QColumn: A Gay In The Life: Move On

Move On
By Steve Prince
Dear Peter,
Yesterday was a day I was so excited for… Valentine’s Day. I’m normally not into the holiday, but this time was going to be different. For the first time, I actually had a Valentine.
It’s been six weeks since you sent me that e-mail. Six weeks since I cheated on you. And six weeks that I’ve stayed in my apartment as much as I can. The boys are starting to wonder what’s becoming of me. Yes, I know that sounds dramatic, but fuck you—it makes me feel better to be dramatic. Your Jesus was such a drama queen. Really? Water into wine, rising from the dead, and moving that rock. That’s some theater, sugar.
I know I shouldn’t be mad at religion right now… but I am. I’ll get over it all, it just takes time. I also know I shouldn’t be mad at you; I should just get over you. But I don’t want to get over it all. I hate you right now.
I know I need to get out more; the boys keep telling me I should, but I don’t want to. I just go to work and I come back home. I play a video game to take my mind off things. I tried reading but my mind wanders. Even sitting in my bedroom is hell. My sheets are gross but I haven’t washed them. I can still smell you on the pillow that seems so empty as it lies beside me. I hate that I still miss that smell.
-Steve

The computer cursor lingered over “Send.” It was my 46th email I had written to Peter, one for each day. Just like all the other emails, I had no intention of sending this one. I moved the cursor to “Save.”
With a sigh, I got up from my desk and walked into the kitchen to heat up leftover pizza. The blinking light of my Blackberry stopped me on the way—a text from Cody: “Girl? What you doing tonight?”
“Eh, I don’t know,” I texted back. I really had not gone out since all this drama started. The last thing I wanted was to hook with someone or go out on a date.
My phone lit up again.
“Don’t you punk out, Stevie Prince!” It was a text from Troy. Wait? Huh? Ah, Cody and Troy must be together.
“So I see this is a tag team?” I texted back to which he responded with a smile.
I walked over to my bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked rough—like a homeless tranny on Santa Monica Boulevard at 3:37 in the morning rough.
I needed to shave and the bags under my eyes looked like purple hammocks holding my sockets. I needed to get a haircut—which I had been too lazy to do. And—I looked down—I needed to manscape.
I was to’e up from the flo’ up.
I texted Cody back, “Maybe tomorrow?”
“Nooooo,” he responded, “I’m dancing at Mickey’s tonight! You have to come and put dollars bills down my pants so people will come up to me. You’re my promoter!”
He was right, I practically was Cody’s promoter when he danced. If I saw that he wasn’t getting dollars, I would pretend I didn’t know him and go up to him. Naturally he’d stick his crotch in my face, kiss me on the cheek, and I’d stuff a couple of ones down his underwear. Honestly, as hot as Cody is, it did nothing for me. However, it was so I could break the ice for him. Afterwards, previously shy guys would always clamor up to him and offer him their wads.
“I dunno,” I responded, “it’s late and I have to get ready still.”
Before I could read Cody’s response, there was knock at the door. As I walked into the living room I could see Alex and Omar’s faces smiling at me through the glass.
Apparently this is quadruple team.
“Heeeey,” Alex said as I opened the door. “Wakey wakey,” he said giving me a hug and shaking me. “It’s time to go out!”
Omar gave me a hug as well. “Oh,” he said making a face, “why don’t you get in the shower first? That might be best.”
“Look, you guys,” I began, ” I appreciate you coming out but I think that—”
“No no no,” Alex put his hand in my face, “no more excuses. What is it you Americans say, ‘Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one’?”
I nodded.
“Well,” Alex continued, “then let’s hope your excuse gets fucked tonight.”
Even I had to laugh. “I am not having sex tonight.”
“Of course you’re not,” Omar said, “it’s way too soon for that. But we just got you to admit that you are willing to go out.”
The both smiled at me deceptively. Troy and Cody are smart; they know that Omar and Alex are the most stubborn out of all of us. I had no choice.
“Okay,” I said, “but I have to take a shower. And I’m not drinking.”
“Okay,” Omar said, “just go get ready. We’ll play Wii.”
Ten minutes later, I appeared from the back of my house. I looked in the mirror. It was an improvement I must admit. It’s amazing what a good shave and a nice exfoliator can do for a boy.
I walked into the living room expecting to see Omar and Alex playing Wii. Instead they were both sitting on the couch—which you could now actually see. I looked around my living room and realized they had cleaned up. I glanced behind me; they had cleaned my kitchen too.
