure that his sexual encounters go more smoothly? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I live in New York City and wanted to share my experience because I think it represents a scary new trend of barebacking here. met a sexy guy at a bar, brought him home and we had sex. He was a doctor, he said and after an hour of fooling around, I let him top me.
I saw him unwrap and slide on the condom, except that when he pulled out to change positions, I noticed that the condom had ripped along his shaft. He would have put it back in me had I not stopped him. I asked him how long it had been ripped and he just shrugged, asked what the big deal was, and told me not to be afraid of barebacking. We got into an argument about it and I kicked him out. I haven’t seen him since.
I spent an arm and a leg on the 72-hour retrovirals to prevent HIV (my insurance didn’t cover it, so I had to get a loan from a friend). I feel like I’ve been tricked and even a little raped. So I’m wondering if anyone’s gone through the same thing and if I have any legal recourse other than bad-mouthing this asshole.
I’m not saying that all barebackers are evil liars or anything, but I just don’t understand why a guy would try to force me into that. Now I’m worried that someone else will try and I don’t know what I should do. Please help and please be safe.
Talk about a nightmare! We’re all for barebacking as long as it’s informed and consensual, but it sounds like our advice-seeker went through a pretty traumatic experience. Have any of you gone through this? Can anyone explain why the dishonest did what he did? And what should our advice-seeker do next to get some closure? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
I finally came out of the closet in 2007, and both got divorced and met a great guy in 2008. Thing is, I am new to everything gay. I am having a great time learning my way but need help with two items.
Uncut cock cleanliness. I’m cut, my partner’s uncut. Being the owner of a cock, I know what my muskiness smells like. My partner has three distinct scents. The first I consider similar to mine, the next is pungent sweet, and the last is holy moly! Sometimes I avoid going down on him because of the odor. I’ve noticed he does not pull back his foreskin nor really shake after he urinates. I’ve been considering having a conversation with him but don’t know what proper use and care of an uncut cock consists of. So can you fill me in?
Asshole cleanliness. I read through “Ask QC: Cure for a Stinky Butt?” but didn’t quite get what I needed answered. For years I have used an add-on bidet on my toilets to aid in post-dump cleanliness. Now as a bottom I find it even more important to be clean for my partner. My partner is a top, but he indulges me every so often as I do like to top sometimes. Thing is… how can I say this?… he seems to always be locked and loaded. Plus, last time I attempted to rim him (right after a shower), his hole was definitely dirty!
Am I too squeamish? Am I asking for too much? I know that anytime an asshole is involved, shit is a possibility. I get that but I want to please him and have some expectation of not having to always deal with shit, especially if I am going to rim him. I’m definitely not into scat!
How do I approach him on these delicate issues? Help!
Looks like this guy’s in a smelly shituation! First off, he needs a quick lesson in Foreskin Management STAT! Then, some ideas on how he can compassionately get his partner to clean up his ass act. It’s possible that no one taught his partner about head cheese and anal douching. Then again, maybe his boyfriend’s just a filthy bastid who needs a good scrubbing! Either way, what’s the best way to take this couple from squeam to clean? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments. Have a question for QC? Send ’em to[email protected]and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!