“What did y’all do?” I said motioning around.
“Steve, you watch Oprah,” Omar said, “Clean house equals a clean soul or something like that.” He paused, “Really it was just a fucking mess.”
“It’s time to starting getting out there,” Alex said in his sing-song voice.
“Well, I don’t know about that,” I said.
They both disagreed and lead me out the door.
Twenty-five minutes later, the three of us walked into Mickey’s greeted by an effervescent Troy.
“There she is,” he beamed and gave me a big bear hug. “She’s alive, ladies and gentleman. She’s ALIIIVE!”
We laughed.
“Where’s Cody?” I asked.
Troy waived his hand, “Oh he’s getting fluffed or God knows what. He’s dancing in about ten minutes.”
As promised, ten minutes later Cody came out wearing just a sock. Just a sock. Damn he has balls… and I could actually see them.
“Steeeeevie,” he sang as I walked towards his pedestal. He bent down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Welcome back,” he said. “Need a drink?”
I shook my head no. I looked around at the boys; I couldn’t think of anything else I needed in that moment. I smiled.
Dear Peter,
I went out tonight. Actually Omar, Troy, Cody, and Alex made me go out. Nothing too special happened tonight. There wasn’t anything too sordid either.
All in all it was a very normal night. In fact, for the first time in a long time, I felt normal.
I wish you had known them more—the boys. They really are force of nature when they get together. Looking back, I realize you kept your distance. I think they scared you. They are so confident, so genuine, and so joyous that I can see why you would feel intimidated by that. Also, they love me. Really love me. And they support me. I realize now you couldn’t give me the love and support I needed.
It’s sad to me you chose not to have the support I am lucky enough to have.
Oh, I forgot. There was one thing odd that happened tonight, Peter.
I didn’t think of you. Okay maybe a little here and there, but it was just here and there. Not everywhere and everything.
Peter this is going to be my last email for a while, and honestly I hope forever. I’m putting clean sheets on the bed, and I’m moving on…
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A California boy with a Southern heart, Steve Prince finds himself in so many sexual positions it can make your head spin. Thankfully for us he’s willing to share it all…no matter how sordid it gets. Quick to admit when he fucks up, Steve still laughs it all off, and hopes you will too. Also, it should also be noted he is gayer than glitter.
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Previously, on A Gay In The Life:
The Birds and The Birds
Lyin’, & Twinks, & Bears—Oh My!
Going Public
Christmas in July
Luck Be A Lady Tonight
I Left My Heart In Oklahoma
As Luck Would Have It
Shock & Awe
Blame It On Britney
The Unending Journey
Makin’ Copies
Bullets and Bracelets… and Lube
To Tell The Truth…
Stars Aren’t Blind
The Dark Knight
Come As You Are
A Date?
A Happy Ending
Better Than Nothing
A Man With A Slow Hand
Taking The Long Way
Everybody Knows
Wake Me Up, Before Ya Go-Go
Definition
The Best
The Upper Hand
Hit Me With Your Best Shot
2000-Date
Dick The Halls
The Queer Dear
A Night At The Museum
A Conversation
I’m Just A Girl Who Can’t Say No
Change The Way You Feel
Kissing A Fool
Leo The Lamb
The Elephant In The Room
Zuckerman’s Famous Pig
A Birthday Surprise
The Sleepover-er
SP Phone Home
Out of the Frying Pan and into the Closet
What If…
Just Beat It
Intimate Portrait
Intimate Portrait (Part Deux)
Intimate Portrait (Part Trois)
State of Mind
The Age of Disbelief
A Man For All Seasons
Summer Lovin’
A-Men
The Urge
Gettin’ It Done
Here You Cum Again
Eye Of The Beholder
The Present
A Minute’s Pause
Brotherly Love
Ladies Who Lunch
Here Cums The Rain Again
Dinner For Two
Blow by Blow
Commando
Cum As You Are?
Aftershock!
Caught in the Act
The Great Compromise
The Tipping Point
Cross Country
In Stereo
Get Smart
Blind Faith
The Dirty Mexican
A Few Good Men
Peter’s End
Getting Stuffed
The Good Boy
Cracking Up
The Agreement
Fuck Road
A New Resolve
Pre-cumming
Send My Regrets
On A Jet Plane
For The Love of God
Livin’ On A Prayer
It’s My Party